You Might Die Trying
by Wamzwrites
Summary: Meredith is done with Derek, but when someone starts to target her, she lets him back in, unaware that letting him back in... may end up getting her killed. MerDer. FINISHED.
1. Chapter 1: From Me To You

_**You Might Die Trying**_

**A.N: **So here is my brand new story. Didn't take that long for me to get it ready… it especially helps when you are procrastinating.

So, this story takes place after "What I am" – consider it my version of what happens after that episode, with a twist.

Also, **_Come Away With Me_** is now completed. **_Trapeze_** and **_The Great Escape_** are still in progress. Check them out!

**Disclaimer: ** I do not own _Grey's Anatomy_….

_**REVIEW!**_

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**Chapter 1: From Me To You**

"_If there's anything I can do,_

_Just call on me and I'll send it along,_

_With love from me to you."_

- The Beatles

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Meredith slammed her locker shut and sat down on the bench. It had been three days since she told Derek that she had left Finn. Three days and still no response. He walked the hallways like a zombie. He was unresponsive, going through the motions of his job. He wasn't Derek.

"What's the matter with you?" Cristina asked as she walked into the locker room.

"Nothing," Meredith mumbled.

Cristina sat down next to Meredith, letting her body slightly touch Meredith's. "Give it up."

"He hasn't said anything to me."

"When did you tell him?"

"Three days ago, Cristina. He hasn't said anything, not a single word. He walks around the hospital in a daze."

"At least he hasn't killed anyone."

Meredith ran a hand through her light brown hair and sighed. "Something's wrong."

"Go ask him then."

"I can't talk to him."

"Why?"

"Because I told him, and now it's his turn. It's his turn to make a move."

"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard," Cristina laughed, "Just go talk to him."

"What if he doesn't want me?"

"Did he tell you that?"

"No, but he hasn't done anything. He hasn't spoken one word to me even when we are working together. Nothing."

Cristina stood and walked towards her locker. "Just go talk to him."

"Maybe," Meredith stood and moved towards the locker room door, "I'll see you tomorrow."

"See ya later."

Meredith nodded and left the locker room. She made her way through the halls numbly, unaware of the people that were busy around her. The elevator door was open when she reached the end of the hall and she slipped inside.

When she looked up she was greeted by Derek's dull and lifeless face. She shifted uncomfortably, and swallowed hard. "Good evening, Dr. Shepherd."

"Dr. Grey," Derek nodded, refusing to acknowledge her any more.

Meredith stiffened at the sound of his voice. It sounded bitter and tired. He wasn't the same Derek anymore. He had changed. Something had changed him. Meredith let her body rest against the back of the elevator and decided that maybe she should take Cristina's advice. "Are you okay?"

"Fine," Derek nodded. "How are you?"

"Okay," Meredith sighed. "But for the record, you don't seem okay."

The elevator slowed and the doors opened. Derek began to walk out of the elevator, Meredith following close behind him. "I'm fine. Goodnight, Dr. Grey."

"Goodnight, Dr. Shepherd." Meredith said before Derek rounded a corner, disappearing from her sight.

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Meredith opened the front door to her mother's house and let it slam behind her. George and Izzie weren't home. They were at Joe's. She was supposed to meet them there, but tonight she just couldn't do it. Tonight, she didn't want to drink. She just wanted to exist.

She walked upstairs, enjoying the quiet of the house, and entered her bedroom. Her lonely, cold bedroom. She let her body flop on her bed, tired from the long day she had suffered at the hands of Dr. Bailey. Her body longed for Derek's touch and she found herself longing for the days before Addison, before Finn, before everything got so messy. She moved her body under the covers of her bed, her eyes struggling to remain open. She didn't want to sleep. She didn't want to dream about Derek. She didn't want to feel the emptiness again in the morning. For once she just wanted to remember what her life was without Derek. Tears left wet tracks down her cheeks and her eyes closed. Her body relaxed and she fell into a light sleep.

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Izzie made her way up the stairs and knocked on Meredith's door. "Mer…"

Meredith groaned, her head hurting from her previous crying session. "What do you want, Iz?"

"There was something left at the door for you."

"What is it?"

"I don't know. It's a box." Izzie yelled, unaware of the loudness of her voice from the alcohol she had consumed earlier.

Meredith sighed and got out of bed to open her bedroom door. "Who is it from?"

Izzie handed the brown box over to Meredith. "I'm going to bed."

"Okay," Meredith grabbed the box. "Night."

"Night," Izzie said as she made her way towards her room, leaving Meredith alone with the box.

Meredith made her way to her bed and sat down. She looked at the box. There was no note, no indication of whom it was from. She pressed her fingers into the box opening and ripped the box open. Her scream filled the room and her hands let go of the box.

George and Izzie slammed the door open and looked at her with worry. George moved closer to Meredith. "What is it, Mer?"

Meredith's hands were shaking and she struggled to breathe. "Look."

George bent down and picked up the box. He pulled open the box and looked inside. What he saw made bile rise in his throat. "Who did this?"

"I don't know," Meredith whispered.

"What is it?" Izzie asked as she moved forward to look in the box.

"No, Izzie. Don't look in here." George said as he closed the box up.

Izzie moved closer to George. "Open it, George. I want to see it."

"Izzie, you don't want to see this." George mumbled as he watched Meredith.

Izzie reached forward and tried to grab the box, but was unsuccessful. Instead, the contents of the box fell to the floor, causing Meredith to run to the bathroom,

Izzie looked down. Her eyes widened and she had to choke back a scream. "Is that what I think it is?"

George glanced at the closed bathroom door. "Yes."

"I'm not drunk. This isn't a hallucination. This is reality?" Izzie asked, disbelief filling her voice.

The sound of Meredith vomiting resounded in the room. George looked at Izzie and nodded. "This is reality."

"But, who would do this?"

George shook his head. "I don't know."

"There's no note?"

George moved around the room, looking on the bed, the floor, any place Meredith might have dropped or put the note. "Nothing."

"This is sick."

"We need to do something," George whispered as he made his way towards Meredith's bathroom door.

"Should we call Cristina?"

George sighed. "I guess. What about Dr. Shepherd?"

Izzie shook her head. "They haven't been talking."

"Wouldn't he want to know?"

"Probably."

"You call him," George concluded, "I'll call Cristina."

George left the room to retrieve his cell phone, leaving Izzie alone in Meredith's room with a heart. Izzie looked around the room, searching for Meredith's cell phone, when she saw Meredith's tote by the side of the bed. She reached inside and grabbed Meredith's phone. She searched the phone book and found Derek's number.

The phone rang several times before Derek answered. "Hello?"

"Dr. Shepherd, it's Izzie."

"What is it, Dr. Stevens?" Derek's voice was gruff and detached.

"It's Meredith."

Derek drew a sharp breath. "What's wrong?"

"She got something strange tonight."

"Spit it out, Stevens," Derek growled.

"George and I came home to find a box on the doorstep. The only thing it said on the box was 'to Meredith.'" Izzie hesitated as the sound of Meredith vomiting filled the room again. "I gave the box to Meredith and then seconds later we heard her screaming."

"What was in the box?"

Izzie swallowed. "A human heart."

Seconds passed before Derek responded. "You have no idea who put it there?"

"None."

"Is she okay?"

"How do you think she is?" Izzie said, raising her voice. "Look, I know that you guys aren't on the best of terms, and that you haven't been talking, but she needs you. Whether she admits it or not, she needs you."

Derek breathed heavily into the phone, hesitating for only a moment. "I'm coming."

**So, instead of doing my homework, I decided to start my new story. I'm really excited about this story and I hope you guys liked the first chapter. **

**There isn't too much to say at this point in the story. I guess I'm just curious to know what you all thought. **

**So, please _REVIEW!_**


	2. Chapter 2: Have A Heart

_**You Might Die Trying**_

**A.N: ** Just a reminder to everyone that this story does take place after "What I am" and "Oh, the Guilt." So, keep that in mind when you are reading (especially in terms of Derek).

**THANK YOU** to all of you who reviewed the first chapter… it is much appreciated.

Also, check out **_Trapeze_** and **_The Great Escape_** (updated with Ch. 6).

**Disclaimer: ** I do not own _Grey's Anatomy_….bummer.

_**REVIEW!**_

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**Chapter 2: Have a Heart**

"_Hey, have a heart. _

_If you don't love me, _

_Why don't you let me go?_

_Have a heart, please, _

_Oh, don't you have a heart?_

_Little by little you fade while I fall apart."_

- Bonnie Raitt

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Meredith let her head fall against the porcelain toilet, exhausted from purging what little she had in her stomach. She breathed deeply, trying to rid herself of the fear that had settled into every part of her body. She should be used to seeing a human heart. She worked with body organs all day, this shouldn't be any different, but it was. Someone had left that heart for her and she had no idea who.

A knock on the door startled Meredith from her slumped position on the bathroom floor, and George's voice invaded the silence of the room. "Mer, the police are coming."

"Okay," Meredith breathed, trying to ignore the disgusting taste that had settled into her mouth.

"Are you okay?" George asked.

"I'm fine."

"Can I come in?"

"No. It's just," Meredith hesitated, "Give me a minute."

George removed his hand from the doorknob. "Okay. We're right outside."

Meredith brought her body away from the toilet and moved to rest her back against the bathtub. She ran a shaky hand through her hair, trying anything to calm her nerves. And soon she found herself longing to hear Derek's voice, to feel his arms wrapped around her. Anything. She just wanted him.

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Derek pressed his index finger against Meredith's doorbell and turned back around to face the street. His thoughts consumed of the one night Meredith stood on the porch, dancing with a bottle of tequila in her hands. How her body had swayed freely to the distant music, completely unaware of anyone around her. How they had made love in the front seat of his car, but that was before everything had turned to hell.

"Dr. Shepherd." Izzie said, her voice interrupting his thoughts.

Derek turned to face Izzie. "Where is she?"

"She's in the bathroom." Izzie said as she opened the front door wider to make room for Derek to walk through. "She won't let anyone in."

Derek walked into the house and looked around. Nothing had changed. "Is she okay?"

"How do you think she is?" Izzie snapped.

"Izzie," Derek sighed as he followed Izzie up the stairs to Meredith's room, "I care about her."

"You sure have a funny way of showing it."

"I have my reasons, Izzie."

Izzie stopped at the top of the stairs and turned to look at Derek, her face red with anger. "She picked you, Derek. She gave up a great guy for someone she thought loved her, and then you left her. You've barely spoken to her. Hell, you've barely even looked at her. Now, we are once again left with picking up the pieces because of you."

"I have my reasons," Derek shook his head, "things happened. I don't want to hurt her again."

"What happened? What made you give up on everything?" Izzie snapped, "You've been walking around the hospital like a fucking zombie. What the hell is the matter with you?"

"It's none of your business."

"It is my business. You've hurt my friend, again. I don't like seeing her broken. She can't take this."

"Do you think I like hurting her?" Derek asked, raising his voice. "Do you think it makes me happy to be without her?"

"Then, why are you?" Izzie pushed. "What has gotten you so devastated that you can't even talk to the woman that you supposedly love?"

"Addison happened. Addison and Mark. They didn't have a one-night stand. They had a relationship. For months."

Izzie's face softened. "I'm sorry."

"I could have been with her then," Derek said sadly, "I would have picked her. I wouldn't have wasted my time. I wouldn't have hurt her."

"Do you want to be with her?"

"I think so," Derek nodded, "I think I just need some time. I need to figure out what happened to my marriage. I need to figure out who I need to be in order to make this work."

"Fine," Izzie sighed, "but you have to tell her. Not now, but soon. You have to tell her what's going on before she gives up on your forever and before she falls apart."

"I know."

Izzie stepped aside for Derek to lead the way into Meredith's bedroom. "Go ahead."

Derek walked past Izzie, who followed him quietly. He opened the door to Meredith's room and looked at George, who was sitting on Meredith's bed, staring at the red heart that was still on the floor. Derek looked down at the heart and then at the bathroom door. "Did you call the police?"

"Yes, they're on their way," George said quietly, "but since no one was hurt, it could take awhile."

Izzie sat next to George on the bed, grabbing his hand. "They'll be here soon."

Derek moved away from the bed and towards the bathroom door. He jiggled the handle to open the door, but it was locked. "Meredith."

"Go away."

"Mer, open the door." Derek said to the closed bathroom door.

"I don't want to," Meredith's voice cracked, "I don't want to talk to you."

Derek tried again. "Meredith, let me in."

Moments passed without a word from Meredith. Derek rested his forehead against the door and waited. Thoughts plagued his mind of how things might have been different if he had just been there, if he had just chosen her to begin with. He closed his eyes and hoped that he would have the chance to make this right. "Meredith."

Derek could hear movement inside the bathroom and then the door unlock. He turned the knob and walked inside to see Meredith's back facing him. The faucet ran as she splashed water on her face. Derek closed the door behind him and walked over to stand next to Meredith. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." Meredith whispered as she continued to splash water on her face.

"You're lying."

"Derek," Meredith sighed, "this doesn't concern you."

"How can you say that?"

Meredith reached for a towel to dry her face. "You know why. I told you that I left Finn, and you said nothing. You didn't do anything. You made it perfectly clear that you wanted nothing to do with me. So, just go."

"Meredith," Derek said as he grabbed her arm, "I will explain everything to you, but right now we need to talk about what happened."

"I don't know what happened," Meredith ripped her arm away from Derek's grasp, "if I knew, I wouldn't be in here."

"You have no idea who would send that to you?"

"None."

"Finn?"

Meredith looked at Derek, her face red with anger. "He wouldn't do that. He understood."

Derek ran a hand through his hair, frustrated. "Why won't you let me help you?"

"Because I don't want your help."

"Meredith, stop," Derek hesitated, "I love you. I just needed time."

"You could have told me that."

"Please, lets not get into this right now." Derek begged, not wanting to have the conversation for the second time today.

Sirens filled the air and Meredith sighed as tears threatened to fall from her eyes again, "Just go, Derek. I can't do this right now. The police are coming."

Derek brought his hand to Meredith's cheek and gently stroked her soft skin. "Don't push me away."

Meredith leaned into his touch, but abruptly pulled away. "Go."

Derek frowned. He didn't want to leave her, not when all this was going on, but she didn't want him here. He was torn between doing what she wanted and doing what he knew was right. His hand dropped to his side. "I'm not going, Meredith. You need me."

The doorbell rang and Meredith released a frustrated sigh. She walked towards the door and placed her hand on the knob. As she opened the door, she turned her head to look back at Derek. "I do need you, but that doesn't mean I have forgiven you, or that I trust you."

Derek followed Meredith out of the bathroom. George and Izzie's voices mixed with those of the police officers as Derek and Meredith made their way out of her bedroom into the hallway when the phone rang. Meredith stopped and turned around, heading back into her bedroom to answer the phone. Derek turned and moved towards the doorway, waiting for Meredith before walking downstairs.

Meredith picked up the phone and sat down on her bed. "Hello?"

"Did you like your package?" The voice asked.

Meredith gasped. "Who are you?"

Derek moved closer to Meredith.

The voice laughed. "Just tell Dr. Shepherd that I hope he liked the present I gave you."

**So, a lot of you think that it is Finn… well, I'm not going to say that it is or it isn't. I mean, just because Meredith thinks that it wasn't him doesn't mean it wasn't. Do you still think it was Finn? An ex-lover? Who? Evil Grin I know who it is. **

**So, yeah, there wasn't too much suspense in this chapter, but don't worry… it's coming, but I hoped you liked this chapter. More is on the way.**

**Thanks for reading.**

_**REVIEW!**_


	3. Chapter 3: Shadowboxer

_**You Might Die Trying **_

**A.N: ** So… t**hank you, thank you and thank you**, to all of you who have reviewed the first two chapters of this story. I only hope you guys continue to enjoy it.

And a** special thanks **to those of you, who constantly review!

Also, check out _**Trapeze **_and _**The Great Escape **_(updated with Ch. 8).

**Disclaimer: **Sadly enough, I do not own _Grey's Anatomy_….

_**REVIEW!**_

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**Chapter 3: Shadowboxer**

"I wanna be ready,

For what you do.

I've been swinging all around me,

'Cause I don't know,

When you're gonna

Make your move."

- Fiona Apple

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The dial tone pulsed in Meredith's ear. Her heart pounded in her chest as she struggled to regain her composure. She pulled the phone away from her ear and numbly hung it up, her body struggling to remain in control. 

"Who was that?" Derek asked, interrupting her thoughts.

Meredith turned and looked at Derek. "It was him."

Derek pushed himself off of the doorframe and closed the distance between himself and Meredith. "What?"

"His voice distorted," Meredith blinked.

"Meredith," Derek said as he placed his hands on her upper arms, "who was that?"

"It was him."

"The person who sent you the heart?" Derek asked, tightening his hold on her upper arms.

Meredith nodded. "His voice was distorted... like he was using some kind of voice mixer."

Derek stared at Meredith, intently. "What did he say?"

"We should go downstairs," Meredith said as she made her way towards her bedroom door, "the police are waiting."

Derek placed a hand on Meredith's shoulder, stopping her from leaving the bedroom. "Meredith."

Meredith sighed and turned around to face Derek. She didn't want to discuss this with him. She didn't want him to feel responsible for what had happened. "What?"

"What did he say?"

His eyes pleaded with hers. They begged for the truth, for an answer. Meredith wiggled her body out from under Derek's hand and averted her eyes. "The police are waiting."

"Tell me, Meredith."

"It isn't important."

"How can you say that? How can you tell me that the phone call wasn't important when you know that it was? What did he say to you?"

"Nothing," Meredith breathed, "we've got to get downstairs. They're probably wondering what we're doing up here."

"Fine," Derek said as he brushed past her and began to make his way down the stairs.

Meredith followed silently behind him, her head pounded from the questions, the fear, and the uncertainty. She didn't want to deal with any of this; she just wanted to disappear. She was better at ignoring things than dealing with things. That was what she did; she ignored. She drowned her thoughts in a bottle of tequila instead of coping, and right now, that sounded pretty good.

When they reached the bottom of the stairs, Derek moved out of the way and left Meredith with a perfect view of the two male police officers that stood in the hallway making small talk with Izzie and George. The officers were both young and green, much like she was on her first day interning at the hospital. She could only hope that this wasn't their first night of duty.

"Meredith Grey?" One of the officers asked as Meredith approached the group.

Meredith raised her hand shyly. "That's me."

The officer extended his hand, "I'm Officer Jackson, and this is my partner Officer Michaels."

Meredith shook both of their hands, but remained silent.

"Your friends," Officer Jackson motioned to Izzie and George, "informed us of the situation."

"Okay," Meredith blinked. "So what do I need to do?"

"We need to take your statement," Officer Michaels explained, "and then we're going to need to take the box and the heart into evidence."

Meredith looked at Izzie and George. They were both staring at her, their eyes filled with concern. She refused to look at Derek, her mind still struggling to comprehend what the man had said to her on the phone. She didn't want anyone to know what the man had said. She needed privacy. She glanced back at the officers and gave them a sad smile. "Lets go into the kitchen."

"Do you want us to come with you?" Izzie asked.

Meredith shook her head. "It's okay, guys. Thanks though."

Izzie smiled. "We'll be in the living room if you need us."

Meredith glanced at Derek. "You don't have to stay."

"I'll wait in the living room with them," Derek answered, "just, come get me if you need me."

Meredith nodded and began to make her way into the kitchen. The officers followed close behind her. When they reached the kitchen, Meredith closed the doors in an attempt to keep their voices from carrying to the living room. She made her way to the coffee pot and picked up a mug. "Can I get you anything?"

"We're fine," Officer Jackson said.

Meredith poured herself a cup of coffee and then made her way to the kitchen table. "Please, sit."

The officers sat at the opposite side of the table, so that they could look at Meredith as she gave her answers. Officer Jackson pulled out a tape recorder and a note pad. "Are you ready?"

Meredith sat down in one of the kitchen chairs and stared at the officers. "Yes."

"Okay," Officer Michaels began, "we're going to start off with some basic questions, and then we'll take it from there, okay?"

"Yeah," Meredith mumbled as she sipped her coffee.

"When did you come home tonight?" Officer Michaels asked.

"Midnight."

Officer Michaels wrote something down on his pad of paper and continued. "What did you do when you got home?"

"I got ready for bed."

"How did you come in contact with the brown box?"

"My roommate, Izzie, brought it up to me."

"So, the box was not at your doorstep when you arrived home?"

Meredith shook her head. "No."

"And what time did your roommates arrive home?" Officer Michaels questioned.

"I don't know," Meredith sighed, "maybe an hour after me."

"Okay," Officer Michaels nodded, "and what was in the box?"

Meredith swallowed. "A heart."

"What kind of heart?"

"A human heart."

"Was there any card or indication of who it was from on the box?"

"No."

"Okay," Officer Michaels said as he jotted down more notes, "have you noticed anyone around your house lately? Anything out of the ordinary?"

"I'm not here much," Meredith breathed, "I'm a surgical intern, which means a lot of my time is spent at the hospital. When I am home, I'm usually sleeping."

Officer Michaels nodded his head. "Has anything else out of the ordinary happened to you lately?"

"I just got a phone call when you guys arrived."

"From who?"

"From whoever sent me the heart," Meredith snapped, her stress level rising.

"Did you recognize the voice?" Officer Michaels asked.

"No. He was using some sort of voice mixer."

"But you could tell it was a male voice?"

"Yes."

Officer Michaels scribbled more onto his piece of paper. "What did he say to you?"

"He asked if I liked the package," Meredith whispered as she took a deep breath in an attempt to regain her composure.

"Did he say anything else?"

"Yes," Meredith hesitated. "He told me to tell Dr. Shepherd that he hoped Dr. Shepherd liked the present he gave me."

"Who is Dr. Shepherd?" Officer Michaels prodded.

"Derek. He's in the living room."

"Is he your boyfriend?"

"It's complicated."

"Is there anyone that you know of that might hold a grudge against Dr. Shepherd?"

Meredith shook her head and closed her eyes. She didn't want Derek to become involved in this because this was the last thing he needed. "I don't know of anyone."

"We need to bring Dr. Shepherd in." Officer Jackson interrupted.

"Please," Meredith begged, "does he have to know?"

"We need to question him," Officer Jackson said as he stood from his chair. "He might know who sent this to you and he needs to be made aware of his involvement in the issue."

Meredith remained silent and watched Officer Jackson leave the room to fetch Derek. In front of her, Officer Michaels continued to scribble notes down on his pad of paper. Within a few seconds Officer Jackson and Derek were in the room. Meredith looked at Derek, whose eyes were filled with worry.

Derek walked around the table and sat next to Meredith. Derek remained silent and waited for one of the officers to explain to him why he was in the room.

"Dr. Shepherd, do you know of anyone who may have a grudge against you?" Officer Michaels asked.

Derek turned to look at Meredith, who refused to meet his eyes. "Not that I'm aware of. Why?"

"We have reason to believe that whoever sent the heart to Meredith did so to get to you."

Derek's eyes widened as he heard the words. He returned his gaze to Meredith, who was still sitting silently at the table. Sweat formed in the palms of his hand as the nerves polluted his body. "Meredith, what is going on?"

Meredith closed her eyes and breathed deeply. "He said something else on the phone."

"What?" Derek asked, his patience waning.

Meredith hesitated and then bit the bullet. "He told me to tell you that he hoped you liked the present he gave me."

"What?" Derek repeated, disbelief filling his voice.

"I'm not going to repeat it again," Meredith said as she continued to avert her eyes.

Derek looked at the officers in front of him and a look of realization set across his features. "So, he did this to Meredith to get to me."

"Yes," Officer Jackson nodded. "Know anyone who might be out to get you?"

Derek remained silent for a moment and contemplated the officer's question. No one came to mind. "I can't think of anyone."

"Well," Officer Jackson replied, "without any idea of who might be doing this, we have very few leads."

Derek reached under the table and grabbed Meredith's hand. "So what happens now?"

"We're going to take the box and the heart over to evidence," Officer Michaels answered, "and then maybe we'll have a lead. If not, then we just have to wait."

"Wait for something like this to happen again?" Derek asked, his voice raising a few levels.

"There isn't much else we can do," Officer Jackson sighed, "At least, not until we get a solid lead."

Meredith's hand began to tremble inside Derek's, and Derek squeezed it hard. "So, how do we protect ourselves?"

Officer Jackson looked back and forth between Meredith and Derek as he tried to formulate a good answer to a question that had no answer. "Stay in well lit places with lots of people."

"That's the best you can do?" Derek growled. "Someone sent her a human heart. A fucking human heart."

"I understand," Officer Jackson nodded, "but there is only so much we can do with so little evidence."

"What can you do?" Meredith whispered.

"Well, we can tap your phone and monitor your calls," Officer Michaels explained, "and we can drive by every so often to look for any suspicious activity."

"That's it?" Derek questioned.

"At this point, yes." Officer Michaels nodded.

"You can't offer her any protection?"

Officer Michaels shook his head. "Not right now."

Silence filled the room as Meredith and Derek took in the information. The police provided no relief to the situation and Meredith found herself wondering what was going to happen next. She didn't want to live like a caged animal. She wanted to be free to do whatever she wanted. She wanted to live her life. "Is he dangerous?"

"As of right now," Officer Jackson breathed, "no."

"So, today he's not but tomorrow he could be?" Derek yelled, his anger getting the better of him.

The officers nodded and Meredith looked at Derek, her mind made up. "I will live my life the way I always do and report anything that happens to you."

"Meredith," Derek interrupted, "you need to be more careful."

"No, Derek. I refuse to let this control my life or your life. We are going to live our lives the way we have been."

"Here's my card," Officer Jackson said as he handed the card over to Meredith, "please feel free to call me if you have any concerns. Also, if something happens again, you can call me on my direct line."

Meredith nodded. "Do you need my number?"

Officer Jackson shook his head, "I just need you to fill out this form while we're upstairs."

Meredith grabbed the form and a pen from Officer Jackson, and began to fill out the form.

"Which room is yours?" Officer Jackson asked as he stood from the table.

"If you ask Izzie, she will show you," Meredith mumbled as she began to fill out the form.

The officers nodded and left the room, leaving Meredith and Derek alone. Derek watched Meredith fill out the form, his heart still pounding from all the information. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine."

"Meredith – "

" – Derek, I'm fine. We can't let this control us."

"We need to be more careful," Derek whispered, "you need to be more careful."

Meredith nodded. "I will be."

"Let me stay with you Meredith."

Meredith stopped filling out the form and looked up at Derek. "What?"

"Let me stay here with you," Derek swallowed, "Let me make sure you're okay."

"Izzie and George are here," Meredith stated as she began to fill out the form again.

"Yes, but I want to be here."

"You can't just start caring now, Derek," Meredith sighed, "not because of your guilt. I won't let you do that."

"This isn't about guilt. This is about my love for you."

Meredith hesitated and watched Derek's face. There was no doubt in her mind that he was serious. She knew that if she didn't let him stay, he'd just hover around her whenever he could, which could be more frustrating than just letting him stay. She sighed and agreed reluctantly. "Fine, but you get to sleep downstairs on the couch."

Derek placed a hand on Meredith's back and began to rub it softly. "As long as I can be here with you to protect you, I don't care."

"You can't always protect me, Derek."

Derek smiled. "I can and I will."

**So, that was a lot in chapter 3. It was longer than usual for me, but I hoped you enjoyed it – even though I think it was just a lot of the stuff that needs to be set up for the future. So, the police came and Meredith talked to them, but they can't really do anything for her… not yet anyways. So, she's stuck in this in between land and Derek just wants to protect her because maybe he does feel guilty for what's happening, but maybe it's also because he loves her.**

**I hope you liked this chapter… I know there wasn't a lot of action in it – but more action is coming… a lot more – promise.  
**

**With that said… if updates don't come as quickly from me… it is because graduate school is ending, work is hectic, and planning a wedding is becoming all consuming... things should be back to normal in a week or two... at least when school ends I'll have more time.  
**

**Anyway… Thanks for reading.**

**Love it? Like it? Curious? Hate it?  
**

**REVIEW!**


	4. Chapter 4: Rain

_**You Might Die Trying**_

**A.N: ** So… **thank you, thank you and thank you**, to all of you who have reviewed the first three chapters of this story. I only hope you guys continue to enjoy it. Things are going to start progressing really fast here pretty soon.

A** special thanks** to those of you, who constantly review!

Also, check out _**Trapeze**_ and _**The Great Escape**_ (updated with Ch. 9) – if you haven't already.

**Disclaimer: ** Sadly enough, I do not own _Grey's Anatomy_….

_**REVIEW!**_

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**Chapter 4: Rain**

"_Now, I don't want to beg you baby._

_For something, maybe,_

_You could never give._

_I'm not looking for the rest of your life._

_I just want another chance to live."_

- Patty Griffin

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The door slammed open, startling everyone inside of Meredith's house. Meredith got up from the kitchen table and walked into the front hall to see Cristina standing in the middle of the room, soaked.

"It's raining?" Meredith asked.

"Just started," Cristina said as she ran a hand through her wet hair, "so, where's the heart?"

Meredith looked at Cristina, surprised. "How do you know about that?"

"George called her and I called McDreamy." Izzie interrupted as she followed George into the front hall.

"You called McAsshole?" Cristina turned and looked at Izzie. "Seriously?"

"We didn't know what to do," Izzie defended.

"You call the police." Cristina smirked.

George nodded. "We did that. They are upstairs."

Cristina looked around the house and then let her eyes rest on Meredith, who stood silent. Her body was rigid and her eyes were lost. Cristina knew that Meredith needed to get out of here; she needed to blow off some steam. The sound of the police officer's voices carried downstairs as they radioed for another team to come to the house, and Meredith shifted uncomfortably. Cristina knew that it was time to go. "Where is McDreamy?"

"In the kitchen," Meredith breathed.

Cristina rolled her eyes. "Doing what exactly?"

"I don't know," Meredith hesitated and she gave a blank stare up the stairs in avoidance. "I told him he could stay here."

Cristina's eyes widened. "What?"

"He's staying here?" Izzie asked, her breath catching in her throat.

"On the couch," Meredith swallowed.

Cristina sighed. "Why are you letting him stay there? After everything he did, why would you do this to yourself?"

"You don't know the whole story," Meredith breathed.

"What more is there?" Cristina scoffed.

"He called me," Meredith mumbled as she continued to divert her eyes.

George took a few steps forward and joined the circle that had formed between Meredith, Izzie and Cristina. His eyes filled with concern. "Who called you?"

Meredith turned her head towards the kitchen and looked to see where Derek was, but she could not see him. She glanced back at her friends and shrugged. "Whoever sent it."

Izzie's head snapped up to look at Meredith. "The heart?"

Meredith nodded. "Yes."

"What does that have to do with McDreamy?" Cristina snapped, her natural extinct to protect her person kicking in.

"It happened because of me," Derek interrupted as he entered the front hall from the kitchen and made his way towards the circle of friends.

"The heart?" Izzie repeated.

Derek brushed his hand down Meredith's arm, trying to get her attention, but she refused and continued to look the other way. He shook his head and looked up to meet the eyes of Meredith's three angry friends. "Someone sent Meredith the heart to get to me."

"What? Why?" Cristina growled, her patience waning.

"I don't know," Derek sighed, "and I don't know who sent it."

"Obviously," Cristina smirked. "You don't know too much these days, do you?"

"Cristina…" Meredith warned.

An uncomfortable silence befell the group; no one knew what to say or do, and no one knew how to help Meredith. George shifted awkwardly next to Izzie and looked at Meredith. "So, what are they going to do?"

"Nothing," Meredith shrugged, "They can't do anything."

"That's bullshit." Cristina snapped. "How can they not do anything? Isn't it their job to do something?"

"You'd think," Derek grumbled as he looked outside to see another police car arrive at Meredith's house. He watched as two equally as young police officers exited the car and made their way up the driveway to Meredith's front door.

"They can't do anything until they have a solid lead," Meredith whispered, not wanting the police officers upstairs to hear.

"Whatever," Cristina said bitterly, "They're worthless."

Meredith opened her mouth to respond to Cristina, but the sound of the doorbell interrupted her. She walked to the front door and opened it to see two more young police officers staring back at her. They asked if she was Meredith Grey and she nodded. She stepped back from the door to let them in and informed them that the other officers were upstairs. The officers walked gingerly up the stairs, disappearing from everyone's sight.

"They look like they are fresh out of high school," Izzie mumbled.

"Do they even know what their doing?" Cristina asked.

"They have to," George nodded, "they have to in order to work. They have to pass a test, right?"

"Who cares?" Meredith sighed and looked at Cristina. "I need to get out of here."

"Can you?"

Meredith shrugged. "I'll go ask."

Meredith turned and made her way up the stairs. She didn't really want to see the heart in her bedroom, nor did she want to see the officers collecting their evidence, but she desperately needed to get out of the house. She was an avoider and she knew it. When things got rough, she ran away, but tonight was beyond rough. Tonight was downright scary, and in order to cope she needed a few shots of tequila.

Meredith stayed right outside her room and called for Officer Jackson, who came into the hall instantly. She gave him a small smile and said, "I finished the form. It's on the kitchen table."

Officer Jackson nodded. "Okay."

"Listen," Meredith swallowed, "can I get out of here? I mean… do I have to be here for this?"

"You can go."

"Seriously?"

"Is anyone else going to be home?" Officer Jackson asked.

"I'll make sure someone stays behind."

"Then, go ahead," Officer Jackson smiled, "you have my card, right?"

"Yeah."

"We'll call you in the morning to set up a time to get some surveillance equipment hooked up."

"Okay," Meredith hesitated, "it's just that I'm a surgical intern. So, I'm not here much."

"We should still set it up."

"Okay."

"Report anything new to us immediately," Officer Jackson explained. "Anything. A note, a phone call, another package. Any suspicious activity you see or find, report it. Got it?"

"Got it."

Officer Jackson gave Meredith a sad smile. "We'll catch this guy."

"Yeah," Meredith said numbly. She needed that drink.

Officer Jackson extended his hand. "We'll be in touch."

Meredith grasped Officer Jackson's hand and shook it. "Yeah. Thanks."

Officer Jackson nodded and went back into Meredith's room. Meredith breathed deeply and then made her way back down the stairs, where she was greeted by everyone's stares of concern.

"Can you go?" Cristina pushed.

Meredith nodded. "Lets go."

Derek placed a hand on Meredith's arm, stopping her from any movement towards the door. "Where are you going?"

"Out," Meredith said as she pulled her arm out of Derek's grasp.

"It's dangerous." Derek frowned.

Cristina grabbed Meredith's arm and pulled her towards the door. "She'll be fine. She'll wake you up when she comes in."

Meredith turned and looked at George and Izzie. "Are you guys coming?"

They both shook their heads, but Izzie was the one that offered an explanation. "We were just there. We'll see you in the morning."

"Okay."

"I can't come?" Derek aske.d

"No, McDreamy, you can't." Cristina snapped. "She isn't yours to protect. Get over it."

"Yang – " Derek growled.

"Stop," Meredith interrupted. "Both of you. Just stop it."

No one said anything; leaving Meredith giving both of them angered glances. She looked back and forth between them and sighed. "You both care. It isn't a game that can be won. You both care."

"Meredith – " Cristina started, but found herself interrupted again by Meredith.

"No," Meredith breathed and looked at Derek. "I am going out with Cristina. I would like it if you stayed here and helped the police with anything they need. Is that okay?"

"Fine," Derek said flatly. He looked at Meredith and frowned, again. He knew this wasn't a good idea, but there was no way he could stop her. "Take your phone."

Meredith gave him a small smile. "I always do."

"Lets go." Cristina said as she pulled Meredith's arm harder.

Meredith resisted and looked back at George, Izzie, and Derek. She knew they were only trying to help, but right now the help she wanted was in a bottle. She lifted her free arm and gave them a small wave. "Bye."

Derek glared at Cristina's back as they walked out the door. It was taking every bit of his self-control to not pull Meredith back inside of the house. He shook his head and made his way back into the kitchen, where he found himself hoping that the action for the night was over.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Meredith shifted carefully in one of the hospital on-call room beds. After she and Cristina had downed a bottle of tequila at Joe's, she had decided that instead of going home, she was going to go to the hospital. She didn't want to go home. Cristina had gone back to Burke's, but she didn't want to see Derek, and she most certainly didn't want to be in her bedroom, let alone sleep in her bedroom. She knew that Derek would be worried, and probably George and Izzie, but she just couldn't do it. She couldn't face that room. She was an avoider, and this was the perfect time for her to start avoiding.

Meredith closed her eyes in an attempt to get the room to stop spinning. Her stomach was full and even the slightest movement made her feel sick. Luckily, she was on the bottom bunk, so she could make a mad dash to the bathroom if she needed to. She knew she could just get a banana bag, but being drunk wasn't something she minded. She just wanted to forget, and this was the best way to do that.

Just as she began to drift to sleep, her phone vibrated next to her head. She reached up and opened the phone. It was Derek. He was calling her at five in the morning. She pressed ignore and closed the phone. She didn't want to deal with him; she didn't want to deal with not choosing her again. She didn't want to deal with his guilt for not being there. The phone vibrated one more time, signaling her to the fact that he had left a message. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes, and fell into a drunken sleep.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The lights of the on-call room flashed on and Meredith groaned. She squeezed her eyes tightly, trying to keep the light out.

"Meredith," Cristina said loudly.

Meredith rolled over onto her back and sighed. "What?"

Cristina released her hold on the door and walked closer to Meredith. "Rounds in ten minutes."

"Yeah."

"McDreamy's been looking for you," Cristina smirked, "He seems pretty upset."

Meredith reached her arm up and searched for her phone until her hand rested on the cool metal. She opened the phone and breathed. "Ten missed calls."

"All from him?" Cristina asked, incredulously.

"Yep," Meredith said as she scanned her missed calls. "All from him. Oh, and I have five voice mails… all from him."

"Seriously?"

Meredith nodded. "Yeah. Just when I want him to stop caring, he starts caring."

"That's what you and McDreamy do."

Meredith sat up in bed, her body swaying from dehydration. "We do not."

"It so is," Cristina scoffed, "It's your thing. You both push and pull, so you'll never actually have to deal with anything. It's like you're afraid of each other."

Meredith licked her lips, her mouth dry from lack of water. "I'm not afraid of him."

"Then why are you avoiding him?" Cristina pushed.

"Because," Meredith hesitated, "Because he only cares now because of what happened. He didn't care before it happened. He could've cared less if I was in the room, but now… now he wants to know where I am all the time. Now, he wants to be in my life."

Cristina shook her head. "We're going to be late."

Meredith pushed herself off the bed and began to make her way past Cristina before she stopped at the door. "He told me he loved me."

"And?"

"And, I don't know what to do."

"Go to work? Do your job?"

"Cristina – " Meredith breathed.

"Mer," Cristina sighed, "you do what you need to do."

"Yeah," Meredith mumbled as she opened the door and made her way out into the hallway, Cristina following close behind.

Cristina stopped when she saw Burke at the end of the hall. "I'll see you in a few."

Meredith turned and watched Cristina make her way down the hallway to Burke, then continued down the hall towards the intern's locker room. When she rounded the corner, she saw Derek standing outside the door, waiting. He looked pissed.

"Where the hell have you been?" Derek asked; his voice laced with anger.

Meredith pushed the locker room door open and walked inside. "Sleeping."

"Where?" Derek pushed as he followed her into the locker room.

"Here."

"Why didn't you come home?"

Meredith continued to move towards her locker, but refused to look back at Derek. "I didn't want to be the house, okay?"

"No, it's not okay. I was worried about you."

"I'm fine," Meredith snapped. "I don't need to be babied, and you do not need to hover over me."

Derek placed a hand on Meredith's arm. "I care, Meredith."

Meredith pulled her arm away from Derek's hand and reached to open her locker. "I know."

"So, that means nothing to you?"

Meredith breathed deeply and opened her locker, but stopped when she saw what was inside. Her breath caught in her throat and she felt like she was suffocating, like the walls were closing in around her and there was no escape.

Derek noticed the change in Meredith's demeanor and moved closer to her. "Mer, what's wrong?"

Meredith moved back from her locker and sat down on the bench, her hands shaking.

Derek stepped closer to her locker and looked inside to find a picture and an envelope. He picked up the two items and sat down next to Meredith on the bench. "We need to call the police."

Meredith nodded. "Yeah."

Derek looked down at the picture that he held in his hands. It was a picture of Meredith and Cristina leaving the bar. Meredith was laughing in the picture and Cristina was smiling back at her. Derek clenched his mouth, trying not to let his anger take control of him. He knew he shouldn't have let her go out last night. He put the photograph down beside him and opened the envelope. He pulled out the letter inside and began to read the note. His heart pounded in his chest as he read the words that had been written. He placed a hand on top of Meredith's forearm and whispered, "Call the police, now."

**So, we've got some stuff going on in this chapter, but still not too much action. Cristina needed to show up at Meredith's and things needed to happen for later in the story, but I hope you enjoyed it. Much more is to come. I wish I could talk about it more, but it would really just give stuff away and that wouldn't be any fun. I realize I didn't tell you what the letter said (yet), but you'll find out next time… and it's good.**

**So, I hope you liked it. **_**The Great Escape**_** will be updated in a few days (at the most).. And now that I have more time on my hands… for now, I'll have more time to write! Yay.**

**Thanks for reading.**

**Like it? Love it? Hate it?**

_**REVIEW!**_


	5. Chapter 5: Out of My Hands

_**You Might Die Trying **_

**A.N: ** So, again – millions of **thanks** to those of who that have reviewed this story, including the last chapter. For those of you who constantly review, I really do appreciate it. You guys have no idea how much reviews help in the writing process and in getting chapters out.

Also, check out _**Trapeze**_ and _**The Great Escape**_ (updated with Ch. 10).

**Disclaimer: ** Sadly enough, I do not own _Grey's Anatomy_….because if I did… Derek would not be the ass that he is right now.

_**REVIEW!**_

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**Chapter 5: Out of My Hands**

"_It's out of my hands for now._

_I can't just walk away._

_It'd be nice to walk away,_

_But I don't feel safe."_

- Dave Matthews Band

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Meredith turned to look at Derek, her eyes shining with unshed tears. "What does it say?"

Derek kept a firm hold on the letter. "I don't think you should read it."

"Derek," Meredith sighed, "give it to me."

Derek moved his hand away when Meredith reached for the letter. He kept the letter out of her reach and shook his head. "You really don't want to read this."

Meredith grabbed Derek's arm and glared at him. "This is my business, Derek, not yours. Now, give me the damn letter."

"Meredith," Derek breathed as he lowered his hand, "this is my business."

"Excuse me?"

Derek cringed upon the sound of Meredith's squeaky voice. "This is happening to you because of me."

Meredith grabbed the letter with her free hand, her body tense with anger. "It is still happening to me, Derek. Not you, me."

Derek didn't know what to say like always, so he remained silent. Meredith took a quick glance at Derek through the corner of her eyes. His lips were pursed and he ran a hand absently through his hair, which were all things he did when he was nervous or upset. Meredith looked down at the letter that she held in her hands, her heart pounding in her chest. She hesitated for a moment before pulling the letter out from the envelope, and she felt Derek's body tense beside her. Her hands gently held the paper and she gathered the courage to open the letter. She closed her eyes and opened the letter, and then counted to five silently. When she reached five, she opened her eyes and began to read the words that were written on the paper.

_I watched you tonight. You seemed sadder than usual,_

_not to mention uptight and rigid. Is it because Derek_

_hasn't given you a good fuck in awhile? Once a_

_whore, always a whore. Just like your mother. I'm_

_sure Derek is sitting beside you as you read this, _

_that would be just like him. Just know that I won't_

_stop until I get what I want, and I always get what_

_I want. I'll see you soon._

Derek placed a hand on Meredith's arm and squeezed it gently when he heard her breath catch in her throat. "Meredith."

Meredith remained quiet as she reread the letter and ignored Derek. She was in this mess because of him. This person was after her because of him. She could die because of him.

"Meredith," Derek started, but then hesitated for a moment before continuing. "Meredith. We need to call the police. You need to call the police."

Meredith shook her head and breathed deeply. "No."

"Meredith – "

" – I said no. There will be a scene and everyone will know. The last thing I want is for everyone in this damn hospital to know what is going on."

Derek audibly sighed. "Then, what do you want to do?"

"I don't know," Meredith shrugged. "I just… they can't be here."

"Meredith, I don't think you have a choice."

Meredith turned her head quickly and stared at Derek. "Don't you dare tell me that I don't have a choice. This is your fault. None of this would be happening if it wasn't for you."

"There it is."

"What?" Meredith hissed.

"You think that this is my fault. You think that I actually wanted this to happen?" Derek asked, his voice raising.

"Who the hell knows, Derek? You're a closed book. You don't tell me anything that is going on and you ignore me every time I come into the room until now. What else am I supposed to think?"

"You're supposed to trust me," Derek breathed.

"Trust you?" Meredith scoffed. "I did trust you."

Derek stood and began to pace the locker room in front of Meredith. His head full of things he wanted to say, of things he wanted to explain, but he just couldn't. He couldn't do this. Not now. He stopped moving and looked at Meredith. The anger was flashing in her eyes, and he knew that there wasn't anything he could say now. No matter what, she wasn't going to listen. So, he said the only thing he knew she would hear. "Go ahead. Go ahead and blame me."

Meredith looked down at the letter and shook her head, wondering how they ended up here. She blinked back a few stray tears and lifted her head to meet Derek's eyes. His eyes were darkened with sadness and regret and she found herself fighting to keep herself seated on the bench, to keep herself out of his arms. She turned her head away from Derek's stare and found herself glancing at the letter again, the words sticking in her mind. Meredith began to open her mouth, but was interrupted by a familiar voice.

"Grey," Bailey yelled as she entered the locker room, "is there something more important for you to be doing than rounds right now?"

When Meredith failed to respond, Bailey walked further into the locker room and rounded the corner to see Derek and Meredith in front of her locker. Bailey glared at Derek, but he did not move. She put her hands on her hips and she looked back and forth between Derek and Meredith. "What's going on?"

Meredith shook her head and dropped the letter from her hands before she pushed herself up from the bench. She took a step towards her locker and brought her hand up to open the locker. Her hands trembled against the locker as she opened the door, but she refused to look at her. "Nothing, Dr. Bailey."

"Meredith," Derek breathed. "Stop."

Bailey looked at Derek and asked. "Are you messing with my intern again?"

"Dr. Bailey, if you could just give us a minute," Derek sighed.

Meredith slammed her locker shut and started to walk towards Dr. Bailey. "I'm ready, Dr. Bailey."

As Meredith walked by Derek, he grabbed her arm and turned her to face him. "Meredith, you need to call the police."

"What's he talking about, Grey?" Bailey asked; her face filled with concern.

"Nothing, Dr. Bailey," Meredith said as she ripped her arm out of Derek's grasp. "I'm fine."

"You don't seem fine," Bailey grunted.

"I'm fine," Meredith yelled. "I am fine."

"You clearly are not fine," Bailey smirked and then looked at Derek. "What the hell is going on?"

Derek looked at Meredith and his mouth went dry. This was happening to her because someone in his past. She didn't deserve this. She didn't deserve anything that he had done to her. She had done nothing wrong. Derek turned his attention back to Bailey and shook his head. "We just need to call the police."

"No," Meredith growled, "I said we are not calling them."

Derek placed a hand back on Meredith's arm, attempting to get her attention. "I'm sorry, Meredith, but they have to be called. You know they do."

Meredith was on the verge of tears because she knew that the second the police were called and came into the hospital, she would be under scrutiny again. Nurses, doctors, and other interns would watch her every move. They would point and stare. They would haunt her every move in this hospital. She would loose her escape from reality. She picked her head up and looked at Derek. His eyes stared into hers, silently begging her to just let him call the police. She blinked back a few tears and took a deep breath. "I don't want everyone in the hospital to know."

Derek let a breath out that he didn't know he had been holding and released Meredith's arm. He brought a hand up to Meredith's face and caressed her check. "It'll be okay."

Meredith leaned her cheek into Derek's hand, enjoying the feeling of his hand on her skin. She was perfectly content to stay here like this all day.

"Excuse me," Bailey interrupted, her patience waning. "Would someone like to fill me in on why the hell the police need to be called and what exactly is going on with my intern?"

The trance had been broken. Derek dropped his hand from Meredith's face and looked at Bailey. "Miranda, I need you to get the Chief."

"Not until someone in here tells me what the hell is going on."

"Someone," Meredith swallowed, "someone has started to send me things, and this morning when I came in to get ready for rounds, there was something in my locker."

Bailey took a step back and looked back and forth between Meredith and Derek before speaking. "I'll be back."

Meredith looked up but didn't see Bailey anymore, she only heard the swooshing of the locker room door opening and closing. A lone tear dripped down her cheek, there was no going back now. Soon, everyone would know. Soon, she would be the girl on display.

"Meredith," Derek said softly, "Where is the officer's number?"

"My purse."

Derek moved away from Meredith and opened her locker. It took a few seconds, but eventually he found the small business card that had been buried inside of her wallet. He took out his cell phone and dialed the number. As the phone rang, Derek reached down and grabbed Meredith's hand. When Officer Jackson answered the phone, Derek explained what had happened to him. Officer Jackson breathed into the phone and then informed Derek that they would be there shortly. Derek closed his phone and squeezed Meredith's hand. "They're coming."

Meredith remained silent. She didn't know what to say. Was she supposed to be happy that they were coming? Was she supposed to act like she cared? Because truthfully, she just wanted to get away from all of this. She just wanted to go back to the on-call room and continue to sleep.

"Are you okay?" Derek asked, interrupting her thoughts.

"I have to get out of here," Meredith whispered as she began to feel like a caged animal.

Derek turned to Meredith and placed both of his hands on her shoulders. "It's going to be fine, Mer."

"Don't say that," Meredith laughed bitterly. "You can't say that if you don't know that it's true. You don't know that everything is going to be okay. I could end up dead. That's what he wants. He wants me dead."

Derek sensed Meredith's growing need to freak out and did the only thing he knew would help calm her down, or at least distract her. He pulled her body against his and brought his head down to hers. He pressed his lips against hers, hard. Her body stiffened at his touch, and he waited. He waited for her body to relax against his and for her arms to come around his body, pulling him closer. It only took a few seconds before he felt it happened. Before Meredith deepened the kiss and wrapped her arms around his neck. But, as soon as it happened it stopped.

Meredith pushed him away and moved out of his reach. "What the hell was that?"

"I was trying to help," Derek explained sheepishly.

"You think that's going to help me?" Meredith asked. "You think kissing me is going to keep me alive? You think confusing me more and hurting me more than you already have is going to help me? Please."

"Meredith," Derek sighed.

"No," Meredith whispered. "You did that because you needed it. You did that for yourself, you selfish bastard. You do what you want and you don't care if you end up hurting me in the process."

Before Derek could respond the locker room door opened and closed, and soon the Chief and Bailey were standing in front of them. The Chief looked at Derek and Meredith and asked. "What the hell is going on?"

"Chief," Derek breathed, "we have a situation."

"What kind of situation?"

Derek looked at Meredith, but Meredith refused to meet his eyes. Derek began to walk closer to where the Chief was standing, his body brushing against Meredith's on his way by. "I had to call the police."

"The police?" The Chief asked, confused. "What is going on?"

"Meredith is… " Derek hesitated for a moment, but before he continue, Meredith had already taken over.

"Someone is apparently stalking me," Meredith swallowed, "It started last night, and then this morning when I came in to get ready for rounds, I found something in my locker."

The Chief glanced at Meredith and had to fight back his natural instincts to protect her. "Do you have any idea who it is?"

"It's because of me," Derek whispered. "This is happening to her because of me. Whoever this is wants to get to me."

The Chief and Bailey remained silent. They were both surprised by Derek's admission, and they knew that there were still several more questions that needed to be asked, but for now, they held their breath and waited for the police. And as they waited, the distance between Meredith and Derek grew, each struggling with their own demons, each refusing to admit how much they really needed each other.

**Okay, so this took a lot longer than I anticipated. I was going to write this chapter last Thursday, and then that episode happened. And then, I found myself really just mad at Derek, and so it just took longer than I thought it would. For that, I apologize.**

**So, you found out what was in the note, and we had some Meredith and Derek interaction. But more importantly, we have the police coming to the hospital in the next chapter, and you will get a clue as to who is behind all this trouble. But it is only a clue, and I don't think it will help you guys with his identity. Much more is coming up, but as of now, I hope you enjoyed this last chapter. **

**Like it? Love it? Hate it? And everything else…**

_**REVIEW!**_


	6. Chapter 6: Center of Attention

_**You Might Die Trying**_

**A.N: ** So… **big thank you t**o all of you who reviewed chapter 5 of this story. I only hope you guys continue to enjoy it, and I just want you to know that I really do appreciate all the reviews – it really does mean a lot.

And a** special thanks** to those of you, who constantly review – you know who you are!!

Also, check out _**Trapeze**_ and _**The Great Escape**_ (updated with Ch. 11), and my brand new story _**All My Defenses**_.

**Disclaimer: ** Sadly enough, I do not own _Grey's Anatomy_….

_**REVIEW!**_

* * *

**Chapter 6: Center of Attention**

"_It's almost like only I exist,_

_where everything's fine, _

_if I can keep my mouth shut tight._

_All by myself,_

_I'm so much better on my own."_

- Guster

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Officer Michaels and Officer Jackson walked briskly through the Seattle Grace Hospital doors. As they made their way through the hallways, doctors and nurses turned and gawked. They weaved in and out of the everyday traffic of the hospital, and tried to ignore the whispers and stares while the concern mounted in both of them over the shortness of time between the first and second incident. The stalker wasn't wasting any time in making his point, which meant that they didn't have much time to find out who he was. Time was ticking away.

They rounded their last corner and found two officers already standing in front of the locker room door. They gave the other officers a quick nod and made their way through the doors, where three concerned faces and one blank face immediately greeted them. Officer Jackson stopped and glanced around the locker room, his eyes searching for any clues as to what had happened. But, when he didn't find anything, he moved his eyes back to meet Meredith's.

Meredith stood still and stared blankly at the wall as her mind tried to erase what had just happened. She brought her left hand inside of her right hand and pinched the skin in hopes that it would wake her up from this nightmare; that somehow this was not reality. Her body demanded air, but she was having trouble breathing it in. She closed her eyes and tried to ignore her feeling of entrapment, and with each labored breath she took, she willed herself not to run. She willed herself to just stay standing because she knew that was all she could do; that was all she could handle.

Officer Jackson kept his eyes trained on Meredith and asked, "What happened?"

Meredith shifted her eyes uneasily. She didn't like all of the attention she was getting already. The never-ending stares and the constant looks of concern were coming from every person around her. She didn't want to be pitied; she just wanted to do her job.

"Dr. Grey?" Officer Jackson pushed lightly.

When Meredith didn't respond after a few seconds, Derek decided that it was time for him to speak up. "She opened her locker and found a note and a photograph inside."

Officer Michaels stepped forward and searched the floor beneath him for any trace of the note and the photograph. When he didn't see anything, he moved his eyes back up to Derek's, deciding that Derek would be there better person to ask of the two of them. "Where are they?"

"Right here," Derek said, reaching into his lab coat to hand them over to Officer Michaels.

Officer Michaels shook his head. "Please put them on the bench. We need the crime scene investigators to come out here and take a look at the scene. There might be something here that we're not aware of."

"No," Meredith breathed.

"I'm sorry?" Officer Michaels inquired.

"They can't come here," Meredith insisted, her voice breaking slightly. "This is a hospital. There are sick people here. They don't need to see a police team come in and investigate a crime when they are trying to get better - "

"Meredith, the police need to do their job," the Chief interrupted. "You need to let them do their job."

Meredith began to back away from the group, her fear of being the center of attention again mounting. "No."

"I'm sorry, Meredith," Officer Jackson said slowly, "but this needs to be done. If we're going to catch the person who is doing this to you, we need evidence. We need some sort of lead."

Officer Jackson nodded his head at Officer Michaels, and then Officer Michaels stepped out of the locker room. Officer Jackson walked a few steps closer to Meredith, and then stopped, knowing that pushing her too hard wouldn't help.

"Officer Michaels is going to call for the crime scene team," Officer Jackson informed the group, and then turned his attention back to Meredith. "I'm sorry, Meredith, but this is the only way to catch this person, and whoever it is, isn't wasting any time."

Meredith continued to step away, her head pounding from dehydration and exhaustion. "I need to go. I'm sorry, I have to go."

Derek jumped forward and caught Meredith by the arm before she slipped further away. "You need to stay here, Mer."

Meredith let out a strangled cry as she ripped her arm out of Derek's grasp. "Let go of me."

The Chief and Bailey stepped forward upon Meredith's outburst while Officer Jackson moved away. The Chief pushed past Bailey, Officer Jackson and Derek, and came face to face with Meredith. He could see the agitation on her eyes, and he was surprised at the aura that surrounded her. Her fear was consuming her, and the more she tried to hide it, the more her anxiety grew. The Chief wrapped his hand around Meredith's arm, and then pulled her towards the locker room door, but before he exited he turned his head and looked over at Bailey.

"Dr. Bailey," the Chief said firmly, "you have other interns to take care of and worry about. Go."

Bailey nodded her head as the Chief exited the locker room with Meredith. She turned to give Derek a hard stare, her eyes expressing everything she could not. She twisted her body and made her way towards the door, leaving Derek and Officer Jackson to wait for the others alone.

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The Chief dragged Meredith down the hallway towards his office. The other interns looked on in concern, and upon seeing their faces, Meredith gave them a glance in hopes that one of them would step in on her behalf, but they did not. They stood frozen in the hallway, seemingly hypnotized but what was going on in front of them. No one moved and no one breathed. They all just watched her get pulled down the hallway by the Chief. Meredith, not wanting to make an even bigger scene, tried her best not to resist the Chief's grasp. She tried not to struggle against him; instead she tried to make it look like she was walking calmly beside him. Her ears burned from all the attention the Chief was causing to come her way, and she could already hear the gossip beginning to fly. When they finally reached the inside of the Chief's office, the Chief pushed Meredith down into a chair that faced his desk, and then returned to the door to shut it.

"What's going on, Meredith?" The Chief asked as he made his way back over towards his desk.

"Nothing, sir," Meredith swallowed.

"Why don't you want the police to help you with this?" The Chief continued to push. "Is there something that you're not telling me?"

Meredith shook her head, but refused to speak. She wanted a drink. No, she needed a drink. She needed to escape this nightmare that had somehow become her reality.

"Meredith," the Chief tried again, "you need to tell me what's going on. I cannot help you unless you tell me what's going on."

Meredith hesitated for a moment and then picked her head up, her eyes meeting the Chief's for a moment. "What is there to tell? Derek said all that needed to be said."

"I'm trying to help you, Meredith," the Chief attempted to reason with her. "I just want to help."

"Well, I don't need your help," Meredith said bitterly.

"Damnit, Meredith. You cannot live your life like this, and I certainly won't your life be threatened in this hospital. So either sort this out or don't come to work."

Meredith's jaw dropped. "What?"

"You heard what I said, Dr. Grey."

"Chief, that's not fair," Meredith started. "You can't forbid me to come to the hospital."

"Yes I can," the Chief argued, "if you are endangering my patients and my staff, I can forbid it."

Meredith's breath hitched in her throat and she remained silent, unsure of what to do. She closed her eyes, attempting to get rid of her persistent headache. She needed to lie down. She needed to get out of here.

"Dr. Grey," the Chief said, interrupting her thoughts, "did you hear what I said?"

"What do you want me to do, Chief?" Meredith asked; her voice laced with hostility.

"I want you to help the police with whatever they need," the Chief began, "I want you to listen to what they tell you to do, and then do it. I want you to let someone in, let someone help you."

"And if I do all those things?"

"Then, you can continue to work here," the Chief stated simply.

Meredith hesitated for a moment, weighing his demands in her head. She had already agreed to let Derek stay with her, and she always had Cristina to rely upon. So, all she would really be agreeing to would to help the police with whatever they needed, and to do what they wanted her to do. Meredith looked up at the Chief, unblinking. "Okay."

"Good," the Chief nodded approvingly.

Meredith stood up from her chair and made her way towards the door. "I'm going back now."

"Please tell the police that if they need anything, they should just call me."

Meredith nodded her head, but left the room without speaking a word. She didn't want to go back into that locker room. She didn't want to face Derek, and she didn't want to face the stares of the hospital. She just wanted to go back to when it wasn't this complicated, to when her biggest concern was that she was falling for attending. Before Addison, before Finn, before all the rest. She just wanted to go back.

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Meredith pushed the locker room door open and made her way back to her locker, where three new faces greeted her. Derek and Officer Jackson stood off to the side, discussing something quietly, while the other officers worked on her locker, the crime scene. The note and the photograph were sitting in a plastic bag on the bench as the crime scene team dusted her locker for prints. Meredith stole a quick glance at Derek, the anxiety within her escalating. Derek caught Meredith's stare for a moment, the questions in his eyes evident. He gave Meredith a small smile, but Meredith did not respond. A frown remained on her face and her small body wavered against the lockers.

Derek took a concerned step forward. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Meredith said dismissively.

"You're not," Derek challenged.

"I am fine."

Derek ran a hand through his hair as he attempted to keep his temper under control. "Stop it. Stop saying that. You're not fine."

The officers quieted their movement around Derek and Meredith. Meredith's face reddened with embarrassment and she scowled at Derek. "I'm fine, Derek."

"You think you're fine, but you're not," Derek pushed back. "When was the last time you ate something?"

Meredith shrugged and pushed her chin out stubbornly. "I don't know, but I am fine."

Officer Jackson shifted uncomfortably behind Derek, and then quietly moved forward. He looked down at the three officers who were busy analyzing the crime scene. One of them nodded his head at Officer Jackson, and then left the locker room. Officer Jackson watched as the other two officers picked up what they had collected and then vacated the area, leaving Officer Jackson alone with Meredith and Derek.

"What's going on?" Derek asked, his attention returning to what happened earlier.

"The officers have collected all they can from the scene. We'll be reviewing the all that we gathered, and then we'll be in touch," Officer Jackson explained.

"So, once again you're going to let her walk around without protection," Derek sighed. "You aren't going to do anything for her?"

"We can't until we get something to go on."

"You cannot offer her any protection? Nothing at all?"

"Look," Officer Jackson hesitated, "we might be able to work something out for the night times. I will talk to the detective in charge of the case."

Derek squeezed his hands into fists and breathed steadily in and out, attempting to control himself. "Who's the detective in charge?"

"Lieutenant Burgess."

"Fine," Derek said angrily, "I'll talk to him about what to do about protection for her."

"Dr. Shepherd, we'll get something worked out."

"I don't want to hear it," Derek said as he swiped his hand through the air.

Officer Jackson breathed deeply and then glanced at Meredith. She had remained silent through most of the conversation, and he found himself concerned at how she was holding up. "Dr. Grey, are you going to be alright?"

Meredith's head shot up. Her eyes darted between Officer Jackson and Derek, unsure of what to say or what to do. She let her eyes settle on Cristina's locker and then said softly, "I'm fine."

"We'll have the results of the crime scene in a couple hours," Officer Jackson informed Meredith. "We'll give you a call when we're done, and then we'll talk about some sort of protection."

Meredith knew that any objection she had would be immediately overwhelmed by Derek's protests and his insistence that she have someone outside of her house. So instead, she numbly nodded her head and whispered, "That's fine."

Officer Jackson said his goodbyes and left the locker room, leaving Meredith alone with Derek, which was something she did not want or need right now. She pushed her body up off of the lockers she had been leaning on and walked past Derek towards the door.

Upon seeing what she was doing, Derek stepped in front of her to stop her. "Where are you going?"

"I have to work, Derek," Meredith snarled. "My intern year isn't going to finish itself."

"You are in no shape to be working today."

"I'm fine, Derek."

"You are not fine," Derek pushed.

"I would be if you would just leave me alone," Meredith yelled, her anger finally getting the best of her."

Derek stepped back, shocked by the words that Meredith had just uttered. "You want me to leave you alone?"

"Derek," Meredith swallowed, "I just need some space. You're only here because you feel responsible. If this hadn't happened you'd still be existing without me. You don't love me. You just feel guilty."

"I do love you."

"You feel guilty, Derek."

Derek shook his head and decided that maybe it was time to give in; that maybe it was time to let Meredith do what she needed to do. "I'll leave you alone now - "

"Thank you – "

"- But only if I can still stay with you," Derek interrupted.

Meredith dropped her head. She had forgotten all about that, about her promise to let him sleep on the couch in her mother's house. "Fine."

"You'll page me if you need me or if something happens?" Derek asked, his eyes pleading with hers.

"Yes," Meredith nodded.

Derek smiled his wonderful smile in response and then turned to walk out the door. As he opened the door, he looked back at Meredith to give her another smile, and then he opened the door, and he was gone. She was alone. Meredith let her body slump against the lockers that were still nearby. She let her body slide down the lockers to the floor, where she sat silently until her tears began to fall. Small sobs took over her body and her breathing became labored. She struggled for each breath she tried to take, and she leaned back to rest the back of her head on the locker doors. The tears continued to stream down her face and her sobs became louder and louder. It wasn't long until she felt a pair of arms embrace her body, pulling her close, coaxing her to calm down. Through the clouds in her eyes she saw Derek's face, his guilt-ridden, loving face, and she finally stopped struggling against him. She wrapped her arms around Derek, pulling him closer to her because she realized that she didn't want to do this alone, that she couldn't do this alone.

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Close by, a man's face broke out into a smile. He had them just where he wanted them, and that was good enough for him for now. He stepped down from the toilet in the stall and then quietly existed the locker room, and went back to work. People greeted him as he made his way through the hallways and he smiled back, pretending to care, but all he really cared about was in that locker room and what was going to happen next.

**Okay… so, yet again this took longer than I expected. For that, I apologize again…. Hopefully the length will somewhat make up for it. Also about updates… I'm going to be out of town for a week… so I'll try, but I'm not making any promises for this story.. I'm going to try for my other story **_**The Great Escape**_**, but I will try for this story too!**

**Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Again, not as much action as the first few, but trust me things are going to get really interesting, really fast… especially now that we know a bit about our stalker friend here, and he knows all of what Meredith, Derek, and the police are planning. **

**So what did you think? Love it? Like it? Hate it? And everything else….**

_**REVIEW!!!**_

**(Check out my new story **_**All My Defenses**_)


	7. Chapter 7: Two

_**You Might Die Trying**_

**A.N: ** So, **big thanks** to all of you who reviewed the sixth chapter of this story… it really is appreciated and it means a lot to writer. And of course, **thank you** (a million times over) to those who always review.

Also, check out _**Trapeze**_, _**The Great Escape**_, and _**All My Defenses**_

**Disclaimer: ** I do not own _Grey's Anatomy_….

_**REVIEW!**_

* * *

**Chapter 7: Two**

"_And I'm fractured_

_from a fall,_

_and I wanna go home._

_Now it takes two, _

_And it used to take one."_

- Ryan Adams

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Meredith heaved the remaining contents of her stomach into the porcelain abyss before her. For the first time in days she had tried to eat something, but her stomach rejected the cold pizza that she had consumed only moments before. She gagged again, vomiting up all that was left inside of her, and she swallowed back the warm saliva that had filled her mouth. A bitter taste remained on her tongue and in the back of her throat. Her body fell back against the wall beside the toilet, exhausted from purging itself. Beads of sweat formed on her forehead, matting her hair to her forehead. She brought her hands to her face and pushed her hair back, annoyed at the tiny strains that had made their way in front of her eyes. Gently, she rested her head up against the wall, and took slow, shallow breaths, and a tiny burp gurgled up her throat. Her eyes drifted towards the door. Two feet stood just outside the door, their shadow giving away their presence. Meredith released a frustrated sigh. Ever since he had held her and comforted her on the locker room floor, she had felt her old feelings creep back in. Her body started to want him again. Her mind only wanted to think of him. And, her only solution to her problem was to avoid him. She had managed to evade him for days, but now he had finally cornered her.

"Mer?" Derek asked, his voice booming through the door between them.

Meredith continued to stare at the door, her heart pounding. She had been successfully dodging him by leaving the house at odd hours and turning corners abruptly when she saw him coming down the hallways in the hospital. In surgeries, she remained professional and kept her distance, and when they were done, she ran. Because running was what she did best.

"Meredith," Derek exhaled, "I know you're in there. I heard you."

Meredith remained quiet, limiting her movement on the floor. Her eyes shot towards the door handle, checking to see if she had locked the door. The button within the doorknob was popped out, which meant that the door was unlocked, and she knew that it was only a matter of time before Derek tried to open the door.

Outside of the bathroom, Derek shifted his weight. His head was pounding. Sleep had been hard to come by since he had started staying at Meredith's house. Every noise inside and outside of the house disrupted his sleep, and he often found himself walking quietly up the stairs to check on Meredith. Tonight was the first night he had come upstairs to find her out of bed. At first he had panicked, but then he had heard her vomiting in the bathroom, and his anxiety switched to concern. Now, as he stood outside the door, waiting for Meredith to answer him, his concern continued to grow. "Did something happen?"

Meredith groaned loudly, her stomach still churning from the pizza. She was close to tears and dangerously nearing a meltdown. And, her first instinct was to push Derek away. "Go away, Derek."

"I'm not leaving," Derek paused, unsure of what else to say. This was what she did when things got tough. She pushed, she avoided, and she pretended not to care. She did anything but turn to someone, and Derek wanted nothing more to change that about her. He wanted to be there for her; he wanted to be someone that she could turn to.

"Just go, Derek," Meredith said in a loud voice.

Derek hesitated for a moment before he placed his hand on the doorknob and gave it a rough turn. He pushed the door open, surprised that it was unlocked, and slowly walked into the bathroom, where he found Meredith sitting on the floor. His eyes locked with hers. "Meredith, what happened?"

"Nothing," Meredith murmured. "I'm fine."

Derek scanned the room before his eyes landed again on Meredith. Her hair was frazzled and her ratty Dartmouth t-shirt was clinging to her petite body. Her face was pale and her eyes were bloodshot. She looked exhausted and worn out. He took a step towards her and when she didn't protest, he took a few more until he was standing right in front of her. His knees hit the floor as he dropped his body down so that he was kneeling in front of her. She remained frozen, staring at him like a ghost, unsure of what to do. He placed a hand on her forehead and brushed a few stray hairs off of her face. "You're not fine. You are anything but fine."

"Stop," Meredith frowned. "Stop acting like you're my boyfriend."

"Meredith," Derek's voice trailed off, uncertain of how to respond.

"I don't need your help, Derek. And, I most certainly don't need your pity."

"Is that what you think?" Derek whispered. "You think I pity you?"

Meredith released a frustrated sigh. "I don't know why you're still here, Derek. A few weeks ago you wanted nothing to do with me. Now, this crazy stalker man comes around and here you are again, trying to save the day."

Derek shook his head. "You're wrong, Mer. Ever since I met you I've wanted to be with you."

"Is this a game to you?" Meredith asked, her face hardening with anger.

"What?" Derek muttered in disbelief.

"It's like you don't care, Derek. You do everything you want to do and how you want to do, and you don't care if you're hurting me in the process," Meredith breathed.

"I do care," Derek denied. "I care so much that it hurts me sometimes."

"So, that's why you walked away?"

Derek rubbed his hand over his face. "I walked away because I was trying to help you. Because I was trying to put your needs and your happiness above my own."

"I chose you," Meredith managed as a few tears slipped from her eyes. Her body exhausted from all the activity.

"I know you did," Derek said softly, "but I wasn't ready to give you what you needed. I wanted to be able to do it right. I wanted to not be absent."

Meredith's face softened. "All I needed was you."

Derek rocked back and forth on his feet before he let his body weight push his butt to the floor. He slid himself over to sit beside Meredith, and he grabbed her hand. "Addison and Mark, their affair, it wasn't a one time thing. They had a relationship."

"What?" Meredith sniffed.

"I found out the day you told me that you left Finn."

Meredith swallowed. "They had a relationship?"

"I didn't know," Derek nodded sadly. "I didn't know when I picked Addison. I ruined our relationship for someone who I didn't even love anymore."

Meredith squeezed Derek's hand. "I'm sorry."

"You shouldn't be sorry. I'm not telling you this for you to feel sorry for me, or as an excuse," Derek explained. "I'm telling you this because this is why I didn't react when you told me about Finn. I needed time. I needed time to figure out who I was and what happened to my marriage."

"And what if none of this every happened?"

"None of what?"

Meredith released her hand from Derek's and stood up abruptly. She made her way towards her bedroom window. Derek followed closely behind her, and when she stopped, he positioned his body directly behind hers.

Meredith looked out the window at the unmarked police car. She motioned to it with her hand and said, "This, Derek. What would have happened if that man hadn't done this to us? Where would we be?"

"I don't know," Derek said truthfully.

"Would you even be talking to me?"

"Meredith," Derek sighed. "This was never about hurting you."

"Then, you should have told me. You should have told me when you found out."

Derek placed his hands on Meredith's upper arms and turned her around to face him. "I know. It was mistake, and I'm sorry."

Meredith hesitated for a moment and blinked back a few tears that had made their way to her eyes. "I don't want to lose you again."

"You're not going to."

Meredith leaned her body into Derek's. He put his arms around her, and her body melted into his. "I'm scared."

"I know," Derek whispered against the top of her head.

Meredith withdrew her body from his arms and tilted her head up to meet his eyes. "You're a good guy, Derek. Just because you failed at your marriage, doesn't mean you're not a good guy."

Derek bent forward and placed a soft kiss on Meredith's lips. "We're going to be okay."

Meredith let Derek's arms consume her body again, and she found herself hoping that she would have enough time for everything to be okay.

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He watched from outside as Meredith and Derek held onto each other in front of the window in Meredith's room. After a brief scan of the rest of the windows, it didn't look like anyone else was home. Meredith and Derek were alone, which meant it was the perfect time. He turned his head and looked at the unmarked police car that was sitting a few houses down from Meredith's house. The police officer inside was sleeping, clearly bored with his job. He made his way down the street carefully. He hid in the bush beside the police car and took one last look around the block to make sure no one else was around.

Behind the bush, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a black ski mask. He placed the mask on top of his head and pulled it downwards until it was covering everything but his mouth and his eyes. Gently, he reached inside of his coat and pulled out his gun. While one hand held the gun, the other reached into his back pocket for the silencer, and when he had both out, he placed the silencer on the gun. Slowly, he stood up from behind the bush and took one last look at the unmarked police car. When he saw that the officer inside of it was still sleeping, he began to make his way to the driver's seat door.

He crouched down low and made sure not to hit the car with any part of his body. As he approached the driver's seat he switched his gun from his left hand to his right, and when he was in position he stood up quickly and placed the gun against the officer's temple. And, without thinking, he pulled the trigger. Blood spattered out of the officer's head and his body slumped further down the seat. He smiled in satisfaction, and then turned to make his way towards Meredith's front door.

**Alright. So, seriously, I am so sorry that this chapter took so long for me to get out. I have this big master plot, and when you have all these plans for a story, things just get all jumbled sometimes… and so I was suffering from minor's writers block, not to mention the fact that I am so busy right now it is ridiculous. Unfortunately, the level of my busyness is not going to disappear since I am getting married in about 18 days. I do hope to update this one last time before the wedding and the honeymoon… some positive reinforcement might help!**

**Anyway, this chapter has a sort of reconciliation between Meredith and Derek, which is good because those two are going to need each other more than they know as this story progresses. We also have evil stalker dude shooting the police officer on duty outside of Meredith's house… and making his way towards them… what do you think is going to happen? I'll give you a hint, it's not good.**

**Alright… so I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Thanks for reading. Also, **_**The Great Escape**_** will be updated by the end of this week.**

**Like it? Love it? Hate it? And everything else….**

_**REVIEW!**_


	8. Chapter 8A: Somewhere a Clock is Ticking

_**You Might Die Trying**_

**A.N: ** So, **big thanks** to all of you who reviewed the chapter 7 of this story… it really is appreciated and it means a lot to me as a writer and as a person. And of course, as always, **thank you** (a million times over) to those who always review.

Also, check out _**Trapeze**_, _**The Great Escape**_, and _**All My Defenses**_

**Disclaimer: ** I do not own _Grey's Anatomy_….

_**REVIEW!**_

* * *

**Chapter 8: Somewhere A Clock is Ticking**

"_Every second, dripping off my finger tips._

_I could do almost anything to you._

_Wage your war, wage your war."_

- Snow Patrol

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**PART ONE**

His stride was long and deliberate as he made his way towards his goal. Excitement surged through his body with every step he took, and he couldn't help but pause to enjoy the moment. At last his plan was in action. The long hours he had spend daydreaming and strategizing were finally over. This was the moment he had been waiting for.

He looked up at Meredith's bedroom window and found Meredith and Derek still clinging to each other. Warm saliva spread into this mouth causing him to swallow, hard. The looks, the smiles, the tender touches, everything about them made him nauseous, but he knew that it would be over soon. Soon, the smile that seemed to be engraved on Derek Shepherd's face would disappear forever.

His eyes glimmered with a mix of mischief and anger as he continued to watch them. Seconds passed as he stood on the street, fixating on what was going on in that bedroom until a small clap of thunder awakened him from his trance. His muscles jerked at the sound, and a wave of fear flowed through his veins, because for a second, he thought he had been caught. He took one last look at Meredith and Derek before he turned himself and continued to make his way towards Meredith's front door. But, as he neared the front steps, his pace slowed and another wave of fear streamed through his body. He had never done this before, but he knew that the thrills of the coming moment would make it all worth it. He knew that the second he stepped inside of the house would be the moment that the fear inside of him vanished, and the anticipation began. And before he realized what he was doing, her front door was in his reach.

He extended his arm and wrapped his hand around the doorknob, but didn't turn it. Instead, he breathed deeply and looked around, making sure the coast was clear. Once he was certain that none of the other interns were around, he moved from his still position. His hand turned the knob gently and he quietly entered the house, making sure that his steps were quiet and slow. After he had entered the house, he turned around and placed his hand on the top of the door. He delicately closed the door, keeping the knob turned so that when the latch caught it didn't make too loud of a sound. Satisfied that the door was closed, he pivoted his body back around so that he was facing the steps. His heart pounded beneath his chest in excitement. It was time.

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Meredith breathed into Derek's chest and she felt the tension within every muscle, tendon, bone, and joint release. Her body was finally at ease. Derek continued to stroke her back gently. Up and down, and up and down. His arms were tight around her, engulfing her in his abyss, keeping her safe. She didn't know how long she had been standing her like this with him, but she didn't care. This is exactly where she wanted to be.

"Are you okay?" Derek asked, interrupting her serenity.

Meredith mumbled against his chest, refusing to lift her head.

Derek smiled. "I couldn't hear you."

She lifted her head slightly and murmured. "I think so."

"What does that mean?"

"It means I'm doing the best I can," Meredith sighed before continuing. "You know, under the circumstances."

Derek nodded, understanding that the past few days had been hard on her, not to mention the fact that he had been a jerk to her for really the past year. "Can I do anything to help?"

"Maybe," Meredith breathed, a familiar glimmer in her eye.

Derek felt his body tighten in response. He had longed for the day when he could once again hold a naked Meredith Grey in his arms. It had been too long. Feeling that words would not provide an adequate response, he brought his lips down to hers and pulled her closer to him. He ground his hips against hers, making his arousal known. A tiny gasp escaped Meredith's lips, and Derek pulled away slightly, but only to run a trail of kisses down her neck. "How do you feel know?"

Meredith groaned in pleasure. "Much better."

Derek stepped forward, pushing Meredith up against the wall. He continued to grind his hips against hers as small moans escaped from Meredith's lips. Meredith ran her hands up Derek's sides and looped them around his neck as Derek placed his hands on Meredith's back and lifted her up. She wrapped her legs around Derek's waist while Derek pushed her harder against the wall.

"Derek…" Meredith moaned.

Derek pressed himself against her, again. He didn't want to move too quickly, but he didn't know how much more he could take. His desire to have her was like a fire spreading in a dry forest, and soon it would devour him completely. He gently rocked his hips against hers, which elicited another moan to escape from Meredith's mouth. She tangled her fingers in his hair and tugged, pulling his head up to meet hers. Her lips crushed his instantly as she squeezed her legs tighter around his waist, her desire matching his.

"Please… " Meredith begged.

Derek only smiled and continued to rock his hips against hers, not wanting to give in too soon. Moans fell from both of their lips in satisfaction, but both of them craved the next part. He moved his lips back down Meredith's neck causing Meredith to drop her head back to provide him more access. She closed her eyes and enjoyed every tender kiss that Derek placed upon her neckline; her arousal grew with every kiss. Another moan escaped from Meredith's lips as she felt Derek slip a hand out from back and in between her legs. She opened her eyes, desiring to beg Derek to take her to bed, but stopped cold, her arousal disappearing immediately at what she saw.

"Derek…" Meredith whispered.

Derek didn't respond. He was too caught up in what he was doing to notice the tone in Meredith's voice.

"Derek," Meredith tried again, "Stop."

Derek stopped what he was doing and looked up so that his eyes could meet hers. When he saw her eyes he immediately released his hands and let her body gently fall to the ground. "What's wrong?"

Meredith couldn't speak. The fear of what she was seeing had consumed her.

Derek placed a hand on Meredith's cheek. "Meredith?"

When Meredith did not respond again, Derek turned to see what Meredith was looking at, and when he saw what she saw, he knew why she was silent. The man in the doorway to Meredith's room stood still and did not say a word. His arm was extended with a gun in his hand and it was trained right at Meredith's chest, and a ski mask covered his identity.

Derek took a side step in front of Meredith. "What do you want?"

The man in the ski mask laughed. "You know what I want, Derek."

Derek turned his head slightly and looked at Meredith. She was frozen. It didn't even look like she was breathing. Her eyes were as wide as saucers and her mouth was hanging open slightly. Derek turned back around and faced the intruder, his anger growing. "Who are you?"

"You'll remember one day, Derek," he smirked. "One day, you'll remember what you did to me, and why I had to do this to you."

Derek blinked. He recognized the man's voice. It was familiar and like he had heard it not once but multiple times. He just couldn't place it.

"Move, Derek," the man demanded.

Derek shook his head. "Never."

The man took a step forward as he cocked his gun. "You will get out of the way, or I will kill her, and it won't be fast death. It will be a slow, painful death."

Derek remained still. "I'm not moving. You'll have to kill me first."

"Don't think I won't," the man breathed as he took another step closer.

Derek jutted his arm backwards and grabbed a hold of Meredith's hand. She let her hand fall into his. He squeezed her hand, hard, and felt the sweat that had formed on the palm of her hand. "Why are you doing this?"

"You made an embarrassment of me," the man explained. "You ruined my career. Now, I'm here to ruin your life. To take the one thing away from you that could ever make you happy."

Derek thought hard, trying to piece together who this man was, but the answer wasn't coming to him. "You don't have the balls to do what you need to do in order to complete your goal. You're worthless, and you were obviously bad at your job."

Anger seethed through the man's body. He placed his index finger on the gun's trigger and pressed down. Derek reacted quickly and pulled Meredith's body down along with him. The bullet just barely missed them.

The man reacted quickly. He holstered his gun and ran towards where Meredith and Derek were laying on the bedroom floor. Meredith pushed her body up and shook Derek's body, but she didn't get a response. Before she knew what was happening, the man's hands had wrapped around her arms and had pulled her up. Meredith struggled against him, hoping that Derek would wake up. The man caught both of her wrists in his hands and held onto them by one of his hands. He used the other hand to reach into his front coat pocket and pull out a syringe that was already filled with liquid. Meredith continued to fight against him, but was unsuccessful, her body disoriented from the fall. She looked back at Derek and saw that he was still laying on the floor, unmoving. She tried to see if he was breathing, but was interrupted when a prick stung her arm. It took only a matter of seconds before she felt her body weaken causing any fight she had left in her to vanish. And, it took only a few more seconds before she was out cold. He immediately grabbed the handcuffs that he had taken from the police officer in the car and hooked them around Meredith's wrists, and then he pulled her up into his arms to carry her outside. As he made his way towards the hallway, he stopped to listen, making sure that the interns were still nowhere to be found. When he was satisfied, he began to walk out of the bedroom with Meredith's limp body in his hands, and he took one last hard look at Derek's lifeless body on the floor. Blood had pooled around his head from where he had hit his temple on the nightstand on the way down. The man smiled. His mission was complete with an added bonus. Derek Shepherd wasn't breathing.

**So, ends Part One of Chapter 8. I really wanted to get this out to you guys before I disappear for a while. I hope you all enjoyed the first part of this chapter. Consider this your season finale for this story for about 2 weeks. You are left with still the question of who this guy is, and with Derek not breathing…. Which I can't really say as to yes or no if Derek is going to be okay or not. Or just how okay he will be… or if he will even be okay since I do have the story plotted out in multiple ways. I do hope you enjoyed the little bit of sexual Mer and Der a splashed in there for you guys in hopes that the hiatus will be a little bit more well received.**

**So, I'll be back on the 9****th ****of July… and for the hiatus, I kind of apologize… I mean I am getting married and going on my honeymoon (so I'm really not that sorry)! I hope you all understand. **

**But please, be sure to continue to review this chapter… I enjoyed all of the reviews I got for the last chapter, and they just make this whole writing process so much more fun and enjoyable. Plus, it is great motivation for when I come back from all this wedding stuff.**

**Like it? Love it? Hate it? And everything else…**

**Please **_**REVIEW!**_

**P.S. – I will try to update **_**The Great Escape **_**one last time this week, but if I don't get around to it, I'll be back. I have too big of plans for this story and that story to just let them fall away.**


	9. Chapter 8B: Somewhere a Clock is Ticking

_**You Might Die Trying**_

**A.N: **I know it's been longer than I thought it would be, but my life got out of control. When I got back from our honeymoon, we immediately left again to go on another vacation and then we have to move into our new house. Things have started to calm down, so I'll be able to update MUCH more frequently. But anyway, thank you for sticking with the story and for your patience.

So, **big thanks** to all of you who reviewed the first part of Chapter 8… and who have waited out the second part. Also, as always, **super big thanks**, to those of you who always review… you really do make this all worthwhile.

Also, check out _**Trapeze**_, _**The Great Escape (updated with Chapter 14)**_, and _**All My Defenses**_

**Disclaimer: ** I do not own _Grey's Anatomy_….

_**REVIEW!**_

* * *

**Chapter 8: Somewhere a Clock is Ticking**

"_Another soldier says he's not afraid to die,_

_I could do almost anything to you._

_I am scared, I'm so scared."_

- Snow Patrol

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**PART TWO**

Meredith sluggishly opened her eyes, the sedative still affecting her body. She blinked rapidly, attempting to awaken herself from the daze that she seemed to be stuck in, but found little success. The dark room felt like it was spinning around her as she struggled to remember how she had gotten here in the first place. Still disoriented, she tried to bring her hand to her face, but was instantly met with resistance. She wiggled her arms and immediately felt the cool metal against her wrists causing her mind to reel. What had happened to her? And, where was Derek?

She exhaled loudly and rested her head against the wall that she was chained to. She commanded herself to think, to try to remember what had happened. Her breath fell in and out slowly as she tried to recall where she had been and what she had been doing. Think, Meredith, think. As the minutes passed, her frustration grew at her inability to remember what had happened. She angrily closed her eyes and continued to press her brain to remember. Think, Meredith, Think.

A door slammed awakening Meredith from her trance. Footsteps pounded down the stairs one by one, and with each step she knew that whomever those steps belonged to, was getting closer to her. She sat silently, knowing that there was nothing she could do to save herself, and waited. Seconds passed and her nervousness grew as the footsteps continued to become louder. She closed her eyes, afraid, even though the darkness of the room prevented her from seeing who was slowly approaching where she was sitting. And, only moments later, the footsteps stopped.

"How are you feeling, Dr. Grey?" A man asked.

Meredith didn't answer. Instead, she continued to try to recall how she had gotten to where she was, and if Derek was okay.

"You should answer me, Dr. Grey," the man continued, "you've got nothing to lose."

Derek. She needed to know if Derek was okay because she couldn't remember. He had to be okay. He was Derek. He was always okay. "Where is Derek?"

"Derek," the man laughed bitterly and briefly paused to enjoy the image of Derek's blood pooled around his head from earlier that evening. "The sedative will wear off soon and you'll remember."

"I need to know if he's okay," Meredith pushed. I love him, she thought, I just never told him.

"Give it time," the man breathed, "it'll come back to you."

"I don't want to give it time."

"How are you feeing other than the memory loss?" He asked.

Meredith grunted. "You don't care."

"You're right," he replied, "but I need you for later, so how are you feeling?"

Meredith refused to answer. She sat silently on the concrete floor and continued to try to jog her memory.

He stepped closer to where she was sitting on the floor and whispered, "If you don't tell me how you're feeling, you're going to end up dead like him."

Meredith's breath caught in her throat. Like him? Was Derek dead? She continued to remain silent, her mind consumed by what the man had just told her. Tears pricked her eyes; she just wanted to remember what had happened.

"Answer me," the man growled.

Her heart pounded in her chest. Derek. Dead? She clenched her hands and continued to press herself to remember. Derek. Derek. Derek. She repeated his name over and over again in her head, hoping that in some way it would trigger a memory of what had happened. His name escaped from her lips, and it sounded like she was moaning his name. She opened her mouth to respond to the man who she knew was growing more impatient by the second, but stopped when the image of Derek's face jolted into her mind. She knew that facial expression, she knew it well. It was his sex face. Meredith continued to focus on Derek's face, hoping that more images would reappear, and little by little they did. The memory of her on the bathroom floor while Derek talked to her flooded her brain. The look on his face when he told her that Addison and Mark hadn't been a one-night stand; it had been a relationship. Everything. Every single memory of earlier that evening was returning; including what happened later.

Chills ran up and down her spine at the memory of Derek pulling her down when the man had fired his gun. She swallowed, hard, and blinked away the tears that had pooled in her eyes at the memory of Derek lying motionless on the floor. Her Derek. Meredith glanced upward, knowing that the man was standing nearby, and whispered, "You shot at us."

"It was necessary."

Meredith wrestled with her hands, trying to break free. "It wasn't necessary. You're a psycho."

"No, dear," the man said, his voice filled with the smile that was etched on his face, "I'm a doctor, just like you."

"You killed Derek," Meredith frowned. The image of Derek limp on the floor resurged into her mind causing her tears to return.

The man laughed. "I can only hope so."

Meredith's stomach flip-flopped. "Who are you?"

"Not yet, Dr. Grey. Not yet."

Meredith cringed. She hated the way he said her name, and yet it was familiar. It was like she had heard it hundreds of times before.

The man turned, his footsteps echoing in the room again. "I'll be back to check on you in a little bit. Don't try anything foolish."

Meredith sat still as she listened to him climb back up the steps, and open the door. The door slammed behind him, leaving Meredith alone in the darkness again. Her thoughts were consumed with Derek. Wondering whether he was alright, wondering if her friends had gotten home yet to find him unconscious on her bedroom floor. He had to be okay; he just had to be. He was Derek, and Derek was always okay. She repeated it over and over again in her head, trying to convince herself that Derek was in fact okay. But, every time she said it, she was less sure that it was actually true. And that scared her because she had so much to tell him, and now she may never have the chance to say anything at all.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Izzie Stevens was tired. Not to mention cranky. It had been a long day at the hospital, followed by an even longer night on call. She wasn't in the mood for drinking, so she had left George, Cristina, and Alex at Joe's. The only thing was, she was not in the mood to put up with Meredith and Derek. Fighting, sex, or just ignoring the fact that they were in love with each other, but too stupid to say it to each other were all things that she didn't want to deal with tonight. Tonight, she just wanted to go home and bake, and then maybe go to sleep. She didn't want to think about anything else, she just wanted to exist.

As she drove down the street towards Meredith's house, she saw the unmarked police car sitting further down the street. She shook her head and pulled the car into the driveway, hoping that nothing else had happened today with the man that had been stalking Meredith. She slammed the car door shut and made her towards the front door, hoping that Derek and Meredith were asleep. When she opened the door, she was met with silence. A big smile spread across her face, happy that maybe just once she would have some quiet time to herself. She sighed heavily and began to make her way up the stairs. The quiet of the house made every step she took up the stairs more pronounced, and she made a mental note to herself to work out later today.

As she continued her way up the stairs and through the hallway, a funny odor entered her nose, causing her to stop. She sniffed the air, again, and her eyes widened when she realized what she had smelled. It was gunpowder. She breathed the air in again, recognizing that the odor was coming from further down the hall. Slowly, she made her way down the hallway towards Meredith's room, scared of what she would find. Her heart beat wildly in her chest, a mixture of fear and anxiety. When she reached Meredith's doorway, she stopped and listened, making sure that no one else was in the room. Satisfied at what she had heard, she rounded the corner into Meredith's room only to be confronted by Derek's body lying motionless on the floor, the pool of blood still surrounding his head.

Izzie gasped loudly and quickly made her way towards Derek's still body. "Doctor Shepherd?"

When she heard no response she tried again. "Doctor Shepherd?" She looked forward and took a quick glance at the wound on his head. It was deep, but it had stopped bleeding. "Doctor Shepherd, are you okay?"

Izzie hesitated for a few seconds before bending down and pressing her fingers against his neck to check for a pulse. Please, she prayed, don't let him be dead. Please, don't. It took a moment, but she found a weak pulse. She bent her head down towards his face and looked towards his chest, checking to see whether or not he was breathing. But, he wasn't.

Her body shook with fear and she wavered for a moment before she pressed her lips against his to give him rescue breathing. She kept telling herself that Meredith would understand. She would. In fact, she'd probably be grateful because she would save him. She was a doctor. She could do this. She breathed into Derek's mouth and watched to see if his chest rose with her breath, and when it did, she breathed again into his mouth. Her thoughts wondered as she continued to administer rescue breathing. She wondered where Meredith was, and what had exactly happened in this house. Her hands shook as she pressed her fingers against Derek's neck again to check for a pulse. It was still there. She waited for another moment, hoping that she would see Derek's chest rise and fall by his own efforts, but nothing happened.

She reached down and pulled her cell phone out of her pocket. Her fingers absentmindedly pressed the numbers on her phone, and it only took a second before she heard the operator answer.

"9-1-1, what's the emergency?" The operator asked.

"Hi, yes, um… I just got home and I found my roommate's boyfriend unconscious on the floor. He has a head wound and he's not bleeding," Izzie rambled. "He's a doctor at Seattle Grace, and just recently someone has been stalking his kind-of girlfriend…"

"Slow down," the operator interrupted, "where are you located?"

"425 Hillside Road," Izzie shouted. "He has a weak pulse, but he's not breathing. He needs to be taken to Seattle Grace. I've been administering rescue breathing, but it hasn't been working..."

"An ambulance is coming, ma'm, just hold on," the operator said calmly. "Continue rescue breathing and don't move him."

"I know," Izzie barked. "I'm a doctor."

"Alright, ma'm. Would you like me to stay on the phone with you or are you okay until the ambulance gets there?"

"I'll be fine," Izzie breathed. "Thanks."

When she heard the operator hang up the phone, Izzie snapped her phone shut and looked back down at Derek's chest. It still wasn't moving. She placed her fingers once more on his neck, and was once again met with a weak pulse. She began rescue breathing again, hoping that George would come home soon, hoping that she wouldn't be the only one here anymore. Every time she breathed into Derek's mouth, she thought of Meredith and wondered where she was, and if she was okay. And, if she was even alive.

Minutes passed, but she continued to give Derek rescue breathing. She stopped every once and awhile to check his pulse and to see if he was breathing on his own, but every time it was the same. A weak pulse, but no breathing. In the distance she heard the sirens of the ambulance and police cars. A wave of relief settled through her body. She was getting tired. It had been nearly 15 minutes since she had first started rescue breathing, and it was beginning to take its toll on her. As the sirens grew louder, Izzie tried harder. She didn't want to be the one to tell Meredith that she was unsuccessful in saving Derek. She couldn't be the one.

The door slammed downstairs and a voice yelled out, "Paramedics. Where are you?"

Izzie breathed again into Derek's mouth before yelling, "Up the stairs, last room on your left."

The paramedics shuffled up the stairs and into Meredith's room. Each held an end of the gurney, but released it when they entered the room. There were two paramedics, both male. The taller paramedic walked towards Izzie, and bent down beside her. "How long has he been like this?"

Izzie pressed her fingers against Derek's neck again. "I just got home about 15 minutes ago and found him like this. His girlfriend and my roommate is missing."

The other paramedic approached them, carrying the medical equipment. He looked briefly at Derek's head wound before placing a mask over Derek's mouth. The taller paramedic grabbed a bag and connected it to the mask and began to gently squeeze the bag. Derek's chest rose with every squeeze, but he was still not doing it on his own.

"Can you take this over for a second?" The taller paramedic asked Izzie.

Izzie nodded and grabbed the bag from the paramedic's hand. He walked away and grabbed the gurney that they had brought up the stairs. He lowered the gurney and brought the stretcher out first. Izzie continued to squeeze the bag as she watched the paramedics position the stretcher beside Derek's body. Very carefully, the moved Derek's body onto the stretcher. They strapped him in, and then lifted him up onto the gurney.

"Can you do that as we move him down the stairs and to the ambulance?" The taller paramedic asked Izzie.

Izzie nodded again and walked slowly beside the gurney as they moved out of Meredith's room and into the hallway. When they had made it down the stairs and out the doorway, the paramedic grabbed the bag out of Izzie's hands and nodded. "We've got it from here. We're taking him to Seattle Grace."

Izzie merely shook her head in acknowledgement, the reality of what had just happened sinking in as her adrenaline subsided. She reached into her pocket for her phone and pressed speed dial number two.

"What's up, Iz?" George yelled into the phone. "You're missing out on a great time tonight."

"George," Izzie frowned. "Stop. You need to get back to the hospital."

"What's wrong?"

Izzie looked around and noticed that the cop cars had stopped where the unmarked police car had been parked. She watched them from a distance and whispered. "Something happened, George. I don't know what happened, but McDreamy was unconscious when I got home."

"What?" George yelled.

In the background Izzie could hear Cristina yelling at George for being so loud, but she didn't car. They all needed to get to the hospital. "Go to the hospital, George."

"Izzie, what happened?" George pressed. "Where's Meredith?"

"I don't know, George," Izzie sighed, her voice trembling with fear.

"We're leaving now," George shouted. "We'll see you there."

Izzie hung up the phone and made her way down the street towards the police. She needed to know what happened. She needed to know where Meredith was. One of the police officers saw her coming and began to make his way towards her.

As she approached the car, the police officer said. "Stop, please. This is a crime scene."

Izzie stopped her movement, and looked towards the car. "What happened?"

"I can't tell you that, ma'm." The officer explained. "Are you the person that made the 9-1-1 call?"

Izzie nodded. "Yes. You have to tell me. My friend is missing. I have no idea what happened to her." Izzie raised her hand and pointed towards the cop car. "That cop was supposed to be watching her. He was supposed to be protecting her, and now she's gone and her boyfriend is breathing. What the hell happened?"

The police officer gave Izzie a sympathetic look. "The officer is dead, ma'm."

Izzie breathed deeply. "He was killed?"

"Yes," the officer agreed. "Now, I'm going to have to ask you to vacate this crime scene."

"Okay," Izzie mumbled. "Yeah, thanks."

"We'll let you know if we find out about your friend."

Izzie gazed at the officer. "She was supposed to be okay. He must have gotten her."

The officer shook his head. "I know, ma'm. We're doing everything we can. Is there a number we can reach you at when we find out more information?"

"Call Seattle Grace and ask for Izzie Stevens or the Chief. Chief Webber. He'll want to know what's going on," Izzie rambled. "Yeah call him. Please, don't forget."

The officer gave Izzie a sad smile. "We won't."

Izzie watched the officer walk away before she turned around and made her way back towards the house. It took a few steps before she began to run. She pushed the front door back open and grabbed her keys from the table before she turned back around and made her way back out to the car. She jumped into the driver's seat and started the car, and headed back towards Seattle Grace. All the while wondering, where on earth Meredith was.

**So, ends the second part of Chapter 8. I hope you enjoyed this chapter – it was a longer one, and I hope that it made the wait worthwhile. There isn't too much I can say about this chapter… except for, we've got Meredith with the stalker man, who you learned is a doctor, and we had Izzie finding Derek. Some questions will be answered coming up… like who exactly this guy is, and if Derek is going to be okay after his fall. Also, I'm hoping to have **_**Trapeze, All My Defenses, **_**and **_**The Great Escape**_** by the end of next week. **

**Anyway, I really hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. Thanks again for sticking out my hiatus. Please keep reviewing!!**

**Like it? Love it? Hate it? And everything else…**

_**PLEASE REVIEW!!**_


	10. Chapter 9: New York Minute

_**You Might Die Trying**_

**A.N:** So yeah, **thank you** for all of the awesome reviews for the last chapter! I'm really happy that people are enjoying this story. So, at the end of this chapter… there is a little bit of violence… so just consider yourself warned.

Also, **big thanks** to those of you who always review – you know how much to rocks – so **thank you**.

Also, check out _**Trapeze**_, _**The Great Escape **_(updated with Ch. 15), and _**All My Defenses **_

**Disclaimer:** I don't own _Grey's Anatomy_… if I did… there would be a lot of things different.

_**REVIEW!**_

* * *

**Chapter 9: New York Minute**

"_In a New York minute,_

_everything can change._

_In a New York minute,_

_Things can get pretty strange."_

- The Eagles

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Dr. Miranda Bailey was tired. Tired and annoyed at the elevator that was moving at a snail's pace. Between a baby, a husband, and a job, she had barely had any time for herself. Nothing, not even a single second to think about what she might like to do rather than been in this hospital, dealing with her interns. Her interns that were always the ones getting into trouble; the interns that always had trouble surrounding them. It was like it was their calling card. Wherever they went, there was always some kind of mess for her to clean up. They were trouble, but they were hers. They were her trouble-making interns, and she was damn proud of them.

The elevator finally chimed and the doors opened, allowing those already riding to step off and for those wanting a ride to step on. She took a few steps forward and entered the elevator. Luckily, no one else was on and she had a moment to herself. A free moment to think about anything she wanted, but all she wanted to think about was her interns, her selfish, greedy, surgery-loving interns. She knew that she had lucked out with them, that even though they did cause problems, they were still the brightest of the entire group.

The chime of the elevator interrupted her thoughts again and the doors opened, creating room for her to step out onto the main floor. She walked slowly out of the elevator and began to make her way towards the cafeteria, but stopped when she saw her interns flooding the emergency room desk, which was strange because they were supposed to be off tonight. She picked up the pace and made her way over towards them, when she got closer she noticed that two were missing. Grey and Stevens.

"What are you fools doing back here?" Bailey asked even though she was afraid of their answer. "Don't you understand the meaning of a break? Of your shift being over? Of going home?"

George shuffled nervously beside Cristina and Alex. His eyes fixated on the floor. He looked up briefly and cast Cristina and Alex an anxious glance before returning his gaze to the floor.

Bailey took another step closer to them and sniffed the air, wondering if they were all drunk. "Did you not understand me?"

"Dr. Bailey," George started. "Izzie called us. There's been some sort of accident."

Bailey blinked. "What kind of accident?"

"McDreamy was unconscious at Meredith's house," Cristina blurted out without thinking.

Bailey stared at Cristina, amazed. She always said whatever she wanted and had no problem being blunt about what she thought. She didn't seem to care about how her words affected those around her. Bailey turned her gaze towards George and Alex, noticing that George was fidgeting more than usual, and then continued. "Is he alright?"

"We don't know," George said softly. "Izzie called us."

"Stevens found him?" Bailey asked, trying to hold the surprise from her voice. "Where is Grey?"

George shrugged. "Izzie said she wasn't there."

Bailey took a deep breath and tried to collect her thoughts. Meredith should have been with Derek. He wouldn't have left her alone somewhere. Not now, not with everything that had been going on. She looked worriedly at the ambulance bay doors before returning her stare to her interns. "Karev, page the Chief and make sure there is a room ready for Dr. Shepherd when he gets here."

Alex scurried away, not bothering to argue. George and Cristina shifted uncomfortably in front of Bailey, both unsure of what to say or do.

Bailey gave Cristina and George a once over. "Are you two too drunk to work?"

They both shook their heads, choosing to remain silent instead of speaking.

"When did Stevens call?" Bailey asked as the tension inside of her mounted.

"Five minutes ago," George answered, his voice betraying him.

Bailey looked at George. She could see the fear in every line of his face. "Can you handle this?"

George nodded. He could do this. All he had to do was pretend that this wasn't one of his bosses, that this wasn't one of Meredith's boyfriend or his friend. This was just another man that happened to get injured. Nothing more.

The sound of sirens stopped Bailey from asking her next question. She motioned for Cristina and George to follow her as she made her way towards the ambulance bay, and for once there was no fighting. Everyone was silent.

The sirens grew louder and they could now see the flashing red and white lights in the distance. He was almost here. Bailey shifted her gaze towards George and Cristina one more time; concerned that one of them was going to crack. She opened her mouth to say something, but then closed it, knowing that there was nothing she could say or do to help them prepare for this moment. She clenched her fists and thought about how the sleepy hospital was about to awaken because of one very important patient coming through the doors. One of their own. Just like it had been when Burke got shot except for this time there weren't any other victims. This time it was just Derek. This time the injury hadn't been inflicted at the hospital. No, this time it had happened at a home, where someone had meant to hurt him, where he was the target, which made it all the more frightening.

The ambulance rounded the corner and made its way towards the doors. Bailey, Cristina, George and Alex stepped out of the hospital and waited, all seemingly transfixed on that one car that held one of their own inside of it. The ambulance came to a slow stop and the paramedics popped out. Bailey and Cristina moved quickly towards the ambulance doors to greet the paramedics that had been working on Derek in the back.

"What do you have?" Bailey asked as she grabbed a hold of Derek's gurney to help him out of the ambulance.

"40 year old male, closed head injury. He was unconscious when found at his girlfriend's house, and not breathing," the paramedic near Derek's head said.

Bailey began to move alongside Derek's gurney as they made their way into the hospital. "Has the bleeding stopped?"

The paramedic squeezed Derek's air bag. "It has. We wrapped the wound lightly."

"But he hasn't woken up at all?" Cristina interrupted, her usual loud voice quiet and reserved.

The paramedic shook his head. "Not once, and we've been unable to get him to start breathing on his own again."

Silence fell over the group as they rushed Derek inside of one of the hospital rooms. Once inside, the paramedics fell out of the way, knowing that there was nothing more they could do. Cristina stepped in instantly to intubate Derek, while George and Alex hooked him up to the monitors. His heart rate was weak, but there. Bailey moved towards the head of Derek's gurney to undress his wound, but she knew that the act was futile. She wasn't going to be able to see anything from the outside.

The door opened, interrupting the silence that had fallen over the room. Cristina pealed her eyes away from Bailey and looked towards the door to see the Chief standing in the doorway, a look of disbelief covering his face. Outside, Cristina could see the crowd that had formed. Nurses and doctors peered into the windows, all wanting to know what had happened to Dr. McDreamy. She could almost hear the speculation now.

The Chief moved towards Bailey. "What happened?"

"Izzie found him," George whispered, still in shock. "He was unconscious."

"Where is Stevens?" The Chief asked as he looked around the room.

Alex saw Izzie running down the hallway towards the room and motioned outside. "She's coming right now."

The Chief nodded, and then began to assess the wound with Bailey, neither wanting to say what they knew it was. Cristina watched as they looked back and forth between each other. Something was wrong. She moved towards the windows and closed the blinds, not wanting the noisy nurses and doctors to see inside any longer, and then returned to the side of Derek's bed. She returned her stare to the Chief and Bailey, frustrated with their lack of communication. "What's going on?"

Bailey looked at the Chief. The Chief gave her a small shake of the head before he turned to leave the room. He made his way quickly towards the door, but was stopped when Izzie came thundering into the room. Ignoring the Chief, she moved immediately to the side of Derek's bed, panting heavily. Her hair messy from the run and the knees of her jeans soaked in his blood. The Chief blinked in acknowledgement of Izzie's presence and then hurried out of the room, leaving Bailey alone with her interns.

"How is he?" Izzie asked, still out of breath.

"He needs an MRI," Bailey breathed. "I'm taking him." She paused, knowing that what she said next was going to cause an argument, but then bit the bullet. "Karev, you're coming with me."

Cristina stepped forward immediately. "That's not fair, Dr. Bailey. We should all be able to go."

Bailey shook her head. "No. You three are staying here. Keep yourselves busy, but you're staying here. I'll page you if I need you." She looked at Alex and motioned towards the door. "Lets go."

Cristina stood numbly as she watched Bailey and Alex push Derek's gurney out of the room. She needed to be there, she needed to be helping. She couldn't be the one not in there helping, she had to be busy.

"What happened, Izzie?" George asked, interrupting the silence.

Izzie stood in the corner of the room, unmoving. She stared at the floor, refusing to meet his eyes, unsure of how to tell them what the police officer had told her.

"Iz, what happened?" George tried again, taking a step closer to his best friend.

Goose bumps scattered across her skin at the memory of Derek's still body on Meredith's bedroom floor. She shivered slightly, but still refused to answer him.

George took another step forward and placed a gentle hand on Izzie's shoulder. "Izzie…"

Izzie continued to look downwards. She shook her head, silently wiling him to stop asking. She couldn't do this with Cristina in the room; she couldn't be the one to tell Cristina what had happened.

George moved his hand under Izzie's chin and forced her head upwards. Her body shook as her eyes met his. He kept his hand firmly underneath her chin and asked again, "Iz, what happened?"

Tears splashed down Izzie's cheeks. "She's gone, George." Her voice broke as the sobs racked her body. "She's gone."

George removed his hand and wrapped his arms around Izzie in a comforting hug, not knowing what else to do or say.

Cristina stirred behind them. "Meredith's gone?"

Izzie nodded against George's chest. "He has her." She breathed in a shaky breath before continuing. "He did this to Derek, and then he took her." A few tears snaked their way down her cheeks. "She's gone."

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

The door slammed and the loud thudding of his footsteps echoed in the room, awakening Meredith from her semi-conscious state. She wrestled with the cuffs that were chaffing her skin, but found little satisfaction. Her eyes had adjusted to the darkness of the room and she could see different shapes surrounding her. His profile came into her view causing bile to rise in her throat. She didn't want to talk to him. He had killed Derek. Derek. The one man that had ever made her feel like love could really exist. Derek.

"How are you, Dr. Grey?" The man asked as he approached her.

Meredith shuttered. She hated the sound of his voice. She hated the fact that she could recognize the voice, but not place it.

"Answer me," he said firmly.

Meredith remained silent. It didn't matter what happened to her. Derek was dead. He was alone in her house, lying on the floor, unconscious. Dead. Her Derek was gone. Her heart ached at the mere thought and her breathing quickened. She didn't want to die alone. She bit her lip and tried to hold back the tears that were threatening to fall.

The man took a few steps closer to Meredith, anger seeping from every pore on his skin. "Answer me," he yelled.

Meredith could feel his body heat. She could hear his labored breath. Meredith took a deep, cleansing breath, and tried to ignore the fact that he was talking to her. She didn't want to talk to him. She just wanted to be left alone. The man moved closer to her, so close that she could feel his breath on her skin. His warm, disgusting breath cascaded across her skin. It reeked of alcohol, and it felt like fire as it hovered over her skin with every breath he took.

He lifted his hand and slapped her, hard. "Answer me."

Tears pricked Meredith's eyes, her cheek burning from the skin-to-skin contact. She gazed upwards at him, unafraid of what he would do next, and said, "No."

He struck her again. "Answer me." A few seconds passed and Meredith had still not answered him, so he hit her again. "Answer me."

Tears tumbled out of Meredith's eyes, leaving damp tracks down her cheeks. The wetness stung her tender skin, which only caused more tears to fall. She breathed in, trying to calm herself, but she couldn't. She couldn't get any air.

The man whipped his hand across her cheek again. "Tell me."

Meredith inhaled sharply at the feeling of his hand across her cheek again. She closed her eyes and tried to think of Derek. Derek and his hands, his lips, his body. Derek's eyes piercing hers. She needed Derek.

The man stood up and moved away from Meredith. "Your mother was right. You will never amount to anything." He paused, a grin spreading across his face. "She regretted having you, and now I know why." He hesitated again, and then moved closer again. "She hated you." He laughed. "I think she'd like me more after knowing what I've done." He stopped laughing and looked down at Meredith before he raised his leg and kicked her swiftly in the stomach. He ground his foot into her stomach and then brought it back down to the ground. "Next time I come down, you better talk." He looked at her one last time before he turned and made his way back up the stairs, leaving Meredith all alone again.

**Okay, now…things are getting a little bit heavier in this story… and there is still a lot more to come… so I hope you're still enjoying the ride. I dropped a few more hints about who the crazy guy is… and we have Derek. Poor Derek. He is not doing so well… and I can't really say if he is going to be doing any better soon or not. **

**I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. I really am trying to update more frequently, along with working on a new fic… that I'm trying to get a head start on so the updates will be more frequent… that fic should be coming out soon. But this one and **_**The Great Escape**_** are my top priorities right now… and there is a lot more to come in both of them. Especially, this one. **

**Anyway. Really hope you enjoyed this chapter. As always… like it? Love it? Hate it? Curious? Have a guess? **

**BE KIND. **_**REVIEW. **_


	11. Chapter 10: Keep Breathing

_**You Might Die Trying**_

**A.N: THANK YOU**, to all of you who reviewed the last chapter. They really helped me through this chapter. I've been trying to write it for a week or so now, and just kept having problems. Finally, I've been able to finish it… and your reviews definitely gave me the motivation to keep going.

Also, **big thanks** to all of you who always review.

And, don't forget to check out my other stories: **Crawling Back to You, The Great Escape, All My Defenses, **and **Trapeze.**

**Disclaimer: **If I owned _Grey's Anatomy_ Meredith and Derek would be together and fine… clearly, I don't.

**REVIEW.  
**

* * *

**Chapter 10: Keep Breathing**

"_The storm is coming but I don't mind._

_People are dying, I close my blinds._

_All that I know is I'm breathing now."_

- Ingrid Michaelson

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Izzie stared at her friends, still unable to tell them what had happened. The words were caught in her throat, trapped like a caged animal, and she had no desire to let them out. She could feel their eyes on her, wanting her to explain, to tell them what had happened to Meredith, but she couldn't. She didn't know what had happened; she didn't know where Meredith was. Nothing. She knew absolutely nothing.

"Izzie," George breathed, his eyes not leaving her. "What happened?"

Izzie's body fell against the wall behind her and she let her back slide down it slowly until she was sitting on the cool hospital floor. The shock at what had just happened settling in. "I don't know, George." She shook her head. "I don't know."

"Meredith is gone?" Cristina said in disbelief. "She can't be gone." Cristina's usual hard demeanor was beginning to crack. "How did he get to her? What the hell happened, Izzie?"

"I don't know." Izzie said, her voice faltering.

Cristina began to pace around the room. "Where did she go, Izzie? What the hell happened?"

"Cristina," Izzie yelled, her anger taking control. "I don't know."

Cristina stopped moving. Her heart pounded wildly in her chest. The fear gripped her. Meredith couldn't be gone. She just couldn't. There was no way. None. It was impossible. Meredith wasn't gone. She just wasn't. "She can't be gone." Cristina said aloud, trying to soothe her nerves. "She probably just went out for a drink."

"Cristina," George whispered, afraid to say anything more.

Cristina ignored George and walked towards Izzie. "What the hell happened?"

Izzie looked up at Cristina. "God damnit Cristina, I don't know." She barked.

George stepped in between Cristina and Izzie and glanced at both of them. "This isn't helping."

Izzie and Cristina stared at each other, the tension between them escalating. Izzie watched as Cristina struggled to keep the panic off her face, and she suddenly felt bad for snapping at her. They were all in the same boat. They were all in this together. "I'm sorry," Izzie said softly. "I just – "

"Was there any sign of her, Iz?" George asked.

Izzie shook her head. "No." She inhaled sharply and wiped the left over tears from her eyes. "But there's something else."

George frowned. "What is it?"

Izzie pushed her body up off of the floor, her heart thumping wildly in her chest. She turned and looked at Cristina. "The officer was dead."

"What officer?" Cristina asked instantly.

"The one outside the house." Izzie breathed. "Her protective detail. He's dead."

A look of shock fell upon George's face. "How?"

Izzie closed her eyes, trying to get the image of the crime scene tape surrounding his car out of her mind. "He was killed." She paused and glanced at Cristina. "They wouldn't tell me how." She added on, not wanting to answer any more questions.

"Dead?" Cristina repeated.

Izzie nodded. Dead as in murdered. Killed. Gone. She exhaled a breath she hadn't realized she had been holding, and moved to the other side of the room. She could feel their eyes on her, watching her, wondering the same she was. Where was Meredith? And, was she okay?

Silence crept over them like a spider slowly weaving its web. No one looked at each other. All too afraid to confirm what the other was thinking. Cristina walked her way towards the door unable to stay put any longer. She needed to do something. Anything.

"Cristina, you can't leave," George said as he watched Cristina reach for the door. "Bailey said we had to stay here."

Cristina spun around. "I can't be here. I have to do something. I can't just be here. Not when something could be done." She turned back towards the door, but before she opened the door, it opened for her.

"Where do you think your going, Yang?" The Chief asked as he entered the room.

Cristina stepped out of his way. "Where is Meredith?"

"Yang, calm down." The Chief said to Cristina before turning his attention to Izzie. "Stevens, how are you feeling?"

"I'm fine," Izzie said immediately.

"Where is Meredith?" Cristina repeated, her tone demanding an answer.

The Chief exhaled audibly. He hated that he had to be the one to tell them this. "I just got a phone call from the Chief of Police."

"And?" Cristina breathed.

"The officer on duty was killed." The Chief paused and looked at the three interns' faces in front of him. The situation was already hard on him. It was Meredith, his daughter that was in danger. And now, he had to tell her friends. "The officer was shot point blank in the head." He shook his head in anticipation for Cristina's next question. "They have no leads on where Meredith is or who has her."

Cristina frowned. "So, she's just gone? Are they even doing anything?"

"They're doing everything they can," the Chief sighed. "But, there is very little to go on and Dr. Shepherd is the only one who can help us."

Izzie stood numbly in the corner. If she had only gotten home sooner maybe none of this would have happened. Maybe Meredith would still be here and Derek wouldn't have sustained a serious head injury. If only. "How is Dr. Shepherd?" She mumbled.

The Chief stared at Izzie, the most fragile of the three interns in the room. They had already had one of the toughest intern years of any of the interns who had gone through this program, and now this. Now, they were faced with one of their own dying. They were facing the fact that one of them had disappeared and no one knew what to do. No one knew where she was.

Cristina looked like she was about to fall apart. Her tough exterior had faded and was now being replaced with fear. Fear over losing her best friend. Fear over having nothing she could do to stop it. And George. George looked like his heart had shattered into a million pieces. Broken by the prospect of losing a girl he had loved since the moment he saw her. The Chief knew it would be a miracle if they survived this. He drew a heavy breath.

"Dr. Shepherd is in serious condition," the Chief said sadly. "It's not looking good."

The room stilled at his words and all where too afraid to ask the question they all knew needed to be asked.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Tears fell freely from Meredith's eyes, her spirit broken. An involuntary sob escaped her lips and her breath caught in her throat. She coughed loudly and tried to suck in any air that she could, but little came. Her breathing became heavy and every breath she took was labored. She stared blankly at the dark abyss that surrounded her and tried to think of something else. Anything. Her thoughts drifted to Derek. Derek and his strong arms holding her. Derek jumping in front of her, shielding her from the bullet that had been speeding towards them. Derek's broken body lying lifeless on her bedroom floor. Her body shuttered at the memory and a few more tears spilled from her eyes. She couldn't be here. She had to get out of here. She had to get out.

Her hands wrestled with the cuffs around her wrists as she struggled to break free. But, her actions slowed when she heard him moving around upstairs. His hard footsteps paced the floor above her, each step instilling more fear within her. She couldn't handle him again. Not now. Not after what he had just done to her. She could still hear his voice in her head. Yelling, demanding an answer. She recognized that voice. She had heard it before several times in the operating room. But, she couldn't put a name to it.

Glass shattered above her and his voice reverberated through the floor as he screamed in anger. Meredith cringed and hoped that he would stay upstairs, away from her. But, it only took a few seconds before she heard the door open and close. His steps pounded the stairs as he made his way towards her causing Meredith to withdraw immediately.

He stopped in front of Meredith and crouched down. "We're leaving."

Meredith turned her head away at the smell of the hard liquor that laced his breath. She stared at the person in front of her, hoping to catch a glimpse of his face, but it was still too dark. There was not even the tiniest glint of light to help her.

"Move," he said as he reached behind her and unlocked her handcuffs.

Meredith remained still, refusing to surrender. She knew that if they left this place, it would be even harder for the police to find her. They had to stay here.

He wrapped his callused hand around her upper arm and yanked her up. "Lets go."

Meredith's stomach churned at the sudden movement. She pulled back against his grip, using all of the body weight she could. The man tightened his hold on her arm and yanked hard causing Meredith's shoulder to pop. Meredith bit her lip in agony. He tugged on her arm again and this time Meredith had no choice but to follow.

"We have to go," he said as he pulled Meredith towards the stairs.

Meredith drew an uneasy breath. "Where are we going?"

The man ignored her question and continued to drag her up the stairs. His coarse hand still holding a firm grip on her arm. He slammed the door open and continued to pull Meredith behind him, through the door and into a kitchen. Meredith took a quick look around before her eyes focused on the man in front of her. She watched as he grabbed a kit in front of her and pulled out a syringe.

She yanked her arm hard, not caring about the pain. "No."

The man turned and looked at Meredith. "It's time."

Meredith stared at the man in front of her. He was no longer wearing a mask. Meredith breath caught in her throat. "It's you."

The man smiled at her and inserted the needle into her vein. He watched as the sedative took control of her body and within seconds she was limp in his arms. And as he hoisted her over his shoulder he couldn't help but smile again. "It's me.

* * *

**So, this chapter… is big. Meredith recognizes who has her. She knows. And Derek, well Derek isn't doing so well. The next chapter is going to be another big chapter...where you may or may not find out who this crazy guy is. We'll see. **

**Like it? Love it? Hate it? Know who it is? Or, do you just want to find out now? **

**BE KIND. **_**REVIEW.**_


	12. Chapter 11: Standing

**_You Might Die Trying_**

**AN: **So, **really BIG thanks** to all of you who reviewed chapter 10 of this story. And a **super big thanks **to those of you who always review. I know it's been awhile since the last update… and for that I am sorry. Life gets in the way sometimes, but here's another update. I hope you enjoy this one… I debated it for a good long while because as usual, a story can take any of the many roads you have for it, but I decided to go in this direction, so I hope you enjoy.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own _Grey's_

**REVIEW.**

* * *

**Chapter 11: Standing**

"I'm standing in the shadow of the hill.

Feel the fear everywhere,

Hope it don't get me killed.

I'm standing in the shadow of the hill."

- Patty Griffin

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"You should all go home," the Chief said after a few minutes of silence. "There's nothing for you to do here. Go home. Get some rest and be ready to go tomorrow." He turned and made his way to the door. "I'll page you if anything happens." And then, he was gone, hiding from the reality of the situation.

Izzie fidgeted in the corner. "We can't go home," she said as she glanced at George. "Well, I can't. I can't go back there. Not after that. Not after everything."

George stepped forward and wrapped his hand around Izzie's upper arm, turning her towards him. "We'll find somewhere else to sleep tonight." He turned and looked at Cristina expectantly. "Cristina has room."

"I don't think so." Cristina said, shaking her head.

"Cristina – "

"I said no, George."

George dropped Izzie's arm and moved towards Cristina. "Look, I know this is hard for you. But, it's hard for all of us. And, right now, we need a place to stay." George's eyes pleaded with Cristina's blank stare. "We can't go back there. Not after what's happened."

"We have to find her," Cristina said, ignoring George. "We can't not try. We have to. We have to find her."

George nodded in understanding. This wasn't about staying at the apartment she shared with Burke. This was about Meredith and nothing else. And he knew that the only thing to do was to start looking. To start piecing the parts of the puzzle together and hopefully they would find her. Hopefully. "Where should we start?"

Izzie blinked. "You can't be serious."

"We have to try, Iz," George whispered. His heart pounded wildly in his chest as the fear inside of him mounted. And one question repeated inside of his head. What if we don't find her?

"This is crazy," Izzie said from the corner of the room. "The police are looking for her. If they can't find her, how are we supposed to be able to find her?" She looked expectantly at George and Cristina. "How are we going to figure it out if the police don't even know?"

"There has to be something," George said lightly in attempt to sound optimistic. "Something that they're missing, that we're missing."

Izzie slammed her fist down on the unoccupied exam table. "They're cops. You think we can figure something out that they can't? They have more knowledge, more resources. We don't know anything. We are interns. Surgical interns. We are not cops. We wouldn't even know where to start."

George frowned. "We owe it to Meredith to try, Iz." He shook his head solemnly. "We have to at least try to figure this out."

Izzie looked up at George, her face flushed with anger. "I can't. I won't."

"Why the hell not?" Cristina asked, beating George to the punch.

Izzie turned. She stared at Cristina, transfixed by the emotion she saw in Cristina's eyes. An emotion that matched her own. Desperation. "You didn't see him. You didn't come home and find the love of her life lifeless on the floor." A lone tear tracked its way down her cheek and she swiped at it harshly. "I can't find her lifeless too. I just can't."

"She needs our help," George's eyes cast fleeting glances at Izzie and Cristina. "Dr. Shepherd can't help her now. We've got to help her. We've got to figure this out."

"McDreamy." The air fell out of Cristina's mouth as quickly as she moved towards the door.

"Cristina," George breathed. "Where are you going?"

"There's something I need to do," Cristina said as she grabbed the exam room door and opened it. George and Izzie followed close behind.

"Where are you going?" George asked again, hoping for an answer.

Cristina stopped in her tracks and turned to face her friends. Her eyes glimmered with unshed tears, and her hands shook with anxiety, while her mind continued to reel. This wasn't how it was supposed to happen. She wasn't supposed to have friends. She wasn't supposed to care. "He's the only one who knows."

George frowned. "Who knows what?"

"McDreamy. He's the only one who can help us."

George blinked. "Cristina, Dr. Shepherd isn't – "

"I know that, George." Cristina interrupted. "I'm saying that he's the one we should try to get some clues from because this guy is targeting Meredith because of him. McDreamy is the key to all of this. Something in the pile of crap on his desk might have an answer."

George smiled for the first time in what felt like days. "Let's go."

George and Cristina started to head to the elevator, but stopped when they noticed that Izzie wasn't following them.

"Are you coming?" George asked.

Izzie looked at Cristina and George. She wanted to come. She really did, but there was something else she really needed to be doing. There was something else that would be equally as helpful.

"I've got to do something else." She shook her head. "I'll catch up with you in a few minutes."

George nodded. "Okay."

Izzie gave them a sad smile. "I'll meet you up there."

Cristina turned and continued down the hallway towards the elevator. George hesitated for a moment, watching as Izzie moved in the other direction. The elevator chimed, calling George out of his trance, and he quickly moved to join Cristina in the elevator. The doors closed behind him and they made their way up to Derek's office in silence, each too afraid to say anything.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Meredith groaned as her body awakened from its drug induced slumber. She wiggled her body on the cushion below her, trying to move, but was only met with resistance. Her eyes opened slowly, hurting from the latest trauma, and she was again met with darkness, except for this time it was because of a blindfold. She instantly tugged at her arms only to find that they were still handcuffed together. She pulled at her legs, but again found that they were bound, and that's when she felt it. A tiny bump jostled her body causing her to stop her movement. She listened intently, curious as to where she was, and then she heard the unmistakable sound of an engine. She was in a car. He had succeeded in taking her somewhere else. Some place where the police would find her dead body days later because they searched the first place first. She shuttered at the thought.

In the background she could hear him breathing slow, shallow breaths. In and out. In and out. It was oddly soothing. Until another bump in the road slammed the back of her head into headrest. A shot of pain ran up her neck from the impact. She closed her eyes and tried to remember what had happened. What had caused her to end up in this car to begin with. The memories came flooding back. Her mother's house. The basement. The feeling of his foot in her stomach. And his face. She had seen his face.

"Why are you doing this?" She asked.

The man laughed. "You're awake. Good. I was beginning to worry I had given you too much."

Meredith licked her chapped lips. "I didn't know you worked with my mother."

"Once upon a time."

Meredith paused unsure of what to say next, but she knew she had to keep him talking. She had to find some way to connect with him so he didn't kill her. Because she didn't want to die. She was young and healthy. And she loved Derek. Derek. The only man who probably ever really loved her could be dead now because of her. Dead. Murdered. Gone. Just gone.

"Did you like working with her?"

"Your mother was a bitch," the man said fondly. "But she was a good surgeon. She got in and got the job done. No dicking around. Nothing. Not like now. Not like the surgeons that currently roam the halls of Seattle Grace."

Meredith cringed. She had been hoping to avoid that subject. "Where are we going?"

"Some place quiet."

"Why?"

"They would have found us where we were before and I needed to get out of there. Too many old demons."

"Why are you doing this?" Meredith asked, her curiosity getting the better of her.

The man pressed his foot harder onto the accelerator as the memories came flooding back. "He ruined my career. Ruined it. I have nothing. There is nothing left of me. It's only fair that the same generosity be returned to him."

Meredith felt the hatred radiating off of the man's body, and she knew instantly what she had to do. She needed to find a common ground. So, she pulled for the only thing that she knew was good enough. "He didn't tell me he was married. She just showed up one day."

"Addison."

"Addison. The thing is, she's pretty great," Meredith whispered. "And he – he deserved what she did to him in New York."

"He left you for her."

Meredith nodded. "He broke me. He broke my heart, my soul. Everything. I loved him."

"You still love him," the man said angrily. "You forgave him. I didn't forgive him."

"He was only trying to help you."

"What?" The man asked, surprised.

"He wanted you to get help. He didn't want to hurt your career," Meredith tried to reason with him. "He wanted to help you save your life. Just like he wanted to try to save his marriage."

The car began to slow. "It wasn't any of his business."

"He was thinking of his patients," Meredith reasoned. "He was thinking of your family."

"I lost my family because of him."

The panic inside of Meredith began to grow. This wasn't going the way she had planned. He was becoming more and more agitated. "He was only trying to help." She repeated.

"He cost me everything."

Meredith's heart pounded wildly. "Dr. Taylor – "

The car came to a screeching halt. He turned around and ripped the blindfold off of Meredith's eyes. "How?"

* * *

**So there it is. You know who it is. You know who has Meredith. Some of you guessed right. I purposefully didn't tell anyone if they had or hadn't because I wanted you to keep you guys guessing. But, really – awesome job to those of you who did! I know that some of you, when you did guess Dr. Taylor, didn't understand how he could have known Ellis. Well, I decided that Dr. Taylor was pretty old and it is probable that he could have been there when Ellis was around. So, I took that liberty. I hope that it surprised those of you who didn't know. **

**Anyway, there is still a lot to go in this story. We've got poor Derek, who is kind of dying (sorry!). And, Meredith who is still with Dr. Taylor… and no one knows where she is. So, tune in for more next time. I'm hoping to have the update a lot quicker than last time!**

**Hope you enjoyed! As always… **

**Like it? Love it? And everything else… BE KIND. REVIEW. **


	13. Chapter 12: Displaced

_**You Might Die Trying**_

**AN: **So, this chapter took longer than I thought it would. Plus, there was some real life happenings that halted the forward movement of this chapter. I was hoping to have this chapter up earlier in the week, but then I got sick… and then on Thursday night our puppy got sick with an intestinal blockage and we had to take him to the vet ER for two days. But, he's all better now (thank goodness).

Anyway, **THANK YOU** to all of you who continue to review this story. Your reviews mean a lot to me, and I genuinely appreciate them. They help me with motivation, and they make me want to continue to make this the best story I know how to make it. So **thank you. **And big thanks to all of you who **always review!**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own _Grey's._

_**REVIEW. **_

* * *

**Chapter 12: Displaced**  
"_If I can just hold on tonight_

_I know that no one,_

_No one survives._

_No one survives."_

- Azure Ray

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Izzie stood awkwardly inside of the gallery, staring down. Tubes ran in and out of his body, as he lay lifeless on the surgical table. The room was overwhelmed with nurses and doctors. Dr. Bailey stood next to the neurosurgeon that had Derek's head open on the table. She had never seen the other doctor before, but there he was working on Derek's open skull. Dr. Bailey's hand emerged from Derek's head covered in blood. So much blood. She shuttered at the sight. And images of him lying broken on the bedroom floor flooded her mind. The blood. His broken body. Alone. Not breathing. Everything. It all came flooding back.

She stepped forward and placed her hand on the glass in front of her, watching down as they tried their best to save him. She bit her lip, scared of what the future held for all of them. An anguished sigh escaped her mouth. "Dr. Shepherd," she said softly. "You have to be okay. We need you to be okay. Meredith needs you to be okay." She paused. Memories of when she first found out about Meredith and Derek filled her thoughts. "When I first found out about you and Meredith, I was furious. Furious that she was sleeping with you. Our boss. At first I thought it was for professional gain, but then I watched her. And I knew. I knew that she had fallen in love with you. She still loves you. I think you know that."

Izzie hesitated, unsure of what to say next. Silence fell over her as she watched his heartbeat on the monitor behind Dr. Bailey. It was steady and strong. She saved his life. "I didn't save your life just to have you die on her now," she breathed. "You have to keep fighting. You have to come back and help us figure out where she is because the cops don't have anything. They have no leads. And, Cristina and George have gone crazy. They are searching your office now for something – anything - that will help them find Meredith. So, please. You have to come back. Because we can't do this without you. Because you love Meredith and she loves you. Because she needs you now more than ever."

"What the hell are you doing, Stevens?" Mark's voice thundered from behind.

"How is he?" Izzie whispered.

"The blow to his temporal lobe was extensive," Mark said quietly, taking a step towards Izzie. "They're doing everything they can."

"There was so much blood," Izzie said as she continued to watch them work on Derek.

Mark closed his eyes. He didn't want to picture his best friend, his brother like that. He didn't even want to be in this room. "Stevens."

"I thought he was dead," Izzie swallowed. "But when I flipped him over and felt his heartbeat I knew – I knew what I had to do."

"Stevens, you shouldn't be here," Mark offered in a moment of caring. "Go home. Get some rest."

Izzie blinked and a look of disbelief settled on her face. "Go home? You want me to go home? Back to the place where Derek was almost killed and Meredith was kidnapped? Back there?"

"Well, I wouldn't go back there," Mark smiled. "But one of your intern friends has to have another place."

"He has her."

"Who has who?"

"He has Meredith," Izzie mumbled. She placed her hand on the glass in front of her. "He's the only one who knows where she is."

"Who?" Mark asked, confused.

"Derek."

Mark took a deep breath. This was out of his area. He was a jokester. He got out of tough and emotional situations by making light of things. But with this, with this he couldn't. He didn't know how to joke about this. Not when it was Derek lying on that table. "Stevens, you shouldn't be here."

Izzie tore her gaze away from Derek's frail form and looked at Mark, surprised by the emotion she heard in his voice. "He needs to be okay. He has to."

Mark nodded. "He will be. He survived a motorcycle accident. He can survive this."

"You didn't see the blood," Izzie said numbly. "You didn't have to breathe for him."

Mark placed his hand on Izzie's shoulder. "He'll be fine. He's Derek. He always wins when in a fight."

Izzie glanced down at the OR one last time before moving towards the door. "I have to go. I have to help Cristina and George." She stopped at the doorway and turned to face Mark. "We have to find Meredith before it's too late."

And before Mark could respond she exited the room, leaving him alone in the gallery, a place where he didn't want to be. He stood still with his back to the window and stared down at his feet. "You're the only family I've got. Don't give up on me, man," he muttered before he raised his head with his usual smirk in place and left the room, pretending like nothing was wrong.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Meredith's heart pounded in her chest. She blinked rapidly, allowing her eyes to adjust the soft light from the highway. He had stopped the car. This was not good. Not

good at all. She had to get the car moving again. She had to figure out where she was. She stared back into his angry eyes. He looked possessed. He looked like a man who had lost everything.

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

"How the hell did you know who I was?" Dr. Taylor asked, his voice intense.

"You," Meredith swallowed, hard. And, the fear inside of her grew. "You didn't have your mask on."

"When?" Dr. Taylor growled.

"Before we left," she said softly.

Dr. Taylor continued to stare at Meredith while he silently cursed himself for being so stupid. Another stupid mistake that could cost him everything. He knew he had to think fast. He had to get the odds back in his favor.

"You don't have to do this," Meredith breathed. "You could just let me go. You could pretend like this never happened. I wouldn't tell anyone. I swear. Just, please."

"Shut up," Dr. Taylor frowned. "Shut the fuck up."

He turned back around to face the steering wheel. A few seconds passed before he reached for the door handle and pushed the door open. He exited the car and opened the backseat door, reaching for Meredith.

"No," Meredith gasped as she tried to move her body out of his reach. "What are you doing?"

Dr. Taylor climbed inside of the car. "Shut up."

Meredith brought her linked arms up in front of her, attempting to protect her body. "Please, stop."

He shoved her hands out of his way and used his left hand to hold them down against her legs. With his left, he reached out and let his hand gently drift down her fact, savoring the feel of her soft skin.

Meredith shuttered at the feel of his skin against hers. "Please. Don't."

He leaned in closer, letting his hand linger against her cheek. "No talking."

Meredith closed her eyes, trying to pretend that she was somewhere else. Anywhere else. She felt his hand glide down her face and onto her neck, where it stopped. He moved in closer and she could feel his warm breath against her skin. She tried to pull away, but his hand clamped down on her neck, holding her in place. She squeezed her eyes shut and tried to ignore the fear that was building inside of her like a beaver building it's dam.

"No," Meredith breathed. "Stop."

Dr. Taylor edged closer. He let his lips hover lightly over Meredith's cheek. "I thought you liked older men."

"Not like you," Meredith said as she struggled against his hold on her arms, but she couldn't break free.

He pushed his lips against her skin. Once. Twice. Three times. Each time he moved closer to her mouth. Meredith felt the vomit rising in her throat with every touch he made. He moved his body closer to hers, pressing himself upon her. She squeezed her hands together tightly, trying to ignore the feel of his body against hers. She had to think of a plan. A plan to get out of this car. She had to try something. Dr. Taylor's hand drifted further down Meredith's body, but she willed herself to focus on getting out of the car. And she knew that all it would take was a couple good punches. She wiggled her feet to feel out how tight the binding was around them. It was loose, but not loose enough for her to walk away.

Dr. Taylor let his hand drift across Meredith's chest. "Do you like that?"

Meredith shivered. "Stop, please."

He squeezed her breast and pushed his body against hers, harder. His lips assaulted her mouth. Her arms began to struggle against his grasp again, and she willed herself to break free. After a few seconds had passed, he stopped. He pulled back slightly, but let his other hand remain on top of Meredith's chest. "You are the one thing he can't live without," he smiled. "And now, I have you."

Meredith bucked her entire body, trying to fight off his touch. Dr. Taylor pulled his free hand off of her chest, and reached into his pocket. He pulled out the handgun that had been resting inside and pushed it against Meredith's chest. "Stop fighting me."

Meredith opened her eyes and saw Dr. Taylor's face lingering in front of hers. She felt the cool metal of the gun through her cotton t-shirt, and looked down to confirm what she feared was true. He had a gun. A gun. This complicated things.

"You can't do this," Meredith swallowed.

Dr. Taylor pushed the gun further against Meredith's body. "Shut up."

Meredith squeezed her eyes shut, again, at the pressure of the gun against her chest. A lone tear tracked its way down her cheek as she struggled to keep her emotions in cheek. She couldn't let him get the best of her. She had to fight back.

Dr. Taylor withdrew the gun and placed it on the front seat armrest. He moved in closer, pressing his body forcefully against hers. "Consider yourself warned," he whispered into her ear.

As he ground his body against hers, his grip on her arms loosened, and Meredith knew then that this was her opportunity. She moved her arms upwards quickly, where they immediately made contact with Dr. Taylor's face. His body fell off of hers. Meredith used her adrenaline to keep going. She used her arms to continuously hit Dr. Taylor, pounding him further back towards the other side of the passenger seat. Blood spewed from Dr. Taylor's mouth and nose, as he grunted and attempted to fight back. He reached for Meredith's arms, but missed, his head spinning from the first hit. Satisfied with his disorientation, Meredith lunged for the gun that was still resting on the armrest. Her hands slid around the cool metal and she made sure she had a tight hold before she turned it on Dr. Taylor.

"Give me the keys," Meredith barked.

Dr. Taylor's head swayed as he tried to remain conscious. "Why don't you come find them?"

"Fuck you," Meredith growled and shoved the gun further into his face. "Give me the keys."

"Come get them," he laughed.

The sweat on Meredith's palms made the gun slide in her hands. She squeezed it firmly, trying to pretend like she knew what she was doing. She knew there was no way she was going to get those keys. She had to think of something else. "Get in the driver's seat and drive."

Dr. Taylor blinked. "What?"

"You heard me," Meredith said in a voice that didn't sound like her own. "Get in the driver's seat, start the car, and drive."

Dr. Taylor put his hands up in the air. His plan had backfired. He was no longer in control. He looked at Meredith. She was sweating and clearly uncomfortable holding that gun in her hands. Reaching for the gun was out of the question. There had to be another way. He remained still for a few minutes, continuing to watch Meredith until it came to him. He knew what he had to do.

"Get in the driver's seat, start the car, and drive." Meredith repeated furiously.

"Fine," Dr. Taylor resigned. He opened the car door and pulled open the driver's seat door. He moved his body inside and sat down gingerly in driver's seat. He placed the keys in the ignition and started the car.

Meredith shifted in the backseat and positioned the gun so that it was right next to Dr. Taylor's head. "Drive."

* * *

**Okay so, a few things about this chapter. First thing is first though. Meredith and Dr. Taylor. Yes, this horrible, awful thing almost happened to Meredith. Rape. In no way was this happening in this chapter supposed to make light of rape. It is serious and I take it very seriously. But, when writing this story, and in particular this chapter, Dr. Taylor has convinced himself that hurting Meredith is the ultimate way to hurt Derek, which is somewhat true. And so, Dr. Taylor thinks that this act is the best way to do it. Luckily, Meredith is able to fight back. She gets the gun and takes somewhat control of the situation. Where that goes will be interesting. So stay tuned.**

**The other thing is Mark and Izzie. Izzie has been affected by tremendously by finding Derek like that. And Mark. Mark is upset because his brother is in surgery. And not just any surgery, brain surgery. Izzie is pleading with Derek to live because she knows he is the key to finding Meredith. Mark is pleading with Derek to live because he's the only family he's got. It's an interesting moment, I think. **

**So, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Hopefully, the next update won't take as long. I'm working on one for **_**The Great Escape**_** next. **

**As always… like it? Love it? Hate it? And everything else… BE KIND. REVIEW. **


	14. Chapter 13: Lost

_**You Might Die Trying**_

**AN:**Okay... so... wow it has been a long time. A long, long time. And I really do apologize. I can only really say that Rose has been leaving a bad taste in my mouth, which gave me little motivation for a while, but I found it again. And to reassure you, I will not abandon this story. I really, really want to see this story through to the end... so I hope that you'll stick through it with me.

Anyway,**BIG THANKS** to all of you who reviewed the last chapter. I do appreciate it, and believe me after a long day at work today, I decided to put the finishing touches on this for you guys... for the loyal ones that have stuck with this story and who always review. Because reviews are nice and they make me happy... and they make me want to write... because it means that someone else out there is enjoying this stuff besides me. So, **thanks... big time.**

**Disclaimer:** I don't own _Grey's..._

**REVIEW.**

* * *

**Chapter 13: Lost**

_"I am lost in an ocean._

_Far away from home._

_Carry me across the sea._

_To a place I've known."_

_- Priscilla Ahn_

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

"I hope it's not locked," Cristina said as she and George rounded the corner that led to Derek's office.

George tensed beside her. "If it is, the Chief has a key, right?"

"Maybe," Cristina shrugged. "But hopefully," she said as they approached the door, "we won't have a problem."

She placed her hand on the doorknob and attempted to turn it. When the door opened, she released a breath she hadn't realized she had been holding. George stood rigidly beside her, staring into Derek's office as if it were a jungle he knew he would die in.

"Right," Cristina exhaled as she looked around Derek's office. She pushed the door open wider. "This place is a mess," she added. "It looks like his file cabinet threw up in here."

George blinked. "Where should we start?"

Cristina took a step inside and staring at the numerous files that were scattered about on the floor, on the chairs and on his desk. "This looks like my old apartment," she muttered, "except worse."

"There has to be something in here," George swallowed. "There has to be."

Cristina looked at George, knowing that if they were ever going to find anything, they had to start now. Before Meredith's time ran out. She walked over to his desk and picked up the file on top. "I'm going to start at his desk."

George nodded and moved across the office towards the leather chair in the corner of the room that held even more files. "I'll start here."

Cristina didn't acknowledge him, instead she continued to rifle through the piles of paper that Derek had been stock piling on his desk. Silence fell over them as they scoured through Derek's files, each hoping that they'd find the one thing that would help them find Meredith. Minute after minute passed and their frustration levels quietly grew. Every few minutes, one of them would realize an irritated sigh, but there were no words spoken. It was just a release. And, a recognition that time was slipping away as was Meredith.

Cristina threw another file on floor, joining the rest of the files she had already gone through. "There has to be something in here," she said aloud, interrupting the peace between them.

"Maybe there's nothing here," George whispered. "Maybe – "

"Shut up, George," Cristina said harshly. "There has to be something."

"Maybe we should go to the police," George suggested. "Maybe we should let them wade through all of this crap."

Cristina slammed her fist down onto Derek's desk. "We aren't going to the police. We will find something." Her breathing hitched in her throat. "We have to."

George cast Cristina a look of annoyance. "Cristina, there's too much stuff here. It's just too much. We aren't going to be able to help her this way."

Cristina shook her head and continued shuffling through the files on his desk. Each file was all the same. Notes on a patient, patient diagnosis, MRI results, and so forth. Nothing was about Meredith. Nothing was about what was happening.

"Cristina – " George started.

Cristina dropped another file onto the floor. "We will find something."

George dropped the file in his hand and walked over towards Derek's desk. "Cristina, we need to go tell the police that they should search here. We aren't helping." George reached forward and placed a hand on Cristina's wrist, ceasing her movement. "This isn't helping her."

Cristina dropped her head. "There has to be something here."

"Maybe there is, but I think we should let the police handle this."

Cristina ripped her arm out of George's grasp. "No. I will do this. I can do this. I will find this. I will find her."

George glanced down at the desk, looking at the numerous case notes that were scattered about until one caught his eye. He reached forward and pulled a piece of paper out of the pile that Cristina had been working on.

"What are you doing?" Cristina asked.

George looked at the paper in his hand. It was handwritten. There were names on it. Some circled, some crossed off. Meredith's name was on the top of the page along with a list of everything that had happened. This was it. This was the piece of paper they had been looking for.

He looked up at Cristina and handed the piece of paper to her. "We've got it."

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Dr. Taylor sat still in the driver's seat, all too aware of the gun that was being pressed against his temple by none other than Meredith Grey. Somehow, she had gotten his gun. Somehow, she had managed to get the better of him. Meredith Grey. His jaw clenched. He didn't like losing control. He liked power. He liked having someone's life in his hands, where he was in ultimate control of whether they lived or died. He liked being the puppet master not the puppet. He needed a plan. A plan to turn the tables in his favor, again. The cool metal of the gun nudged his skin harshly.

"I said, 'drive,'" Meredith grunted in a voice that sounded nothing like her own.

Dr. Taylor removed his right hand from the steering wheel and placed it on the gearshift beside him. He moved the shift into drive and then gently placed his foot down on the accelerator. The car increased speed slowly as Dr. Taylor merged them safely back onto the road in silence.

"Turn around," Meredith demanded. "I want you to turn around and go back towards my mother's house. We're going back."

Dr. Taylor moved his right hand back up onto the steering wheel and gently merged the car over into the left lane of traffic. He continued to drive straight until he saw the left turn lane begin to appear on the road.

"Turn here," Meredith ordered. The gun slipped slightly in her hand, brushing the side of Dr. Taylor's neck. She dropped one of her hands and ran it down her jeans, drying off the sweat that had been accumulating in her palm. She gave it another quick swipe across the thigh of her jeans before she brought it back up to join her other hand.

Dr. Taylor slowed the car as they neared the end of the turn lane. The car came to a silent halt as they waited for a break in on-coming traffic. Dr. Taylor squeezed the wheel, releasing some of the tension that was steadily flowing through his body. The headlights of on-coming traffic glared into the car, causing him to partially close his eyes in discomfort.

Meredith remained motionless behind him. He could still feel the cool metal of the gun against his skin; a constant reminder of how careless he had been. He wanted nothing more than to turn around and grab the gun. He wanted nothing more than to regain control, but he knew he would have to wait. He would have to be patient; he would have to keep his emotions in check. He would have to wait until the timing was just right. He had to catch her off guard. Catch her at a moment when she was at her weakest, where she was most likely to be vulnerable; a moment where he could take advantage, where he could finish the job that he had set out to complete. The stampede of on-coming cars ended and Dr. Taylor accelerated the car as he made the turn that would send them back towards Seattle Grace, back to the place that he had been trying to get away from.

The silence was thick between them. Unanswered questions hung heavily in the air between them. Meredith's body was rigid behind him. Her nerves evident from the increasing shaking of the gun she was still holding against the base of his neck. Dr. Taylor stared out at the road in front of him, knowing that his time was running out. He had to come up with something, and fast. He had to get under her skin, distract her, anything so that he could regain control.

He had been dreaming of this moment for the past year, and now he had reached an unexpected result. But it was okay. Everything would be okay. He just had to figure his way out. Minutes passed as the thoughts rolled through his mind. He concentrated on the road in front of him, ignoring Meredith and the feeling of his own gun being pressed up against his neck. Thoughts ran through his head like a rollercoaster cart going round in round on the same ride until one stopped. The edges of his lips turned slightly upwards and a thin, tense smile spread across his face. He had it.

"What are you going to do?" Dr. Taylor asked, his voice taut with barely controlled anger.

Meredith blinked. "What are you talking about?"

"I killed him," Dr. Taylor smiled proudly, turning his head slightly so that Meredith could see. "He's probably still lying on your floor, his dead body cold from the time that's passed since you abandoned him, since you left him to die."

Meredith shivered at the image of his broken body lying alone in her room, of the wound on his head bleeding onto the hard wood floor, the dark red pooling around his head like a rain puddle beginning to form on the sidewalk. Alone.

"You kidnapped me," Meredith said quietly, her guilt over not being able to fight Dr. Taylor and help Derek creeping in. "You drugged me," she added in an attempt to convince herself that this was not her fault; that Derek was not dead on her bedroom floor because she wasn't strong enough to fight back.

"He never loved you," Dr. Taylor continued to push, knowing that his plan would only work if she was fully distracted. "He was using you. He used you to get over his gorgeous wife that had slept with his best friend. You were just another notch in his belt. Doesn't it bother you?"

Meredith's ears burned from Dr. Taylor's words. Those few words that she had always had in the back of her mind. He never loved you. He was using you. They repeated in her head. The thoughts she had never allowed herself to speak suddenly had a voice. He was using you. Her stomach flip-flopped inside of her and a bitter taste crept its way up her throat.

"That isn't true," Meredith said weakly.

"He left you for her," Dr. Taylor pushed, knowing that he was starting to get under her skin. "You begged him to stay and he left you. Broken and alone."

Meredith shook her head, willing herself to block out everything he was saying, to stay strong. She closed her eyes and tried to here his voice. She tried to hear him telling her that he loved her, that he wanted her. But, it wasn't working. He left you. He was using you. She adjusted her grip on the gun, the desire to runaway swelling throughout her entire body. Meredith swallowed, trying to ignore the vomit that was slowly rising up her throat. "He loves me," she whispered, the softness of her voice barely resonating over the voice inside her head.

"He loves me," she repeated as if trying to convince herself that it was in fact true, that he wasn't just using her.

"If he loved you he would have chosen you," Dr. Taylor reasoned. "He would have left his cheating wife for you the first time."

Meredith's breath caught in her throat, the truth behind of his statement taking her off-guard. He told her that he had to see if there was anything left, that he had to try. That he wouldn't be who him if he didn't give it another try. He was using you. She gasped for air, but found little as her tiny throat began to close. One breath after another she tried to take in more air than the last, but found little success. She struggled to maintain her hold on the gun that was still pressed against Dr. Taylor's neck and the feeling of suffocation began to take hold of her. And, each breath was a little bit harder to take.

Dr. Taylor couldn't help but smile. His plan was working. Working exactly how he had wanted it to work. She was folding. Soon he would be able to regain control of the situation. Soon, he would be in charge again.

**Okay. Cristina and George found something. But what else is on the paper? Did Derek figure out who it was? Did he have a few guesses? You'll find out soon! And, Meredith and Dr. Taylor. Power. The struggle of control, of power, of reality. It's all coming to a head. As Dr. Taylor is messing with Meredith's head...and Meredith, she can't quite handle the things he says to her because they are things she's thought. They are things she's wondered about. So, it makes her all freaked out.**

**Well, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I **_**promise**_** I will update this a lot sooner. Hopefully, I will have another one done relatively soon... I'm talking like maybe right after Christmas. **

**So, as always... like it? Love it? Hate it? And everything else... BE KIND. REVIEW. **


	15. Chapter 14: Storm

_**You Might Die Trying**_

**AN: ** So. It took longer than I expected… and for that I am truly sorry. But here is Chapter 14 without further prolonging…

Oh, **super big thanks** to those of you who review and have stuck with this story even through my spotty updates. I think I've finally, I mean seriously, have a normal work schedule now, so hopefully things will become more regular again.

**Disclaimer: **Don't own _Grey's… _ if I did… you can bet Rose wouldn't exist.

* * *

**Chapter 14: Storm**  
_"How long have I been in this storm,  
So overwhelmed by the ocean's shapeless form.  
Water's getting harder to tread.  
With these waves crashing over my head.  
If I could just see you,  
Everything would be alright.  
If I'd see you,  
This darkness would turn to light."  
- Lifehouse  
_  
**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Mark stood in the corner of his room; afraid to get any closer to the man he had called his best friend for years. Painful memories of Derek's motorcycle crash flooded his brain. Derek had nearly died then, and now; now, he might really be dying. Bile rose from the depths of his stomach and entered the back of his mouth. He swallowed several times, attempting to rid himself of the taste, but it wouldn't budge. It lingered in the back of his throat, a remembrance of the possibility that he might lose his the only person who cared enough to be mad at him; the only person he truly considered to be his family. His breath hitched in his throat and he brought his hand to his eyes, angrily swiping at the pools of tears that had formed there. His stare remained on Derek's broken body on the bed in front of him. His hair was gone, his head was wrapped with gauze, and a tube was running out of his mouth, breathing for him. His fragility terrified him. He blinked harshly, squeezing his eyes shut briefly to keep the tears at bay before he opened them again and his stare refocused on the man before him.

"Mark?" Addison said softly.

Mark swallowed, the bile still hovering in his mouth. "Yeah?"

"What happened to him?"

His breath escaped him. "No one told you?"

"We're divorced, Mark. I'm not really in the 'need to know' category anymore," Addison shrugged.

"What about the gossip?"

Addison took a step forward, moving her body out of the door frame and into Derek's room. "I just got here." Her eyes glanced over Derek's body. "What happened to him, Mark?"

Mark pivoted his body towards Addison's tall and slender frame, his usual cocky smile nowhere to be found. "He was at Meredith's." Mark hesitated, his gaze once again fixating on Derek's resting form. "He was being Derek. He was trying to protect Meredith from that psycho." His eyes dropped from Derek's tattered body and searched out Addison, needing her comfort. "Stevens found him on Meredith's bedroom floor. He wasn't breathing and there was a pool of blood from trauma to his temporal lobe."

"And Meredith?" Addison fidgeted.

Mark shook his head. "She's gone."

"Do they have any idea - "

"No," Mark interrupted before she could finish her sentence. "Derek is - " he stopped, his breath hitching in his throat. He closed his eyes and tried to regain his composure. He didn't want to do this. Not now. Not in front of Addison or anyone else. He cleared his throat and reopened his eyes, his stare once again fixating on Addison. "Derek is the only one who knows."

Addison studied Mark. She hadn't seen him like this in years. Not even when Derek caught them, had she seen him this distressed. And, it was nerve-racking to see Mark, a man who showed his emotions very little, on edge. Addison took a few steps towards him, her stiletto heels clicking on the hospital floor. She placed a calming hand inside of Mark's, seeking to comfort him as well as herself.

"He's going to be fine," she said, her tone flat and somber. She squeezed his hand. "He'll be fine," she repeated.

"He crashed in the OR," Mark swallowed. "He almost let go."

"He won't let go."

Mark released Addison's hand and roughly swiped at the weakness that had fallen down his cheeks. "He's all I have. He's the closest thing to a family I've ever had and I ruined it."

Addison's body went rigid. She didn't want to talk about this. Not anymore. Not when it was all in the past. Not when Derek had moved on; when she had moved on. She didn't want to talk about this anymore. She wanted to let it rest.

"Mark," she sighed. "Don't."

Mark bowed his head. "He's never forgiven me."

"He did forgive you, Mark," Addison breathed. "He just forgave you when you weren't looking."

Silence fell over them as Mark contemplated Addison's words. Had Derek already forgiven him? The echoing beep of Derek's heart on the monitor pounded in his ears as he thought of all the things that Derek had already forgiven him for. And now, this one. He had forgiven him for sleeping with his wife. But why? He needed to know. He needed Derek to wake up so he could ask him. So, he could learn how not to screw things up. He needed to learn how to be a better man.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Izzie stepped off of the elevator and onto the fifth floor. The hallway was abandoned. The usual groups of attendings wandering the corridor were off in surgery or at home, not worrying about the never-ending piles of paperwork that were waiting for them in their offices. Izzie numbly wondered her way towards Derek's office, her mind clouded with images of earlier that evening and the many what ifs of what could come until familiar voices interrupted her thoughts. Their bickering resonated down the hallway, and Izzie found her pace slowing as she neared Derek's door. She didn't want to fight anymore. Not today.

"What's going on?" Izzie asked as she entered Derek's office.

George and Cristina jumped at the sound of Izzie's voice. "We found something," George said excitedly.

Izzie shifted her gaze to Cristina. "Will it help?"

Cristina grabbed the paper out of George's hands and walked towards Izzie to show her the piece of paper. "Here," she said, handing Izzie the paper. "You see, he has everything that's happened and some names. Some are crossed off, but there are three names that it looks like he was undecided on."

"Why didn't he give this to the cops?" Izzie asked, her voice strangled with held back emotions.

"He probably wanted to rule everyone out before he specifically targeted someone," George reasoned. "He probably wanted to make sure that he wouldn't ruin anyone's life or career by saying that they were doing this stuff."

Izzie nodded. It made sense. It was a very Derek thing to do. But still, three names. He had three names left. He could have given those to the cops. "It just doesn't make any sense. Why wouldn't he have given those three names to the cops?"

Cristina shrugged. "Maybe he knew who it was and was going to tell Meredith."

George blinked. "Before the police?"

Before anyone could say anything more, Cristina ripped the paper out of Izzie's hands and read it again. "This conversation isn't helping us find Meredith. We have to figure out who it is."

George reached for the list. "We should tell the police."

"No," Cristina said, moving the list out of George's reach. "We don't need their help. We can find Meredith."

"Cristina," Izzie breathed. "They can help. This is what they do for a living. They solve crimes." She reached forward and grabbed the piece of paper. "We are giving the names to the cops."

"Fine," Cristina said shortly. "But that doesn't mean that we stop trying." She looked at George and Izzie, her eyes ablaze with fire. "We have to find her."

George shared a look with Izzie. They both knew that this was the calmest Cristina was going to be. Hell, they both knew that they were lucky she wasn't more agitated right now. Izzie moved first and placed her hand gently on Cristina's shoulder. "We will get through this. She will get through this." She paused momentarily, staring at Cristina's taut face. "We will find her."

Cristina pushed her chin out stubbornly, but didn't say a word. She shook of Izzie's hand and turned away from them, not wanting to them to see her moment of weakness, embarrassed by her inability to keep herself under control. She was a surgeon, a professional, she should always be in control. She should always remain calm. When the pressure was on and a patient was dying, she could remain calm, so why can't she remain calm now? Why can't she hold herself together? She was Cristina Yang, the surgeon. Not Cristina Yang, the crier.

"What are you fools doing in here?" Dr. Bailey asked, interrupting the uncomfortable silence between them.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Meredith's hands were shaking. She didn't like feeling this way. And, she didn't like holding this gun in her hands. She hated the feel of the cool metal against her palm, and the idea that at any second she could take a life. She was a surgeon. She was supposed to save lives, not take them. Sweat beaded on her forehead and slid down the side of her face. Her palms sweat against the barrel of the gun. Not to mention the waves of nausea that continued to hit her, each time making it harder and harder for her to breathe.

She let one of her hands drop and swiped it across her jeans, hoping to eliminate some of the moisture that just didn't seem to be going away. Nerves gripped her entire body. She had to get out of this car. She had to get back. She had to find Derek.

"How does it feel to love someone and not be loved in return?" Dr. Taylor asked, his hands clutching the steering wheel tightly.

Meredith swallowed back the bile that had been steadily rising up her throat. Her whole body was shaking now, twitching with fear and anxiety. She told herself not to listen to him; that Derek loved her. He loved her and he ultimately gave up his wife for her. He loved her. Her eyes drifted shut and she momentarily forgot where she was and who she was with. She didn't want to think about it anymore. She wanted to shut down. Quit. End game. The end. Over. She didn't want to play these games anymore. She didn't want to be in this car. And she didn't want to be holding this gun.

"How does it feel to never be loved?" Dr. Taylor smiled. The tension was radiating off of her body. He could feel her body heat. The nerves. All of it. He was almost there.

"Stop," Meredith said weakly.

"It hurts because you know I'm right, Meredith," Dr. Taylor pushed.

Meredith shifted causing the gun to accidentally slip and hit the back of Dr. Taylor's shoulder. She quickly recovered it and pressed it back against the back of his head. "Shut up," Meredith spoke in the harshest tone she could muster.

Dr. Taylor turned his head slightly and took a quick glance at Meredith. She was unraveling before his very eyes. "You wouldn't be getting defensive if you didn't know I'm right."

Meredith stomach churned and she felt the increasing need to vomit. She squeezed the barrel of the gun tightly, refusing to surrender. Failure was not an option. "Stop it." She gritted her teeth. "Now."

"You know I'm right, Meredith," Dr. Taylor repeated. "Just let go."

"No." Meredith shook her head as if she were trying to shake the tiny seeds of doubt that Dr. Taylor had been pushing into her mind. "You're wrong." She raised her voice in attempt to believe herself and to not believe him. "You're wrong."

Dr. Taylor slowly began to push the accelerator down harder, little by little increasing his speed. Rain began to splatter across the windshield. He moved his hand off of the steering wheel and flicked the control for the windshield wipers downwards, turning them on to the lowest speed. The movement of his hand off of the steering wheel didn't register with Meredith, and it was then that he knew it was time. He placed his hand back onto the steering wheel, grasping it tightly in the palm of his hands. He was so close.

"Don't you ever wonder why anyone would love you?" He pushed one last time. "Your mother didn't want you. Your father didn't want you. Why would anyone else?"

Meredith's breath caught in her throat. She felt like the walls were closing in around her, like she was going to suffocate in this car. Her breaths were short and gave her little air. Her hands twitched against the barrel of the gun as if they were begging her to let it go. But she maintained her weak hold on the gun as she continued to gasp for air.

Dr. Taylor listened to Meredith behind him, pathetically struggling for air. She was so fragile, so breakable, it almost made him want to laugh. She didn't stand a chance against him. She was too weak.

He pressed the accelerator down harshly, sending the car jetting forward. He heard Meredith scream and her body slam against the back of the backseat. The gun thumped onto the floor, out of his reach. He looked up at the rearview mirror and watched as Meredith continued to struggle to get her body back under control. Outside the rain continued to fall. Dr. Taylor knew that he was traveling at a dangerously fast speed in this weather, with this car, but he didn't have a choice. Even if he got hurt, he had to regain control. He wasn't going to go to jail. Not for Meredith Grey or Derek Shepherd. They weren't worth it.

In the back, Meredith had finally regained some control over her body. She had finally managed to get a full breath of air and was now working on pushing herself up off of the back of the seat. Her eyes wandered, looking for the gun that had slipped from her hands when he had accelerated so quickly, but she couldn't find it. It was too dark.

She groaned, nauseous from the hard blow her body had received when she smashed into the backseat. "What the hell are you doing?"

Dr. Taylor turned and gave Meredith a smile that sent shivers down her spine. He pushed his foot down harder on the accelerator, letting the car reach 95 mph, before he moved his foot and slammed it onto the break. Dr. Taylor braced himself while another scream from Meredith penetrated the silence between them. The car came to a screeching halt, the anti-lock breaks kicking in. Meredith's body, unrestrained by a seatbelt went flying forward, smacking into dashboard. She cried out in pain, her body feeling like it had just been broken into a million pieces. He smiled down at Meredith. He had succeeded. He was back in control.

**Ok. Lots of stuff happening in this chapter. Mark and Addison by Derek's bedside… Mark dealing with some issues he has. Izzie, George and Cristina trying to decide what to do. And of course, Meredith dealing with Dr. Taylor. Things are far from over. And we still have Derek. **

**I hope you enjoyed reading this chapter. Please don't forget to review… and look for an update for **_**The Great Escape**_** next. **

**As always… like it? Love it? Hate it? And everything… BE KIND. REVIEW.**


	16. Chapter 15: So Damn Lucky

_**You Might Die Trying**_

**AN: **Okay. I promised in my most recent updates of _The Great Escape _and _All My Defenses_, that I'd have this up by the end of the month… and here it is! It's even a few days early.

**Amazing, super, big THANKS **to those of you who constantly review… providing me with the much needed motivation to continue on and get these chapters done. You have no idea how much those reviews actually help me when I'm struggling to get a chapter done. So, **THANK YOU.**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own these characters… I'm just borrowing them… for play time. Like Barbies.

**REVIEW. **

* * *

**Chapter 15: So Damn Lucky**  
_"What will soon become of me?_

_This frozen heart,_

_And screaming wheels._

_Does that screaming come from me?_

_I'm dizzy from all this spinning."_

- Dave Matthews

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Throbbing. Her body was throbbing. And not just a gentle throb, this was a big throb. It was like someone had taken her body and chucked it down the stairs, and then, for shits and giggles, they had thrown something down on top of her. Like a piano. They had thrown a piano on top of her. And it hurt. She hurt. Her toenails hurt. Every piece of her body was radiating with pain. With fiery, inextinguishable pain.

She had been in a car crash before. Once. It was a fender-bender and it was her fault. But this, this wasn't a crash. He had done this, intentionally. He had spiked the brakes, which had caused her body to come flying forward. How she had made it into the front seat was unclear to her. But here she was, lying painfully in the front seat.

She hadn't moved since her back had slammed into the dashboard. She was afraid to, for fear of causing herself further injury. Not to mention the fact that she had no idea what her injuries were because all she could feel was a crawling burning sensation throughout her entire body. The back of her head had definitely slammed into the air conditioning vents on the dashboard, which she knew could be bad. She could be hemorrhaging and not even know it. She could be paralyzed. The list ran through her head. She wasn't stupid enough to think that nothing was wrong. Her body wouldn't be pulsating with pain if something wasn't wrong. Something had to be wrong. This wasn't normal. At all. Her body wouldn't be this way if something wasn't wrong.

Her eyes were still closed. She had been too scared to open them ever since her body had left the backseat and entered the front seat with a screaming force. This was bad. Everything about what had just happened was bad. Because she had no idea where Dr. Taylor was. She had no idea where the gun was. And she was lying across the front of the car, too afraid to move. Frozen. Terrified that any movement at all would kill her. Or at least help her get there. And she didn't want to die.

Her mother's voice was telling her to grow up. To face life, to stop hiding from things and do whatever it takes to accomplish something. No matter what. She knew what she had to do. She had to do this if she wanted to survive. And the first step to achieving it was to finally open her eyes.

She counted to herself silently. One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Bam! She was supposed to open her eyes, but didn't. She managed a deep breath and tired again. One. Two. Three. But before she reached four, she harshly opened her eyes. Her eyes wandered instantly, taking in the situation that she had gotten herself into by not wearing her seatbelt. She was facing the backseat of the car and her head was resting on something hard and round. The gearshift. It had to be because she had a direct view to the backseat. Her legs were resting in the passenger seat. Nothing seemed to be broken or bleeding. She sighed. So far, so good. Now it was time to try to move something, anything. She decided on the part of her body that hurt the least, her feet. She stared down at them, afraid of what it would mean if she couldn't move them, but she knew she didn't have any other options. She had to do this.

She counted to five again and then gradually tried to extend her foot like she was stretching out her ankle. It moved slowly, but it moved. She could feel it move. And it didn't hurt, too badly. Which was good. She exhaled, releasing a breath that she hadn't realized she had been holding. She could move her foot. She wasn't paralyzed. Things could be okay. She could still figure this out and get out of this. She still had a chance.

Seconds passed and she continued to lay still, her temple pounding from the pressure the gearshift was applying. The car was still not moving and she had yet to hear Dr. Taylor make a sound, which was good. She had time. Time to get out of this mess. She had to try to get up. She swallowed past the lump in her throat and gently tried to move her arms, groaning as they moved gradually towards the armrest in front of her. She told herself that this would be worth it. All this pain, this undeniable, radiating pain, would be worth it when she got out of this car. Away from Dr. Taylor and back at Seattle Grace with her friends. And Derek.

Her heart skipped a beat. In the process of trying to save herself, she had forgotten all about him. About how he had been left behind, his body broken from his attempt to save her. She could only hope that someone had found him. That one of her roommates had come home early and found him. Saved him. Helped him. She had to have hope. There was nothing she could do to save him now.

Beside her, Dr. Taylor groaned. It was the first sound she had heard from him since he had brought the car to a screeching halt. And she knew it was time. She had to move now or else the moment would be gone, and she could be caught in his horrid web again.

Quickly, she pressed her arms down and began to push her body upwards, disregarding the aches that pulsated through her body. She ignored the fact that she could be doing more harm to herself by moving than staying still. This was about survival. This was about getting out of this damn car and finding a way back home.

As her body moved upwards, she bit her lip to keep from screaming and carefully swiveled her body around so that her legs were resting on the floor of the passenger seat. She lifted her head gingerly, afraid to causing any harm to her neck. It was stiff, and she was sore. Every movement she made caused more pain to seethe inside of her body, but she was almost there. She tentatively lifted her head, needing to see more than the gearshift that had probably left an imprint in her temple, and was instantly confronted by the steady stare of Dr. Taylor.

"Don't," he said sternly, his hand reaching out and grabbing her arm. His fingernails dug into her skin through her thin, long-sleeve t-shirt.

Meredith stared back at him, noticed the gash on his forward. Blood was spilling from the wound, but he didn't seem to notice. "You're bleeding."

Dr. Taylor reached up and swiped his forehead, the red covering the back of his hand. "Fuck."

"If you let me – "

"No."

Meredith blinked. "I can help you."

"What?" Dr. Taylor laughed.

"I'm a doctor."

"So am I."

Meredith frowned. "I know, but…"

"I can handle it."

"If you just let me help,"

Dr. Taylor brought his hand across his forehead again. "It's a gash."

"It could be more."

"It's not," Dr. Taylor shook his head.

"Do you feel nauseous?"

"What?"

"Do you feel nauseous?" Meredith repeated.

"No."

"Were you unconscious at any time?"

"Maybe," Dr. Taylor hesitated. "For a minute."

Meredith took a deep breath. She knew the symptoms of brain injuries. She knew what to be looking for, and unfortunately, she was aware of her own symptoms. The dizziness, the neck pain, the ringing in the ears. All of it. She had it. Which was beyond bad. She had to get out of this car. "If you let me help you…"

"No."

"You could have a brain contusion," Meredith pushed.

"I don't care."

"You could die," Meredith tried again. She gently waved her hands around. "And then this, all of this, wouldn't even matter anymore."

"I'm not going to let you go."

"Please," Meredith begged. "Please if I help you, just let me go. I'm hurt. I need help. Help from a doctor."

"That was the point."

"You need my help," Meredith said simply. "You can't keep driving. If you're dizzy, if you were unconscious. It's just not good. And Dangerous. But the point is, you need my help. Or else, we're stuck here. On this highway. We're stuck. Just… just let me help you, and then you can – "

"I'm not letting you go," Dr. Taylor interrupted.

"Why? Why are you doing this?"

Dr. Taylor shook his head, but instantly regretted it as the dizziness from his head wound began to quick in. "You can't understand."

"You could help me understand."

"He ruined my career," Dr. Taylor said bitterly. "My life."

A wave of nausea overcame Meredith, but she knew she had to keep talking. She had to keep him talking because she had to hope that maybe she could convince him to let her go. Maybe she could walk out of this alive.

"But that doesn't mean you shut down," Meredith exhaled, trying to calm her twisting stomach. "It doesn't mean that your life is over. That he ruined it. Maybe he was just trying to help you. To get you to realize that you needed help."

"I can't get a job at any hospital right now. I can't get a job."

"Were you really trying? Were you trying to get better?"

"I tried."

Meredith closed her eyes. Her nausea was getting worse, but she knew that she didn't have too much time to work with. She had to make him understand. "He wasn't trying to hurt you, or to cause you any more pain than you had already suffered."

"He destroyed my life."

"He was trying to help."

Dr. Taylor angrily swept the back of his hand across his forehead again, swiping at the raw wound. "I didn't want his help."

"Do you want my help?"

Dr. Taylor blinked. "What?"

"I can help you, Dr. Taylor. We can go back together. I can help you."

Dr. Taylor swallowed back the warm salvia that was starting to develop in his throat. The car felt like it was spinning round and round, like a dog chasing its tail, but he knew it wasn't moving. He knew that this was him. This was his injury causing this. He knew he needed help. "Why do you want to help me?"

"Because I understand what it feels like to be betrayed," Meredith explained. "I understand what it feels like to have your life shattered into a billion pieces. I get it."

"I tried to kill you."

"You need help."

Dr. Taylor laughed bitterly. "You shouldn't want to help me."

"I took an oath," Meredith shrugged.

"So did I."

The car hummed in its idle position on the highway, and Meredith suddenly found herself hoping that a car would pass them by, stop and offer to help. And she couldn't help but wonder what had caused him to get to this point. Was it something Derek did after he kicked him out of his OR? Or did he just have a chemical imbalance. She stared blankly at him, taking in his features. He didn't seem like the type to go crazy. To send someone a human heart. He just didn't seem like the type that would do this. But, she knew that never meant anything. Because no one ever seems like the type.

"Just let me help you," she sighed, trying to steady her hurting body. "Let me take you back And then you can help me. You can let me go."

"You're the only bargaining chip I've got," Dr. Taylor said, his eyes casting a fleeting glance to the gun that was lying just behind the passenger seat.

"Please."

"No," Dr. Taylor shook his head, causing his dizziness to get worse. "I won't spend the rest of my life rotting in some jail ceil."

"We both need doctors," Meredith tried.

"This wasn't supposed to happen this way. This wasn't the way it was supposed to end."

A sharp twinge of pain jolted through her body and lingered in the back of her head causing her to groan loudly. Another spell of nausea hit her already fragile body, and she felt herself instantly weaken. She didn't have time to play anymore games. She had to get out of this fucking car.

"I don't want to die, Dr. Taylor. Please. I'm not ready. I just, I can't die. Not when he could still be alive. I can't. Please. I'm begging you. Let me go."

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

He had heard about moments like these from his patients before. Moments of absolute clarity. Where everything was laid out right in front of you, and you had a choice to make. A life or death decision. He had heard about the light, the dead family members that come to great you, all of that. But he never believed it. Which was weird because he wasn't a skeptic. He believed in aliens. He believed that there could be miracles. He believed in God. But this, the moment when you have to choose between life and death, he never believed in. Maybe it was the doctor within him coming out to play. He wasn't sure. But now, at the crossroads, stuck in a boat in the middle of the river, each side waiting to pull him in that direction, he could do nothing more than believe.

Across the river, his father was starting at him, smiling. Like he had a secret he couldn't wait to tell him. It pulled him. He wanted to see his father. To talk to the man he had only known briefly in his life. He wanted that one last moment with him where everything seemed to make sense. The moment of clarity. Of absolute peace.

The tiny boat he sat in moved closer to his father, causing him to abruptly look towards the other side. On the other side of the river was himself. In a hospital bed with tubes and wires, and IVs. His head was bald, shaved down to the pale skin that had never before been exposed to sunlight. He looked dead already.

The boat continued to teeter in the river, slowly inching its way over towards his father. He didn't want to die, he wasn't ready. There was still too much going on, too much he needed to accomplish, to finish in his life. And Meredith. His Meredith. She needed him. She was counting on him to make it out of this alive. To find her. To save her. She needed him. The boat swayed again, this time heading back towards his lifeless body except now he wasn't alone. Mark and Addison stood at his bedside, watching him, praying for him. And he could hear her. He could hear Meredith's voice. Begging with God, making deals with him. She was playing the game. Doing anything she could to save him, when she should be saving herself.

_I know this is silly. I know it is, but I need him. I need him to be okay because if I get out of this. If I can get out of this fucking car, I'm going to need him. And I need him to be okay because I love him. And, that's a pretty big deal for me you know. I love him. I don't think I've ever loved anyone... but I love him. So please, just, let him be okay. _

Her voice resounded over the river that he was caught in, like a boom of thunder carrying on. The emotion in her voice was raw and she sounded tired, drained. At the end of the line. She needed him. She needed him to find her. To get her home; to make her feel safe. When she could have asked for anyone, she asked for him. And suddenly, there wasn't a choice anymore. Suddenly the boat was gone, and he was standing on the shore.

And, he knew what he had to do.

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**So, first and foremost, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I enjoyed writing it. Especially Derek's part at the end because I do think that's an interesting concept. It wasn't meant to be something like what Meredith went through in **_**Some Kind of Miracle**_**… it was meant to be more of that decision. The path in the road, which I think all of us come to at some point in our life. **

**Anyway, Meredith is dealing with God, and begging for her life from Dr. Taylor. Will she get through to him, or will she be stuck in that car longer… only time can tell. Ha, sorry, that was cheesy. **

**So, hope you enjoyed the chapter. As always… love it? Like it? Hate it? And everything else… BE KIND. REVIEW. **


	17. Chapter 16: When It Don't Come Easy

_**You Might Die Trying**_

**AN: **So, once again I have to apologize for how late this is in getting up. We had another family death that took me out of town for a while. But here it is. Finally.

Also, **thank you** all for the kind reviews… I'm glad everyone is still enjoying this story.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own these characters… if I did… McDreamy wouldn't have disappeared at the end of season 3.

**REVIEW.**

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**Chapter 16: When It Don't Come Easy**

"_Time keeps moving from a crawl to a run._

_I wonder if we're gonna ever get home._

_You're out there walking down a highway._

_And all of the signs got blown away._

_Sometimes you wonder if you're walking in the wrong direction."_

-Patty Griffin

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Mark shifted uneasily in the chair next to Derek's bed. It had been hours since the surgery. Hours since he had been wheeled into this room to recover, and still nothing. And he had been sitting in this chair, waiting for something. For some kind of movement; for some kind of sign that Derek would be okay. Something other than his heart moving on the monitor.

Nurses traveled freely in and out of the room, each time casting him a sympathetic glance. Usually, he would respond. He would have some witty response, but not now. Not today. Today, he didn't want their sympathy. He didn't want their stares, their looks of empathy. He just wanted his brother back. He needed him back.

It was then that the silence of the room was interrupted by Derek straining against the breathing tube that was still feeding into his mouth. Coughing against the plastic that pressed against his throat. Mark moved instantly. He quickly snapped on a pair of gloves and moved to stand behind Derek's bed, before he reached down and steadily pulled the breathing tube out of Derek's mouth. Derek gagged as it inched its way out, feeling the burn of the tube as it scrapped against his throat. It wasn't until the tube was out that Derek took his first full breath of air.

"You alright, man?" Mark asked, patting him gently on the shoulder.

"Lights," Derek coughed.

"What?"

Derek squinted, his eyes trying to adjust to the brightness of the lights in the room. "Burns."

"What burns?"

"My eyes," Derek swallowed, the saliva warming his dry throat.

"Oh," Mark exclaimed, immediately moving over towards the light switch to dim them. "Better?"

"Yeah," Derek breathed, opening his eyes a little wider. "What happened?"

"You don't remember?"

Derek tried to shake his head, but stopped with the movement sent piercing pain through his neck. He slowly reached his hand up to his head, making sure not to tangle his hand in any cords. When his hand touched skin instead of hair, his heart dropped. His hair was gone. He looked sharply at Mark. "What the hell happened?"

"Derek," Mark paused. He didn't want to be the one to tell him this. To tell him that Meredith was gone. Disappeared. With some crazy asshole that had decided that the only way to get what he wanted was through this. Whatever this was.

"Just tell me."

"The fucker came to Meredith's."

Derek closed his eyes, trying to remember, but all he could see was Meredith, standing in front of him, her tiny body shaking from fear as she spoke. "We had been talking," Derek whispered as the memories came flooding back. "Where is she, Mark?"

"Derek – "

"Don't," Derek breathed. "Don't say it."

Mark stared at Derek, hesitating for a moment; afraid of saying the one thing that he knew could break his friend. "They don't know, Derek."

Derek moved instantly, ignoring the pain that radiated throughout his entire body. His legs were stiff, but he pushed forward, determined to get out of this bed. "I have to find her."

"Stop," Mark said, reaching forward to push Derek back down.

"Get off me," Derek growled, struggling against Mark's hands. "She needs me."

Mark grabbed hold of Derek's arms and pushed his body down, restraining him from any further movement. "Shep, don't make me sedate you."

"Fuck you."

"You just had brain surgery, Shep. You can't save her," Mark said simply. "And she's going to need you when she gets back here."

Derek stopped moving, his body already exhausted from the exertion. "You have to help me get out of here."

"You're no good to her dead, man."

"He's going to kill her."

Mark stiffened. "She'll fight. She won't let him."

"Damnit, Mark," Derek said as loudly as he could. "I have to get out of here."

"The police will find her."

"They can't," Derek swallowed, his throat still dry and hoarse from the breathing tube. "They don't know who they're looking for."

"Do you?"

Derek shook his head. "There's a list. I made a list. It's in my office. I didn't get the chance to give it to the police."

"Let me guess, you want me to go get it?"

"Please."

Mark watched Derek skeptically. "And if I leave you here, alone, you aren't going to bail out on me are you?"

"No," Derek lied.

"You know the risks. You know what could happen."

"Just get me the damn list."

"Where is it?" Mark sighed.

"It's on my desk," Derek moaned as he flexed his legs, testing the waters.

"You can't be serious."

"What?"

"Your desk is a mess."

"I almost died," Derek frowned. "The least you could do is get me that piece of paper."

"Great," Mark groaned. "You're going to be just fine. I can tell."

"Congratulations."

"God, you're bitchy."

"I have to find her, Mark," Derek snapped. "He won't stop until she's dead."

"She's strong, Shep."

Derek's heart clenched. She was strong. So strong. But strong enough to stop a lunatic? He wasn't sure. But, this was his fault. All of it. He had gotten her into this mess, and he had to get her out. He had to find her. "Just get me that paper."

Mark knew the moment he left this room what Derek was going to do. He knew that he should call in a nurse; that he should do something to stop him, but he couldn't. Derek knew the limits of his body. He knew the risks of brain surgery, and yet he was still going to do it. He was determined to do it. Alone. Without him. And he knew, that if he really wanted to help his friend, he would walk out of this room and let him go.

"Fine," Mark grunted as he moved quickly to the door and yanked it open, but paused before he walked out of the room.

Derek gently nodded his head. "Thank you."

"Just be careful, man," Mark said in an uncharacteristically tender voice before he slid out of the room.

The minute the door closed, Derek began to move. He knew the risks. He knew that what he was doing could possibly kill him. But, he couldn't lay in his bed and wonder. He couldn't wait for someone else to find her. He had to find her. There was no other option.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Meredith's body was frozen, afraid that any movement would cause the scales to tip out of her favor. At the moment, it seemed like Dr. Taylor was considering her demand. Unfortunately for her, time seemed to be slipping away as the car began to spin. She leaned forward ever so slightly, trying to heed off the pain and dizziness that seemed to only be increasing as the minutes passed. Her breathing became labored as she tried to overpower her out of control body. But, nothing was working. She needed that hospital.

"Dr. Taylor," Meredith spoke quietly, her voice trailing off as she turned her head to look at him.

She straightened up abruptly at the sight before her. Dr. Taylor was hunched over the steering wheel in front of him, unconscious. Her heart beat wildly within her skin, unsure of what to do. She was in the middle of nowhere. Stranded. She could barely move let alone drive. She didn't have too many options. Tentatively, Meredith reached forward and placed two fingers to the side of Dr. Taylor's neck, checking for a pulse. It was faint, but it was there.

She withdrew her hand and scanned the car, looking for a cell phone. But as she glanced around the car, a sinking feeling settled in. Either he didn't bring a cell phone or the cell phone was on him. Her eyes lingered on the man beside her, knowing that she had to do it. She had to touch him, feel him for a cell phone. There were no other alternatives. It was her only hope.

Hesitantly, she inched her body closer to his and reached forward to place her hands down on his slouched frame. An involuntary shutter ran up her spine as her hands made contact with his body. She brushed over the fabric of his clothes, patting softly, but his pockets were empty. All the hope that she had left, escaped with the breath of air she had been holding. It was over.

* * *

**So this chapter is shorter than usual, and for that I apologize. But, I wanted to get it up. I promise the next one will make up for it, big time. Because things are going to happen. Big things.**

**I hope you enjoyed it… and as always… like it? Love it? Hate it? And everything else… BE KIND. REVIEW.**


	18. Chapter 17A: Run

_**You Might Die Trying**_

**AN: **I know it took forever. And I'm sorry, I really am. This story… because it's my baby… it takes time… because I want it to be perfect. I want it to be in character as best as possible… and since Grey's isn't usually a thriller/suspense story, it just takes me some time to make sure… plus I'm a perfectionist. Yeah. So thank you for being patient.

Also, **super, huge, big THANK YOU**, to all of you who review this story… and the last chapter. You guys rock my world… and make this experience worthwhile. I can never truly thank any of you enough.

**Disclaimer: **Well… let's just say that if I owned these characters, I would know what is happening in the finale, and therefore would not be anxious.

* * *

**Chapter 17: Run**

_"Light up, light up._

_As if you have a choice._

_Even if you cannot hear my voice._

_I'll be right beside you dear."_

- Snow Patrol

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**PART ONE**

Samantha Spender tapped her hands on her steering wheel, enjoying the rhythmic beat of her favorite song that was currently blasting through her car speakers. It had been another long day at work, one that she would rather forget. But that wasn't unusual for her. More and more often she found herself wishing that she could forget about her job. It wasn't that she didn't like what she was doing; it was the people that drove her insane. The truth was she wasn't a people person. She never had been. She had her friends and her family, but that was it. Casual conversations, fakeness, everything that came with everyday interactions were things that she had never been interested in. She had what she needed. She had her friends and her family, which made everything okay. And she couldn't imagine her life without him. In fact, she was certain that if it weren't for them, she would be lying in a ditch somewhere, having given up on everything. Because without them she would have no hope.

Her tiny foot pushed down the accelerator a little bit harder, wanting to get back to her husband as quickly as she could. She needed to see him while she could because he was leaving again to go to Japan. His efforts to make partner at one of the largest law firms in Seattle was increasingly dwindling their time together. She didn't mind that he was gone, she understood that it was part of his job, especially with the track that he was on within the firm, but it made her crave the time that they did have together. It made her want to quit her job so that she could be home on time; it made her want to go meet him for lunch so that they could enjoy at least some time together. But that wasn't possible. She needed this job. Not for money, but for her. She needed the job to feel sane when he was away. She needed it to keep her mind off of him when he was away. Her job was the definition of sanity.

She turned the steering wheel gently to the right as the car rounded the gradual corner of the highway, her speed not slowing. But as she continued to round the corner, a car stopped in the center of the road popped into her view. Her foot instantly went to the brake, pressing down as hard as it could. The car jerked, the anti-lock breaks kicking in, it skidded forward harshly before coming to its final resting place. Her eyes continued to stare ahead, staring at the car that was now only about a few feet in front of her. Sweat formed on her brow, and she swiped at it with a nervous hand, her heart pounding in her chest. She closed her eyes in relief and exhaled a heavy breath. She had stopped. Just in time. She had stopped.

After a few more deep breaths, she opened her eyes and focused on the car in front of her. There were two people inside of the car, both unmoving. She twisted in her seat, looking for any sign of another car, but saw none. She twisted back around and reached for her purse, grabbing her cell phone out of it and quickly dialing 911.

"911, what's your emergency?"

Samantha swallowed. "Yeah, hi, um… I'm on Route 1013 near exit 42, and there's this vehicle that's just stopped in the middle of the road."

"Are there any passengers in the vehicle, ma'am?"

"Two."

"Was there an accident?"

"I don't see another car and there's no damage to the car on the road."

"Okay, ma'am, are the people inside the car still alive?"

"I don't know," Samantha breathed into the phone. "Do you need me to go look?"

"No, ma'am you don't need to do that. The police and an ambulance should be there shortly."

"What should I do?"

"Just sit tight, ma'am."

The line went dead before Samantha could respond. Her eyes continued to stare at the car in front of her. No one was moving inside of it. There were just two limp bodies resting lifelessly in the car. She shuddered, knowing that this was the kind of stuff that nightmares and horror movies were made of. Deserted highways and abandoned cars. It wasn't a good combination, especially with her overactive imagination.

She continued to stare at the car in front of her, her mind wandering to what could have caused something like this to happen. The road wasn't wet and there was no dead animal on the side of the road. There was no other car. Which left only one possible explanation, the driver lost control of the car. But why? And why weren't they moving?

She hesitated for moment before she put her hand on the door handle and opened the door. Her legs swung out of her car and landed on the pavement. She stood still for a moment, her gaze transfixed on the car that was humming quietly in the middle of the road. Samantha swallowed. The car hadn't even been turned off. It was just sitting there, with two motionless people inside of it. She whipped her head around, her body circling as she surveyed the area, her fear getting the better of her. But there was nothing to be found. There was no haunting wind, no rustling of the trees. Absolutely nothing. It was just this car. And two seemingly dead people. She walked forward slowly towards the car. Her heart pounded in her chest, her fears getting the better of her. She clenched her hands at her sides, willing herself forward until she was standing just a few steps away from the driver's side door. The red on the window and the windshield caught her gaze. The windshield was broken, cracked in the middle like a rock and suddenly fallen from the sky and hit the windshield, splintering the rest of the glass. But then she saw the blood mixed in with the shattered glass. Her stomach churned and her gut instinct twitched. Something was wrong.

She knew that she should run back to her car and lock the doors, but she couldn't. Her feet were firmly planted on the road below her, and the only movement she wanted to make was forward. So, she took two more steps forward and tipped her body forward slightly, looking into the car. Her breath caught in her throat at the sight of the gun resting on the floor in the backseat. She swallowed past the lump that had suddenly formed in her throat and continued to stare at the gun. It could mean many things. Maybe they had been scared. Maybe the man driving was trying to protect her. There were so many possibilities. It didn't have to mean murder. It didn't have to mean crime. She closed her eyes in an attempt to calm her rising nerves, and it was then that she heard it. She heard the woman inside of the car moaning. Without thinking she moved around the front of the car to the passenger's side. She looked inside and saw the woman's broken appearance. She had bruises all over her body, along with a deep gash along her temple. Samantha froze, not knowing what to do. If she opened this door, she could expose herself. She could open a world of danger that right now was still kept at bay by car door, and the question became, could she live with herself if this woman died because she was too scared to open that damn door. She knew she couldn't. She knew that she had no medical expertise at all, but maybe she could help. Maybe she could give her some hope to hang on until the ambulance got there.

Without further thought, she carefully opened the car door, uncertain of how the woman's body was positioned. When the door was fully opened, Samantha looked down at the woman and grimaced. The woman had definitely been through the ringer. Her head was only partially resting on the arm rest between the two front seats. The woman's eyes were closed and her body was twisted around in a position that could only cause her pain. Samantha reached down cautiously and placed a hand on the woman's shoulder, which only elicited another moan.

Samantha gently squeezed the woman's shoulder. "Ma'am?"

The woman moaned again, but didn't move any part of her body. Samantha looked up at the man that was resting heavily on the steering wheel. He had an equally large gash across the top of his forehead, but wasn't making a sound. She didn't know what to do. She knew the police and EMTs would be there soon, but she couldn't just stand there and watch them die. Not like this.

She slipped her hand up from the woman's shoulder and against her neck, feeling for a pulse. It took her a minute, but she found one. It was there. Barely. And she knew that the man beside her had to be in the same condition. She moved her hand back down to the woman's shoulder and squeezed it gently again. "Ma'am?"

The woman moaned in response, but Samantha couldn't make out what she was saying, if anything.

"Ma'am, what hurts?" Samantha asked.

The woman opened her eyes and another moan escaped from her lips. "Derek…"

Samantha stared down at her, her long blonde hair moving forward and into her face. "Can you tell me your name?"

"Derek... help…" the woman moaned again.

"The ambulance is coming." Samantha squeezed the woman's shoulder. "Do you know your name?"

The woman groaned, but remained still. "Meredith…"

Samantha smiled softly. "I'm Samantha."

"I need…" Meredith coughed, her chest heaving with every breath. "Hospital."

"The ambulance is coming," Samantha nodded. "What can I do?"

Meredith's eyes closed as she struggled to fight off the dizziness and sleepiness, and just as quickly as they closed, they opened. Her body frozen rigidly in place. "Is he alive?"

Samantha frowned. "The driver?"

"Yes," Meredith breathed heavily as the pain continued to radiate through her body.

"He isn't awake. Is he Derek?"

Meredith licked her dry lips. "No… I… I have to get out of there."

"I can't move you," Samantha said, shaking her head. "It might hurt you more. The police are coming. They should be here soon."

Meredith moved her hand slowly and placed it on the bottom of the seat, pushing down to move herself up back into a sitting position. "I need to get out….of this car."

Samantha brought her other hand to Meredith's shoulders. "I don't think you should move, Meredith."

"I'm going to be sick," Meredith swallowed, her warm saliva mixing with the bile that was rising in her throat. She hunched forward and heaved onto the floor in front of her.

Samantha withdrew her hands. "Are you okay?"

"No… I'm not," Meredith said as she vomited once more onto the floor where her feet were resting before she raised her body back up and swiped her mouth. Pain shot through her body like fire from the movement. She bit her lip, trying to keep control of herself. "I need….you have to help me get out of this car."

"I don't think… "

"Please," Meredith said, interrupting her. "Help me… "

Samantha stared at the woman before her. It was clear that she was in pain; that she was hurt to a point that she desperately needed medical attention. But in all the pamphlets and articles she had read, it always said not to move an injured person, unless of course there was an immediate danger to yourself and the victim. She knew she had to keep Meredith inside of this car. She couldn't let Meredith move.

"I don't think it's a good idea, Meredith."

Meredith licked her dry lips again. "I don't care… I know… I know what I'm doing. You have to help me… you have to help me move."

Samantha's brow furrowed. "Why? They will be here soon."

"He's going…he's going to kill me," Meredith whispered, a lone tear escaping her right eye. "You need… just, help me."

"The driver?" Samantha asked, her head snapping up to check on him. A sigh of relief exited or body as she saw that he was still unconscious.

"I have to get back," Meredith moaned. "Derek…"

"Who's Derek?" Samantha asked in attempt to get Meredith's mind off of getting out of the car.

Another tear fell down Meredith's cheek. "Please… just get me out of here."

Samantha finally heard what she had been longing to hear since she stopped on the highway. Sirens. They were coming. Soon, this would all be a distant nightmare. She looked down at Meredith and moved her hand to her back, gently applying some pressure. "They're almost here."

"Derek… " A sob escaped from Meredith's lips and more tears fell down her cheeks. "I need… I have to… just let me go."

"They're coming, Meredith. You just have to hang on."

"No," Meredith said roughly, her body beginning to move. "Let me go."

Samantha looked at the man in the driver's seat again, needing to make sure that he was still unconscious. She knew that he was what Meredith was afraid of. That he had done this to her. "He's still unconscious, Meredith."

"I have to get to Derek…"

The sirens were getting louder. Samantha knew that she just had to hold her off for a few more minutes. "I'm sure Derek wouldn't want you to hurt yourself."

"It doesn't matter," Meredith said as more tears escaped from her eyes and trailed down her cheeks.

Samantha's brow furrowed. "Why doesn't it matter?"

"He's dead," Meredith squeezed her eyes shut, wanting to block out the world. "He died for me."

"What?"

Meredith turned her head to look at the police cars and ambulances that were quickly making their way down the highway towards them. She stared at the man beside her, anger welling in her chest. She took a deep breath and mustered all the strength she could before she pushed her hands down onto the seat and propelled herself out of the car. Her body collided with Samantha's.

"Meredith," Samantha said, holding onto Meredith's broken body.

Meredith struggled in Samantha's grasp, needing to get away. "I have to… I need to get to the hospital."

Samantha watched as Meredith tried to stand on her own, but it wasn't long before she began to collapse, her body falling carelessly to the ground. Samantha reached out her hands and caught her tiny frame just before it hit the pavement, and gently lowered her to the ground. The sirens were louder than ever now, and Samantha heard the cars come to a screeching halt behind her.

"They're here, Meredith," Samantha whispered. "Just hold on."

"Derek…" Meredith moaned, her eyes fluttering shut. "Der…"

Samantha felt Meredith's body go limp in her arms, causing her to squeeze Meredith involuntarily. She looked down and saw the blood oozing from the gash on her temple. Her stomach churned, but she held on, knowing that body warmth would help her. She dropped her chin to her chest and felt her eyes pool with tears. She just wanted to go home.

Finally, the police cars and ambulances came to a screeching halt behind her causing Samantha to release a breath she hadn't realized she had been holding. The cavalry was here.

* * *

**So. I split it up into 2 parts because I wanted you guys to have something to read. I'm seriously going to work on part 2 right now. Also, the character, Samantha Spender, as well as some other mentioned things in this chapter, are related to another hit show from the 90s early 2000s. If you can name that show, I will tell you whatever you want to know about this story. **

**Thanks for reading everyone. I hope you enjoyed this chapter. **


	19. Chapter 17B: Run

_**You Might Die Trying**_

**AN: **PART TWO IS HERE! Finally, I know. I don't want to ramble on, because I've rambled on at the end of the chapter about this chapter and the next one.

Anyway. **BIG THANKS **to all of you who reviewed. It means so much. And for those of you who guessed correctly, just ask if you want to know something. And for those of you who didn't know, it was the X-Files. Seriously though, **thanks for reviewing.**

**Disclaimer: **Hmmm… not mine.

**Chapter 17: Run**

_"To think I might not see those eyes_

_Makes it so hard not to cry_

_And as we say our long goodbye_

_I nearly do."_

- Snow Patrol

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**PART TWO**

Samantha stood wearily and waited for the police and paramedics to emerge from their cars. Meredith lay still at her feet, her body lifeless, seemingly frozen in place. Samantha watched as the paramedics moved towards the vehicle, yelling at her to stay where she was and that they would come see her next, while the police surveyed the scene around the car, looking for any foul play. She knew they'd find the gun. They'd start asking questions, and then all of a sudden someone would be a suspect. It was how this game worked. Only Samantha didn't want to play. She didn't want to be a part of this game. She wanted to give a statement, help Meredith, and get the hell out of here and never look back. But that was more of a distant reality and she knew that.

The paramedics stopped at the driver's side door, assessing the driver that Meredith had been so terrified of. Terrified enough to move her body out of the car. Samantha wanted to scream at them. To tell them that Meredith should come first; that in all likelihood she was a victim. That the driver had done something to her. But, she couldn't find her voice. And instead, she stood there, hovering over Meredith, lamely waiting for one of them to round the corner. And suddenly, she found herself wishing that her husband was here so that he could shake her; so that he could awaken her from the shock that seemed to be settling into her body like hot chocolate on a winter's night.

Meredith moaned softly below her, causing Samantha to snap out of her trance. Her eyes cast downwards and stared at the frail woman that was stretched out across the pavement of the highway. Across Meredith's body she could see the dark, angry bruises that had formed on her arm from what she didn't know, but she was pretty sure it was because of that man inside of the car. Her heart sank at the thought of where else Meredith might have bruises and what else might have been done to her. Bile rose up her throat as her imagination roamed to all the possibilities. She swallowed hard, pushing back down the bitter taste that had formed in her mouth, and looked at the paramedics, who were still assessing the driver, seemingly ignoring her and the woman on the ground. Something inside of her snapped.

"This woman needs help," Samantha yelled, her body stiff as the paramedics raised their heads to meet her gaze. "Can't one of you come over here and help her?"

"We were told that the victims were in the vehicle, ma'am," one of the male paramedics yelled.

"She got out," Samantha barked, her temper beginning to boil. "She got disoriented and scared, and she moved. I tried to stop her, but she wouldn't listen. She got out of the car and is now sprawled out across the pavement unconscious." Samantha exhaled loudly, her gaze never leaving theirs. "Something happened here. Something happened that made this woman feel the need to get out of that car. And now, she needs help."

The two male paramedics exchanged a glance, before the one that had yelled at her before moved around the front of the car and towards where Samantha and Meredith were. Samantha watched as he took in the scene before him. He was young. Probably just out of college. She only hoped that he had more experience in this than he probably did in life.

The male paramedic dropped to his knees beside Meredith and quickly assessed her condition. He pressed his fingers to her neck, checking for a pulse, and looked up at Samantha. "How long has she been like this? Has she said anything?"

"She kept saying that she had to get out of the car," Samantha said. Her hands began to shake, her body slowly losing control. "She was calling for someone. Derek. And then, she just… she asked me to help her, I told her she should stay in the car, but then she moved." Samantha cast a worried glance at the car and found the police still surveying the scene outside of the car. "She wanted out of that car."

The paramedic withdrew his hand from Meredith's neck and grabbed his flashlight, to flash the light in Meredith's eyes. "Well, she definitely has a concussion."

"She has bruising on her body," Samantha said, returning her gaze to the paramedic and Meredith.

The paramedic glanced over Meredith's body, noting the bruising around her wrists and upper arms. "Did she say anything about it to you?"

Samantha frowned. "She was barely conscious when I was trying to help her."

"She needs to get to a hospital," the paramedic muttered aloud before standing and yelling to the paramedic still tending to the driver, telling him that he needed him to bring over a gurney. He then reached onto his belt and withdrew his radio, calling in for more help.

The other paramedic approached them with the gurney, stopping just beside where Meredith was laying across the hard ground. Both paramedics reached forward and grabbed the stretcher. They placed it on the ground beside Meredith's motionless body, and then gently eased her onto the stretcher. Once her body was on top of the stretcher, they strapped her in and then lifted her up onto the gurney. The paramedic that had been working on the driver moved to her arm and began to insert an IV, while the other paramedic provided Meredith with oxygen.

"Is she going to be okay?" Samantha asked, hovering near Meredith still.

"She needs to get to a hospital, ma'am," the young paramedic said harshly.

Samantha stared at Meredith, willing her to open her eyes. But nothing was happening. She was completely still. "Her name is Meredith," Samantha said quietly.

"What?" The paramedic putting the IV in asked.

"Her name is Meredith."

The younger paramedic stopped. "Meredith?"

Samantha nodded. "She told me her name when I was trying to help her."

The young paramedic moved around the gurney and stared at Meredith's face. "It's her."

"What are you talking about, Greg?" The other paramedic growled beside him.

Greg looked up sharply. "It's the woman the 10th precinct put out an alert for. Look at her face, Steve. It looks just like her."

Steve moved closer to Meredith and took a long glance at the woman that was laying on the gurney. "It sure does look like her."

"What are you guys talking about?" Samantha swallowed past the lump that had formed in her throat. "She was kidnapped?"

"She's a doctor in Seattle. She went missing about a day ago," Greg informed Samantha. He hesitated for a moment and then turned towards the car and pointed at the driver. "Which means that the man in the driver's seat was the kidnapper."

Everything seemed to stop. Samantha's breathing hitched in her throat. That's why Meredith wanted to get away, why she pushed herself out of that car. She was trying to get way; to escape that evil man that had done God knows what to her. The movement of Greg and Steve caught Samantha's attention and she watched in a daze as they ran to the police officers that were still looking for a clue as to what happened and told them what was happening. The tallest police officer picked up his radio and radioed for back up. His partner moved towards the car and reached back into his belt for his handcuffs.

"We need to move him first," Steve informed the officer. "He needs medical attention."

"Is there another ambulance on the way?" The officer asked.

Steve nodded. "Should be here in five minutes."

The officer put his handcuffs back in their holder and reached for his gun. He withdrew it from his clip and trained it on the driver, waiting for him to make any movement. The other officer approached the group and withdrew his gun from his clip as well, knowing that if something happened, they both needed to be ready.

Greg returned to Meredith's gurney and began to push it towards the ambulance. "We have to get her to a hospital now. We can't wait for the other crew to show up."

Steve appeared alongside the gurney and helped Greg push it towards their ambulance. He turned and glanced back at where Samantha was still frozen in place. "Ma'am, did she say anything else?"

Samantha began walking to catch up to Meredith's gurney. "She kept calling for someone named 'Derek.' And she was saying that she needed to get out of the car."

"Did she say who the driver was?" Greg asked.

"No." Samantha shook her head. "He wasn't even conscious."

Steve looked towards the car. "He wasn't conscious when you were talking to Meredith?"

"No."

"Shit." Greg muttered as they approached the ambulance. "The other team needs to get here, now."

"They'll be here soon," Steve nodded as they reached the door of the ambulance.

They carefully lifted Meredith's gurney up and pushed it inside of the ambulance. Samantha watched Steve climb into the back of the ambulance with Meredith, his body instantly set into motion, doing the things he needed to do to save Meredith's life. Greg slammed the back doors, making Meredith disappear. And it was clear that she was no longer needed, she was no longer part of the story. She had done everything for Meredith that she could. But, she needed to make sure. She had to make sure that Meredith was okay; that she found Derek. Because of all the ways home she could've taken, she took this one. It was fate that led her to Meredith. It was destiny for her to find Meredith. To save her. That was the only possible explanation that Samantha was willing to accept. It was the only explanation that made sense.

"Wait," Samantha yelled as Greg opened the driver's door to crawl inside. He turned to look at her. "Where are you taking her?"

Greg glanced at Samantha, confused, but answered anyway. "Seattle Grace Hospital."

Samantha merely nodded in response, not finding it necessary to say anything more. She watched Greg move himself inside of the ambulance and put on the flashing lights, preparing them for their journey back towards the heart of Seattle. Within seconds they were gone with sirens and lights blaring, interrupting the serenity of the calm night. Samantha's shoulders slumped, her exhaustion finally beginning to kick in.

"Ma'am?" The tall police officer said calmly, pulling out the trance she had been in since the ambulance had sped away.

Samantha turned to face the officers. "I suppose you need my statement."

"We will as soon as backup gets here," the officer confirmed.

As if on cue, the sound of sirens from more police cars and another ambulance were heard in the distance. Minutes passed and the sirens grew louder. No one moved. They all stood still, waiting. It seemed to take hours, but when the other police cars and ambulance finally arrived it became a mad rush. The officers lined up around the driver, as the paramedics approached. Samantha watched from afar as the paramedics gently moved him onto the gurney. Within seconds, a set of handcuffs was placed around one of his wrists and the bar of the gurney, but the driver had yet to awaken. The paramedics worked quickly, moving the driver to the back of the ambulance. A police officer jumped in the back with the paramedic before they took off in the same direction that Meredith's ambulance had traveled minutes earlier, but this time they had a police escort.

"Ma'am?" An unfamiliar voice asked.

Samantha turned towards the voice. "That seems like the hundredth time I've been called ma'am today."

"Sorry, ma'am," the detective smiled. "It's part of protocol."

"It's Samantha."

"Okay, Samantha," the detective nodded.

Samantha rolled her eyes. "And your name is?"

"Robert," the detective replied as he pulled out a notepad. "I need to take your statement."

"I know."

"Are you alright, Samantha?"

"I just… "Samantha cast a quick glance down the road where Meredith's ambulance had disappeared. She needed to know. She needed to know that Meredith was going to be okay; that she was going to live. That whoever Derek was would find her. That he was alive.

"It's okay to be in shock," Robert said lightly. "It's natural."

Samantha pivoted back around to face Robert. "Let's just get this over with."

She closed her eyes and began to recall the events of the night. The drive. The car resting horizontally across the highway. The two lifeless people inside. The phone call to 911 dispatch. The gun. Meredith's refusal to stay in the car. Her contact information. All of it. It was like telling your worst nightmare to your therapist. She felt like she was reliving it. Robert looked at her throughout the entire story with curiosity, and she couldn't help but feel that he was judging her. Questioning why she did certain things. Why she got out of the car to begin with when she had been told to stay inside. Why she had even looked inside of the car. But, she didn't care. She had followed her gut and potentially saved two people's lives, but she only cared about one. One woman that she didn't even know.

"That's everything to the best of your knowledge?" Robert asked, closing his notebook.

"Yes," Samantha breathed.

Robert pulled out his card and offered it to Samantha. "If you remember anything else, please call this number. I'll be in touch once things start to make more sense."

Samantha grabbed the card from Robert. "Okay."

"You're free to go," Robert said before walking away and joining the crime scene investigators by the car.

Samantha watched as they went to work, picking apart the little bits of evidence that had been left behind inside of that car. A tremor ran through her body at the thought of what could have happened in that car. Had Meredith been hurt? Had she suffered? Or had she been able to fight him off? She knew it didn't matter. It didn't matter because Meredith was safe now. In the back of ambulance headed to a hospital. And she knew that she should go home. She should go to her husband, tell him everything that had happened, and go to bed, but something was telling her not to. Something inside of her needed to be sure. She needed to make sure that Meredith was okay. That everything she had suffered wouldn't matter, because she would live. She had to live. For herself and for whoever Derek was.

Without a second thought, Samantha turned and walked back towards her car. She climbed inside and turned it back on and drove off in the same direction the ambulances had gone. She had to see this through to the end. She had to make sure Meredith survived and that she found Derek.

**This chapter, both parts, was always about Meredith being saved. And for me, I didn't think I could do it justice by telling it through Meredith or Dr. Taylor. It needed to be a third party. And so, Samantha Spender came into play. The second part of the chapter, doesn't have Meredith talking. There is no other Grey's character involved, but it does have the rescue. Meredith is on her way back to Seattle Grace. Finally. And Samantha, because she feels like this was meant to happen, that she was meant to find Meredith to save her, is going to make sure that she lives. That Meredith finds Derek. Oh, and Dr. Taylor is headed there too. Where everyone is. Except maybe Derek?**

**The next chapter is going to be big. Really big. I hope you're ready for it. Because we're going back to Seattle Grace. And Meredith is coming.**

**In any case, I've rambled on enough. Hope you enjoyed Meredith being saved as much as I enjoyed writing it. Be prepared for next time. That's all I'll say. **


	20. Author's Note

**Author's Note: **

It has been a long time for an update on this, and I really must apologize. I know that a lot of you are waiting for this update. I really did not anticipate being this… stuck, for lack of a better word on this update. But, never fear on vacation last week I had some time, and I was able to figure it out.

The next chapter will be up by August 6th.

I hope I haven't lost everyone who is my reader. I just wanted to give you a status update on this, and tell you that it's coming.

- Wamzwrites (Katie)


	21. Chapter 18: Fast Car

_**You Might Die Trying**_

**AN: **So. It's August 6th. And this is up as promised. I'm sorry that this took me so long. Real life takes over sometimes. **Big thanks **to all of you who've reviewed this story. I really do appreciate every single one of your comments. And, you know, **thanks** for sticking through this. I know the updates aren't very frequent… but I'm working on it. I hope you enjoy it.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own them.

* * *

**Chapter 18: Fast Car**  
_"You got a fast car,__  
__I want a ticket to anywhere;__  
__Maybe we make a deal.__  
__Maybe together we can get somewhere."_

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

The elevator doors opened and Mark stepped off. He gritted his teeth as he made his way towards Derek's office. A paper. He had left his best friend alone to go find a stupid piece of paper. And that wasn't even the worst part. The worst part was that he knew what would happen when he walked out of that hospital room. He knew that the minute he left, Derek would be up and moving, and in pursuit of Meredith. And he couldn't help but wonder if that little voice that had been inside of his head since Derek had left New York was right; if he really was a shitty best friend.

He turned the corner and continued to make this way towards Derek's office, where he had to find a piece of paper amongst many. His feet stopped suddenly when he saw the office door already open. He waited for a sound, for any noise that might tip him off as to who was inside. And then he heard it.

"One of you had better start talking," Bailey's voice boomed from inside.

He walked into the entrance of Derek's office. Bailey stood in front of him, her hands on her hips. The three interns stood rigidly in front of her, none of them responding to her demand.

He took a step forward and moved to stand beside Bailey. "What's going on in here?"

Bailey turned and looked up at him. Her lips were pursed together in frustration. "I caught these 

three snooping around in here."

He glanced at the interns and watched as Stevens and O'Malley exchanged a questioning look, while Yang remained absolutely still. She was holding her hands loosely behind her back. He eyed her suspiciously. "Yang, what are you holding?"

"Nothing that concerns you," Cristina snapped.

Mark's eyes narrowed. "That's where you're wrong, Yang." He took a step toward them. "Give me the paper that you're holding, Yang."

Cristina jutted out her chin in defiance. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"I wouldn't play games with me right now, Yang."

"How do you know I'm holding a piece of paper?" Cristina smirked.

He took another step forward. "Derek sent me here to look for a piece of paper. A piece of paper that might save Meredith's life." He glared at Cristina. "Do you want to be responsible for Meredith not being found?"

He knew it was a low blow, but he was running out of options. He needed to get that piece of paper and get back downstairs before Derek did something stupid.

"Dr. Shepherd's awake?" Izzie asked.

"He's awake," Mark grunted. His gaze remained trained on Cristina. "And he's looking for a piece of paper." He extended his hand towards Cristina. "Give me the paper."

"Yang," Bailey snapped. "Give Dr. Sloan the paper or you'll be on scut until you take your intern's exam."

George turned towards Cristina. "Give him the paper, Cristina."

Cristina sighed and let her hands drop back to her sides. She reached out and placed the piece of paper into Mark's hands. "I think it's a list of names that McDreamy thought might be doing this."

Mark looked down at the paper and read the list of names. The only two that were circled were Finn Dandridge and Dr. Harold Taylor. "Who's Dr. Harold Taylor?"

"He was the old head anesthesiologist here," Bailey informed him. "Got fired a few months ago for drinking on the job."

Mark shook the paper in his hand. "So why is he on this list?"

"Dr. Taylor fell asleep in Dr. Shepherd's OR," George explained, his memory of that day still vivid. "Dr. Shepherd kicked him out, told him to get his act together."

"The Chief fired him a week later," Bailey added. "Said if he cleaned up his act he could come back."

"Which he obviously hasn't," Cristina huffed.

Mark fiddled with the paper in his hands. The room was silent and tension was running high. He folded the paper and put it in his left hand. "I have to take this to Derek."

He turned to walk out the door, but a hand on his upper arm stopped him.

"You have to take that to the police," Izzie breathed. "They might know something we don't."

Mark ripped his arm out of Izzie's weak grasp. "I will. But first, I'm showing it to Derek."

He moved to walk out the door, but the pager at his hip stopped him dead in his tracks. A second later Bailey's pager went off. Mark swallowed. The interns' pagers weren't going off. Something was wrong.

He grabbed the pager from the side of his pants and pulled it up to his face. It read, "911 … Meredith Grey." His breath caught in his throat. He needed to get to Derek before he did something stupid like leave the hospital. His eyes drifted towards Bailey, who was standing in front of him looking shell-shocked. He knew then that she had just received the exact same page.

"What's going on?" Cristina demanded.

Bailey snapped her pager back onto her scrub pants and looked at her three interns. "Do you three think you can manage to follow orders just this once?"

George's brow furrowed in concern. "What's happened?"

"I want you three to go downstairs and go into the intern's locker room," Bailey directed. "Do not 

come out unless I come get you. Do you understand me?"

No one responded.

"I don't have time for this," Mark growled. "I have to go find Derek."

"Find him? Where did he go?" Izzie asked, startled.

"Knowing Derek, he probably tried to go looking for Meredith." Mark shot Bailey a look. "I'll see you downstairs."

His feet propelled him forward without thinking. The paper that he still held in his hand now felt insignificant. Meredith was coming to Seattle Grace. Now, all he had to do was find Derek.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Every muscle in his body ached, but it didn't matter. Nothing mattered until he found Meredith. Somehow, he had managed to get himself out of bed and down the hall to the resident's lounge. He knew that he was being ridiculous, some might even say insane, but it didn't matter because Meredith was gone. Taken by a man with some sick vendetta against him. And he was the only one who knew who it was. Dr. Harold Taylor. Alcoholic. Anesthesiologist. And psychopath.

He needed to get out of here. But before he could do that, he needed to find something better to wear than a hospital gown. He started opening lockers and pulling out scrubs. Looking for ones that might actually look like they should fit him. It took him 6 lockers before he found ones that would be good enough. He yanked off the gown and pulled on the scrubs harshly, not caring that every movement made him sick to his stomach. He grabbed the tennis shoes that were sitting on the bottom of the locker and pulled them on. They were too small, but they would work. And without another thought, he walked out of the resident's lounge and into the hallway.

The hallway was swarming with people. Nurses were darting from room to room, and doctors weaved in and out of the patients and other doctors that were casually moving through the hall. The lights were brighter than he remembered. He had to squint to stop the pounding that the light was feeding to his headache. Derek pressed himself up against the hall, not wanting to be noticed. He needed to get out of here without anyone realizing that he was gone.

With a slight push, he moved off of the wall and began to walk down the hallway. Each step he took was with effort. Every part of his body was not ready to be doing this. It was focused on repairing itself, not on walking. But, he couldn't stop. His stomach churned and his head pounded like he had a million drummers in his head, but he couldn't stop. Not now. Not when Meredith 

needed him. Because this time… this time he wasn't going to let her down.

No one stopped him as he continued to stagger down the hallway. He tried to appear as normal as possible, but there was only so much he could do to stop the physical effects of what was happening inside of him from showing. He only hoped that he didn't end up vomiting in the hallway.

As he passed a patient's room, he grabbed the chart, and opened it. He pretended to read it as he continued to walk in hopes that no one would stop him. The words on the page wobbling in front of him as he moved made him feel sick. He felt like he was spinning. Without hesitation, he reached out his hand and placed it on the wall, using it to support himself as he continued to move down the hallway. The chart fell from his hand, his one arm not strong enough to hold it by itself. In the distance, he saw the elevator. That was his goal.

He stopped for a moment, his body resting up against the wall. He took three deep breaths and then pushed himself up. There was no time for anymore. Every second that he wasted was a second that she could be dead. The thought alone made him want to die. He could not be responsible for her death. Not when she was his life.

His body felt more and more strained with every step he took. The hallway spun round and round like a carousel at an amusement park. It wasn't until he tried to take another step that he realized that he was no longer standing. He was resting against the wall, his body stretched out across the floor. Embarrassed, he tried to push himself back up, but only stumbled back down. He was too weak.

A nurse passing by stopped and kneeling in front of him. She gasped when she realized who he was, and immediately yelled for help. He didn't know who's hands were on him, holding him, checking for his pulse, or who helped him into the wheelchair. It didn't matter. Not when he had failed Meredith again.

"Meredith," he moaned, his head swaying from side to side as he was pushed back towards his hospital room.

The nurse patted him on his shoulder. "Don't worry, Dr. Shepherd. She'll be okay."

His heart stopped. He wanted to get up and shake her. To tell her that Meredith was missing. She was gone. Taken by a madman who had probably no intent on letting her live.

"She's gone," he whispered. "He took her."

"She's on her way here right now, Dr. Shepherd," the Nurse said softly.

"Don't lie to me," Derek spat. He weakly slid his feet off of the wheelchair and let them drag on the floor in attempt to stop their movement.

The nurse stopped pushing. "I'm not lying to you, Dr. Shepherd. We just got the call. She's on her way in as we speak."

He didn't know how he did it, but he was suddenly standing. The room swirled in front of him, but he didn't care. The lies were going to stop. He took one step to the side and turned towards the nurse, stumbling only slightly.

He gritted his teeth. "Stop lying to me."

"Dr. Shepherd…" The Nurse's voice trailed off. She stared at him with nothing but sympathy. "I know that you're confused. Please just sit down and let me take you back to your room."

He didn't know how he was still standing but he was, and he wasn't about to give that up. "If she's on her way in then I want to see her."

"You really need to get back to your bed," the Nurse frowned. "You've just had surgery. You need to be in bed."

"I know I need to be in bed, but I'm a doctor. I know my limits." His breaths were becoming more and more rapid. "Now, take me to her."

"Dr. Shepherd…" The Nurse sighed.

"I'll take him," his best friend's voice said.

Derek turned back around and saw his best friend standing behind him with a familiar paper in his hand. "You found it."

Mark raised his hand. "This?" He stepped forward and grabbed Derek's arm, easing him back into the chair.

"We have to get out of here," Derek breathed, his body recovering after his latest stunt.

Mark moved and turned the wheelchair around and began to push them towards the elevator. "No."

"Mark…"

"She's coming, Derek," Mark said softly. "She should be here any minute."

His breath caught in his throat and he strained to take a breath. "What?"

"I just got the page."

Derek closed his eyes. "Is she alive?"

"I don't know," Mark said, as he reached out and pressed the elevator call button.

"I need to see her," Derek swallowed. "I need to make sure she's alright."

Mark nodded. "That's where we're going."

Derek fought against his heavy eyelids, not willing to give in to what his body needed until he saw Meredith for himself. He needed to see the steady rise and fall of her chest. He needed to touch her, to make sure that she was real; that she wasn't just a dream. No, he would not rest until he had made sure that Meredith would be right there beside him when he woke up.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

All at once the darkness disappeared. Her eyes opened with a jolt and she stared up at the unfamiliar faces that were hovering above her. She strained against the hands that were pushing her back down, confused. Her eyes darted around her surroundings, taking in the medical bags and the equipment that surrounded her. She pressed her hands down against what her body was resting on. The fabric of the sheets she laid on was soft against her palms. A lone tear trickled out of her right eye and down the side of her face. She was safe.

"Meredith? Can you hear us?" One of the paramedics asked.

Meredith reached up and grabbed the oxygen mask that was covering her mouth and nose. Her head moved from side to side. "What…"

"My name is Greg, Meredith," the same paramedic said. "You're safe. The man who abducted you is in custody. We're almost at Seattle Grace."

"Where…" Meredith's voice trailed off. "I need… Derek…"

"Derek?" Greg asked.

Her throat was dry. She needed water. And her entire body was aching. She swallowed past the large lump that was sitting in the back of her throat. "Derek…"

The ambulance slowed as they approached the ambulance bay entrance to Seattle Grace. Greg moved the oxygen mask back over Meredith's face. "We're almost there."

Another tear escaped from the corner of Meredith's right eye. The pain radiating all over her body was immense, but it was nothing compared to the smoldering ache that was rapidly spreading across her head. She felt dizzy. She felt like she was going to be sick. A moan escaped from her already parted lips. She reached up and pulled the oxygen mask down from her face again.

"Help…" she whispered.

Greg moved instantly, turning her on her side before she vomited up bile. When the last heave was over, he moved her back onto her back and brought the oxygen mask back over her face.

Meredith's eyes fluttered shut; the throbbing in her head was getting to be too much. She wanted to stay awake. She needed to. She needed to talk to her friends. She needed to make sure that someone had found Derek; that he was alive. The ambulance doors popped open and Greg stood. The other paramedic began to pull on her gurney as Greg began to push her out. She was finally home.

**This chapter was not easy to write, mainly because I wanted it to be perfect, but because there is just so many ways this could've happened. I wanted this chapter to be more about everyone else. That's why we don't see too much of Meredith in this chapter… well, at least not until the end. **

**I know it's an evil cliffhanger. I know. But, more is coming. Soon. Like next week. It won't be long. **

**Anyway, I hope you enjoyed. Thanks for reading.**


	22. Chapter 19: Let It Be Me

_**You Might Die Trying**_

**AN: **So, I know it's been longer than I said it would be, and I know that some of you are frustrated. But let me tell you that I would have much rather been updating. To make a long story, really short, last month a person who I grew up with, who was 29, and is the brother of one of my best friends, died of colon cancer. I say this to all of you, to remind everyone that when the time comes, everyone should get screened. My husband and I also moved… so it's just been a hectic time for me right now. But I do apologize that this is so late.

Anyway, I just want to **thank everyone** who reviewed the last chapter. I really do appreciate all the reviews, and I'm just so glad that everyone is enjoying this story. **So, thank you to all of you. **

**Disclaimer: **I'm merely playing with these characters…

* * *

**Chapter 19: Let it Be Me**

_"And when all your faith is gone,_

_Feels like you can't go on,_

_Let it be me, let it be me."_

- Ray LaMontagne

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

He'd lived through moments like this before. Moment where the world just seemed to stop moving. Where everything around him seemed unimportant, and the lives of others didn't mean nearly as much as they should. But nothing could have prepared him for this. Nothing could've prepared him for the uncensored image that he had just witnessed.

His stomach was twisting and turning. The image of Meredith's tiny, limp body lying flat on the hospital gurney replayed in his mind over and over again like a catchy melody that he couldn't get out of his head no matter how hard he tried. Every time he remembered the image, he closed his eyes and waited for the wave of nausea to pass. It did, eventually. But in the end, he was left with a bitter aftertaste; the reassurance from his body that it would come back again to haunt him.

It had been five minutes since Meredith's unconscious body had passed through the doors of Seattle Grace. The Chief and Bailey had immediately pushed her into the closest open exam room and closed the doors and blinds, shielding her from the prying eyes of the wandering hospital workers. The door had opened once, and he had caught another glimpse of her broken body. But then just like that she was gone again, and he was left with another fragile image of her.

They waited just outside of the exam room door. Seconds ticked by at an excruciatingly slow pace. His eyes remained trained on the exam room door anxiously awaiting the emergence of someone, anyone, from inside the room. Derek barely noticed as people came and went. He had forgotten the pain of earlier; the way his head had throbbed with every breath he took. It wasn't important anymore. Meredith was here. She was at Seattle Grace and her heart was beating, which meant he still had a chance. They still had a chance.

But right now, he was still outside in the hallway. Forbidden access to the room that held the most important thing in his life. And he hated waiting. He hated being stuck outside the room where Meredith's life was in someone else's hands. Her life shouldn't be the one at risk. He should have saved her. Or he should be the one on that table; the one fighting for his life. Not her. He had caused this. And he was to blame for this.

He fidgeted in the wheelchair, his impatience only continuing to grow. He needed to see her, to touch her. To make sure that she was alive and breathing. He needed to watch them look her over to make sure that they didn't miss a single thing, because she deserved it. She deserved the best. And from now on, he was going to give that to her. He was going to be everything that she needed to be, and if that meant giving her time, then he would do it. And this time, he was going to do it right.

"Derek," Mark said quietly from behind.

Derek closed his eyes. He just wanted to sit here and wait. Wait for someone to come out of that room and tell him that everything was going to be fine; that Meredith was going to be fine. He didn't want to talk, and he didn't want to be comforted. He just wanted to wait.

"Derek," Mark repeated. He waited for a response, but when it was clear that Derek was not going to respond, he continued. "This isn't your fault, man."

"Don't," Derek said curtly.

"I know you, Derek. You're sitting there, waiting for someone to come out of that room, and you're blaming yourself."

Derek gritted his teeth. "Shut up, Mark."

"I would if I knew that you weren't sitting there blaming yourself."

"Damnit, Mark," Derek snapped, "just shut up."

"Stop blaming yourself and I'll shut up and leave you alone," Mark continued to push, knowing that it would be better for Meredith if Derek stopped blaming himself.

"Shut up." Derek slammed his fists onto the armrests of the wheelchair. "Shut the fuck up."

Mark had heard harsher words from Derek before, and this time he knew it was the fear speaking. "I won't until you stop blaming yourself."

Derek had had enough. He was done with the back and forth. He was done with waiting. He needed to see Meredith. Now. Carefully, he moved his feet off of the wheelchair footrests to the floor. He opened his fists and used his palms to press down on the wheelchair. His body moved upwards slowly and painfully. Tiny and large aches splintered across the spectrum of his frame, causing him to elicit a soft moan.

"I don't think…"

Derek turned his head towards Mark. "I don't care what you think."

He stood still for a second, allowing himself the time to gain his footing. He could feel the eyes of others on him, watching him, but he didn't care. His foot slid forward as he began to move towards the door that was keeping him from Meredith. The room spun round as he continued to move forward, but he didn't care. He was going to go into that room, and he wasn't going to leave. Even if the Chief demanded that he leave, he wasn't going to. And if it cost him his job, then so be it, because he was not going to leave Meredith alone again.

His feet continued to move. He ignored the throbbing of his head and the tingling sensation that seemed to be spreading across his body like a fire running rampant. His heart ached to be inside of that room, holding her hand and telling her that everything would be okay. He longed to press his lips against hers, to show her how much he loved her and just how sorry he was that he had let this happen to her. His ears yearned to hear her sweet raspy voice tell him that he was being an idiot; that he was being ridiculous. Anything. He just needed proof. Proof that she was still with him; proof that she wasn't going to let go anytime soon. He just needed her.

And when his hand settled upon the exam room doorknob, he didn't hesitate. With one quick turn, the door was open, and Meredith was right in front of him. She lay unconscious on the table before him with an IV running out of her right arm. The Chief turned towards the door instantly, and he was unable to hide the look of anger that registered on his face.

"Shepherd, get out of here," he yelled.

Derek's heart pounded in his chest. He stood in the doorway of the room, knees locked and feet cemented in place. He wasn't moving. "She needs me," he said softly. "I need to be here for her."

The Chief cast a sympathetic look towards Bailey before stepping away from Meredith. He placed a hand on Derek's shoulder. "Derek, she's a fighter. She's not going anywhere without you."

Derek shook the Chief's hand off, and turned his gaze towards Bailey. "Why isn't she conscious? What happened to her?"

"She was in an accident," Bailey frowned. "She lost consciousness at the scene and then again after vomiting in the ambulance. She has a Grade III concussion, but she should be fine."

Derek blinked back the tears that had been forming in his eyes. Grade III concussion. He didn't even want to think about what could have caused that. "Has she said anything?"

Bailey looked away. She knew the answer to the question. She knew that Meredith had been calling for him, but she didn't want to be the one to tell him. Her glance turned to the Chief for help, but he merely shook his head, which only meant one thing. She had to be the one to tell him. She turned back towards Derek.

"She was calling for you," Bailey said in a rush of words. She hated that she was the one that had to tell him.

Derek's body swayed in the doorway. He bit his lip to hold back the sob that was threatening to explode from his mouth. She had called for him. In a moment when her life was in the line, she had said his name. She had wanted to see him.

The Chief reached for Derek again, this time placing his hand on Derek's upper arm to steady him. "You alright, Shepherd?"

Derek absent-mindedly nodded his head. The fog was beginning to settle in. The rush of earlier to find her. The pain that had exploded in his body with every step he took to try to escape the hospital to rescue her. What a joke that was. He had tried to be her knight in shining armor and he had failed. He had failed miserably.

"I'm fine," Derek breathed. "Has she…"

"She hasn't regained consciousness since she entered the hospital," Bailey answered before he could finish.

His chest heaved forward as he tried to breathe. He closed his eyes and tried to focus. He had to remain standing.

"Shepherd," the Chief sighed, "you need to get back in bed. You just had brain surgery. You're lucky you're able to stand at all."

Derek knew that he was lucky. He knew that in all that had happened, he was the lucky one because he hadn't been the one kidnapped. Sure, he had been left to die, but Meredith had been taken. He swallowed past the lump in his throat. He didn't want to think about what else had happened to her in the hours that she had been missing.

"I'm not leaving her," Derek growled. He closed his eyes and tried to steady his erratic breathing. "I will not leave her," he repeated, emphasizing each word.

"You can barely stand, Shepherd," the Chief frowned. "I promise we'll take good care of her."

Something inside of Derek snapped. The aches and pain that existed inside of his body suddenly disappeared. He pressed his chest forward, straightening his back, and took a step forward, entering the room further. "I'm not going anywhere."

He pushed himself past the Chief, closer to Meredith's bed. Slowly, he reached his hand forward and grabbed Meredith's hand. It was warm and the skin was just as soft as he remembered. His eyes scanned up her body, but stopped at the sight of the angry bruises that were scattered across her neck and arms. Moisture instantly formed in his eyes, and he couldn't have stopped the tears from falling even if he had wanted to. One by one the tiny drops of water pelted his cheeks, and all he could think was that this was all his fault. She was right. He wasn't her knight in shining armor. He was just Derek. He was the man that had lied to her about his wife. He was the man that picked his wife over her. He was the man that was a constant disappointment to her. She deserved better, so much better.

"Derek," Bailey said quietly. "She's going to be fine. Now that she's stable we're going to take her down for an MRI in a few minutes just to make sure nothing else is going on."

Derek's knees began to give. His entire body was shaking. She was bruised and battered because of some sick fuck's vendetta against him. She was the love of his life, and she was lying in a hospital bed because of him. He fell to his knees beside her bed, but kept a tight grip on her tiny hand. His ears were burning. He needed to hear her voice. He needed to see her eyes and know that she didn't blame him, even though he blamed himself. He could live with self-blame, but he couldn't live with himself if she blamed him.

The door to the room opened and closed again, and he heard the familiar rolling of the wheelchair wheels against the floor.

"I'm not leaving," Derek whispered harshly. "You're going to have to force me out of here if you want me to leave."

"Derek," the Chief sighed. "We have to take her down to MRI. We promise we'll come let you know how she's doing as soon as we know."

"I'm not leaving," Derek repeated.

Mark moved out from behind the wheelchair and walked towards Derek. "She's going to be pissed at you if you hurt yourself, Shep. Hell, she'll probably get pissed at me for letting you hurt yourself."

Derek shook his head against her warm hand. "I don't care."

The room fell silent. Derek listened to the sweet sound of Meredith's heart beating on the monitor behind her. She was alive. He repeated it over and over again. She was alive. This wasn't a dream. She was alive, and she was here. And he was never letting her out of his sight again.

Mark reached forward and placed a hand on Derek's shoulder. "Shep, we have to go. They need to take her down to MRI."

"Then, I'm going to go down there too," Derek responded evenly. "I'm not leaving her."

"You can't do this to yourself, Derek," Bailey tried. "She's going to be fine, and Mark's right. She's going to kick all of our asses when she wakes up for even letting you out of bed."

A tear trickled out of the corner of Derek's eye and fell onto the back of Meredith's hand. "I can't leave her." He took an unsteady breath. "Not after… just I can't. Not after this."

The door slammed open, interrupting the group's effort to get Derek out of the room, and revealed a very disheveled looking Addison. She pulled on her lab coat and adjusted her hair as all eyes in the room, except Derek's, settled on her.

"We have a problem," Addison swallowed.

"Addie?" Mark asked, confused.

Addison cast a weary glance at Derek. "We need to get him out of here."

The Chief moved towards Addison. "What's going on, Addison?"

"I can't…" She hesitated, her feet shifting from side to side. She didn't want to say this, not when Derek was here. She motioned towards Meredith. "How is she doing?"

Mark frowned. "She's going to be fine." He removed his hand from Derek's shoulder and took a step towards her. "What's going on, Addie?"

"He's here," Addison whispered, watching Derek to make sure he didn't hear her.

Bailey's brow furrowed. "Who's here?"

"The man who took Meredith," Addison murmured. "The paramedics brought him here as well."

They all waited for Derek to say something, anything, but nothing came. He hadn't heard them. His sole focus was on Meredith. Because that was all that mattered. She was here, and she was alive. Everything else could come later. The most important thing now, was her. His life was hers, and he was going to stay right here beside her until she awakened.

The Chief turned towards Addison. "Did they say who it was?"

Addison stared at Derek, hesitating for a second before responding. "Dr. Harold Taylor."

Derek's head lifted from its resting place on Meredith's hand at the mention of his name. "He's going to pay for this. I will make him pay for this."

The room fell silent, and the fear level rose instantly. This was going to be worse than they thought.

* * *

**And so ends Chapter 19. I will say that my life is beginning to calm back down, and I am finding more time to write now. So, hopefully the next chapter won't take long. I already have some of it started, and since we're getting to the good part, it should be easier to write. **

**About this chapter, I really wanted it to be about Derek and what was going on with him during this time because we had Meredith worrying about Derek and if he was alive when she was kidnapped, so now it's Derek's turn. **

**Anyway, I hope you enjoyed. Thanks for reading. **


	23. Chapter 20: Duet

_**You Might Die Trying**_

**AN: **It took so much longer than I thought it would… mainly due to writer's block, and for that I apologize. But here it is. And really, **THANK YOU** all for sticking with this story and for reviewing. Your reviews keep me motivated and going. I appreciate it more than you know.

**Disclaimer: ** I don't own them… I'm merely playing.

* * *

**Chapter 20: Duet**

**"_Oh lover, don't you roam._**

_Now I'm fighting words,_

_I never thought I'd say._

_But I remember what we said_

_As we law down to bed,_

_I'll forgive you, oh,_

_If you just come back home."_

- Rachael Yamagata

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

The sound of Meredith's heartbeat on the monitor continued to resonate throughout the silent room. Derek remained at Meredith's bedside, ignoring the splintering pain that was tingling up and down his legs. He was numb. Broken by the sight of Meredith's weakened body in front of him.

Mark cleared his throat. "We have to get him out of here."

"I know," the Chief nodded.

Mark cast a worried glance at Derek. "He can't know about this."

"I know," the Chief repeated.

Bailey moved towards Addison, her tone hushed. "What's their ETA?"

Addison looked at the clock on the wall. "We've got about three minutes left."

"Then, we better move fast," Bailey said softly.

The Chief moved towards Derek, and for the first time, he found himself dreading talking to him. He didn't want to fight. He didn't want to argue. He just wanted this day to end with everyone alive.

"Derek," the Chief sighed, placing his hand on top of Derek's shoulder. "You need to get back in bed. I promise you that we'll keep you updated."

Derek shrugged off the Chief's hand. "I don't want to be updated. I want to be here." He stiffened his back, ignoring the pain that shot through his muscles. He grabbed her limp hand. "I'm not leaving her."

"She needs an MRI, Derek," Bailey tried. "We have to get her down there as a precaution, just to make sure. As soon as it's over we'll bring her to your room."

"I'm not leaving her."

"Look," Bailey frowned. Time was ticking away and they needed him back in his room, out of view and out of earshot. "I know this is hard, but I promise we'll take care of her. She'll be back beside you before you know it."

Derek stared down at Meredith. He squeezed her hand tighter. "I am not fucking leaving her," he whispered harshly.

"Okay…" Bailey said, unsure of what else to say. She turned towards the Chief, and shrugged. What else could she say?

Mark stepped towards Derek, pulling the wheelchair with him. He placed the wheelchair behind Derek and then reached forward. His hands fell upon Derek's shoulders before he pushed down on them, forcefully sending Derek's body downwards into the seat of the wheelchair.

"I'm taking you back to your room," Mark said firmly. "And you don't get to argue with me."

Derek placed his hands on the armrests of the wheelchair and attempted to push himself up out of the chair. "Don't tell me what to do."

"Shep, stop," Mark said, pushing down on his shoulders once more. "We're going back to your room, and then I'll go make sure that Meredith's okay."

"I need to be with her," Derek said, his voice strained. "I cannot leave her."

Addison watched the clock. They didn't have much more time. Dr. Taylor would be arriving at any second, and Derek could not see him. His body could not take the stress. The blinds were closed, but gossip spread like wildfire in this hospital. It wouldn't be long before he heard, and even in his weakened condition, he would understand and immediately go looking for him. And that wasn't a risk she was willing to take.

"Please Derek," Addison urged. "Go back to your room and get in bed. You really need to take care of yourself. If not for you, for Meredith because she's going to need you when she wakes up."

"Addison…"

"No, Derek," Addison said, her hand descending upon his shoulder. She tightened her grip gently. "She's going to need you, Derek. She's going to need you to be strong for her, and you can't if you're still dealing with your surgery because you pushed it too hard in the beginning."

Derek closed his eyes. His hand loosened its grip on Meredith's hand. "I can't let go."

Mark grabbed the handles of the wheelchair and pulled the chair away from Meredith's bedside. "She's going to be fine."

"Don't do that," Derek frowned. His heart was pounding in his chest as Mark moved him further and further away from Meredith.

"Do what?"

"Simplify this. It's not simple. She didn't just fall down and hit her head. She was kidnapped. Abducted. Taken from…" Derek's train of thought stopped abruptly. He didn't want to think about what had happened when she was with him. He didn't want to know. But it was their reality, even though it felt like a nightmare that he just couldn't escape. "God knows what happened to her when she was with that… asshole."

"Derek, you can't think about that," Addison sighed. "You just… she's back. She's here at this hospital. That's what you should be thinking about right now. She's here, and she's not going anywhere."

Derek shook his head. Fear was attacking his body. Nothing seemed easy anymore. Nothing. "I wish it was that simple."

The room fell silent again. No one knew what to say because they all knew it wasn't going to be that simple, especially with the man that kidnapped her in the same hospital as them. And fear, well, it was a given.

The Chief's pager buzzed. He grabbed it and looked down, reading the simple message quickly before he looked back up at Mark. "Take him to his room," the Chief swallowed. "Make sure he doesn't hear anything."

Mark pushed Derek towards the door. "I've got it."

"Bailey," the Chief said, "page Yang and have her go sit with Derek. Mark after you take Shep to his room, go join Bailey in MRI."

"Yes sir," Bailey nodded.

"Both of you," the Chief said, "make sure that all employees of this hospital are not talking about this." He looked at Derek. "Because that is the last thing these two people need."

Without another word, Mark pushed Derek out of the room. Derek didn't turn and look back. No, he kept his eyes closed, hoping that if they were closed he would still feel like he was right there beside her. And maybe if he kept his eyes closed long enough, he would see her again, right beside him, but this time her eyes would be open and she'd be smiling because they had made it, because they had managed to escape another tragic chapter of their story.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The Chief had seen a lot during his time at Seattle Grace Hospital. He didn't like to think about the past because that was what it was, the past. And ninety-five percent of the time, it needed to stay that way. But as he approached the trauma room, where the past and the present were about to mix, he found himself unable to forget the image of a young Meredith Grey wandering the hallways of this hospital during his residency. The burning in the pit of his stomach worsened. He wasn't ready to confront a man whom he had once respected. He wasn't ready to see the man that had almost killed Meredith Grey, Ellis Grey's little girl. But, he didn't have a choice. He needed to be in that room to make sure that nothing went wrong. To make sure that when Dr. Harold Taylor woke up, he would pay for what he did. That he would spend the rest of his life rotting in a jail cell.

His hands shoved the trauma room door open, where his eyes immediately sought out Dr. Taylor's lifeless body on the gurney in the middle of the room. Nurses and doctors worked busily around him, ignoring his arrival in the room. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw two police officers standing just inside of the room. It was then that he noticed the handcuffs that had been placed around Dr. Taylor's right hand and the rail of the bed, locking him in place. It filled him with a strange sense of satisfaction.

The sound of Dr. Taylor's heart flat lining filled the room.

The Chief rushed forward. "Out of my way." He grabbed the paddles out of an intern's hands. "Charge to 250." He waited for the charge to fill. "Clear."

All hands withdrew instantly from Dr. Taylor's body before the Chief pressed the paddles down on Dr. Taylor's chest. Dr. Taylor's body jolted from the shock, but his heart remained flat lined.

"Charge to 300," the Chief demanded. "Clear."

He pressed the paddles down against Dr. Taylor's chest again, whose body immediately jerked in response. And still there was nothing on the monitor.

"325." The Chief placed the paddles back on Dr. Taylor's chest. "Clear."

The charge shocked Dr. Taylor's body for a third time, but still there was nothing.

"350," the Chief yelled. "Charge to 350."

One of the remaining doctor's in the room stepped forward. "Sir, I think…"

"No," the Chief shook his head. "You don't get to make that call. I get to make this call. I make it. Charge to 350."

The nurse turned the dial to 350. The Chief placed the paddles back on Dr. Taylor's chest, and for a fourth time shocked the unresponsive body on the gurney. Dr. Taylor's body twitched again as the shock ran through his body, but this time was different. This time, his heartbeat filled the monitor in the room, signaling to all that he was alive.

The Chief handed the paddles back to the nurse, but remained beside Dr. Taylor's bed. He bent forward, his mouth close to Dr. Taylor's ear. He ignored the dried blood along Dr. Taylor's temple, and said through clenched teeth, "You don't get to die." He squeezed his eyes shut. "You will pay for what you've done. I'll make sure of that."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Bailey stood outside of the MRI, watching as Meredith's body was pulled inside. Her fingertips drummed against the counter as she waited for the images to pop up on the computer screen in front of her. She'd done hundreds of these before, perhaps even thousands, but none of them had taken as long as this one seemed to be taking. The minutes of waiting seemed to be endless, and being alone wasn't helping matters.

She had seen the bruises on Meredith's arms and upper chest, which left her with a rampant imagination. Her thoughts were consumed with "what ifs"; with what could have happened to Meredith during those hours that she was missing. It was an awful reality, and she knew that it was one that no one in this hospital could avoid. The question needed to be asked. What had happened to Meredith during those hours?

Only Meredith could answer.

The door to the room swung open, revealing a disheveled Cristina. "You paged?"

Bailey stood. "Yang, I need you to monitor room 315."

"Dr. Bailey," Cristina said, closing the door behind her as she moved further into the room. "While I appreciate what you're trying to do, I don't think that…"

"This is not up for discussion, Yang."

"Dr. Bailey… " Her voice trailed off as she turned her head to glance inside of the MRI. She blinked, her chest constricting. She raised her arm and pointing towards Meredith. "Is that Meredith?"

"Yang," Bailey moved towards Cristina in attempt to block her view from Meredith's unconscious body. "She's alright. We're just doing an MRI to make sure nothing more serious is going on."

"When did she get here?"

"About fifteen minutes ago."

Cristina stared at her person, her sister, her best friend that was lying completely still on the tray. "Is she conscious?"

"She hasn't been conscious since she arrived."

"How did… " Cristina hesitated. She wasn't good at this type of thing. Everyone knew that. But she was trying because this was Meredith. And Meredith deserved more from her than the average person. "How'd they find her?"

"Paramedics said a woman driving home from work saw a car turned over in the middle of the road and called it in," Bailey explained, glancing into the room to ensure that Meredith was still okay. "She was conscious when the woman discovered them, but she lost consciousness in the ambulance on the way over."

Cristina swallowed. "Is she okay?"

"She has a grade III concussion. We're just doing an MRI to make sure that nothing else is going on."

"Okay…" Cristina nodded. "Okay."

"Yang, I need you to do this for me. I need you to go monitor room 315."

Cristina shook her head. "I need to be with Meredith."

"She'd want you to be doing what you can to help, Cristina."

"I can't leave her."

"Cristina, I need you to do this for me, and for Meredith. I need you to go make sure that Shepherd stays in his room." Bailey stared at Meredith. "She'd kill us if we let him hurt himself because he was trying to help her."

"I can't…"

"Yang, I am ordering you to go to room 315. If you don't, you'll be on scut for the rest of your internship."

Cristina blinked. "Seriously?"

"You need to do this for me, Yang, and I'm prepared to do whatever it takes."

"Will you…"

"I'm taking her back to Shepherd's room when we're done here," Bailey interrupted.

"Okay."

"Go, Yang," Bailey instructed. "Do what Meredith can't do right now."

Cristina stared at Meredith. She wanted to help her. Everything in her body was telling her to stay, but she couldn't be on scut for the rest of her internship. She had to be the best, and the only way to do that was to have the best surgeries, to be in the OR.

"Yang," Bailey repeated. "Go. Walk out the door and go be with Shepherd. Meredith will be done in here soon."

"But…"

Bailey put a hand on Cristina's back and turned her towards the door. "She's going to be fine, Cristina."

Cristina turned, stopping Bailey from pushing her forward. "Will you page me if…"

"I'll page you if something's wrong, but I need you to focus on Shepherd. Keep him occupied, and don't let him out of that room."

Cristina cast one final glance at Meredith before she exited the room, leaving Bailey alone again with Meredith.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Cristina couldn't believe it. She couldn't believe that Meredith was back; that she was back inside of this hospital. It felt too good to be true. Like she was dreaming and any minute her pager would beep and awaken her. But she couldn't be dreaming. Not when she was walking through the halls, and not when her insides felt like someone was stabbing them repeatedly. Meredith was here, but she wasn't awake. And Cristina needed her person to be awake. She needed to know that everything was going to be okay, that things would return to normal, and that not everything was changing. Because she did not deal well with change, especially when it concerned people whom she cared about most.

She entered Derek's room, expecting to see Burke or Addison by the bedside, keeping him in check. But instead, she saw Mark. She saw Mark sitting beside his bed, urging him to stay in the room and not leave. It made her stop in her tracks.

"Yang," Mark nodded. "What took you so long?"

"I had to talk to Bailey."

Derek pushed himself off of his bed. "How's Meredith?"

"Shep, you've gotta stay still," Mark said as he pushed Derek back down onto the bed.

"I don't know," Cristina said softly. She moved towards the bed. "She was getting the MRI. She…" Her voice trailed off. She stared at Derek and realized that maybe she had misjudged him. Maybe he was just as lost and confused as the rest of them, that none of the pain he had inflicted upon Meredith had been intentional. That maybe he actually did love her. "She's still unconscious," she whispered.

"She's going to be fine," Mark said firmly. He turned towards Cristina. "I'm going to go help Bailey." He walked towards the door, stopping next Cristina on his way to whisper in her ear. "Don't let him leave this room. We'll bring Meredith here when she's done."

Cristina could only nod. Her voice was lost. Lost with her thoughts about how she could've not seen this. How she could've not seen how in love Derek was with Meredith. All this time she had thought that Derek was a selfish bastard; that he was just a guy who thought he could do whatever he wanted. But he had nearly died for her. He had risked his life to protect her, and now he was fighting to see her. Just like she was. But they were annexed to this room. They were being kept in the dark together.

"Did Bailey say anything to you?" Derek asked, interrupting her thoughts.

"Just that I needed to keep you in here."

"So you're my babysitter?"

Cristina walked towards Derek and sat in the chair that had once been occupied by Mark. "I think we're meant to babysit each other."

"Hmm."

She looked at Derek. He was bald, and it was weird seeing McDreamy bald. Because being McDreamy meant having the hair, and right now, he definitely did not have the hair. "You look terrible."

"I just had surgery," Derek laughed bitterly.

"I know."

"And yet you still insult me."

"It's what we do," Cristina shrugged. "You insult me. I insult you. Maybe it makes the world go round."

"Love makes the world go round," Derek said as he closed his eyes.

"I think I just vomited in my mouth."

"You really don't like sentimental, do you?"

"I prefer to be realistic."

"Burke loves you."

"I know," Cristina admitted. She looked at Derek. He was avoiding. He was doing anything to not think about Meredith, and oddly enough it made her like him more because like her, he was trying to forget. To avoid. And for once, she felt like she could talk to him. "But love can hurt people. Just like it hurt Meredith."

"I never meant to hurt her."

"But you did."

"So because I hurt Meredith, you think that Burke is going to hurt you?"

"It's inevitable," Cristina breathed. "Being in love means you get hurt. I'm just trying to brace myself for when it happens… so I don't end up like Meredith."

"I never meant to hurt Meredith."

"But you did," Cristina repeated.

"Cristina," Derek frowned. "It's not something I'm proud of, and I certainly never meant to intentionally hurt her."

"It doesn't change the fact that you did."

Derek looked away, ashamed. "I would change it if I could. I would do anything to take back the pain that I've caused her." He swallowed past the lump in his throat and held back the tears that were threatening to escape. "But before everything happened… we talked. We put it behind us because it was time. It's about forgiveness sometimes, and learning to move on."

"Meredith forgave you?"

"In her own way she did," Derek stated quietly. "But then he came, and she was gone."

"Oh."

"It's not something I'm proud of, Cristina," Derek explained, his hands balling into tight fists. "And if you think I don't regret any pain I've caused her, you're wrong."

"She doesn't deserve to be hurt anymore. It's time for her to be happy, for once in her life."

Derek turned towards Cristina. "Isn't time for you too?"

Cristina's lips twitched. He was right. It pained her to admit that to herself, but he was. If Meredith could be happy, than so could she. They could try it together. But first, she needed to wake up.

"I can't do this without her," Cristina confessed.

"Neither can I."

Cristina looked at the clock on the wall. Five minutes had passed. Five fucking minutes. She couldn't wait like this. It was painful. It was like someone was ripping off her fingernails slowly. She hated it.

"Promise me something," Cristina whispered.

Derek's brow furrowed. "What?"

"Just promise me you won't hurt her again."

Derek didn't need to think twice. "I promise."

* * *

**So ends this chapter. This hell of a chapter that was like pulling my teeth. For some reason, it just wouldn't come. However, I hope you enjoyed it. The next chapter will bring Meredith to Derek's room, where things will happen. And I hope to not leave you hanging as long as I did this time. **

**Thanks for reading. Hope you enjoyed!**


	24. Chapter 21: Learning As We Go

_**You Might Die Trying**_

**AN: **This took me forever. I realize that. And just, thank you for being patient with me. I moved across the country with my husband and we've been busy settling into our new house… along with many other things that involve life. But, here it is. Hope you enjoy…. And welcome to any new readers!

Also, **big thanks** to all of you who reviewed the last chapter, and have stuck by this story. You guys are keeping me going.

And also (this is the last thing I promise) thank you to Laura (AlwaysMerDer) for pushing me and for just being a good friend. Oh, and remember our deal.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own them, Shonda does.

* * *

**Chapter 21: Learning as We Go**

"_Just don't lie to your heart,_

_this will be the hardest part,_

_Everybody's got a darkness,_

_they all run to._

_They all go to."_

- Leona Naess

*~~~~*~~~~*~~~~*~~~~*

Derek Shepherd was his best friend. His brother. A man who he'd jump in front of a bullet for because, well, that's just the kind of relationship they had. They'd been friends since their childhood. Since the Shepherd family had basically adopted him and treated him like he was one of their own. They'd been friends for over thirty years. He wasn't stupid enough to think that the last year hadn't ruined their relationship on some level, but he was hopeful. Hopeful that one day his best friend might look at him again without the accusations in his eyes; without the look that said "you slept with my wife."

But now wasn't the time to dwell on the past. It wasn't time for him to think only about himself. Now was the time for him to step up. To take the bullet for his best friend, and do what he could not do. He needed to be Derek's eyes. He needed to be there for Meredith, and make sure that she made it out of that room and back to Derek still breathing. Because at the end of the day he knew that if the roles were reversed, Derek would do the exact same thing for him. It was in their blood. It was who they were, and who they'd always be, no matter what.

Mark ignored the sideways glances of the nurses and other doctors as approached the MRI viewing room. Usually, he enjoyed the looks. The casual glances that were made in his direction. It made him feel wanted, secure, and alive. It played a part in who he was as a human being. He needed to feel like everyone adored him, wanted him. It was what he needed to do his job. But right now, he wanted nothing to do with them. Even the new cute blonde nurse he'd been trying to get in bed for a week, he ignored. Because right now none of that mattered. Right now, there were only two people mattered. One was Derek Shepherd, and the other was Meredith Grey.

He took his final steps and entered the MRI room, where Bailey was quietly sitting. Her face held a giant frown, one that he had only seen twice before. "Bailey, how is she?"

Bailey turned. "The results should be up any second."

"Has she…" Mark stopped himself from asking the question because he knew it was pointless. If Meredith had awakened, Bailey would be a lot happier than she looks now. Her back wouldn't be hunched over the screen and her eyes would be brighter. She would look like Bailey on a normal day, and she didn't. Instead, she looked like Bailey after she lost a patient.

He ran his left hand through his hair. Waiting was the worst. It was painful to stare at a blank screen and wait for an image to appear, especially now when it was Meredith, when it was someone that was apart of this team.

Bailey slammed the mouse down on the counter, wiggling it from side to side, urging the computer screen to produce the MRI scan. Her patience was rapidly disappearing. And that made her feel weak. So, she needed to be distracted. Yes, distraction was key.

She released the mouse and brought both of her hands to the legs of her scrubs, rubbing them up and down her thighs slowly. "How's Derek?"

Mark edged himself closer to the screen. "He should be fine. I'm sure Yang will keep him in line until this is over."

"Yeah," Bailey huffed. She brought a hand back up and jiggled the mouse again. "Why is this taking so long?"

"It's screwing with us."

"How can a computer purposefully screw with us?" Bailey frowned.

"Because it knows."

Bailey turned in her chair; her mouth slightly parted as she stared up at Mark's smirking face. "Have you lost your mind?"

"I think I'd settle for that over this."

"Hell may freeze over after all," Bailey said, her voice the lightest it'd been since Meredith had arrived at the hospital.

"Why's that?"

Bailey shook her head. "This may be the one and only time I agree with you."

"See, it wasn't that hard," Mark chuckled lightly. "I'm a likeable guy."

"You're a damn fool, who slept with his best friend's wife because you have self-destructive tendencies, and maybe because you…"

"Bailey," Mark interrupted, nodding towards the computer screen. "It's up."

Bailey swiveled back towards the computer, her eyes immediately focusing on the screen in front of her. Behind her she could feel the heat of Mark's body. Normally she would have been pissed as hell that he was standing so close to her, but for some reason, it didn't matter. Nothing else mattered but the image that was appearing on the screen.

"Would you look at that?" Bailey smiled.

The breath that Mark had been holding left his body in one big whoosh. "Well, she's definitely got a concussion."

"But other than that…"

Mark straightened his back. "She's gonna be fine."

"Yeah," Bailey swallowed, "once the swelling goes down – "

"She's gonna be fine, Bailey," Mark interrupted.

Bailey stood from the chair that she had been occupying for the last 15 minutes. "She's gonna be fine."

And without another word, she stepped out of the viewing room and headed towards Meredith, leaving Mark behind. Her steps were light and her heart was slowly calming from the horse race that it had been on a few seconds earlier. Meredith Grey was going to be fine, maybe not in five minutes, maybe not tomorrow or the day after that; but eventually, she'd be fine.

*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*

"What are we doing here?" Izzie asked, slamming her head into the locker that she had been leaning against for the last half hour.

George turned his head towards Izzie. "We're doing what Bailey – "

"She knows what we're doing in here, O'Malley," Alex said, gritting his teeth. "She isn't stupid."

"I didn't mean to…"

"Oh, shut up," Alex snapped. "You're like a puppy dog. Grow some balls."

"Alex," Izzie glared.

"Come on," Alex smirked. "I called it like I saw it."

Izzie lightly slapped Alex's arm. "What the hell is the matter with you?"

"Nothing's the matter with me."

"Why do you do that?"

"Do what?" Alex shrugged.

"Pick on George," Izzie sighed. "He hasn't done anything to you."

"He's George. Who doesn't pick on George?"

"I'm sitting right here," George said, raising his hand to try to gain their attention.

"He's one of us," Izzie frowned. "George is one of us."

"No one cares about George."

"Alex," Izzie snapped. "Stop it."

"Shut up," George roared as he pushed himself up off the floor of the locker room. "Both of you just shut up."

Izzie closed her eyes. "George."

"This is bullshit," George said as his fist collided with one of the lockers. "Why are we in here while Cristina is out there? Why are we always the ones on the outside?"

Izzie shook her head. "Because they're doers, George."

"We've been in here for a half an hour," George stated, his eyes catching Izzie's gaze. "Since when did we follow orders?"

Alex pushed himself up off of the floor. "Looks like George is finally growing some balls."

"Alex," Izzie said, rolling her eyes. "We can't… we shouldn't leave. Bailey's pretty pissed."

George turned to Izzie and placed his hands on her shoulders. "Don't you want to be a doer?"

"Of course I want to be a doer."

"Then lets get out of here," George pushed.

Alex looked up at the clock, noting the time. "O'Malley's right." He twisted his head and caught Izzie's gaze. "Something's up, and I've got a feeling it isn't just about Shepherd."

"You think its Meredith?" Izzie's breath hitched. "You think she's here?"

George looked at the door and grabbed Izzie's upper arm. "I think we've never pretended to follow orders, so why start now?"

A small laugh escaped from Izzie's lips as she followed George and Alex out of the intern's locker room. It was time for all of them to become doers.

*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*

The sound of Meredith's scream when Dr. Taylor stormed into her bedroom that night was imprinted in his brain. Every time he closed his eyes, he saw her face and he heard her scream. It wouldn't stop. And he needed it to stop, especially since Meredith was back. He had to be strong for her. So, he couldn't afford to be weak right now. Not when Meredith was lying in a hospital bed in another room; and not when she was going to wake up from another traumatic experience courtesy of Seattle Grace Hospital.

"What's taking so long?" Cristina muttered aloud, ignoring the fact that Derek was in the room with her.

Derek closed his eyes. They had been enjoying silence. Well, Derek had been enjoying it, and he could only assume that Cristina had been too. He had two options. One was that he could respond to her and without a doubt endure a long back and forth, in which he'd probably feel more like crap afterwards. Or, he could ignore her and continue to hear Meredith's scream as if it were a song playing over and over in his head. They were two equally horrible options, but he knew which option he was taking without even giving a second thought.

"She'll be here soon." His voice was quiet and hoarse. "The MRI should be done by now."

Cristina twisted her neck around and stared at Derek, her face expressionless. "Have you seen her?"

Derek clenched his teeth and remained silent. His eyes remained trained on the door, waiting, yearning for Meredith to come into his room awake and alive.

"You have," Cristina said, leaning forward in her chair. "You've seen her. That's why I'm babysitting you."

"Shut up, Yang."

Cristina released a small chuckle. "I'm so right. You got out of bed after brain surgery and went to see Meredith."

"Yang…"

"You're a brain surgeon," Cristina smirked. "You should know better."

"Yang, I'm warning you…"

"I can't believe that's why I'm in here, babysitting you," Cristina said, shaking her head. "They're punishing us."

Derek clenched his fists, gathering the bed sheet in his hands. Maybe silence would have been better after all. "They aren't punishing us."

"They are. This is crap." Cristina stood from the chair. "I'm not going to sit in here and babysit you. Not when I could be with Meredith. Not when – "

"Yang, get back here," Derek interrupted. He waited for Cristina to turn around, and when she didn't, when she kept on moving, he knew it was time to pull out the big guns. "If you want to scrub in on a surgery in the OR ever again, you'll get back in this chair and sit down."

Cristina's feet stopped. "You're bluffing."

"You wanna bet?"

Cristina shuffled her feet. She could walk out of this room right now and never look back. She wasn't a babysitter, that wasn't her job. Her job was to save lives, and what she was doing now, was not saving anyone's life.

"You stopped moving towards the door for a reason, Yang."

She wanted to strangle him. To take his pretty neck and shake it back and forth, but Meredith would kill her. Burke would kill her. The Chief would kill her. She hated being wrong, but this time she didn't have a choice. This time she had to sit back in that chair and wait like an obedient soldier.

Without another thought, she turned and swiftly moved back towards the chair beside Derek's bed. She let her body drop back down in the uncomfortable chair; a large breath of air escaped her lips as she did.

"I hate you," she muttered.

Derek rolled his eyes. "Hate me all you want. I don't care."

"What is the matter with you?"

"The love of my life and your best friend is unconscious in another part of this hospital, and you're asking me what's wrong?" Derek snapped. "You're smarter than that, Yang."

"The love of your life?"

"We've talked about this," Derek groaned. "I'm not discussing it again with you. And frankly, it's none of your business."

"Oh, it became my business when your wife showed up – "

"Ex-wife," Derek interrupted.

"Now she is," Cristina barked. "But not then."

"I don't have to apologize to you."

"No, you don't. But I'm the one that had to pick up the pieces. Not you. Me," Cristina swallowed. "She's my person, and you broke her. So, that makes it my business."

"Yang, I already told you, I'm not having this conversation with you again."

Cristina stared at Derek. "Just remember your promise."

"It's not something I'd forget."

"God, you're an ass," Cristina groaned.

Derek ignored her, and instead returned his focus to the door. Too much time had passed since they'd taken Meredith to get an MRI. Something wasn't right. And even with Yang in the room, he was half tempted to get out of his bed and walk to the MRI viewing room to find out. But then he saw Mark, walking towards him with his usual cocky grin on his face. And that was all he needed. Meredith was going to be fine.

The door opened and Mark walked in. He looked between Derek and Cristina and laughed. "I'm glad to see you two didn't kill each other."

Cristina jumped from the chair. "How is she?"

"Mark…" Derek warned.

The smile fell from Mark's face instantly as he stared at his best friend. "She's going to be fine."

"Is there a but coming?" Cristina frowned.

Mark ran a hand through his hair. "She's still unconscious."

"But the MRI," Derek swallowed. "The MRI showed that nothing more was wrong, right? She just has a concussion?"

"She's going to be fine, right?" Cristina pushed.

Mark ignored Cristina and moved towards Derek, his eyes trained on Derek's face. And as Derek continued to stare at him, waiting for an answer, he realized that it was gone. The accusation in Derek's eyes had disappeared. Derek was looking at him like he did before he had slept with his wife, before all of the rest.

"Mark?" Derek asked, confused.

Mark broke his stare, reminding himself that Derek needed him now. And now was the perfect time to continue to make up for the past. "She just has a concussion. The MRI showed just that and nothing more."

"Thank God," Derek sighed in relief.

Cristina sat back down in the chair. "Where is she?"

"Bailey is bringing her now," Mark said, turning to look out the door to see if he could see Bailey. Just past the nurse's station, he could see Bailey's tiny frame wheeling Meredith's hospital bed slowly towards the room. She ignored the glances from the nurses and doctors that were wandering the halls, and headed straight towards Derek's room. Mark turned back towards Derek and smiled. "She'll be here any second."

Mark stepped back and moved towards the door, holding it open for Bailey as she pushed Meredith's bed inside.

"Mer…" Cristina whispered from the chair. She was frozen in place.

Derek shifted in bed, his eyes trained on Meredith's unconscious frame. He willed her to open her eyes. He needed to stare into the blue depths of her eyes and search them, make sure that she was okay, or that she would be okay. He just needed her. And as Bailey and Mark pushed her bed beside his own, he reached out and grabbed her limp arm. He held onto it tightly, squeezing it off and on, trying to awaken her.

And when nothing happened, he simply kept holding on, and whispered softly, "Meredith, I love you. I'll be here."

* * *

**So Meredith has been reunited with Derek. She's in his room, unconscious. We're starting the third part of this story essentially… we had part one where they were together and all this stuff was happening. Then we had part two, where they were separated and dealing with things on their own. And now, we have part three, where they're reunited after going through all the crap that they went to. Where they go from here will be interesting and fun. Promise.**

**Hopefully, the next update will be a lot quicker than the past few times. I'm trying, I really am. **

**Hope you enjoyed and thanks for reading!**


	25. Chapter 22: Doesn't Mean I'm Lost

_**You Might Die Trying**_

**AN: **Okay everyone.... here's the next chapter. I realize it still took me forever but, I'm working on getting this done. Believe me. I'm trying to do each chapter in a timely fashion, it just doesn't seem to be able to shoot out. Especially now, when I've been waiting for this part to come, and I want it to be perfect. So with that said, **THANK YOU** to everyone who is still here and reading... and really, **super big thanks** to those of you who are continuing to review - your support continues to motivate me. So, thank you.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own them. I'm just borrowing them.

* * *

**Chapter 22: Lost**

"_Just because I'm losing,_

_doesn't mean I'm lost,_

_doesn't mean I'll stop,_

_Doesn't mean I'm in a cross."_

- Coldplay

*~~~~*~~~~*~~~~*~~~~*~~~~*

She'd watched patients go through this before. This place of in between, where it seemed like they were trying to decide on whether or not they should live or die. Sometimes she wondered what made them choose. Did they see someone they loved that made them fight their way back to life? Or did they see someone on the other side that made them let go?

As she stood in a room of absolute brightness, she wondered what would happen to her. Her heart was beating. She was alive, but not awake, and all she wanted was Derek. And she found herself wishing for moments of the past and of the future. She wanted Derek. There was no choice for her. She didn't want there to be. Her heart was beating. She was breathing. And she could hear Derek's voice calling for her. Now all she had to do was open her eyes.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The Chief stood beside Dr. Taylor's bed. He hadn't moved since the monitor had registered Dr. Taylor's heart beat. Everyone else that had been inside of the room had vanished; leaving him alone with the man that had almost killed a woman he considered to be his daughter. The oath he took when he was just becoming surgeon replayed in his head like a track on repeat. Thou shall do no harm. Do no harm. _Do no harm_, which meant that even if he wanted to, he couldn't rip the cord out of the wall that was helping to keep him alive. He knew it was wrong. He had just fought to keep this man alive, and now he wanted to kill him. But he remained still with his hands clenched into skin-breaking fists. He stared down at Dr. Taylor, wondering how someone that he had once trusted and considered a friend could do something so violent and disturbing. Wondering how he could've taken a woman who was the child of someone they had once worked so closely with. It was jarring. And it forced him to realize that he didn't know all of his staff as well as he thought he did.

The pager on his waist beeped. He looked down and read the tiny blurb. It was Bailey, which meant that Meredith was out of the MRI, which meant that he had to leave because Meredith was more important than the scumbag that was resting comfortably in front of him. He took one last look at the handcuffs that kept Dr. Taylor in place, and then turned to leave the room, where he immediately found three concerned faces staring back at him.

"He's here?" Izzie stuttered as she looked past the Chief's body and at Dr. Taylor's broken body.

"Dr. Stevens…" The Chief sighed.

Izzie couldn't take her eyes off of Dr. Taylor. "Where is she?"

"Izzie," Alex said as he placed a hand on her shoulder, which she immediately shrugged off.

"We had a right to know," Izzie frowned. "She is one of us, and we… we're the only family she really has." She broke her gaze from Dr. Taylor and glared at the Chief. "You should've told us. The minute they brought her in, you should've told us."

"Izzie, you don't even know if she's here," George said softly, unwilling to let his eyes meet anyone else's in the room.

"She's here, George," Izzie snapped. "Why do you think Bailey told us to stay in Shepherd's office? Why do you think all we've seen since we left the office was the nurses and other doctor's whispering?"

"That's enough, Dr. Stevens," the Chief said sternly. "Your resident clearly did not think that this was something you should be involved in. She asked you to stay inside of that room and none of you listened. Why do none of you follow rules?"

"Give me a break," Izzie huffed. "Bailey paged Cristina but no one else. What were we supposed to do? Sit on our hands and wait it out? That's crap and you know it."

Alex tried to reach for her again. "Izzie."

"No," Izzie said, shaking off Alex's hand again. "He knows I'm right. He knows it."

The Chief straightened his back. "Dr. Stevens, I am the Chief of Surgery, and as the Chief I do not have to explain myself to you or your friends because you are interns; the bottom of the surgical food chain. I do not owe you three anything. Dr. Yang was paged because Dr. Bailey needed her. If she needed any of you, she would've paged." He clenched his jaw. "Now, I have to go check on another patient. You three need to go do your jobs. I do not want to see you three around this room. You got that?"

"Yes sir," George said quickly.

Alex shook his head. "Whatever."

Izzie remained silent. She crossed her arms across her chest and shifted her weight from her right leg to her left leg. She had a right to know. Meredith was her friend. She was part of the family she had built here in Seattle. She had a right to know.

"Dr. Stevens?" The Chief demanded. "Did I make myself clear?"

Izzie tightened her arms across her chest. "I need to know if she's okay."

"Izzie," George warned.

"No, George," Izzie hissed. "This is Meredith we're talking about. We have a right to know if she's here and if she's okay. We… " She swallowed past the lump that was slowly forming in her throat. "We have a right to know if she's alive or not because she is one of us."

"Enough, Dr. Stevens," the Chief yelled. "That is enough. Now unless you want to be in the pit for the rest of your intern year, I suggest you back off and let me do my job."

Izzie's dropped her head, refusing to let anyone else in the room see the tears that were threatening to break free from her blue eyes. "I don't care." She let her arms uncross and rest at her sides. "I just need to know if Meredith is alive."

The room was suddenly void of voices. It was like a switch had been turned that suddenly disabled everyone from talking. The pager at the Chief's waist beeped again, filling the room with the only other noised that mixed with Dr. Taylor's monitors. He stared at the pager, knowing that he had to go. He knew that there was a simple solution to this. He could suspend her, ground her in the pit, or put her on probation. There were many possible things he could do. But looking her standing in front of him, clearly broken, he couldn't bring himself to do it. Because all she was really trying to do was be a good friend. She was trying to be there for Meredith, which is something that Meredith deserved. And needed. Meredith needed them. If she was going to make it through this, Meredith would need them. And Izzie Stevens had just reminded him how much this girl actually needed a family.

"Please," Izzie whispered in a voice that was barely audible. "I just need to know if she's alive."

"She's alive," the Chief sighed. "I was just on my way to check on her." He looked at the three relieved faces in front of him and nodded. "I'll keep you updated, but you have to go to the pit and stay there until someone pages you."

Izzie took a deep breath. "We can do that." She looked at George and Alex. "We can do that. Right?"

George and Alex nodded, but neither of their mouths opened.

"Okay," the Chief said as he moved past them towards the door. As he opened the door he turned and looked at them. "Leave the room now and don't come back until I tell you that you can." They moved towards him and he held the door open for them. As Alex approached the doorway the Chief stuck out his hand, stopping them. "I mean it. Do not leave the pit and do not come to this room. No surgeries. No tests. Stay in the pit, and don't even think about coming to look for me. Got it?"

All three nodded in unison. Satisfied, the Chief lifted his arm and let them pass through the doorway. He waited until they had rounded the corner and left his sight before he left Dr. Taylor's room. Two police officers stood beside the door, guarding it and the man inside. He turned to the one on the left.

"Don't let those three in here, you got it?"

The officer nodded, but didn't say a word.

The Chief gave him a small smile and walked away, knowing that he should've told the officer to not let him back inside too. But he was the Chief. And as the Chief, he had to go inside of that room, even if it killed him. He had to, because he was the Chief.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Derek felt like he was on fire. His heart was pounding wildly in his chest as he listened to the sound of Meredith's heart on the monitor. Every muscle in his body was tight. And while one hand held onto Meredith, the other clutched the sheet his body was resting on. He twisted it round and round, and when there was nothing left to twist, he let it unravel and then he started again. This was how he was trying to make the minutes pass, but it wasn't working. So far, only five minutes had passed, and nothing had changed. Nothing.

Cristina sat in a chair that she had placed in between his and Meredith's beds, but she was ignoring him. She was ignoring the way that his hand was desperately holding onto Meredith's; and instead, she focused on Meredith's chest. She watched it rise and fall with every breath Meredith took, and each time she found herself hoping that that breath would be the time that her eyes opened. But nothing was happening, and she was getting tired of waiting.

"Why isn't she waking up?" Cristina frowned. "She should be awake by now."

Derek didn't let his gaze leave Meredith. "It takes time, Yang. She'll be fine."

"This is crap. She should be awake by now. Maybe they missed something."

"Do you really think that Bailey would miss something?"

Cristina shook her head. "Of course not."

"You have to be patient."

"Yeah," Cristina scoffed. "Like you're being so patient over there yourself."

"I'm being patient."

Cristina laughed bitterly. "You're twisting the bed sheet in your hand."

"So?"

Cristina shook her head. "Just admit it."

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Whatever. Just stop talking."

Derek twisted the sheet in his hand harder. "You're the one that started this."

Cristina rolled her eyes. "Shut up."

They fell quiet again. Cristina went back to watching Meredith's chest rise and fall, while Derek continued to twist the sheet in his hand. The cycle was endless and nothing was changing. Meredith's eyes weren't opening. And with each minute that passed, the more Derek began to doubt whether Bailey had read the scan correctly.

The door to their room pushed open, revealing Dr. Burke. He stood in the doorway, unwilling to enter the room fully. "How is she?"

Derek remained focused on Meredith. "Supposedly, she'll be fine."

"Supposedly?"

"She isn't waking up," Derek whispered. "She should be awake."

Burke nodded, understanding what Derek was saying and what he was not. "Cristina?"

Cristina didn't turn to look at Burke. "I'm busy now, Burke."

"Cristina…" Burke breathed. "I need you to come with me."

"I'm not leaving," Cristina refused.

"Cristina, I know this is hard. I know that Meredith is your… person, but you need to come with me."

"Get out of here, Burke."

Burke moved towards Cristina. He looked at Derek briefly before he turned his attention back towards Cristina. He knelt beside the chair that she was sloppily sitting in. "You need to leave."

"I'm her person, Burke. I don't need to leave."

"The Chief wants all of you down in the pit until further notice."

"No," Cristina said adamantly. "I'm not going. Not when Meredith…"

"You don't have choice, Cristina."

"There's always a choice."

"Then, I guess I'll have to drag you out of here."

"Don't put your hands on me, Burke," Cristina snapped, her eyes briefly leaving Meredith's chest and meeting Burke's.

Burke moved forward slightly, his lips grazing Cristina's ear. "You need to leave Derek and Meredith alone now, Cristina. This is their time. You'll get to be with her soon, but right now, this is time is for them. So leave them, and do what the Chief wants. Go to the pit."

Cristina shook her head. "I can't."

Burke reached out his hand and grabbed Cristina's arm. "You can." He gently tugged on it. "Leave them be."

"Burke, let me go."

"No," Burke said, tightening his hold on Cristina's arm. "I'm not going to let you disobey the Chief, Cristina. You need to go to the pit. And I need you to leave this room."

"Why? Why do I have to do this?"

"Because if you don't the Chief isn't going to let you see the inside of an OR for the rest of your intern year," Burke threatened.

"I don't care."

"You do care," Burke said, his eyes softening. "Come on Cristina, you're the best cardio intern and I need you."

"Burke…" Cristina hesitated. "I can't leave her."

"She has Derek."

"But what about…"

"Let him be the man that Meredith needs him to be," Burke interrupted. "Let him love her, Cristina."

Cristina returned her gaze to Meredith's chest. "I can't leave her."

"You have to Cristina," Burke pushed. "She'll understand."

Cristina held onto the chair. "I can't."

"Cristina, you're one of the strongest people I know. You can. Now, lets go before the Chief finds out you're not down there."

Cristina turned her head towards Derek. "You'll look after her?"

"Do you even have to ask?" Derek barked.

"I do actually," Cristina snapped.

"I love her, Yang. So of course, I'll look after her."

"You don't have to be an ass," Cristina said, rolling her eyes.

"Cristina…" Burke frowned. "We need to go. The Chief's going to be here soon."

Cristina stood from her chair and moved towards Meredith. She bent forward and whispered into Meredith's ear, "I'll be back. You're my person. So, you have to keep fighting. You have to, Mer. It's what we do. We fight back. So, do it." She looked at Meredith's chest and listened to her heart on the monitor. "Just keep breathing."

She pushed herself away from Meredith and moved towards Burke. As they exited the room she stopped and turned towards Derek. "Page me if she wakes up."

Derek nodded his head. "I will."

And without another word, Cristina followed Burke out of the room, leaving Derek alone with Meredith. He'd have to thank Burke later.

With no one else around, he decided it was time to move. Slowly, his pushed himself out of bed, holding onto his IV holder to make sure nothing disconnected, so the nurses didn't come flying in. Once standing, he shuffled his feet forward, moving his IV bag with him. He carefully lowered himself into the chair that Cristina had once been sitting in, and instantly grabbed a hold of Meredith's hand, squeezing it tightly within his.

"Please, Meredith," he begged as he held on. "You've got to wake up. I need you to. I need to know that you're alright; that you're still you. I need to be able to look you in the eyes and tell you how much I love you. Because I do. I love you. So please, just open your eyes. Open your eyes and prove to me that you're going to be okay. That we're going to be able to spend the rest of our lives together. Just… open your eyes. For me."

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Meredith didn't know what was happening, but the bright light was fading. The faces of all of her friends and family that had died were disappearing and Derek's was growing. And she was suddenly aware of how much pain she was in. It was radiating up and down her body like a rash that had started only on her back, but was now spreading, everywhere. Sounds of beeping filled hear head, but then she heard something else. She heard him. Derek was talking to her, pleading with her to wake up. He was holding her hand. And before she realized what she was doing she squeezed his hand.

"Meredith?" He said hopefully.

She loved his voice. She loved the way her name fell from his lips. It was like the best violinist and cellist coming together to play her favorite song. It was perfection. And she could listen to it all day long.

"Meredith?" He repeated.

She squeezed his hand again in hopes of assuring herself that this wasn't a dream. And when he squeezed back she knew. And suddenly, she had to open her eyes. Slowly, she opened them and reacquainted herself with her surroundings, but there was one thing was looking for in particular. She moved her sleepy gaze quickly, searching for Derek. Her eyes stopped when she found him. He was bald and there was gauze around his head. And he was crying. But he was Derek, and she loved him. She came back for him.

"Meredith?" He asked through his tears.

"Hi." Meredith gave him a small smile, and squeezed his hand again. Happy to finally see Derek's face again. Happy to finally be where she wanted to be. Happy to still be breathing.

* * *

**...I don't know what to say because really, I don't want to say anything. Meredith is awake and she's back with Derek, which is a moment we've been waiting for. We've got more to come, and it's not all going to be fluff and good times. Meredith and Derek both still have a lot to work through. With that said, thanks for reading and hopefully this one won't take more than a month.**


	26. Chapter 23: Save Me

**_You Might Die Trying_**

**AN: **It didn't take me as long this time! Two weeks! HA, sorry... I'm just excited for the small victory I won with myself over this chapter, because lets face it, you guys have been waiting for this one. So I hope it is everything you've been waiting for.

Thank you to all of you who've been reviewing this story. Your reviews and your encouragement has helped me get through some of the rougher patches of this story. It motivated me to get this one done so quickly. And hopefully the next one too!

And, this chapter could not have been written without the continued support of AlwaysMerDer and double_scotch.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own these characters.

* * *

**Chapter 23: Save Me**

_"I don't need you to turn water into wine, no_

_I don't need you to fly_

_I'm just asking you to save me._

_You might try saving yourself._

_I'm gonna save me._

_You might try saving yourself."_

- Dave Matthews

"Meredith," Derek sighed in relief, his hand tightening his hold on hers.

She'd awakened inside of the walls of this hospital before. She'd heard the sounds of people running around, doctors screaming and machines beeping. She'd even awakened beside someone before. But this time... this time was different. This time her heart ached and her head felt like it was slowly being beaten to pieces by a hammer. This time a fire seemed to be spreading inside of her as her body continued to awaken. The bumps and bruises that she had acquired at Dr. Taylor's expense were coming to life, unwilling to let her successfully avoid the trauma that she had just suffered.

Derek held onto her hand for dear life, afraid that she'd disappear into thin air. "How are you feeling?"

She turned her head slightly and sought out Derek's gaze, needing the reassurance from him that this was reality. That she was safe. Away from a man who had tried to kill her and Derek. She was safe. The words repeated over and over in her head. A constant reminder that the image of Dr. Taylor that she continued to see in her head was no longer reality. She was safe. Derek was safe. They were alive, and this was the moment she'd been dreaming about ever since she'd awakened in Dr. Taylor's basement. This moment where Derek was there, and he was okay...for the most part. And so was she.

"Mer?" Derek asked, concerned.

She squeezed his hand, liking the way it felt to have his skin against hers again. "Derek..." she licked her dry lips. "Are you okay?"

Derek inched closer. "Am I okay?" He whispered, pressing his lips against her temple. "A better question is if you're okay."

She closed her eyes and took a shaky breath, her diaphragm spasming as the air came in. "I'm fine."

"Meredith…" he replied throatily, wishing he could ban those words from her vocabulary.

Two tears slipped out of the corner of her left eye. They trickled down her cheek and splashed onto Derek's mouth. "I can't…" She closed her eyes again, trying to ignore the images of her assault. Another tear splattered onto her cheek. "Derek, please, I can't… not yet."

"You don't have to," Derek assured her. He thumbed her cheekbone, his mouth still brushing against her temple. "Not yet, but soon."

Meredith leaned into his lips, needing to feel his touch. "Derek… this isn't… I can't… " Air came in and out of her mouth but she wasn't breathing. Nothing was happening. The more she breathed in the harder it became to breathe.

"Mer," Derek said soothingly. "Slow down. Breathe…it's going to be okay. I'm here." He continued to stroke her cheek. "I'm here, Mer. Nothing more is going to happen to you."

"Just," Meredith tried to breathe again. The air whooshed into her throat, filling her lungs. She breathed in again, enjoying the feeling of her lungs filling. She was breathing. She was alive. "Just tell me you're okay. I couldn't… I was afraid that you were dead. I was afraid that I'd come back and you'd be gone… and I'd never see you again."

"Shhh," Derek whispered. He moved his hand letting it glide through the strands of her hair. "I'll be fine. I've got a hard head."

Meredith started to nod, but stopped when a shot of pain ran through her neck and up the back of her head. "Ungh."

"What is it?" He asked in concern. "What's wrong?"

"It's nothing," Meredith grimaced.

Derek's hand slid to a stop in her hair. "It's not nothing."

She licked her lips again, wishing that she had a glass of water or some ice chips. "My head."

"You've got a grade three concussion," Derek explained as his hand moved from her head back to her cheek. He loved the feeling of the soft skin of her cheek. He could spend hours just letting his fingers brush against it. "It'll take a few days, but you'll be okay."

"Yeah," Meredith swallowed, ignoring the tiny flashes of light and Dr. Taylor's face that continued to dance within her eyes.

"Meredith…"

"Derek, please," Meredith begged. She just wanted to forget. To pretend that she had just fallen down; that she had hit her head on a bench. Anything but reality.

Derek let his hand still on her cheek. He let his eyes fall away from hers, ashamed of what he was about to ask her. She had asked him to let it go, but he couldn't because he knew her. He knew that if they didn't talk about it now, they never would, and he wasn't willing to let that happen. Not when he had just gotten her back.

"Did he hurt you?" He asked softly.

Her heart was pounding in her chest. The evidence of that was both within her and through the increasingly fast beeping of the monitor beside her bed. If she wasn't careful, one of the nurses was going to come in here and sedate her, and she didn't want to be sedated. She didn't want to dream.

"Derek…" She moved her arm carefully and reached up to press her hand against his, holding it against her cheek. He was still looking away from her, and she was grateful for that because she didn't think she could answer his question with his bright blue eyes staring back at her. She didn't want to see the hope inside of them be lost because she needed to believe that it was still there. "He tried… " she swallowed past the large knot in her throat. "He tried to, but…"

"Oh god," Derek moaned, his hand flinching in hers.

"Derek, just wait," Meredith breathed, squeezing his hand harder. She swallowed again, ignoring the dryness that only seemed to be getting worse. "He did try, but I… I didn't let him." She squeezed his hand even harder, trying to get him to look at her, needing to make sure that he understood what she was telling him, but he wouldn't look at her. "Derek, please, just look at me." She waited a second, but when he still hadn't turned to face her, she said it again, "look at me."

He breathed in and out. Puffs of air blew from his mouth as he tried to control his emotions. He needed to be strong. For her. He needed to put his brave face on and be strong. Now was not the time to fall apart about what happened. Now was the time to get her to talk about it. He had to be strong. _Be a man_.

Slowly, he turned his head. He lifted his eyes to meet hers, afraid of what he'd find there. He thought he'd find accusations and anger; but instead, he only saw sympathy and affection. She felt sorry for him. She felt sorry that she had to tell him what Dr. Taylor had tried to do to her. And it killed him. She shouldn't be the one feeling sorry. He should. He brought her into this mess. He was the reason why she was here to begin with.

"I fought him, Derek," Meredith whispered. "I fought him off."

Derek pushed himself away from Meredith, needing to create distance between their bodies. Not matter what he did; he always ended up hurting her. Even when he tried to let her go, he hurt her. He could do nothing right with her, and she continued to feel the brunt of his mistakes. His chest began to heave in and out. He had caused this. _ In and out._ Whatever had happened to her, he had caused it_. In and out._ She should be running away from him, not holding onto him. _In and out_. She had every reason to run, and he couldn't blame her if she did. _In and out._

"I fought him, Derek." Meredith tugged at his hand that had been slowly slipping away from her cheek, awakening him from his trance. "So please… please don't do this to yourself."

Derek frowned. "This is my fault."

He started to pull his hand away, but Meredith tightened her hold, refusing to let go. "Don't do this, Derek. Please." She bit her lip, holding back the tears that were steadily pooling in her eyes. "I don't blame you." A lone tear managed to overcome the dam that she had been trying to build. It dripped down her cheek, leaving a silent track of the past. "You have to listen to me, Derek. Please just… I don't blame you. I…"

"Don't give me that bullshit, Meredith," Derek interrupted angrily. Pain flashed in his eyes. He turned away. "You're in that hospital bed because of me. You were in that car because of me. He took you because of me. "

He pushed his body away from hers, finally freeing his hand from hers. His legs wobbled as he stood and a wave of dizziness rolled over him like water lapping on the beach. He held onto the back of the chair, his eyes cast downwards at the seat, ignoring Meredith's soft pleas for him to sit back down. He pounded his free hand on top of the back of the chair.

"You should get away from me. Tell me to get out of here. Tell me to leave you the fuck alone because no matter what I do, you always end up hurt," he swallowed. "You have to end this… you have to tell me to go because I can't… I can't leave you." He ignored the tears that were dripping from the corners of his eyes. "I love you… and I… I can't be the one to say goodbye. So you have to. You have to end this."

"I can't do that, Derek," Meredith protested. "I just… can't."

"You have to. Please, Meredith," Derek begged. He brought a hand up to his cheeks and irritably wiping away the embarrassing wetness that was marking his skin. "You have to get away from me, and if I was a better man, I would walk away. But I can't. I can't walk away from you again."

"But you don't have to," Meredith breathed. "I don't want you to."

"You should," Derek snapped. "You should want me to be as far away from you as possible."

"I can't do that, Derek," Meredith repeated. "I can't walk away either."

"Why? After everything I've done to you, why?"

Meredith turned her head away from him. She hated this. She hated it what it was doing to them. But this moment, this is what she had been waiting for. This was the moment that had made her fight back. It had kept her alive. The hope of being with Derek again. It had kept her heart beating. As silly and as insane as it sounds, the mere thought of him had made her keep breathing. She had saved herself for him. And she wasn't going to let him ruin this moment. Not by self-pity, and not by blame. She was going to get this moment because she had lived, when not too long ago she might have let go. She might have let that man do whatever he wanted to her. But she didn't, for him.

Meredith blinked. A fresh set of tears descended upon her cheeks, but this time she wasn't ashamed. This time she didn't try to hide them. "You saved me, Derek." She bit the insides of her cheeks, nervously chewing on the insides. This was it. It was now or never. "You kept me going. The idea of being back here… with you, kept me alive. So don't you dare say this is your fault. I would be dead now if it wasn't for you. I would have given up. So don't you…"

"Meredith…" Derek breathed.

"Stop. You just have to stop this," Meredith sobbed. "I can't do this without you. I need you. I need you to be here. I need you to help me get through this when I know I won't want to. I need you to push me." She sniffed and wiped at her nose. "I need you to wake up beside me in the morning and tell me it's over. " She took a deep breath and turned her head back to his, wanting to see his face. His eyes. "I need you to hold me and mean it."

Derek moved closer to the bed, grabbing her hand again. "I always mean it."

Her breath fell from her lips. She knew it was time. Time to finally say what she'd been thinking ever since… well, she didn't know when. But she was sure of it now, and she knew that she never wanted to turn back again.

She gently pulled at his hand, guiding him down to the bed. His limbs collided with hers as he carefully situated his body next to hers on her bed. She pushed at the bed, attempting to move her body, so that Derek would have more room. He placed his hand on hers, stopping her futile movements. She stopped pushing, and he gently eased himself down onto the bed, lifting his arm and wrapping it around her shoulders, instantly pulling her closer to him. She settled into his arms, feeling safe, protected.

Derek brought his lips down and kissed the top of her head. "I'm here."

Meredith turned her face into Derek's neck. "Don't leave me," Meredith whispered, her breath blowing against the sensitive skin of the corner of his neck. "I love you."

Derek kissed the top of her head again, and gently rubbed the palm of his hand up and down her back. "I love you too." He pressed his palm against her back, pushing her even closer to him. He closed his eyes, squeezing out another set of tears. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

* * *

**Originally, this chapter was supposed to have another part. But after some consideration**, **I decided to leave it as purely a Mer/Der chapter. Because they are together again. Finally. **

**Thanks for reading!  
**


	27. Chapter 24: Cannonball

_**You Might Die Trying**_

**AN: **So, I know this took awhile. To make a long story really short - my husband came back after being gone for a couple of months for his job and it was just a hectic time. I want to thank everyone so much for sticking with this story. It will get finished. This is the story that I am working the most towards to get done. So just hang in there - and the good news is that I've already started the next update!

**Super big thank you** to all of you who've left reviews... and who have continued to support me through this process. I cannot thank you enough.... your support has helped me so much, and I am very grateful to have you all as readers.

So, thanks for reading. I really liked writing this chapter, so I hope everyone enjoys it. It's longer than my normal too!

**Disclaimer: **I don't own _Grey's...._

* * *

**Chapter 24: Cannonball**

_"Someone told me a lie_

_Someone looked me in the eye_

_And said time will ease your pain_

_But behold, when you fall_

_It's that same old cannonball_

_Coming back for your heart again."_

_- Brandi Carlile_

*~~~~*~~~~*~~~~*~~~~*~~~~*

They hadn't moved in hours. Ever since he had slipped under the covers of Meredith's hospital bed, the world outside of this room had faded away. Nothing was more important to him than the woman that he was holding in his arms. Derek instinctively tightened his hold on Meredith. He never wanted to go through this again. He never wanted to even think about the idea of losing her. Gently, he moved his hand and pressed the pads of two fingers just underneath her jaw line, feeling for a pulse. Her heart monitor soothed him, but actually feeling her blood pump beneath her skin, well it calmed every nerve that he had. She was alive. And with every breath she took as she slept, she exhaled, and that was who he knew that she was still breathing. She was alive.

Shortly after Derek had climbed into bed with her, Meredith had fallen asleep. Her body rightfully tired from the struggle it had endured in the last few days. Derek was tired, his body weak from surgery, but he couldn't sleep. Every time he closed his eyes, he saw Meredith's limp body lying on the pavement. There was no blood, no gore. It was just Meredith. Dead. He gave up on sleeping about ten minutes after she had fallen asleep. He didn't care if he couldn't close his eyes. He didn't care if he couldn't sleep. He was perfectly content to stay awake and hold Meredith. To guard her and protect her. She was his and he was hers. And he'd stay awake for as long as possible just to make sure that she was safe.

His mouth suddenly grew warm. Saliva filling every pore of his gums and cracks between his teeth. In the pit of his stomach the bubble of nausea grew. Meredith had almost died... because of him. She had been taken against her will and was held by a man who probably would have killed her if he had been given the chance, and he had done nothing to help. She had been ripped away from him and he couldn't save her. Protect her. And yet she was in his arms, trusting him to keep her safe.

She was sleeping peacefully... for now. The morphine was probably helping to keep her nightmares at bay, but soon he knew that reality would catch up with her, just like it was catching up with him now. He'd give anything to shield her from it. To shelter her from the storm that was coming. She didn't deserve this, no one did, but especially her. Not after everything she'd already been through.

He swallowed passed the lump that had formed in his throat, trying to keep the bubble inside of his stomach from bursting. Fear prickled every nerve ending in his body, because he knew how easy it was going to be in the coming days, hell, even weeks, for both of them to just push each other away; to construct a wall between them and pretend that everything was fine. Old habits die hard, and they were both extremely proficient at constructing sturdy walls. And while Meredith wanted him here now, a part of him feared that somewhere down the road she'd clam up and push him away. Just like before. Except this time, he'd fight for her. Yes, this time he wouldn't walk away as easily. Call it a lessoned learned... finally. He would stay by her side until the end. No matter what. Because she was Meredith, and he was Derek, and their stories only made sense when they were together.

When he had met Meredith just over a year ago, he had never imagined that they would be where they were today. In college and in med school he had never been that guy. The guy that consistently had one-night stands, or was never in a serious relationship. That was Mark, while he was the one who was always in a relationship and always trying to find the "right one." He thought he had found "the one" in Addison, but that obviously didn't turn out to be true. Especially not when he found her straddling his best friend, and moaning for more. So, he did what seemed natural. He ran. He packed up the few things that he needed, contacted the Chief, and ran across the country, leaving behind his friends and his family. He knew it made him a quitter, but to this day he didn't regret the decision because it had led him to Meredith. The true love of his life. But now a year later, after their meeting at Joe's, she was laying in his arms, wounded from a psychotic madman, and her heart still broken from all the pain he had caused her.

His mother had always told him to "do unto others as you would have them do unto you." Well, he certainly hadn't done that. His betrayal of Meredith's trust was worse than what Addison had done to him. He had lied to her from the start, and he had continued to pursue her, even though it was wrong. He was her boss, she was an intern. It was wrong. All of what he had done to her was wrong. And then, Addison showed up and all hell broke loose. And at the end of all of it, he broke her. He broke a woman that had given him her heart and her trust. He did to Meredith what Addison had done to him, and for that, he'd never forgive himself. He would spend the rest of his life making it up to her if she'd let him because the things that he'd done to her were incomprehensible. He didn't want to know the man that had done them. That man was not him; that man was an apparition of himself. The darker, selfish side of himself. The side that he had never wanted to see after his father's death because there was already too much evil in this world. He did not hurt people intentionally, that was not the type of man that he was raised to be. He was better than that.

And now, as he held her in his arms, he couldn't help but feel unworthy. She had let him back in even after everything. After Addison, after essentially calling her a whore, after making her into an adulterer, after making her choose between himself or Finn. After all of that, she had let him back in. How and why he did not know, but he knew that he'd spend every day trying to help her erase that all of that pain.

"Derek," Burke whispered from the doorway.

Derek looked up from Meredith's fragile form. He opened his mouth to say something in response, but nothing came. He had no words for what was happening to him… to them, and he knew that Burke didn't expect him to. They had an understanding, and sometimes their understanding didn't need words.

"How is she?" Burke asked as he stepped into the room and closed the door behind him, shutting out the chaos of the nurses' station.

"She's…" Derek's voice trailed off. He didn't know how she was. She was just here… in his arms. Alive. Breathing. It was all he had wanted. To have her breathing and in his arms. It was all he needed. It was enough. It had to be enough. He closed his eyes, blocking out the vicious images that swept through his mind like a slideshow on fast-forward. "She's alive," Derek breathed, his eyes trailing back down to the woman in his arms. "She's alive."

"And you?" Burke challenged. He knew that it was a stupid question to ask; that he'd be lucky to get an actual answer from Derek, but he decided to try anyway. His best friend deserved at least that. "How are you? Have you let your body recover at all?"

"I'm fine," Derek said softly as he ran a hand through Meredith's hair. "It's Meredith I'm worried about."

"Derek…" Burke rolled his head from side to side, cracking his neck. "You just had major surgery. You need to recover, or else… " He looked at Meredith, frowning. "Or else you won't be able to help Meredith, and when the morphine wears off, and she starts remembering all that's happened to her, she's going to need you, and you need to be there."

Derek closed his eyes. "I won't leave her side."

"I'm not asking you to," Burke blinked. "I'm telling you that even at your best it's going to be hard to take care of her. So while you can, you need to get better. Let your body heal so that you can help her heal."

"Don't give me that – "

"Shepherd, I'm in here as your best friend. You just had brain surgery. Would you ever let one of your patient's get away with this crap?" Burke interrupted. "Would you let Meredith? Or me?"

"I can't worry about that right now," Derek said loudly. "I can't think about what's right and what's wrong. I can't think about patients. I can't think…" A small frown settled on his face as Meredith shifted in his arms. He lowered his voice instantly. "I can't think about anything but her."

Burke ran a hand over his face. "Don't make me give you something to make you sleep."

"Burke," Derek hesitated. His gaze cast downwards at Meredith. Her chest moved in and out. Slowly and heavily, but it moved with each breath she took. It moved. "I can't lose her. I just got her back. I can't fuck this up again."

"Then don't," Burke said simply. Out of the corner of his eye he caught Cristina's hardened form moving towards the room. "I'll be right back," Burke said before he left the room and grabbed Cristina's arm, pulling her away from the nurses' station.

"What?" Cristina asked, pulling her arm out of Burke's grasp.

"I'm talking to Derek," Burke whispered. "I need some time…"

"I need my person, Burke," Cristina hissed. "Or else I'm going to do something to the person that did this to her."

"Taylor's here?" Burke frowned. "Is he alive?"

"He's here," Cristina nodded. "And he's alive."

"Is he conscious?"

"I don't know," Cristina mumbled. She turned her face away from Burke's, taking a quick glance at Derek. She knew his pain. She knew what seeing her like this was doing to him. "Look, I need…if I can't be in here with her I'm going to lose it. I need… I need to be here with her. I need to feel like I'm doing something for her."

Burke shook his head. "I can't make him leave, Cristina."

Cristina remained silent, hoping that Burke would connect the dots.

Burke's eyes widened suddenly. "No."

"What?"

"I am not taking him to…"

"I didn't say anything," Cristina interrupted.

"He needs to be in bed, Cristina," Burke sighed. "Resting."

"I just need a few minutes. I just…" Cristina swallowed. "I need to talk to her… alone."

"Cristina, this is an incredibly stupid idea," Burke growled. "He could kill him."

"He won't."

Burke's brow furrowed. "How can you be so sure?"

"He loves her," Cristina admitted. She hated to say it. In fact, it felt like poison was falling from her lips. But she wouldn't lie. Derek loved Meredith, that much she knew.

"One would think that his love for her would make him more likely to kill Taylor."

Cristina shook her head. "He won't." She stared at Burke. Her body was rigid and her face was stoic. She needed Burke to agree. She needed him to do this for her. "Just say yes, Burke. He's right down the hall."

"He's probably guarded. They won't let Derek in."

"I'm willing to bet they won't care."

"Cristina…"

"Please, Burke," Cristina whispered. "I need you to do this for me."

Burke clenched his fists. "Fine. Give me a minute."

He turned away from Cristina and reentered Derek and Meredith's room. He looked at his best friend, and immediately regretted agreeing to this. Derek wasn't ready for this. He wasn't ready to see the man who had almost killed the love of his life.

"Something wrong?" Derek asked, his voice tired.

Burke looked out in the hallway at Cristina. He no longer had a choice. He took a deep breath and caught Derek's gaze. "Taylor is here."

Derek didn't blink. "What?"

"He's in the hospital," Burke explained. "I just found out."

"Is he alive?" Derek said evenly.

Burke nodded. "He's down the hall."

"Burke…" Derek started but stopped. It didn't need to be said. He knew Burke knew because Burke would want the same thing. He would want to see the son of a bitch that almost killed the love of his life.

It took him a second to realize that Burke had already gotten his wheelchair out of the corner of the room and had moved it towards their bed.

"Ready?" Burke asked.

Derek looked at the wheelchair and then back at Meredith. He ran his hand through her hair another time and moved his lips close to her ear. "Meredith, I'll be back in a few minutes."

He didn't expect her to respond, but part of him wished that she would. Part of him wished that she would latch onto him and stop him from leaving. But she was out. She probably wouldn't even realize that he had left. He placed a gentle kiss on her forehead before he slowly untangled his limbs from hers. Burke moved towards the bed, and helped Derek ease into the wheelchair, and before Burke moved the wheelchair away from where Meredith remained sleeping, Derek grabbed a hold of Meredith's hand.

He squeezed her hand tightly in his. "I love you, Mer."

As soon as the words left his lips, he dropped her hand and let Burke wheel him out of their room. He didn't look at anyone as they moved down the hallway. He didn't care. All he cared about was that he had a date with the devil.

In the distance, Derek could see the two police officers that were guarding Taylor's door. They were hunched over and chatting quietly, seemingly bored. Derek knew that they would never let him in the room if they knew who he was, so he'd have to lie. He'd have to say something that would make his stomach churn in order to get inside of that room and stare at the man who had done this to Meredith, and to him. As much as he wanted to hurt Taylor for what he'd done, he knew that he couldn't. Meredith needed him. She needed him to be there with her throughout the day. She needed him to be the one that came home to her, instead of her visiting him in the jail cell. That was the only reason why Derek wasn't going to go in there and just kill him. There was no point. Taylor would rot in a jail cell for the rest of his life, and for Derek... thinking about what he'd done, owning up to his decisions and his actions, would be the best thing for Taylor to do.

Burke slowed his wheelchair as they approached Taylor's room. The police officers straightened at the sight of them and crossed their arms.

"Sorry guys," the shorter and younger police officer said, "no one is allowed in there."

"We know, and I'm sure you have your reasons," Derek responded before Burke could say anything. "But that man in there was a great anesthesiologist in this hospital, and I'd like to have the chance to say goodbye."

The younger officer glanced at the older one, unsure of how to proceed.

Burke patted Derek on the shoulder. "He just had brain surgery, and he's one of our finest surgeon's here. Dr. Taylor assisted both of us on several of our surgeries before he took a leave of absence," Burke lied. He stared at the officer's challenging them to look away, to say no. "Dr. Shepherd here would just like the chance to say goodbye."

"This man... Dr. Taylor," the older officer sighed. "He isn't supposed to have visitors. He's under arrest."

Derek closed his eyes, ignoring the feelings of hate and anger that were swirling inside of him. "What for?" He asked in a mockingly shocked tone.

"We're not at liberty to say," the older officer said, cutting the younger officer off.

Burke glanced at the older officer's chest and read his nametag. "Look, Officer...Jensen, all I wanted to do was to give my friend, Dr. Shepherd the chance to say goodbye to his friend. We won't be long."

Officer Jensen turned and looked at the younger officer, before slowly reaching for the door to Taylor's room and twisting it. As he pushed the door open, he walked inside and held it for Burke to wheel Derek inside. Derek felt his chest tighten as they entered the room of the man that had tried to kill both he and Meredith. Both of his hands were handcuffed to the bed railings on either side of his body. He looked helpless... and weak. Derek's hands squeezed his armrests and his chest puffed in and out. He thought that he could handle this. He really did, but now that he was inside of this room, all he wanted to do was strangle him. He just wanted to kill him. His hands tightened even more as he continued to stare at Dr. Taylor's lifeless form. Killing him wasn't an option, Derek reminded himself. It was not an option. He was not a killer.

Officer Jensen cleared his throat. "You've got five minutes," he said before he moved back through the doorway and shut the door behind him, leaving Burke and Derek all alone in Dr. Taylor's room.

"Take a deep breath, Shep," Burke said, as he pushed Derek slowly closer to Dr. Taylor's bed.

Derek closed his eyes. "Stop. I can't be any closer to him."

Burke's feet stopped moving instantly. "Should we be in here?"

"Yes," Derek breathed heavily. He closed his eyes and reminded himself again that he was not a murderer. He was not like those young kids who had murdered his father. He was not like Dr. Taylor. He was not a murderer. "I just.. I need a minute."

"Okay," Burke nodded. He moved away from Derek, and sat down in the chair by the window of the room, giving Derek some space.

Derek brought his hands together, and let them rest in his lap. He stared down at them quietly, breathing in and out, and reminded himself again that he was not a murderer. It seemed ridiculous. He knew it did. The constant reminding that he was not a killer. He knew he wasn't, deep down he knew. But as he sat in the same room with the man that had attempted to rape and kill the love of his life, he wanted nothing more than to see him dead. But Meredith was alive. She was sleeping a few rooms down, waiting for him to return, and killing Taylor, killing this pathetic man who had nothing left to lose, would only make Derek lose everything. So he did it. Every few seconds he reminded himself that he was not a murderer. He was Dr. Derek Shepherd. The Dr. Derek Shepherd. He was not a killer.

"Derek?" Burke asked tentatively.

"Yeah," Derek frowned. "I know." He looked up and stared at Dr. Taylor's broken body. "He tried to kill Meredith."

"He's sick, Derek," Burke tried to reason. "He blames you for something that he did to himself."

"I hate him," Derek swallowed. He ran a hand over his face. "I want him to suffer for what he's done."

Burke stood from his chair and moved towards Derek. "He will suffer. He will go to jail."

"I want him to die," Derek said simply. His tone was even, not at all affected by the words that had come out of his mouth. "I want him to die," he repeated.

"We all do, Derek," Burke offered. "But if you do this... if you take matters into your own hands, you will only hurt her more. She needs you, and she wouldn't want you to do this."

Derek nodded along with Burke's words. "I know."

"Let's get out of here," Burke said as he grabbed a hold of Derek's wheelchair and began to turn him away from Dr. Taylor.

"Stop," Derek whispered.

Burke's movements froze. "Derek..."

"I just," Derek hesitated. "Let me look at him."

Burke swirled Derek's wheelchair around so it faced Dr. Taylor's bed again.

"You are pathetic," Derek said as he stared at Dr. Taylor. "You tried to kill a woman because in your warped brain you think that I ruined your life. You ruined your own life. You are to blame for where you are today. You are to blame for what your life is now. I tried to help you. I tried to get you the help that you needed..." Derek's voice trailed off. He bit the insides of his cheeks. "You tried to kill the one person that actually understands me. You tried to take her from me, while I tried to give you your life back." A lone tear dropped from the corner of his eye and fell onto the back of his hand. "I hope you pay for what you've done."

Silence fell between them as Derek's words trailed off. Derek took a deep breath and turned his head away from Dr. Taylor. "I'm ready," he said softly.

Burke immediately turned the wheelchair towards the door and guided them both towards the door of Dr. Taylor's room. Officer Jensen opened the door for them as Burke continued to wheel Derek out of the room that was his own private hell. Burke gave both of the officers a small nod before he rounded the corner and led them back towards Derek and Meredith's room.

Derek remained silent, his gaze cast downwards as they moved through the hallway. He could feel the eyes of his co-workers on him, questioning him, wondering why he was out of bed, and who he had just seen. The gossip would fly, but he didn't care. Meredith was in their room waiting for him. She needed him, and he would be there.

He was not a murderer.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Cristina stood just inside of Meredith's room. She had waited until Derek and Burke had rounded the corner before she had entered, and now she couldn't move. Her hands were shaking. Her eyes were wet. She felt out of control, and out of control was something that she didn't do. Ever. But this was Meredith. This was the one person in the world that got her. Burke tried to understand, but he didn't fully get it. But Meredith did. She got it. And she was almost taken from her. It made her heart burn and her eyes cloud. It made her head pound and her palms sweat. It brought her back to when she was nine years old and her father had bled out in front of her. Except this time, there was a happy ending. Meredith was alive.

Cristina shifted her feet, knowing that it would be so simple to take a step forward, and then another one, but she couldn't. Something was keeping her back by the door. She knew it was pathetic, and weak, but she couldn't do it. So instead of moving closer, Cristina stayed still and stared at her best friend while she slept. It was weird, but it helped. It helped to see that her best friend was still breathing, to hear her heart monitor beep with every pump of her heart. It helped to see her so peaceful. Cristina knew it was the drugs, but it was nice. The storm hadn't come yet. She knew it would soon, but not yet.

"Derek..." Meredith moaned in her sleep, causing Cristina's eyes to widen.

She looked at the clock on the wall. It had only been 2 minutes since Burke had taken Derek down the hallway to see Dr. Taylor. She knew it had been wrong, to suggest that Derek go see the man that almost got Meredith and himself killed, but she just needed a minute. She needed a minute of silence between her and her person. And now, Meredith was either beginning to dream or she was waking up, and Derek wasn't here, which was bad. Cristina knew that Meredith needed him here. She knew that Meredith, as strong as she may be, was going to need Derek to get through this... because this happened to them. Just like her pregnancy happened to she and Burke. This was between them. She'd be there as much as Meredith wanted her there, but this... the nightmares, the fear, the panic... this was Derek's land. This was his territory, and he needed to come back.

Cristina glanced at the window, looking for a sign of Burke or Derek, but saw none. Where were they? She had been stupid. Stupid to think that she could've handled this alone if something had happened. She couldn't handle this. She couldn't comfort her about this. Especially not when he could barely comfort herself.

"No, please..." Meredith whimpered, her body twisting in her hospital bed.

Cristina's heart was pounding in her chest. Slowly, she began to move forward. With every step she swallowed. She fought back the growing panic within her, and the voice in her head that telling her to turn and run. This was Meredith. She could do this.

Tentatively, she reached forward and grabbed a hold of Meredith's hand. She squeezed it gently. "You're okay, Mer."

Meredith twisted again in bed, her brow furrowing in anguish. "Derek, please..."

"Mer," Cristina said soothingly as she moved her free hand up to her face and began to softly rub her cheek. "It's just a dream. You're fine. Derek will be back in a second." She closed her eyes and tried to will Derek back to the room. "You're okay, Mer. You're okay."

"Don't," Meredith moaned loudly. "Please..."

"Mer," Cristina repeated. "You're okay." Cristina's heart pounded in her chest. She didn't know what she was doing. She didn't know how to handle this. All she had wanted was a minute alone with Meredith, and now she was paying for it. Meredith groaned again, causing Cristina to tighten her hold on Meredith's hand. "Derek will be right back, Mer. Just hold on."

Meredith's body continued to twist in the sheets. Cristina knew that she didn't have much time. The nightmare was escalating, and Derek and Burke still weren't back.

"Nurse," Cristina yelled loudly. She waited a few seconds before yelled again.

"Stop, please..." Meredith groaned. "Don't do this..."

Cristina couldn't take it anymore. Meredith was about to break, and she needed help. Regretfully, she let go of Meredith's hand and ran out of the room. "Nurse, I need you to - "

"Cristina?" Burke asked, confused. "What's wrong?"

"What's wrong with Meredith?" Derek demanded as he tried to push himself up out of the chair, but quickly found out that he was too weak.

"Thank God," Cristina sighed in relief. "It's Meredith, she's having a nightmare. We've got to - "

"You left her in there alone?" Derek growled, trying once again to push himself up out of the wheelchair.

"Nothing I was saying was helping," Cristina admitted softly, "I couldn't help her. She needs you."

"Cristina - " Burke started before he was interrupted by Derek.

"Burke," Derek yelled, "get me back in there!"

Burke startled and instantly began moving Derek back towards their room, and just as he was opening the door to push Derek inside, Meredith released a bloodcurdling scream.

It was a sound that no one would forget anytime soon. It was a sound that chilled them all at their very core. It was a sound that broke Derek's heart.

Because she was screaming for him. She was screaming for him to come save her.

* * *

**Thank you again for reading and for all of the support! Hope you enjoyed and it was worth the wait!**


	28. Chapter 25: Lifeboats

**You Might Die Trying**

**AN: **Okay. I had an insane level of writer's block for this chapter… because this chapter leads us to the final section of this story, and it needed to be told right. So, I hope this works out for all of you. I know it's been awhile, and I'm sorry. I really am. It's never my intention to let things go so long without an update, it just seems to happen. So, I'm posting this without really rereading towards the end... I'm sorry, I just really wanted to get this up.

With that said, **thank you** to all of you who reviewed and continue to support this story. Your support makes me want to keep going…it helps me push past the writer's block… to motivates me. So seriously, **thank you**.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own _Grey's._

* * *

**Chapter 25: Lifeboats**

_"Wake up, wake up,_

_Dreaming only leads to more _

_and more nightmares."_

**-** Snow Patrol

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

_She was trapped. _

His hands assaulted her skin, rubbing and squeezing. The car had crushed around them, locking her inside with him, and he was taking full advantage. She could feel his warm breath on her skin, the air moved in and out as he continued to grab at her exposed flesh. He was taunting her, showing her that he owned her in this upside down car. There was no escape.

_She was trapped. _

Her body was paralyzed, unable to move, stuck beneath the passenger door that had collapsed on top of her when the car had flipped. His hands continued to molest her body, groping every inch of her skin. She tried to scream. She tried to fight, but nothing was happening. Her arms weren't moving and her mouth wasn't opening.

_She was trapped. _

His voice sent shivers through her. He told her to be a good girl, to relax. She closed her eyes and tried to pretend that it was Derek; that Derek was the one touching her, but his voice haunted her. It told her she was a slut like her mother; that she would pay for flipping the car to try to escape. She would pay for what Derek had done. An eye for an eye…more or less.

The walls were closing in all around her. He pushed himself against her, letting her feel his arousal. She tried to scream again, but nothing came. It was useless. There would be no fighting back. Not this time.

_She was trapped. _

Her body slackened, giving into the inevitable. He would have his way with her. There was no stopping him. She tried to imagine that it was Derek; that he was the one touching her, caressing every inch of her body. She swallowed back the fear that was warming the inside of her mouth, and closed her eyes.

He yanked on her hair suddenly, causing her to cry out in pain. He told her to keep her eyes open; that he wanted to see and feel her react as he touched her. Another scream ripped from her lips. She begged for him to stop, for Derek to come save her. She just wanted this to end.

It was then that she heard him. She heard Derek calling for her, telling her that she was safe; that Dr. Taylor was gone. And yet she could still feel him all around her, haunting her. She still felt his clammy, moist hands all over her body. He was still there. Derek had was lying.

Her heart thumped wildly in her chest. She tried to move again, but failed. Something was holding her still.

_She was still trapped. _

Derek's voice whispered to her again, calling for her, telling her that she was safe; that all she needed to do was open her eyes. A warm, comforting hand stroked her skin, and again, Derek spoke, calling her out of her darkened abyss. The hand tenderly moved over her skin, and Derek's deep voice penetrated her thoughts. He called to her again, urging her to open her eyes.

Slowly, she opened her eyes, and saw the man she had been longing for. The one person that she had thought would save her. "Derek…" she groaned softly.

He squeezed her hand instantly in response. "You're okay," he urged. He gently eased himself onto her bed, releasing her hand and bringing it up to cup the side of her face in his palm. The pad of his thumb tenderly caressed her cheekbone. "It was just a dream. You're okay."

Meredith lifted her hand to her cheek, placing it on top of his, letting the warmth of his touch comfort her. Her eyes remained trained on his, watching as his conflicting emotions came and went like a flickering light. A lone tear slipped out of the corner of her eye and dripped onto Derek's hand. His hand dropped from her cheek as he enveloped her in his arms, holding her close against his chest. Another tear escaped as she buried her head in his chest and wrapped her arms around him, needing all of him.

"It's okay," Derek breathed, letting his hands move soothingly up and down on her back. "I've got you."

She shuttered against him as a strangled sob escaped from her petite frame. Derek pulled her tighter against him, and painfully listened as her cries echoed in the quiet of their room. Her hands dropped to his chest and grabbed at his hospital gown, twisting and tugging the fabric between her thin fingers, while his hands continued their gentle caress of her back. She squeezed her eyes shut, willing the tears to stop, not wanting to let Dr. Taylor continue to have control over her because she had ultimately won. She had escaped. Derek was here. She wasn't trapped in that car anymore or in Dr. Taylor's basement. She was at Seattle Grace, and she was safe.

_She was safe._

Those three words repeated over and over again in her head like a broken record. One of Derek's hands moved to cup the back of her head. His fingers wove into the strands of her hair as he held her against him. She turned her head to the side, pressing her ear against his chest, listening to the steady thumping of his heart. His chest moved as he breathed, a silent reminder that he was alive; that she was alive. They had made it.

Derek's hand slid up her back and the side of her neck until the palm of his hand was cupping her cheek. Gently, he let two of his fingers slide underneath her chin, lifting her chin upwards. He pulled away slightly, so that he could see her face. "Are you okay?"

Meredith drew her lower lip into her mouth and softly chewed on it. She closed her eyes, not wanting to see the self-blame and worry that was etched so openly on Derek's face. A few tears escaped as her eyes shut. They moved down her cheek slowly, leaving a trail of evidence behind until they were tenderly wiped away by Derek's fingertips.

"Mer, are you okay?" Derek repeated.

Her teeth clenched down harder on her lip as she nodded against his hand. A wave of nausea rolled through her body. Her mouth warmed and her heart began to thump wildly in her chest. Perspiration beaded across her forehead as her entire skin warmed. She was on fire. Her eyes shot open as another wave of nausea swept over her. She swallowed past the lump that had formed her in throat and breathed, "Derek..."

"What is it?" Derek asked worriedly. His hand pushed a stray strand of her hair out of her face. As his skin brushed across hers, he felt the warmth of it. He pressed his hand fully across her forehead. "You're burning up."

Her stomach churned. She stared at Derek with wide eyes as she tried to get her body to calm down. She was safe. She repeated the words over and over again in her head, but it wasn't working. The taste of bile rose up her throat and into the back of her mouth, and with trembling hands she pushed at Derek, trying to free herself from his grasp so that she could make it to the bathroom in time, but Derek kept a strong hold on her upper arms, locking her weakened body in place.

"Mer, tell me what's wrong," Derek demanded.

"I'm going..." she swallowed past the bile that pooling in the back of her mouth. "I'm going to be sick."

Derek released her arms instantly, allowing Meredith to propel herself out of her bed. She moved as quickly as she could, not waiting for Derek to help her. Her hands shoved the bathroom door open and she stumbled inside, before falling to her knees and heaving bile into the porcelain abyss that she was staring into. Her warmed mouth continued to warn her of the impending arrival of more vomit, and just when she thought she that she had gotten rid of every last bit of it, the warmth returned until she had nothing left to give. A soft hand pressed against her lower back and slowly began to rub up and down soothingly. She shut her eyes; not wanting to see the yellow mixed with water any longer, and took in a labored breath.

"Better?" Derek said softly, his hand continuing to move in slow circles on her lower back.

Meredith reached forward with both of her hands and grabbed a hold of the toilet. Her stomach convulsed again and she leaned forward, ready to purge her insides again, but nothing came. Derek reached forward with his free hand and pulled her hair back. He held onto to her silky strands as she continued to gag without any relief. Sweat formed on her brow, and tears of pain escaped from her eyes as she dry heaved again. Her hand shook from exhaustion as she removed it from the toilet and angrily wiped at the tears that were still falling loosely from her eyes. She was ready for the nightmare that she had been living in for the last few days to end. And even though she was safe now, she could still feel him. She felt his hands. She heard his voice. She smelled him. He was everywhere. And even though she knew she was safe now, a tiny seed of fear still lived within her.

"Mer?" Derek's hand slowed in its movement, while the other released her hair. Gently, he eased her back from the toilet, and turned her towards him, keeping his arms wrapped around her. "Breathe, Mer."

Her stomach churned again, but she didn't move. Her body cooled and goose bumps prickled her skin. She inched herself closer to Derek, letting herself be fully enveloped by his warmth. She drew in a deep breath, attempting to calm her still shaking body.

Derek rubbed his hands up and down her back, trying to warm her. "I'm so sorry, Mer." He dropped his head to her hair and breathed her in as he pressed a gentle kiss a top of her head.

She drew her hands up his chest, needing to feel him, needing to feel safe and protected. "It won't stop," she admitted quietly, ignoring the fear that was cloaking her skin like a fur coat.

"What won't stop?" Derek murmured.

Meredith grabbed the fabric of Derek's t-shirt, twisting in between her fingers. "My head," she breathed into his chest. "It won't stop thinking about it…" her voice trailed off. The what ifs plagued her along with reality. It was a never-ending cycle that she was trapped in. Just like she had been trapped in her dream. "My dream…I need it to stop."

"Mer," Derek said softly. He moved his hand to her head, pressing her firmly against him. "It's going to be okay."

"No, Derek," she shook her head against his chest, tears once more pooling in her eyes. "I can't get him out of my head. I can't stop thinking about what happened. I'm trapped in that car still, and he's there. His hands, his voice, his smell. Everything about him. He's there with me, and I can't escape." A thunderous sob escaped from her lips, unable to hold it in any longer. "He's still here... with me."

Derek snapped his eyes shut, his heart breaking as he listened to the woman he loved sob over what had happened to her. Over the fear and the pain that she had suffered all because one man had decided to take out his anger on them. And what pained him even more was the fact that the man that had caused her so much anguish was right down the hall. Still alive. And he couldn't help but think that he should've killed the bastard when he had had the chance. Bitterly, he ignored those thoughts, knowing that Meredith wouldn't want him to kill anyone for her, but if she did, if she asked him, he would do it in a second. But for now, he would hold her. He would be there. He would comfort her when she needed comfort, be a punching bag when she needed to take it out on someone, and love her always. That was who he wanted to be now. He wanted to be hers.

He pulled her closer to him once more. "Mer, I'm here. He cannot hurt you now."

"It doesn't matter, Derek," she cried, her defenses and her strength breaking down. "He's still here. Don't you get it? He's haunting me like a ghost in a bad movie. I can't…" she pushed her body away from his and looked up at him, tears and snot still making tracks on her cheeks. "I can't shake him, Derek."

Derek let his hand slide from the back of her head to her cheek. His hand cupped her cheek, ignoring the tears that were still falling freely from her eyes. "You need to give yourself some time," he said tenderly. "It isn't going to just go away. You just need some time, Mer."

"I need it to stop, Derek."

He moved his thumb against her cheekbone. "It will stop soon; but for now, why don't we get you back in bed?"

"Derek…"

"Look at me, Mer."

She moved her gaze to his. Tears shimmered in her usually vibrant eyes. Derek swallowed past his own guilt as he stared at her. This moment in her life had changed her forever. She knew it, and he knew it. Things were going to be different from here on out, but they could deal with it. Together. Together they would get through this. Together they would bring her back from the cliff that she was currently teetering on. Together.

He gave her a sad smile. "You can do this, Meredith. I'll be here to help you every step of the way. You just… you have to ask if you need something. You have to tell me if you need me to do something." He brushed away a lone tear that had fallen out of her right eye. "I'm not going to leave you, Mer. I love you. We're in this together. Okay?"

"Okay," Meredith nodded. She breathed in deeply, and exhaled slowly, still trying to calm her frantic nerves.

Derek drew her in for another hug, tightly squeezing her against him. "Everything is going to be fine."

"Yeah…" Meredith blinked, her eyes releasing two more tears.

He gave her another squeeze before he moved away from her once more and stared down at her lovingly. "Ready to head back to bed?"

"I think so."

Meredith reached over and flushed the toilet before she pushed herself off of the ground. She wavered slightly as she stood, her body still weak from the events of the past few days. She reached out with her hand, and steadied herself on the sink, while she waited for Derek to stand.

He stood gingerly, knowing that he had pushed himself too hard and too fast after just having brain surgery, but it didn't matter. The only thing that mattered was standing in front of him, holding onto the sink for balance. He reached forward and wrapped an arm around her shoulders, pulling her towards him. Slowly, they made their way back to her bed. She leaned on him heavily as they walked; causing Derek to use any strength he had left to help her back to bed.

It took a few minutes with some brief pauses, but they eventually succeeded in making it back to her bed. When they arrived, Derek lifted up the covers as Meredith eased herself into the bed. She kept hold of Derek's hand as she settled herself in bed, moving farther to the side, so that Derek could join her. Without her having to ask, Derek moved into the bed beside her and wrapped his arms around her. Her body melted into his, and she instantly felt safe.

"Comfortable?" Derek asked, his lips grazing her forehead.

Meredith nodded against his chest. "You make me feel safe."

Derek closed his eyes, his heart soaring high like an eagle. "I hope that never changes."

Meredith's eyelids drifted shut as silence fell between them. She breathed in his scent, a silent reminder that he was there; that she wasn't in Dr. Taylor's car, that she wasn't trapped. She was with Derek. The love of her life. The man of her dreams. He would die before he let anything happen to her, and suddenly her eyes were shot open, wide with fear.

"Derek?"

"Yeah?" Derek mumbled.

"What happened?" She asked softly, her heart pumping wildly.

Derek opened his eyes and looked down at her. "What do you mean what happened?"

"To you," Meredith breathed. "Who found you?"

"Izzie found me," Derek smiled sadly. "I'm okay."

"You weren't breathing," Meredith stated. Her body began to shake. "When he took me, you weren't breathing. I thought you were dead."

"Mer, I'm alive," Derek reached for her hand and brought it to his heart. "It's beating. I'm breathing. I'm alive." He squeezed her hand in his and brought his lips down to hers. "I stayed alive for you."

"Derek..."

"Rest, Mer," Derek said, pressing her head back down against his chest. "We'll talk about it later."

Meredith rubbed her head against the skin of his right breast, watching as his chest rose and fell as he breathed. "Promise?" She asked tiredly.

"I promise." Derek ran a hand through her hair. "Sleep now."

Meredith nodded against him, her tired eyes closing once more, except this time there weren't any nightmares.

_She was safe. For now._

* * *

**Thank you again for reading and for your support. I want you all to know that I am trying to finish this story by the end of the summer, so hopefully the updates will be coming much more frequently. Like I said, this chapter set up the final section of this story, which is partially why it was harder to write. Anyway, thank you again. I hope you enjoyed it... drop me a line!**


	29. Chapter 26: Gravedigger

_**You Might Die Trying**_

**AN:**So, it didn't take me as long. I have to thank my amazing friend A for all of her help. She rocks my world and keeps me in line. I got mucho writing done while I was traveling this past weekend, so... the good news is that I have another update written already. It just needs to be read over. Also, I really want to **thank everyone who has taken the time to review. **You guys make this story keep going...and you inspire me to write faster. So **thank you. **

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Grey's... if I did you can bet your butt the show wouldn't be where it is now.

* * *

**Chapter 26: Gravedigger**

_"Ring around the rosy, pocket full of posies,_

_Ashes to ashes, we all fall down._

_Gravedigger,_

_When you dig my grave,_

_Could you make it shallow_

_So that I can feel the rain?"_

- Dave Matthews

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

_What had she done?_

Cristina pressed her back up against the wall in the stairwell. After Burke had pushed Derek back inside of Meredith's room, she had left. She had abandoned her best friend, her person, in her time of need. And it wasn't because she couldn't handle it. She could. She knew she could. She was tough. She was Cristina Yang. No, this was because it was Meredith, and Meredith had almost died. It was because if she heard Meredith scream for Derek one more time she might go into Dr. Taylor's room and kill him herself. It was because of the nightmare that she had just witnessed in which she couldn't wake Meredith up from. A long sigh escaped from her lips. This would change her. It probably already had. Meredith would never be the same.

Her mind drifted. The stairwell a quiet reprieve from the busy hallways and the gossip of the hospital. Thoughts ran through her head as to what could have possibly made Meredith scream so loudly. What could have happened to her while she was with Dr. Taylor? A shudder ran through her body and goose bumps prickled her skin. Her best friend had just gone through something that she couldn't understand fully. She couldn't tell her that there was an answer. She couldn't tell her to just drink her tequila. This was something that had to be dealt with or else it would control her. It would rule her life, and she would live in fear every waking moment, which was no way to live. She knew that from experience.

After she had witnessed her father's death, it had taken her mother months to send her to a therapist. It wasn't until her mother had accidentally dropped a pan onto the kitchen floor, that her mother realized something was wrong. After that moment, she lived in fear and in nightmares. Fits of rage and anger became a part of her every day life. It wasn't long before her mother had had enough and took her to her pediatrician, who promptly told her mother that she needed therapy. That she was suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder. The moment of the pan clashing on the kitchen floor had sounded like the metal of the cars colliding together in Cristina's brain. It had triggered the memories of the event to awaken, and she was reliving it. Every painful, heartbreaking moment that she had witnessed at the age of nine, she was reliving. All because of a pan hitting the wooden floor of their kitchen.

It had taken Cristina a year to recover, but even still, there were moments when under intense stress, that if she hears a loud bang, the memories come back. Luckily for her, that year helped her deal with it. She learned the skills that were necessary to remember where she was. To remember that she was living in the "now," and not the past. The past was over.

That moment in Meredith's room, the uncontrollable nightmare that she had witnessed, had reminded her of what it was like to live with post-traumatic stress disorder. And she knew that it would be a miracle if Meredith didn't suffer from it. But if she did, she would be there. She'd lived through it. She knew how to deal with it. And if Meredith refused to listen to Derek, if she refused to seek help, than she could help. She could help her friend the same way her mother had finally realized that she had needed help.

She pushed herself off of the wall and moved towards the stairs, needing to distance herself from the situation more. When Meredith needed her, she would be there, but for now, she realized that all Meredith needed was Derek. Derek was the one that Meredith had turned to in her mind while she was with Dr. Taylor. Derek was the one who had the power to help Meredith get through these first few days, and that was okay. Now she knew. Now she knew that she couldn't ask Derek to leave the room so she could have a moment alone with her. Derek was Meredith's lifeline now. He would keep her grounded. He would keep her safe.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Izzie paced the floor of the pit. She was itching to get out of here. To go upstairs and find Meredith, to make sure for herself that Meredith was in fact alive and breathing. She hated the fact that Cristina could be there; that once again the special bond that Cristina and Meredith shared was getting in the way of her making sure that Meredith was in fact okay. She was Meredith's friend too. So were Alex and George. They all cared, and for the Chief to ban them from Meredith's room was absurd. It was like telling them that they couldn't practice medicine. Meredith was a member of their family. They were a unit, a team. And teams had to stick together. They couldn't let one fall behind. They couldn't let one suffer alone. Everyone had stuck by her. They had helped her with Denny, and it was Meredith that had pushed for it. It was Meredith that kept them glued together. They all needed to be there for each other. That was the bottom line.

She turned on her heels and walked by George and Alex again. They were standing against the nurse's station. Their shoulders were hunched over and a defeated look rested on their weary faces. As she moved past them for what seemed like the hundredth time, she stopped suddenly, and turned to them.

"I don't care."

"What?" George asked confusedly.

Izzie took several steps forward until she was standing right in front of George and Alex. "I don't care what the Chief says," she breathed. "I don't care if he kicks me out of the program. I don't care if he bans me from the operating room. I don't care."

"Okay…" Alex shrugged. "So?"

"So I'm going to go see Meredith," Izzie said excitedly.

"Izzie…" George frowned. "You heard what the Chief said."

"I don't care," Izzie yelled. "Don't you get it? Meredith stood by me with Denny. She was there. Now, it's time for me to be there for her." She turned her gaze towards Alex. "Alex, she was there for you when you needed to study to retake your exam. She helped you get through that." Her gaze shifted to George. "And George, well…" she swallowed. "You loved her. At one point you did. I know stuff happened. I know. But, it's Meredith."

"Izzie, we can't leave," George said, attempting to reason with her. "If we leave we'll spend the rest of our intern year in the pit."

Izzie shook her head. "I don't care." She took a step backwards. "I'm going upstairs. I'm going to find Cristina."

"Izzie…" Alex said lamely. "She's going to be fine."

Izzie took another step backwards. "I need to know, Alex. I need to be there for her." Her eyes caught Alex's gaze. "She doesn't have a family. She has us. We are her family. We need to be there for her. I'm not letting her do this without her family." She turned and began to walk away from them before she stopped again and tossed a glance at them over her shoulder. "She needs you guys whether you believe it or not. She needs all of us."

And without any further hesitation or thought, Izzie began to move towards the stairwell, figuring that she was less likely to be caught by the Chief there. It took less than 20 seconds before she heard the sounds of feet behind her. She smiled then; her first smile in what seemed like days. Five people that had entered the program as strangers were now a family. They were all each other had. It was time for all of them to step up to the plate.

**XXXXXXXXXXXX**

The Chief stood just outside of Dr. Taylor's room. He didn't face the door; afraid that the anger that was pumping through his veins would cause him to do something drastic. The two cops that were stationed in front of the door attempted to ignore the man that wore the lab coat with the name "Chief of Surgery" etched above his left breast, but every so often his breath would hitch and his body would stiffen. It became readily clear to them that the man who was standing with his back to the door was crying. Curiosity filled both of them. Who was this man in the room? What could he have possibly done to warrant this level of emotional response from the hospital's Chief of Surgery?

Without any warning, the Chief turned. Tears lined his eyes. Moisture was clear on his face, but he didn't care. He looked at the two cops and grimaced. "I need to check on this patient."

The officers looked at each other. The older one, Officer Jensen, shook his head at the younger officer, signaling to him that they had no right to question the Chief of Surgery. He stepped away from the door. "Go right ahead, sir."

The Chief hesitated in front of the door. His emotions were getting the better of him. He knew that. He took a step forward and then another, before stopping midway through the door. He turned and looked at the officer that had spoken to him. "Besides the nurses, has anyone else been by this room?"

The officers looked at each other again, clearly confused. Officer Jensen nodded. "Two men came by earlier."

"Doctors?" The Chief asked.

"One was a doctor and one appeared to be a patient," Officer Jensen replied.

"He was a doctor here too," the younger officer piped in. "Dr. Shepherd if I remember correctly. Said he wanted to say goodbye."

"Thanks," the Chief said abruptly before he turned and charged into the room, fearful that Derek had done something he would regret. Rationally, he knew that Derek wouldn't. He knew that the nurses would've paged him if something had alerted them to Dr. Taylor having problems. But irrationally, he wasn't so sure. He and Meredith had just been through hell, and if he was feeling the urge to murder Dr. Taylor, he couldn't imagine what Derek was feeling.

His nerves immediately eased as he walked further into the room and heard the sound of the heart monitor signaling that Dr. Taylor was indeed still alive. The Chief marched around the room, unsure of why he was here exactly. A nurse had just been by; he had seen her come in and then out. Everything was fine…at least inside of this room.

His gaze remained trained on Dr. Taylor as he slowly took a few steps towards the bed. He stared down at his body, watching his chest rise and fall. His thoughts wondered, and he found himself thinking about what Derek had achieved by coming in here. Had he found peace? Had he realized that killing a man wasn't the answer to the problems that resided in life? Had he realized that he was stronger than he thought?

At the moment, the Chief didn't feel very strong. At the moment his hands moved towards the intubation tube, wanting nothing more than to pull it out. He struggled with his inner demons. His desire to help Meredith. His need to be the father that she never had. The illogical side of him told him that maybe this would help. Maybe if he killed Dr. Taylor, Meredith would see how much he was sorry for tearing her family apart, that she would see how much he loved her. But the logical side, the side that was generally always right, told him that Meredith would have to decide that on her own. He couldn't push that on her. He couldn't make her think one way, and there was no guarantee that she would be grateful to him for killing Dr. Taylor. His hand withdrew instantly and settled back at his side, but his gaze remained trained on Dr. Taylor.

"You're a selfish son of a bitch, Taylor," the Chief snapped. "We all tried to help you. Me, especially. I've been there. I've been down that road and I know how hard it is to climb out of it. But you didn't hear any of it. You blamed others for your life and for your decisions because you were too much of a chicken shit to admit that your problems stemmed from within. You are the root of this problem. Not Derek Shepherd and not Meredith Grey. They did nothing to you. They did not deserve this."

His voice trailed off. The man was in a coma. He knew that it was unlikely that he would ever wake up, but there was something about speaking the words that were harbored inside of him. It was like he was saying goodbye, except he was really releasing the anger that had resided inside of him since this had all started.

"You deserve to die, Taylor," the Chief breathed. "I shouldn't have even kept you alive, but I did anyway. I did because I wanted to see you prosecuted for everything that you've done. I wanted to see Meredith testify against you and put you away for life. It was selfish of me. I know that, but you deserve to see your day in court. You deserve to have that brave woman say what you did to her just so that you can live with it for the rest of your life."

He spun around, unable to look at Dr. Taylor's form any longer. He had thought he knew what it was like to hate someone before. He thought he understood fully what hate was, but he knew now that he didn't. This was hate. This desire he had to completely see this man's life ruined. This desire for him to see this man behind bars, to see him convicted for the crimes that he committed. This was hate. Festering, overwhelming hate.

Without another word, the Chief moved back towards the door, suddenly feeling the urge to be anywhere but inside of this room. And as he reached for the door handle, the sound of Dr. Taylor's heartbeat on the monitor changed. His pulse was dropping. He instantly turned and pressed the call button on the side of Dr. Taylor's bed, alerting nurses to the code blue. In less than ten seconds, Dr. Taylor's heartbeat stopped and the sound of him flatling filled the quiet room.

Nurses charged into the room with a crash cart as the Chief moved beside Dr. Taylor's bed, lowering his body down so that the bed was completely flat. He grabbed the paddles that the nurse was holding for him.

"Charge to 250," the Chief demanded before slamming the paddles down against Dr. Taylor's exposed chest.

Dr. Taylor's body lurched as the shock waves ran through his body, but there was nothing.

"Charge to 300," the Chief grunted and then slammed the paddles down again.

Dr. Taylor's body jumped again, but there was still nothing.

The Chief stared down at Dr. Taylor, wondering if Taylor was doing this himself. If he was choosing to die instead of living. If he was doing this to spite them all.

"Sir?" The nurse asked.

The Chief handed the paddles back to the nurse. It wasn't even worth trying. He was essentially dead when he first came in here. If he didn't die now, he'd die within the next die. He looked up at the clock. "Time of death 9:06pm."

He didn't wait for the nurses to say anything. He didn't wait to hear the monitor be turned off. He simply walked out of the room. The officers looked at him as he pushed through the door. He stopped momentarily. "He's dead. You should tell the lead Detective." And then he kept moving.

His feet carried him down the hallway. A few curious glances came his way as he moved seemingly out of body towards the room that only a few people were given access to. When he was just outside of Meredith and Derek's room, his legs suddenly stopped moving forward. He was frozen. This could go poorly or it could go well. It all depended on what Meredith wanted. It was all about what she needed to find closure. He prayed that it wasn't him behind bars, because it would never happen. Not now.

He glanced inside of the room and saw Derek and Meredith curled around each other, holding on for dear life. Meredith's body was tiny in Derek's arms. Her slender frame overwhelmed by his size. He couldn't tell if Meredith was asleep or awake, but he could see Derek's eyes staring at Meredith. Concern was written all over his face, and the Chief couldn't blame him because he was concerned too. Everyone was. This simply did not happen to one of their own, especially when it was by one of their own. It was unacceptable and inexcusable. Things like this just weren't supposed to happen in his hospital.

He swallowed past his fear, past the unreasonable side of his brain that told him that they didn't need to know. They did. This was their life. This had happened to them. If anyone deserved to know, it was them. So, his hands settled on the door and he pushed it open. Derek glanced at him and shook his head, as if telling him to remain quiet.

"Derek…" the Chief whispered.

Derek shook his head again. "Not now."

"It's important, Derek."

"She's finally sleeping," Derek frowned. "Why can't this wait?"

The Chief stepped further into the room, taking a deep breath as he neared the bed. His gaze fell upon Meredith's sleeping form before moving back to Derek's. He closed his eyes and clenched his fists. "He's dead, Derek."

"What?" Derek growled as softly as he could.

"Dr. Taylor is dead."

* * *

**I just wanted to thank you all for reading. Another chapter has been written, so it shouldn't be long. In the meantime, drop me a line and let me know what you think! **


	30. Chapter 27: Human Touch

_**You Might Die Trying**_

**AN: **So, I'm back… in record time. Maybe? I don't know. I need to **thank every single one of you who reviewed the last chapter. **Seriously. **THANK YOU**. You guys are what keeps this going… you're comments keep me moving forward with this fic. You make me continue to write. So, **thank you** all for reading.

Major special thanks to **Apes, Laura and Lola. **You girls rock my socks.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own _Grey's… _etc.

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**Chapter 27: Human Touch  
**_"Oh girl, that feeling of safety you prize,_

_Well it comes at a hard, hard price._

_You can't shut off the risk and the pain,_

_Without losin' the love that remains._

_We're all riders on this train."_

- Bruce Springsteen

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

_"Dr. Taylor is dead."_

Derek's entire body stiffened. He tried to remain calm, not wanting to awaken Meredith. He breathed in and out, trying to keep everything neutral, but there were some things that he couldn't control. Like the way his chest tightened every time he took in a breath, or the pounding of his heart. He was dead. The bastard that had tried to kill him and Meredith was dead. He didn't know how to feel about that. He didn't know what kind of reaction he was supposed to have. Happiness? Relief? Anger? What exactly was his reaction supposed to be? No reaction seemed to match the thoughts that were jumping around in his mind. He was at a loss.

"Derek?" The Chief questioned lightly.

"How?" Derek grunted.

"He was in pretty bad shape when they brought him in," the Chief explained while his gaze remained trained on Meredith.

"How," Derek repeated. "Tell me how."

"Pulmonary embolism," the Chief stated. "He shouldn't have even been alive in the first place, Derek. I had no business bringing him back to life when he'd already been down for 10 minutes."

"He should have had to pay for what he did."

"Derek…"

"No, Richard. His death doesn't make all of this okay. His death means that Meredith won't get to make sure the world knows what he did to her. It doesn't give her closure. It doesn't give her peace." Derek paused for a moment, tightening his hold on the woman who was still sleeping silently in his arms despite their raised voices. "She didn't deserve this, Richard."

"No one is saying that she did," the Chief shook his head. "And you need to understand that this isn't your fault." The Chief moved his gaze to Derek's, catching his darkened gaze. "It wasn't your fault. It wasn't Meredith's fault. She's a fighter, Derek. With your help and with the help of her friends, she will make it through this."

"How can you be so sure?"

"She's Ellis Grey's daughter. She knows how to fight," the Chief stated simply.

"He tried to kill her, Richard."

"He almost killed you too," the Chief reminded him.

Derek's thoughts wandered to that evening where everything had suddenly turned to hell. He had come out of nowhere. Barged into her room with a typical ski mask and clocked him over the head before he could even give Meredith time to escape. She had to see him collapse to the floor. She had to witness the pool of blood around his head. In that way, he should consider himself lucky. He didn't have to witness Dr. Taylor dragging Meredith out of her home. He didn't have to hear her voice as she called out for him, begging him to help her, begging him to wake up. He didn't have to be confronted with the ultimate reality that he had failed because he was unconscious. And yet somehow, the fact that Dr. Taylor had taken him down so quickly provided enough guilt to make up for the moments that he had missed. It mixed with his guilt for bringing her into his personal vendettas. He was responsible for this.

"Derek, you can't help her if you aren't helping yourself," the Chief said wisely. "You have to forgive yourself. You have to know that Dr. Taylor's actions had nothing to do with what you did. In fact, by reporting him to me, you probably ended up saving several lives."

"But it almost ended up getting Meredith killed," Derek replied no longer caring about how pathetic he seemed.

"She would have had you do it all over again, Derek. You saved lives by doing what you did."

He looked down at Meredith's form. "And look what happened."

"She'll be fine, Derek. She will be. She's going to need a lot of help, but she'll get there eventually. You just need to remind yourself that he was sick, Derek. Dr. Taylor was a deranged man, who had lost his way. He didn't know north from south or east from west."

"It doesn't matter," Derek said adamantly. "She's in this hospital bed because of something I did. I am partially to blame for this."

Before the Chief could respond, a soft voice spoke from beside him. "I don't blame you, Derek."

Derek's arms squeezed her tighter. "Mer?"

"Welcome back, Meredith," the Chief said lightly. "It's good to see you awake."

"He was a sick man," Meredith breathed, ignoring the Chief. "Imagine what would have happened if you hadn't said anything. Imagine how many innocent lives would've been lost." Meredith turned in his arms, pressing her chest against his. "You did what you did to save those lives, Derek. You can't be held accountable for what an alcoholic twists around in his brain."

Derek pressed his forehead against hers; letting his lips capture hers for a moment. "He almost took you from me, Meredith."

"But he didn't," Meredith attempted to reason. "I fought back, and if he comes back again, then I'll fight back again. I'll keep fighting, Derek, until there is nothing left to fight for."

"Meredith," the Chief said before Derek could respond. "I was just in here to tell you and Derek that Dr. Taylor…"

"Chief," Derek warned.

"She needs to know," the Chief explained. "She needs some peace of mind."

"I just don't think now is the best time," Derek frowned.

Meredith pushed herself up out of Derek's grasp, but made sure that their bodies were still touching. "What happened?"

"Dr. Taylor is dead, Meredith," the Chief said quickly.

Meredith's brow furrowed. "What? He was here?"

The Chief glanced at Derek out of the corner of his eyes, ignoring the anger that was engraved in Derek's usually tender and joyful expression. "He was brought in shortly after you."

"Why didn't anyone tell me?" Meredith demanded.

"We didn't want to upset you," the Chief replied instantly, not caring if he took the blame for trying to protect her. "There were officers covering his room at all times."

Meredith's gaze narrowed, her pain from her earlier being immediately replaced with anger. "You should have told me. I had a right to know."

"If he had survived the night, we would have transported him to Mercy West," the Chief said in attempts to justify his actions.

Meredith titled her chin and stared at Derek. "Did you know about this?"

Derek closed his eyes. "Yes."

Meredith's body visibly deflated. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"You already had so much to deal with, Mer. I didn't want to add on another big thing."

"I would've been able to handle it."

Derek couldn't help but remember her nightmare earlier. He hated to doubt her, but the question echoed in his mind. Could she have handled it? He wasn't sure. Dr. Taylor had attempted to rape and kill her. He had put her through hell, and if he had told her that Dr. Taylor was here, how much worse would her nightmare have been? It was in that question that he realized that he didn't feel bad for not telling her. He knew he had done the right thing. If she didn't like it than that was something she would have to work through with him, but he wasn't going to feel guilty for trying to protect her when he had failed in the past.

"You can be mad at me if you want to, Mer," Derek sighed. "But I was trying to protect you. I know you can take care of yourself, but I needed to take care of you. I needed to protect you. I needed to feel like I had done something to help you."

Meredith's hardened gaze softened as she listened to Derek. She couldn't be mad at him for trying to protect her. It was annoying, but he was just trying to do the right thing. She understood that he was trying to make up for where he had failed in the past, which she shouldn't be surprised about. He was a good man. He would make a right after he had committed a wrong. It was that simple.

Meredith reached for his hand, grasping it firmly in hers. "You have done plenty to help me."

"I don't know about that."

"You kept me alive, Derek. I stayed alive for you," Meredith admitted softly not wanting the Chief to hear all of their private moment.

"You stole my line," Derek smiled.

Meredith leaned closer to him, gently pressing her dry lips against his. "It was a good line."

Derek enjoyed the feeling of her lips against his. It was something that he would never tire of. He was hers, and she was his. She made his life worth living, and these moments… the moments where it felt like they were the only two people in the world, well they made him feel better than any other moment that he had ever experienced. And he never wanted to feel that with anyone else. She was it for him. She was the end of the line. No woman could ever replace her.

"I love you," Derek said, kissing her lips between every word.

Meredith leaned further into him. "I love you too."

Derek's arms wrapped around her once more, pressing her securely against him, suddenly needing to know that this wasn't a dream; that he wasn't living in some alternate reality in which they were both alive and happy. When she squeezed him back, sending tiny waves of desire through his veins, he knew it wasn't just a dream. This was his reality now. Two people helping each other recover from a terrible nightmare.

The Chief cleared his throat from his spot in the middle of their room. "Well, I just wanted to let you both know what had happened. If you need anything, just have one of the nurses page me."

The Chief didn't wait for a response before he spun around and made his way towards the door. His feet only stopped when he heard Meredith's tiny voice speaking him from the bed that she shared with Derek.

"Wait."

The Chief turned back around and faced them. "Yes?"

"I'd like to see him," Meredith demanded.

"What?" Derek growled beside her. "No. You are not seeing him."

"Derek…" Meredith frowned. "You don't understand."

"I do understand."

"How can you possibly understand what I'm feeling?" Meredith asked without regard of Derek's feelings. She regretted the words as soon as they came out of her mouth, but she also knew it was too late to take them back. They had come out for a reason. Now she had to deal with the consequences. "I need to say things to him Derek. Alone. Without people watching me or judging me."

"Meredith, do you really think now is the best time?" The Chief asked preventing from Derek from responding. He knew that Derek had been to see Dr. Taylor. He knew that Derek had gotten the chance to vent his anger at the man. It was only natural that Meredith would want to as well, especially if there would be no day in court.

'"I have things I need to say to him," Meredith said simply.

"Mer," Derek swallowed. "I just don't think now is the best time for you…"

"If you want to see him, Meredith, I can arrange it," the Chief interrupted Derek, shooting him a warning glance in hopes that Derek would understand that he knew about Derek's brief encounter with Dr. Taylor. He didn't want to call him out in front of Meredith. He didn't want to get him in even more trouble than he already was, but he needed to know that he knew.

Meredith ignored Derek's stuttering beside her. "I would appreciate that, Chief."

"Just let me get some things arranged," the Chief nodded. "I'll be back." And without another word the Chief stepped out of the room, leaving Meredith and Derek alone once again.

"I don't want you to do this," Derek sulked. "I don't think this is a good idea."

"I have to do this," Meredith said, remaining firm. "I need it for my own peace of mind. Can't you understand that?"

Derek looked away guiltily. He could understand that. Less than a couple of hours ago, he had done the exact same thing. He had spoken his mind to the dead bastard. But she wasn't him. She was still reliving everything. She was still trapped inside of that car with him, struggling to get out. And he couldn't be positive that her seeing him again, her talking to him even though he couldn't speak back wouldn't make everything worse.

"I just don't think that this is going to make all of this just magically better, Mer."

Meredith bit her lip, the tears that had only recently subsided returning. "I never said it would." She hesitated, unsure of what to say. She could tell him that she knew it wasn't all going to just disappear. If anything her nightmare and her subsequent reaction that made that perfectly clear. But she needed to tell Dr. Taylor some things. She needed to let go in front of him so that he knew what he did to her. A lone tear fell from her eye and splashed onto her reddening cheeks. "I need to do this for me, Derek. I don't think I'm magically going to get better. I don't think it's going to make all of this go away. I just… I need to say things to him before it's too late. Before it becomes trapped inside of me and I have no way of releasing them."

"You know you can say anything to me," Derek said gently. "I'm not going anywhere."

"I need to say this to him."

"Then I'm coming with you."

Meredith shook her head. "No, Derek."

"I'm not letting you go into a room alone with a man that tried to rape and murder you," Derek snapped.

"He's dead. What can he possibly do to me?"

"I don't know," Derek grimaced at the thought, "but he isn't getting anymore time alone with you than he's already had."

Meredith closed her eyes. She knew he was right. She shouldn't be alone with him. She wasn't ready. Hell, she probably wasn't even ready to talk about him, but here she was, doing it anyway. And maybe this time it would work. Maybe this time by talking about everything immediately, she'd feel better faster. She didn't know, and frankly, she didn't care. She just wanted to talk to him, to make him understand that he didn't win. He was dead and they were both alive in spite of his efforts. They had won. Not him.

"I need to do this alone, Derek."

"Meredith…" Derek warned. "This isn't the time for you to be doing things alone. Not after everything you've been through."

"I know what I've been through," Meredith growled. Her heart rate indicator began to beat faster. "I'm not stupid." She took a few deep breaths attempting to calm herself down. "I need to say things to him, Derek, things that I'm just not ready for you to hear."

"There isn't anything that you could say to him that would make me think less of you."

"But I'm not ready, Derek," Meredith frowned. "I'm not ready for you to hear some of this. I just… you can't. Not yet."

"You need to talk to someone about this, Mer," Derek tried to reason with her. "It's not going to just go away on it's own."

"I never said it was," Meredith said angrily.

Derek moved closer to her, pulling her closer to him. He combed a hand through her hair, loving the way her hair moved through his fingers. "I can't let anything happen to you again."

"Nothing is going to happen to me."

Derek shook his head. "You don't know that, Mer."

"I'm not going to fight about this with you anymore. The Chief will take me to wherever he is, and I'm going to get a few things out, and then I'll be back."

"Don't do this, Meredith," Derek begged. "Please. I don't think you're ready."

"I'm as ready as I'll ever be, Derek."

"You just vomited into the toilet until you had nothing left to give, and had possibly one of the worst nightmares I've seen in a long time. Please understand that you are not ready."

"It's now or never," Meredith said tightly. "If I don't do it now, I never will. I have to do it now. Please understand that."

"I can't pretend that I understand this," Derek groaned.

"Derek…"

"No, Meredith. This is crazy. What you are about to do after just escaping this madman is insane. And I need you to understand that."

Another tear dripped from Meredith's eye. It splashed onto her cheek before creating a trail all the way down the side of her face. "I need you in my corner, Derek. I can't keep going if I don't have you in my corner."

Derek's heart lurched in his chest. She was pulling out the big guns on this one. "Meredith…"

"Please, Derek," she whispered.

Before Derek could respond, the door to their room opened once again, revealing the Chief with a wheelchair. "Whenever you're ready."

"I'm ready," Meredith breathed. "Let's go."

The Chief pushed the wheelchair over to Meredith's bed, and waited for her to remove her heartbeat monitor chords. "Take your time."

Within seconds, Meredith was free, and slowly pushing herself out of her hospital bed. Derek remained still beside her, still unsure of how to proceed. The Chief reached forward and grabbed her arm, helping to steady her as she lowered herself onto the wheelchair.

"Where is he?" Meredith asked, her voice trembling lightly.

"He's still in his room," the Chief answered as he continued to help her settle into the chair.

"I guess I'm ready," Meredith said as the Chief draped a blanket over her body.

The Chief hesitated, unsure of what to do about the strange tension that existed in room. He pushed her around slowly, hoping that Derek would say whatever it was that he knew needed to be said. Just as they neared the door, Derek's voice stopped them.

"I'm always in your corner, Meredith," Derek said gently. "Always."

The Chief spun Meredith's wheelchair around so that she could see him.

"You'll be here when I get back?" Meredith smiled.

Derek nodded, ignoring his still pounding heart. "I'll be here."

"Promise?"

"I promise," Derek smiled.

Meredith looked up at the Chief and nodded. "I'm ready now."

And without another word, they were off, moving towards the room of a man that had caused her and Derek so much pain in so little time. But as they continued to move down the hallway, and as she got further and further away from Derek, she knew for certain that she needed to do this. Everything that she had to say, she needed to say to him, alone, and then maybe the healing could begin.

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**So, once again I just want to thank everyone for all of their support and for reading. Drop me a line!**


	31. Chapter 28: When the Pain Dies Down

_**You Might Die Trying**_

**AN: **Before I do anything, I have to thank **Lola **and **Apes**_**, **_for their continued support in getting me through this piece. It is a labor of love. With that said, I also want to **thank all of you** who have been reading **and commenting**. You all make this possible. You help keep me going even when I have several other things to worry about in my real life. You help me keep this fic alive. So for that, I thank you tremendously. You guys are the ones that make this possible.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own _Grey's._

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**Chapter 28: When the Pain Dies Down**

_"__ When the pain dies down_

_And the damn becomes a river_

_And the fire burns out under the rain_

_Can you hear me now_

_A simple conversation_

_Fading out under the rain."_

- Chris Stills

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Meredith hated wheelchairs. She hated the feel of them. The looks that people unknowingly gave to people in them. The defeat that she felt when she sat in one. Everything about them, she hated. And now, after everything that had happened, she had to sit in one. It made her feel useless, defenseless, weak, and so much more. As they moved through the hallway, doctors and nurses stopped what they were doing. They watched with curious eyes as the Chief moved her forward. Quiet murmurs surrounded them. She didn't dare look up, too afraid to meet the eyes of the people that she worked with day in and day out. Too afraid of the look of pity she knew she'd receive if she did meet their gazes. So instead, she kept her head down, and listened to them whisper, to the gossip spread like wildfire. If she had the energy she would tell them all to stop staring, to back off, to get a life, but it wasn't worth it. Not right now.

She couldn't help but wonder where her friends were. Where was Cristina? Alex? George? Izzie? She hadn't seen any of them since she had awakened. Maybe it was because they were busy. Maybe it was because they were scared. She couldn't blame them if they were. She was scared of herself. Of the way images from the past few days seemed to pop into her head like balloons. One image would arrive and then pop, causing a thunderous effect of emotions and physical reactions to start rolling through her body. At first she had thought it was normal. At first she had forced herself to believe that what she was experiencing was all part of the healing process. But now she wasn't so sure. Now, she felt as if she was locked inside of a cage with her overactive brain. Trapped with her thoughts and her fears. And even though Dr. Taylor was dead, they didn't seem to be going away. The fear that lined her skin remained, and her heart still leapt when someone touched her. Even Derek. She knew it was an irrational response. She knew that Derek would never harm her, but she couldn't help it. She couldn't control the festering fear inside of her. Logic had gone out the window a long time ago.

The Chief pushed the wheelchair around the corner slowly; his feet hesitated as they moved further down the hall. It wasn't until Meredith saw the officers sitting outside of a door that she realized why they had slowed down significantly. Butterflies fluttered in her stomach. She knew it was stupid. That Dr. Taylor was dead. He couldn't touch her, look at her, or talk to her. He was dead. Dead.

She swallowed the warm saliva that was building in her mouth as they neared the room. Her hands gripped the armrests of the wheelchair. Her heart thumped rapidly inside of her chest. This was it. She was about to see the man who had tried to kill her. Her eyes burned with unshed tears. Why wasn't Derek with her? She should have let him come with her. She was a fool.

The wheelchair slowed to a halt in front of the room that was guarded by the officers. A gently hand fell on her shoulder.

"Are you sure about this, Meredith?" The Chief questioned carefully.

Meredith didn't say a word. She stared at the door, hoping that in some way it would just disappear and instead of being here, she would be in her house, in her bed, with Derek beside her. It was stupid of her to want to do this. Stupid of her to think that she was strong enough to do this now. She wasn't strong enough. She wasn't ready. This was a mistake.

"Meredith?" The Chief asked, concerned.

"I don't know if…" Meredith swallowed past the agonizing fear that was taking over her body. "I'm just not sure if now…"

The Chief squeezed her shoulder gently. "You don't have to do this, Meredith."

Meredith shook her head adamantly. She did have to do this. It was now or never. If she didn't do it now, she would never do it. It was that simple. She knew what kind of person she was. She knew that once she left this hospital it was going to be harder than hell to come back; to face all of these people again after what had happened to her; to be confronted with the reality that she and Derek had almost been killed by one of their own, by a colleague. So even though she was ready, it was now or never. There were no options. This was it. The one moment that she would have completely alone with the man that had tried to kill her and Derek. She had no doubts. Ready or not, she had to do this.

"I do have to do this," Meredith said simply. "This… I need this."

"But it doesn't have to be now," the Chief reason. "You have some time."

"No," Meredith breathed. "I really don't. I need to free myself of this… I need to say things to him in order to begin to move on."

"I'm not going to stop you from doing this, Meredith," the Chief frowned. "But I'm also not going to tell you to do it. I can't. Not after what you've been through."

Meredith's gaze moved towards the officers who were looking at her curiously. She bit her lip. "I have to."

"Okay," the Chief said tightly. He nodded at the officers. "'I'm going to take her in."

Both officers stepped aside as the Chief moved Meredith through the doorway and into Dr. Taylor's hospital room. A sheet masked his dead body, allowing Meredith a moment his limbs on the bed. A chill ran through her own body and her heart began to thump erratically. She immediately began to regret her decision to come here. Her breathing quickened. She didn't want to see him. She didn't want to see his face, to look at the hands that had tried to violate her. She didn't want to be confronted with the reality of what had happened; the one that she was desperately trying to forget.

"Meredith?" The Chief asked, concerned.

"I'm fine," Meredith said automatically, her gaze never leaving Dr. Taylor's lifeless form. She took a deep breath, but still did not turn to look at the Chief. "Can I... do you think it's possible for me to have a few minutes alone with… him?"

"Meredith, I don't know if – "

"He's dead, Chief," Meredith interrupted, her voice strained. "I'm not going to," she stopped and then started again, "I need to do this alone."

The Chief maneuvered himself around her wheelchair, standing in front of Meredith, blocking her view of Dr. Taylor's form. "You've got five minutes."

And without another word, he left the room.

Meredith sat in the wheelchair beside Dr. Taylor's hospital bed. The room was silent. There was no beeping of his heart on the monitor beside his bed. There was no sound of air coming in and out of his body. It was just her, and she was barely able to breathe. Images of his face and the way his hands had felt when they had connected with her skin swamped her already flooded brain. She closed her eyes, wishing them away, but she knew it was useless. The images wouldn't stop until she was able to move on, until she came to terms with what had happened to her.

"I'm glad you're dead," Meredith whispered. Her hands clutched at the armrests of the wheelchair. "I didn't deserve what you did to me. Derek didn't either. He tried to help you. He tried to get you help."

She breathed in, pushing past the image of Derek lying on her bedroom floor with a pool of blood around his head. "What you did – the drinking and the putting lives at risk – you needed to be stopped. You took an oath to do no harm. So what you did… the drinking while working… you could've killed people."

Her voice trailed off. Tears pooled in her lost blue eyes. "Derek was trying to protect the patients. He was trying to do his job. And part of his job was to stop you from letting your own self-destructive tendencies get in the way of other surgeons doing their job." She swiped at the few tears that had begun to trickle out of her eyes. "You needed to be stopped. Derek did the right thing. He did the right thing to turn you in."

Her stomach flip-flopped. Images of the heart she had seen the first night that this had all began flashed through her mind like slideshow, mixing with random moments of the past few days. The phone call. The fear she had felt when she had realized who he was. Everything was building inside of her.

She reached forward, grabbing at the sheet that covered Dr. Taylor's and yanked it back. The air left her as she stared at his death-ridden face. He was dead, she reminded herself. He was dead. He couldn't hurt her.

Her eyes remained trained on his face. She took slow, hesitant breaths. Fear radiated throughout her body. She knew he was dead. She knew that he couldn't hurt her. But he was still there. He was still right in front of her, taunting her.

She shook her head, trying to rid herself of the thoughts that were plaguing her mind. Her teeth latched onto her lower lip and she bit down hard. "We didn't deserve what you did to us," she said bitterly. "I didn't deserve what you did to me. You tried to rationalize what you were doing. You tried to make it okay, but you had to know it wasn't. Or maybe it was to you because that's how sick you really were."

She closed her eyes. "You weren't a man. You were a coward." Her eyes opened, and she inhaled. "I'm not sad that you're dead, but I would have liked…" she hesitated for a moment. Tears continued to well in her tired eyes. She swallowed past the lump that had formed her dry throat. "I would've liked to have seen you behind bars… to have seen you pay for all that you did. You took the easy way out," she whispered harshly. "but I'm glad you're gone."

The door to the room opened, startling Meredith. Her body tensed, and a fresh batch of tears hit her reddened cheeks. The Chief moved towards her, reaching for the sheet that had been covering Dr. Taylor as he got closer. With one quick motion he draped the sheet back over Dr. Taylor's useless body before he turned to face Meredith.

"Are you ready?" The Chief asked.

Meredith didn't wipe the tears off of her skin, unashamed that they were there. And for the first time since they had entered the room, her gaze moved from Dr. Taylor to the Chief. She nodded her head slowly. "I think so."

The Chief walked around her wheelchair and grabbed a hold of it. "Are you sure?"

"I'm sure," Meredith nodded. "Take me back."

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**Thank you for reading. If you have the time, drop me a line!**


	32. Chapter 29: Wonderwall

_**You Might Die Trying**_

**AN: **I know that it has been awhile…. And I'm sorry for that. The good news is that I have SEVERAL chapters written… that is why I was waiting, among other reasons. So in honor of the new year I wanted to post this… as the beginning to the end of this story.

I want to thank all of you who have been loyal readers, who have reviewed, and who have just stuck by me. I know this story has taken awhile to finish, but I wanted to do it right…. So I didn't write when I wasn't in the mindset that this story required.

As always, thank you for reading. I hope you enjoy.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own _Grey's._

_

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**Chapter 29: Wonderwall**

"And all the roads we have to walk are winding

And all the lights that lead the way are blinding

There are many things that I would

Like to say to you

But I don't know how"

- Ryan Adams' Version

The stairwell was deserted as Izzie, George and Alex moved through it, winding their way up the stairs to find Cristina before going to Meredith. They knew it was against the Chief's orders. They knew they would get in trouble, but it didn't matter. It was that simple. Nothing else mattered besides Meredith in this moment. She needed them, and they were all determined to be there for her. They had all started this journey together, and somewhere along the way they had managed to become family. The family that they had each chosen. So no matter the consequence, they were going to Meredith. They would help her, protect her, comfort her. They would be there. It was what family did.

Izzie continued to lead the way up the stairs. Alex and George trailed behind her, their footsteps echoing in the abandoned stairwell. As they rounded the next staircase, Izzie's feet began to slow, catching sight of a shadow of a person on the other side of the stairs. She turned to Alex and George, motioning for them to look up the stairs, both of them merely shrugged, urging her forward. She hesitantly continued up the stairs, concerned that whoever it was on the other side was going to ruin this for them. Her feet stopped when she rounded the stairs and she released the breath that she had been holding ever since she saw the shadow.

"Cristina," Izzie breathed in relief.

Cristina stood against the wall, her normally dominant posture absent. She looked up at Izzie, aware that her emotions were painted clearly on her face, but not caring. She was too tired to care. Too tired to fight against her heart, against openly showing her emotions instead of damming them up behind a wall that few were able to penetrate.

Izzie hurried up the stairs, concerned by Cristina's lack of reaction. She placed a comforting hand on Cristina's shoulder. "Are you okay?"

Alex and George joined them on the landing in between the staircases. They glanced at each other in concern. This was not the Cristina that they knew. Something was wrong.

"Is Meredith okay?" George added.

"Meredith is fine," Cristina swallowed, blinking back the tears that were pooling in her eyes. "She just... " her voice trailed off, the memory of Meredith screaming returning. "I left."

"What?" Alex asked, confused.

"Cristina," Izzie said calmly, squeezing Cristina's shoulder gently with her hand. "What are you talking about? What happened?"

Cristina pushed herself off of the wall and began to pace along the wall of the small landing. "She had a nightmare. I was in the room... I had asked Derek to leave so that I could have a minute alone with her, but she was sleeping. I didn't think... I guess I didn't think about the after-affects." Cristina slammed her fist into the wall. She hated being like this. She hated that she was being emotional. Open. This was not her. She was not this person. "She was screaming for him..."

"Screaming for who?" George interrupted.

Cristina's feet stopped, her chin fell to her chest. "Derek. She needed Derek and I had asked him to leave. She wouldn't listen to me."

"Cristina," Izzie sighed. "She's going to have nightmares. It's only natural after what's happened - "

"I left her alone in there, Izzie," Cristina snapped. "I froze and left her alone because I didn't know how to deal with it. Just like when, just nevermind. I just, I failed her. She needed me and I failed her."

"You didn't fail her," Izzie said, shaking her head. "Cristina, it's okay. None of us know what to do. We're all going into this blind. But I know that the most important thing right now is that we are there. No matter what. As long as we're behind her, we're helping."

"I left her alone in there," Cristina repeated. "She was screaming, terrified, and I balked. I couldn't face it."

"So face her now," Izzie reasoned. "We're going up there. Face her again. Remind her that you're her person."

"Izzie..." Cristina breathed.

"Come on, Yang," Alex said, slapping Cristina on the back. "You've got this."

"We'll all be there," George added.

Cristina turned, letting her back fall back against the wall. "I don't know if I can do this. I can't watch her relive this."

"Yes you can," Izzie nodded. "You can do this, Cristina. For Meredith, you will do this." She stared at Cristina for a moment before turning to Alex and George. "We will all do this for Meredith."

Nothing more needed to be said. There wasn't any room to question what Izzie had said. This was Meredith. She held a place with each of them. They would each do this for her for their own reasons, and those reasons, only mattered to themselves.

"Let's go," Izzie said, grabbing Cristina's arm. "Take us to her room."

Cristina resisted for a second, remembering what had happened the last time she had been in that room, remembering the memories that Meredith's nightmare had brought up for her. And while she knew that Meredith needed Derek, that he would be a large part of her recovery, she also knew that Meredith would need them. She would need them to tell the stuff to that she was too scared to tell Derek yet. She would need them to cry about how and why this happened to her. And they would be there. All four of them would be there.

Cristina let Izzie pull her then, finally taking her place at the front of the group. It was time to try this again.

XXXXXX

Meredith ignored the stares that were once again drifting her way as the Chief guided her through the corridor back to her room, back to Derek. The Chief walked slowly, seemingly knowing that she needed time to collect herself. Time away from Derek, away from the questions and the looks of concerns, to find herself once again. To let herself feel the various emotions that were turning inside of her like a ferris wheel, instead of trying to hold them inside. She knew that she could be honest with Derek; that she could be open with him and there would be no judgment. The only thing that she worried about was blame. Would Derek blame himself? Would he hold himself accountable for the things that Dr. Taylor did to her? It worried her. It plagued her thoughts just like the images of Dr. Taylor. She didn't want Derek to blame himself. To believe that he was responsible for this. Because he wasn't. Dr. Taylor did this. He was the only person that was responsible for this. Not Derek, and not herself. Dr. Taylor was to blame for this, and now he was dead. Gone from their lives. There would be no trial, no testimony, no further confrontations. She was free of him. She didn't have to fear that he would come back; that he would be lurking around every corner, waiting for her. She was free.

The Chief opened the door to her room, pushing her inside. Derek looked up from bed at them, his face lined with a frown and his eyes filled with concern. She averted her gaze as Derek's eyes met hers, suddenly feeling embarrassed. There was no reason, just embarrassment and fear. Fear that Derek could read her eyes; that he would know instantly the depth of her emotions on what had happened by just looking her in the eyes. It made her heart pound and her mouth go dry. It made her palms sweat. She wasn't ready for Derek to know everything yet. She wasn't ready to fully disclose what had happened during those hours that she was alone with Dr. Taylor. And while she realized she had told him some, she had after all told him about what had happened in the car, she still wasn't ready for him to know it all. She wasn't ready to admit to herself that it had actually happened; that she had actually lived through all of it.

The wheelchair slowed as it neared Derek's hospital bed. Meredith turned, looking at the Chief over her shoulder. "Thank you," she mumbled. "I know you didn't have to do that."

The Chief shook his head. "You don't have to thank me. I understand why you needed to do it."

"Yeah," Meredith nodded.

She turned back around, glancing quickly at Derek. A frown still rested on his face. Hesitantly, she pushed herself out of the wheelchair and took one simple step until she was sitting on Derek's bed. Derek's arm wrapped around her shoulders, pulling her towards him so that she was lying beside him in bed. When she was curled around him, Derek reached forward, pulling the bed sheet over both of them. The Chief moved the wheelchair away from the bed, grabbing an extra blanket on the way. Once the chair was deposited back in the corner of the room, he moved towards them, handing the extra blanket to Derek. Derek gave him a nod of gratitude before draping it over both of them and finally resting once more against the bed.

"I'll be back to check on you two in a bit," the Chief said as he moved towards the door. He turned as he stood in the doorway, looking back at the intertwined figures in bed. "I don't want to hear about either of you getting out of that bed," the Chief warned. "If one of you needs something, press the damn call button."

The Chief gave them once last glare before he turned and exited the room, leaving them alone once more.

Meredith closed her eyes, silently begging Derek not to say anything or to ask any questions. She pressed her head against his chest, listening to his steady heartbeat. Her arms wrapped around his torso, pulling him closer to her. She hoped that her actions spoke for themselves. She hoped that he realized that she needed him, but she wasn't ready to talk. At least not yet. She felt him breathe beneath her, the rise and fall of his chest as he breathed. As she began to relax against him, she felt him take a deep breath, and she knew. She knew that he was going to speak. It was only a matter of time.

Another few minutes passed before it happened. Before he said her name quietly. She squeezed her eyes shut, wanting nothing more than to ignore him, to pretend that she had already fallen asleep. When she didn't respond, he spoke again.

"Meredith," he repeated. "I know you're awake."

"Derek, please," Meredith sighed, her eyes opening. "I can't - "

"Stop," Derek interrupted, his arm tightening around her shoulders. "You don't have to talk. You don't have to tell me what happened. I just need to know if you're okay."

Meredith nodded against his chest. "I'm fine."

"Meredith..."

"Derek, you asked if I was okay and I told you. I am fine."

"I wish I could believe you," Derek mumbled.

"What?" Meredith frowned.

"You wouldn't look at me when you came back into the room, Meredith. You turned away. You wouldn't look me in the eye. I know when something is wrong, and something is wrong."

"Derek..." Meredith said, pushing herself upwards and resting on her elbow. She looked down at him, her eyes meeting his. "I needed to do that. I needed to... have this moment with Dr. Taylor. I needed to speak my mind, to tell him some things face to face, and since there will be no trial now, I needed to do that. For me. It has nothing to do with you. It was about me."

"But why?" Derek asked, his hand trailing up her arm to cup her cheek. "Why did you need to talk to him, Mer?"

"He kidnapped me, Derek," Meredith snapped. "He took me after hurting you. He left me to think that you were dead and there was no hope. I needed... I _had_ to say some things. I told you that. And I'm just... I'm not ready to..." She let her body fall back down onto the bed, her head resting once more on his chest. A lone tear escaped from the corner of her right eye, landing on his right breast. "I can't do this yet. Okay?"

Derek wrapped his arm back around her shoulders, pulling her securely against him. "Okay."

"Okay?"

"We don't have to do this now."

"Thank you," Meredith sighed, relief spreading over her. "I just, I'm not ready. I will be, someday. But I just can't do this now."

Derek placed a kiss on top of her head. "It's okay, Mer. We don't have to do this. Not now. Not until you're ready."

"I love you," Meredith breathed.

"I love you, too," Derek said, pressing his lips against her head once again. "Do you think you can sleep?"

Meredith nodded. "I can try."

"I'll be right here."

Meredith pressed her lips against his chest, kissing him gently. She closed her eyes again, urging her mind to quiet, for the thoughts and images that continued to swirl inside of it to stop. She needed the sleep. She needed this man beside her. This man that seemed to know exactly what to say when she needed to hear it. He was here. He wasn't leaving. And Dr. Taylor was gone. Everything could return to normal. She just had to make the madness inside of her mind stop. She had to let herself recover, to forget about what had happened with him. He was dead. Gone from her life forever. She would be fine. She could live her life just like she did before like nothing had happened... except something had, and she wasn't sure she could return to her previous self.

She wasn't sure she wanted to.

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**Thank you for reading.... hope you enjoyed. If you want more, because I can say I have more, you know what to do... push that button!**


	33. Chapter 30: Empty

_**You Might Die Trying**_

**AN: **So. It's been about two weeks. And here's is the next chapter… I promised it wouldn't be too long. And there are more written. So we're getting there… nearing the end of this long journey.

**THANK YOU** to all of you who reviewed. I cannot express to you my level of appreciation for those. Those reviews have helped me get the final (I mean _final_) chapters going. And … you know, thanks for reviewing to let me know you're still out there reading and caring.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own _Grey's._

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**Chapter 30: Empty**

_"There's a lot of things that can kill a man_

_There's a lot of ways to die_

_Yes and some already dead who walk beside you_

_There's a lot of things I don't understand_

_Why so many people lie_

_Well it's the hurt you hide that fuels the fires inside you"_

- Ray LaMontagne

Cristina led the charge down the hallway, brushing past the nurses, doctors and patients that were roaming the halls. Izzie, George and Alex trailed closely behind her, the speed of their footsteps increasing as they rounded the corner. It wasn't until it was too late that they realized that the Chief was here, standing at the nurse's station, keeping guard. Izzie reached out and grabbed Cristina's arm.

"He can't see us," Izzie whispered. "If he sees us, he'll - "

"Izzie, shut up," Cristina snapped, ripping her arm out of Izzie's grasp. "It'll be fine. The Chief isn't going to care if you're up here."

"He told us to stay in the pit," George added.

"Grow some balls, O'Malley," Alex smirked, smacking him on the head. He walked past Cristina and Izzie, now leading them towards the end of the hall where the Chief was standing.

They followed Alex as he moved, refusing to let him take the fall alone. As they neared the nurse's station, the Chief turned, his jaw clenched, but they kept walking, refusing to back down. He started moving towards them until they met in the middle.

"I thought I told you three to stay in the pit," the Chief said, placing his hands on his hips with a look of annoyance.

"We can't," Izzie snapped. She moved around Cristina and Alex to stand in front of them, needing to look the Chief in the eye. She placed her hands on her hips, mirroring the Chief. "We won't. She's one of us. We're part of her family. We won't wait down there and not be up here helping her. She needs us now. She needs to know that we care, that we're here, that we aren't going anywhere. Do what you want with us, we don't care. We are going to see her."

Izzie turned, looking back at Cristina, Alex and George, before she moved past the Chief and continued down the hallway with the others trailing behind her, but the sound of the Chief's voice stopped them in their tracks. They all turned to face him. He took the steps that had been gained between them, putting himself in front of them again.

"She's tired. She's been through hell. I just got her back into bed," the Chief said, his hand raising with his index finger extended. "I understand that you all want to be there for her, but you've got to give her time, especially right now."

"What happened?" Cristina asked.

The Chief lowered his hand, taking one more step forward. "I can't tell you that." He glanced at each of the four interns standing in front of them before speaking again. "She's with Derek. She's safe. She's alive and breathing. I suggest that you give her a little bit more time before going in there. She needs it."

"Chief..." Izzie breathed.

"Tell me what happened!" Cristina barked.

George reached out to Cristina, trying to grab her, but she sidestepped him. "Cristina..."

"No," Cristina said, shaking her head. "I need to know. Is she okay?"

"Dr. Yang," the Chief warned, "Dr. Grey is fine. I suggest that you go calm yourself down before speaking with her again."

"Like hell I will," Cristina growled.

"Dr. Yang," the Chief yelled. "She needs to rest. I know you care, but now the best way to show that is to let her have her space. All of you. Give her time to come to terms with what's happened to her. Give her time to breathe before you barge in there."

Izzie's shoulders slumped. "Then what should we do?"

"Give her time," the Chief suggested. "Maybe wait another day before going in there."

"Maybe he's right," Alex said, turning to the others. "Maybe we should wait."

"Alex," Izzie sighed, "she needs us."

"What if she isn't ready for us yet, Iz?" George asked. "What if she needs more time?"

"I need to see her," Cristina said, shaking her head. "Now."

Cristina didn't wait for a response. She didn't want to hear the Chief's words of anger. She just moved, walking back towards the room that she had recently escaped from. One fact replayed in her mind. Meredith needed her. She was her person. At the end of the day, she would be Meredith's person. No matter what. And now she had to show that to her. She had to prove to Meredith that she would be there; that she would show up.

As she neared the room she looked inside. She saw Meredith curled around Derek, her head resting on Derek's chest with her eyes closed. Derek was sleeping as well. His arms clung to her body tightly, holding her firmly against him. Cristina's feet slowed as she stared inside, amazed at the image before her. They were together. They were seeking comfort and safety in each other's embrace. It was them. They were two people who had struggled, who had fought, and who had won against the odds. Through the madness of past few days that had finally found each other again.

Cristina heard them approach her. Izzie, Alex and George stood behind her, also staring inside at the two people in bed together.

"Cristina," Izzie said softly. "We can't go in there. Not now."

Cristina remained silently.

"They look so peaceful," George added.

"He's got this now, Cristina," Izzie said, placing a hand on Cristina's shoulder. "We'll come back tomorrow."

Cristina shrugged off Izzie's hands, glaring at her. "Don't touch me."

"Don't be such a bitch, Yang," Alex laughed.

Cristina shot a look at Alex before turning away from the room. She knew that her friends were right. She knew without them even having to tell her. Meredith was fine right now. She had Derek, and for now, that was okay, but tomorrow or the next day, she was going to prove to Meredith that she could be there. She was going to be there for Meredith. She was going to start again. To become the person that she should've have been; that she would've been if her father hadn't bled out in front of her at the age of nine. She was going to try this again. To let what happened do some good.

XXXXXXXX

A few hours passed before Meredith began to stir. She awakened in the same position, curled up around Derek's long frame and embraced in his loving arms. His body remained still underneath her, his chest moving up and down in a soothing rhythm. She opened her eyes, taking in the hospital room around her. The machines, the bags for their IVs, the visiting chairs. All of it were things that she saw every day, and yet now they were different. She was seeing them from a hospital bed, and the view was different from this side. It was big and scary, and she felt ridiculously small inside of this bed. She wasn't standing outside of it. She wasn't the one being the doctor. She was the patient. It made her body tense. It made her mind awaken. She had been kidnapped, beaten, nearly raped, and almost killed. It had all happened. It was her reality now. She wasn't just a doctor anymore. She was a patient, a survivor and a victim. _Victim. _She felt dirty just thinking it.

"Meredith," Derek murmured, his arm tightening around her. "Go back to sleep."

She pressed her head into his chest, breathing him in. "I can't."

"What's wrong?" Derek asked, his hand moving from her shoulder to her back. He began to rub her back in small circles, attempting to soothe her rigid body.

"Nothing," Meredith mumbled against his shirt.

"Mer..."

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Don't do this, Meredith," Derek frowned. "Don't push me out."

Meredith gathered his shirt in her hands, fisting them, squeezing the fabric tightly. "I need to shower."

"Why?"

"Because," Meredith said softly. Stray tears escaped from her tired eyes, tracking their way down her cheeks. She knew that Derek was waiting for her to explain, to give him a full answer. She swallowed past the lump that had formed in her throat and finally spoke. "I feel dirty."

"Meredith," Derek breathed.

"Don't, Derek. Don't tell me everything is fine. Don't tell me that it will be okay."

"I wasn't going to say that."

"I don't need to explain why I feel dirty to you, Derek," Meredith whispered as more tears fell from her eyes. "You should know why."

Derek squeezed her shoulders tightly, making sure to hold her as close as he could to him. "I do understand."

"I can feel you watching me, judging me."

"Meredith," Derek said, placing a soft kiss on her forehead. "I'm not judging you. I just want you to be happy, to feel comfortable, to rest. If you feel dirty then we'll get you a shower." His voice trailed off. His hand moved from his shoulder to her back, where he began to rub it softly. "But for the record, you aren't dirty. You aren't disgusting. You won. You beat him at his own game. You survived. And I know that it will take time before things will be okay again. I just need you to know that I'm here, Mer. I will be here."

Meredith remained silent, soaking in his words. A part of her believed him; a large part of her. But there was this tiny portion of her brain that reminded her of their past, of what they had already been through and experienced together. He had left her before. And some part of her still believed that he would do it again. It always would until he proved her wrong. Until he stuck around. Until he showed up every single day.

She chose not to respond. She didn't want to fight with him, or to remind him of his past failures. That wasn't what this was about. This was about now. This was about how she could still feel Dr. Taylor's hands against her body. How she could smell the scent of him on her skin. How she could still remember the way his body felt pressed against her own. It made her stomach churn and her head spin. He was still on her. She needed to get clean. A shudder ran through her body.

"Meredith?" Derek asked, concerned.

Meredith began to push against Derek's chest, trying to free herself from his grasp, but he wouldn't let go. "Derek, please. I need to..." she pushed harder, trying to free myself. "Just let me go. You have to let me go!"

Derek released his hold on her, grabbing her hand in his own. He placed a kiss on the top of her hand. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you."

Meredith shook her head. "It's okay."

"No, it's not okay."

"Derek..."

He released her hand and placed two fingers under her chin, guiding her face upwards so her eyes met his. "I'm sorry."

"Okay," Meredith breathed. "I just, I need to shower."

Derek nodded, reaching for the call button, but Meredith's hand on his own, stopped him. "What?"

"I don't want them to see me."

"What?" Derek repeated, confused.

"I don't want their help," Meredith explained. "Can't it just be... me and you?"

"Oh," Derek smiled. "Yeah, we can do this together. We can do anything you want."

"I want to shower."

"Okay," Derek agreed.

Meredith and Derek moved at the same time, each attempting to climb out of the hospital bed. As they focused on their movements, they didn't hear the door to their room open and the footsteps of the person who walked in. It wasn't until the person spoke that they even realized there was someone else in the room.

"Dr. Meredith Grey?" The person asked.

Derek and Meredith turned towards the female voice instantly.

"Who's asking?" Derek asked protectively.

"I need to speak with Dr. Grey," the person said.

Meredith shot Derek a look, quieting him before she responded. "I'm Dr. Grey. How can I help you?"

"My name is Detective Cameron Hart," the person explained. "I'm here to take your statement."

"Can't this wait?" Derek growled.

"I'm afraid not," Detective Cameron frowned. She turned towards Derek. "Who are you?"

"He's my..."

"I'm her boyfriend," Derek interrupted.

"Okay," Detective Cameron nodded, "well, I'm going to have to talk to Dr. Grey alone."

"I won't leave her alone," Derek refused.

"I'm afraid you don't have a choice," Detective Cameron said stubbornly.

"Derek, it's okay," Meredith nodded. "I'll be okay."

"Meredith..." Derek sighed. "I'm not leaving you in here... alone."

Meredith slid back into bed, reaching for Derek's hand. "I love you, Derek. But you can't hear this. I'm not ready for you to hear all of this. Not yet."

"Why?" Derek frowned. "Why can't I be here for this?"

"Because I'm not ready," Meredith repeated. "I'm sorry. I'm just not ready."

Derek squeezed her hand. "You don't have to apologize. I just don't want to leave you."

"She's a detective, Derek," Meredith smirked. "I think I'll be okay."

Detective Cameron took a step forward. "Is there somewhere we can go, Dr. Grey?"

"Down the hall, there's a conference room. We can use that." Meredith motioned towards the wheelchair in the corner of the room. "Can you please bring that over here?"

Detective Cameron moved to grab the wheelchair, pushing it towards Meredith. Meredith crawled out of bed, giving Derek's hand one last squeeze before she left the bed and landed in the wheelchair once more. She looked up at Derek, giving him a sad smile. "I'll be back soon."

Derek nodded, returning her sad smile. He glanced at Detective Cameron, his gaze narrowing. "Take care of her."

"I will," Detective Cameron affirmed as she grabbed the handles of the wheelchair and began to move Meredith out of the room once more.

"Wait," Meredith breathed. She grabbed the wheels of the wheelchair and turned herself back around to face Derek. "I do love you."

"I love you, too," Derek smiled. "I'll be here when you get back."

Meredith nodded and released the wheels. "I'm ready," she said numbly, hoping that she had enough strength to get through this. Especially without Derek. She had to be strong. For him. And for herself.

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**Hope you all enjoyed! There is more to come soon! Drop me a line!**


	34. Chapter 31: I Became Awake

_**You Might Die Trying**_

**AN: **Here it is… the next chapter. I can happily tell you that there are only 4 chapters left, plus an epilogue. Thoughts on this story are always welcome… I know it's been a long journey, but I'd love from you if you're still with me.

**Thank you** to all of those who did take the time to review. I cannot tell you how much I appreciate it.

**Special big thank you to Lola and Apes who have helped me push through this madness. Love you girls.**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own _Grey's._

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**Chapter 31: I Became Awake**

_"I became awake,_

_Fingers are open, eyes they are open,_

_The firing of images, an orchestra of scribbles_

_The guts of an engine, the veins of a leaf,_

_Light onto paper, exposed."_

- Great Lake Swimmers

Detective Cameron wheeled a silent Meredith into the nearby conference room. Meredith's heart was pounding. Her hands were shaking against the armrests of the wheelchair. She didn't want to do this. She didn't want to relive every moment that she had spent with Dr. Taylor, every minute that he had been near her, every word he had said to her. She didn't want to recall it. She didn't want to tell someone else because it would make it real. It would no longer be some story that her brain had made up. It wouldn't be a dream. It would be her reality.

"Dr. Grey?" Detective Cameron asked, pulling her from her thoughts.

Meredith looked up at Detective Cameron, noticing for the first time that she had taken a seat at the table. "I'm sorry."

"You don't have to apologize."

"This is just - "

"It's hard," Detective Cameron interrupted. "I know. I work with the special victims unit with the Seattle PD."

Meredith closed her eyes. "Special victims."

"Yes," Detective Cameron nodded. "I know this isn't easy, but I need you to tell me what happened."

"Okay," Meredith swallowed. "Can I have a minute?"

"Take your time."

Meredith's hands gripped the armrests. Memories flashed through her tired brain. Derek pressed against her. The man in the mask. The basement. His hand across her face. His words. The realization of who he was. Dr. Taylor. A man who knew her mother. A man that had tried to rape her. Tears fell from her closed eyes as the memories continued to come. She didn't bother to swipe them away, unashamed in front of this person, this Detective, that didn't know her. She was only here to do her job, to take her statement and close the case. Dr. Taylor was dead. There would be no trial. No justice. But she was free. He would never return.

Heavy tears slipped through her already wet eyelashes, splattering on her reddened cheeks. Meredith choked back a sob that threatened to explode from her lips. She tried to think of something else, of something happy. Her mind immediately wandered to Derek. Derek, the man that loved her and she loved in return. It had taken all of this madness for them to realize it, for them to find each other again. Her body trembled. That was something good that had come out of all of this. It wasn't all bad. Something good had come from all of the insanity. She just had to remember that, to cling to that when the darkness swarmed her.

"Where do you want me start?" Meredith asked, her voice timid.

Detective Cameron pressed record on the tape recorder and picked up her pen, pressing it against the notepad on the table in front of her. "Start at the night you were taken."

Meredith squeezed her eyes shut. Images of that night flashing in her brain. "Derek was with me. We were in my bedroom..." her voice trailed off, a blush of embarrassment creeping across her cheeks. "We were being intimate, when I saw him. He was wearing a ski mask. Derek... he stepped in front of, trying to protect me. They argued. I was... scared. He had a gun. He fired it," her voice trembled. "Derek pulled us down, saving both of us, but somehow... I don't know how... he hit his head. He was unconscious." More tears escaped from her closed eyes. "I thought he was dead. He wasn't moving and before I could check for a pulse, Dr. Taylor's hands were on me, pulling me away. I tried to fight him," Meredith insisted. "I struggled but I failed. I couldn't get away." She shook her head in sadness. "The last thing I remember was the needle. He pricked me with something and then it all went black."

"What's the next thing you remember?" Detective Cameron asked without looking up from her notepad.

Meredith took a deep breath before starting again. Her hands still gripped at the armrests. "I woke up in a room. It had to be a basement because he came down the stairs." She shivered, remembering the sound his footsteps made against the wood. Thump, thump, thump. Her jaw clenched. Fear crept into her skin, but she ignored it, reminding herself that Dr. Taylor was dead. "I was chained to the wall. He wanted to know how I was. He kept... he wanted to know if I was okay because of the sedative. I didn't answer him. I just, I wanted to know how Derek was. If he was alive, but he told me I'd end up like Derek if I didn't answer him. He led me to believe that Derek was dead." Tears continued to fall from her eyes. "I didn't answer, and he left."

"He didn't touch you?"

Meredith cringed. "Not yet."

"When?" Detective Cameron questioned.

"The next time he came back downstairs," Meredith breathed. "He was angry. He reeked of alcohol." Her stomach churned at the memory. She doubted that she'd ever touch alcohol again. "He asked him how I was, but I refused to answer him. He moved closer. I could..." She swallowed past the lump that had formed in her throat. "I could feel his breath on my skin. I could feel his body heat. It was... disgusting. I was scared. I thought Derek was dead." She began to chew on her lower lip. "He slapped me first, and when I still didn't answer him, he slapped me again. And again. And then, " her breathing hitched, the painful memory returning. "He told me that my mother regretted me, that she hated me. He kicked me in the stomach before he left me alone again."

"Dr. Grey..." Detective Cameron said softly. "We can take a break if you'd like."

Meredith shook her head. "No, I just... I need to get this over with."

"Okay," Detective Cameron nodded. "What happened next?"

"He came back downstairs and grabbed me, telling me we were leaving. When we got upstairs I noticed he didn't have his mask on, and that's when I noticed who he was, but... he drugged me. He stuck me with a needle before I could do anything...before I could fight back," Meredith explained, her voice masked with defeat. "The next time I woke up I was in a car. He had blindfolded me and tied me up. Somehow I managed to get the blindfold off before I asked him where we were going."

"Where were you going?"

Meredith shook her head. "He never said. Just said that we needed to get away because he knew Derek or someone else would find us where we were."

Detective Cameron wrote on the notepad in front of her. "What else?"

"I did anything I could think of. I told him that Derek deserved what Addison did to him. I told him that he broke my heart, which he did but...." Meredith sighed. "You don't care about that. The point is that I tried. I tried to get him to stop, to realize that Derek only said something to the Chief about the incident in the OR because he was trying to get Dr. Taylor help. But Dr. Taylor didn't see it that way. He said that Derek cost him everything." Meredith chewed on her lower lip. "That's when he found out that I knew who he was. I let his name slip out of my mouth before I could stop it." Meredith closed her eyes, the screeching sound the car had made replaying in her eyes. "That's when the car stopped."

Detective Cameron looked up from her notepad, reading Meredith's vacant expression. "Do you need a break?"

Meredith shook her head, words failing her at the moment.

"Whenever you're ready," Detective Cameron said softly, her pen poised on the pad to keep writing.

Meredith closed her eyes. She tried to breathe normally. She tried to push it all aside. To pretend like it wasn't a big deal. He hadn't really done anything. There were many people out there that had suffered far worse. She needed to get past this. To remember that she was lucky. She was alive, and as long as she was alive, he would never win. She took a deep breath.

"He didn't remember that he didn't have the mask on before he left. I tried to get him to let me go. To tell him I wouldn't say a word, but he didn't listen. That's when he got out of the car and climbed into the backseat," her breath hitched in her throat. "I knew what he was going to do. I could feel it." Tears pooled in her lifeless eyes as she remembered how he had touched her, how he had held her down. "He touched my face first. I told him to stop. I told him no," Meredith said emphatically, "but he didn't listen. He.... he kissed me and his hands moved to my breasts." The tears that had filled her eyes, slipped down her cheeks. She didn't bother to wipe them away. "I tried to fight against him," She breathed, "as he assaulted me, but he had a gun. He told me to stop. He pressed the gun into my chest, warning me." She shivered at the memory of the cool metal against her skin. "He ground his body against mine. I could feel him." Meredith released a strangled sob. "I felt him hard against me."

"Dr. Grey, did he rape you?" Detective Cameron asked gently.

Meredith used both of her hands to wipe away her free-falling tears. "No," she said weakly. She took a deep breath and cleared her throat. "I fought back. I punched him. Somehow I got my hands out of the binding and was able to hit him in the head. We struggled. I reached for the gun." Meredith looked away, ashamed. "I pointed the gun at him. I told him to give me the keys, but he taunted me. So, I made him drive." She swallowed past the dryness in her throat. "I kept the gun pointed at his back and I made him start driving."

Detective Cameron stared at her intently. "Did he?"

"Yes," Meredith nodded, but still refused to look at her. "I told him to turn around, to take me back." The memory of the cool metal in her hands disturbed her causing her stomach to churn and her mouth to warm. "I almost lost the gun. I don't... I didn't like the feel of it in my hands. I'm a doctor. I'm not a killer. But, I was just doing it to survive. I had to get out of there... to see if Derek was alright."

"That's right, ," Detective Cameron urged. "You were doing what was necessary to survive. No one will judge you for your actions."

"I kept the gun against him. He started taunting me again. Telling me that Derek was dead, that he never loved me." Meredith closed her eyes. The words that Dr. Taylor had said to her replaying viciously in her head. "I tried not to believe him, to listen to him. But a part of me... had always doubted... I just couldn't. I lost control and he sped up." Her hand flew to her head, gently prodding the wound. "He hit the breaks hard, sending me flying into the front seat. I blacked out and when I woke up I didn't hear Dr. Taylor. I tried to help him. I tried to get him to let me help him, but he refused. I begged him to let me go. I knew something was wrong with me. With him. I knew we were in trouble. I begged him."

"Did he?"

"No," Meredith whispered. "He fell unconscious... and I... I gave up. After that..." her voice trailed off, lost in thought. Lost in the possibilities of what could have happened. Lost in the stories that her head often created for her. She closed her eyes. "I don't remember much after that. I remember a woman. I remember bits and pieces of what happened before I got here, but... I just - "

"You don't need to explain yourself, Dr. Grey," Detective Cameron said firmly. "You have given me sufficient information."

Meredith closed her eyes. A lone tear escaped. "I tried to save him. I know I didn't have to, but I tried."

"I know."

Meredith opened her eyes, looking at the sympathetic face in front of her. "I don't know where to go from here," she admitted quietly.

Detective Cameron closed her notebook and turned off the tape recorder before speaking. "You take it one day at a time. Let yourself heal. Let all of your wounds heal."

"I'm not good at that. I'm not good at being... open."

"You are. You're just afraid that if you are open, he'll leave," Detective Cameron explained. She stood from the chair, moving towards Meredith. "I've known you for maybe thirty minutes, Dr. Grey. And I can tell you that the man in there loves you, that he will love you no matter what."

Meredith chest tightened. "I wish I could believe that."

"Give it time," Detective Cameron said, offering Meredith a small smile. She grabbed a hold of the handle bars to the wheelchair. "Ready?"

Meredith nodded. "As I'll ever be."

Detective Cameron wheeled Meredith out of the conference room. She watched as the nurses and doctors turned to stare at them as they exited the room and began to move down the hallway. She hurriedly pushed her through the hallway, wanting to limit the crowd's access to her as much as possible. When they arrived back in her room, Derek looked up immediately taking in the redness of Meredith's face.

"Are you okay?" Derek asked, concerned.

"Yeah," Meredith mumbled as Detective Cameron pushed her towards their bed.

Derek looked at her skeptically as Detective Cameron helped Meredith move from the wheelchair to the bed. Once Meredith was settled beside Derek once more, Detective Cameron wheeled the chair back into the corner and turned to face them.

"Dr. Grey, if you remember anything else, please give me a call," Detective Cameron said, placing her card on the bedside table.

Meredith nodded. "Thank you."

"What about me?" Derek asked.

"I'll be back to take your statement tomorrow," Detective Cameron confirmed. "Since the suspect is dead, I don't want to push you both too fast."

"So you chose her to go first?" Derek snapped.

"She was the target of this attack, Dr. Shepherd," Detective Cameron frowned. "She needed to give her statement first."

Meredith placed her hand on Derek's arm, curling into him slowly before Derek could argue. "Let it go, Derek. Please."

Derek looked down at Meredith, the anger on his face slowly beginning to fade away. She was telling him to drop it, telling him that she needed him now, not angry Derek. She needed him. He swallowed past his anger for her and glanced at the Detective. "I'll be waiting."

Detective Cameron gave Derek a curt nod before exiting the room, leaving the two of them alone once more.

Meredith gripped at Derek's shirt. Her small hands balled the fabric in her hands. Tears began to flood her eyes again. "Derek..."

Derek wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close. "Are you okay?"

Meredith shook her head into his chest. "No. I can't... I don't want to do this without you, Derek."

"Hey, hey," Derek frowned. "You won't ever have to. I'm not going anywhere, Meredith."

Meredith squeezed her eyes shut, willing herself to believe him. "I wish it could be that easy."

"I know," Derek said sadly. "But we'll work on it. I will prove myself to you."

"Promise?"

Derek placed a gentle kiss on top of her head. "I promise."

Meredith eased herself out of Derek's arms, pushing herself upwards so that they lay in bed face to face. Tears fell freely from her eyes. She didn't swipe them away in embarrassment; instead, she let him see them. She let him see her pain, her emotions. She needed to be open with him, to let him in on everything. It took two to play the game. They needed to do this together. And so she needed to tell him. She had to tell him the same story she had just told Detective Cameron. He needed to know. He deserved to know.

"Derek..."

"Yeah?"

She took a deep breath and exhaled it slowly, trying to sooth her heart, which was beating rapidly. "I need to tell you."

"Tell me what?"

"What happened," Meredith answered. "I need to tell you everything."

Derek froze. His arms tightening around her. "Only if you're ready."

Meredith swallowed past the fear. Past the darkness. Past the mistrust. Past the anger. Past their past. And started the story all over again, except this time she wasn't telling it to a stranger. This time it was Derek. This time she was handing him her heart.

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**Thanks for reading. Drop me a line.**


	35. Chapter 32: Some Devil

**_You Might Die Trying_**

**AN: **Again, I have to thank everyone for being so supportive and for sticking with me through all of this. I know it's been a long haul.

**Big thank you**, to all of you who took the time to review the last chapter. You guys are helping me get this done. Each review pushes me to finish the chapter I'm writing, so I had to thank all of you before this gets started... oh... and enjoy.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own _Grey's._

_

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_

**Chapter 32: Some Devil**

_"Hard for you, I've fallen._

_But you can't break my fall._

_I'm broken, don't break me._

_When I hit the ground."_

_- _Dave Matthews

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Meredith's body jerked. Her eyes shot open, frantically scanning her surroundings. But she couldn't see. It was dark and the images around her were blurry. Her breathing became erratic. A hand moved on her back, making her aware of the arms that were wrapped around her, holding her securely. The fear inside of her ballooned. She felt trapped. Caged against a body that she didn't want to be touching. Her hands pushed against the chest beside her, trying to create distance. As she pushed against it, the hands that had been holding her tightly moved, grasping her hands.

"Stop," Meredith breathed. "Please, no."

"Meredith..."

Meredith's hands suddenly stopped pushing. She took a deep breath. "Derek?"

"Yes," Derek said, squeezing her hands in his. "Are you okay?"

She leaned forward, allowing her body to rest against his again. Her hands trembled on his chest. "No," she whispered. "I don't think - "

"It's okay," Derek interrupted before she could finished. After she had told him everything, he wasn't sure he could take anymore. It was painful enough for him to listen to it the first time around. He wrapped her in his arms, hugging her close to him. "I'm right here."

"Derek..."

"He can't hurt you anymore, Mer," Derek said softly, his hands rubbing her skin gently, attempting to calm her. "He's gone. He's never coming back."

"Unless you believe in ghosts," Meredith said lamely.

"Mer..."

"I know." Her voice wavered as she spoke. The nightmare she had just experienced replaying in her very awake brain. "I'm sorry," she said, ashamed.

"You've got nothing to apologize for."

"I woke you up."

"I'll live," Derek attempted to assure her. One of his hands moved from her back to her hair. His fingers gently danced between the strands of her hair. "Want to tell me about it?"

Meredith shut her eyes. Before they had fallen asleep, she had told him everything. She had told him about the basement, about what he had said to her, about what she had said to him. She had told him about the car, about the gun, about how helpless she felt. It all came out, and through it all, Derek remained by her side, unmoving, holding her tightly. He had whispered words of encouragement and comfort. He had reminded her that she wasn't in that car, that he hadn't died. That everything, for better or for worse, had turned out okay because in the end they had won. They were both still alive. And now, she didn't want him to have to relive that. She didn't want him to feel more guilt than she knew he already felt. So she shook her head against his chest, tears burning her tired eyes.

"You sure?" Derek said, the relief evident in his voice.

"Yeah," Meredith nodded. "I think I just... I need - "

"What do you need?" Derek interrupted, his hands moving from her hair to her back, where began to slowly rub up and down.

"I need to shower," she admitted, her face reddening in embarrassment. "I feel so dirty." Tears slipped from the corners of her eyes, dropping onto his chest. "I need to... I need him off of me. I can still feel him on me, touching me. I need it to stop."

Derek cringed at the thought of Taylor touching Meredith. He took a deep breath, trying to rid himself of those thoughts, of the images of Taylor pressed against her that seemed to be swirling round and round in his head. But it wasn't until he heard a sob escape from her lips that he came back to reality. He pressed his lips against her forehead. "Let's get you into the shower."

"Derek." Meredith pressed her hands against his chest, stopping him from moving. "You really shouldn't be moving. You had brain surgery. You need to let your body recover."

"I'm not letting you go in there alone," Derek said stubbornly.

"I'll be fine."

"Meredith," Derek sighed. "Let me do this for you. Let me help you." He pressed a quick, tender kiss against her lips. "Let me take care of you."

Meredith sighed as she nodded her head in approval. The doctor inside of her told her to stay put, to make Derek stay put. But the woman inside of her told her to get in the shower. Her soul told her that she needed to get clean, to wash away what had happened and to leave it in the past. They moved at the same time, crawling slowly out of bed. Meredith watched as Derek moved around the bed towards her, making sure that he was steady enough to be on his feet. When he finally reached her, his arms wrapped around her and he pulled her close to him once more, needing to feel her body against his once more. He pressed his lips against hers, careful not to push too hard or too fast. When he pulled back, he kept one arm wrapped around her waist and began to guide them forward.

XXXXXXXX

She felt dizzy. She had been in the shower for all of five minutes and she already felt nauseous. She stood in the stream of the shower head, fully clothed, after having refused to take her clothes off in front of Derek. It wasn't that she was afraid of him. It was that she was ashamed. Of the bruises. Of how Dr. Taylor had touched her. Of all of it. And right now, more than anything, she needed to have it her way. Derek didn't say anything, he merely gave her a small nod and helped her into the shower before he turned the nozzle, allowing the hot water to fall down and pelt her sensitive skin. Derek remained outside of the shower, knowing that he couldn't get his wound from his surgery wet. He sat on the toilet just outside of the shower stall, listening to her movements, talking to her when he knew that she was close to losing control.

Inside the shower stall, Meredith pressed her hand against the wall, attempting to steady herself. The room spun around her and she struggled to remain standing. "Derek," she called out.

"Are you okay?"

Before she could respond, her stomach knotted and warm liquid expelled violently from her mouth. She leaned against the wall as she continued to heave, trying to remain standing. Tears of pain streamed from her eyes as her body continued to purge itself. In its own way, it was also trying to clean itself. To rid itself of whatever was causing it pain. She vomited again, her stomach lurching and her eyes bulging, not knowing that she had any left to give. And then she felt him behind her. The stream of water from the shower head was gone, and it was just them, standing in a shower stall.

"Derek..."

"You're okay," Derek soothed her, his hand reaching out to touch her soaking hair. "It's okay."

"I just want to be clean," Meredith breathed as the tears continued to fall. "I just..." She closed her mouth. Afraid that there was more vomit coming, but after a few moments her stomach settled back down. She leaned against the wall, her body falling out of touch with Derek's. "I needed this."

"I know," Derek nodded. He took a step forward and reached out to cup her cheek. "Do you feel any better?"

When Meredith didn't respond, Derek continued. "It's okay. You will. It just may take some time."

"I want this to be over," Meredith said bitterly. "I don't want to be this person. This person who never feels clean. This person that can't sleep. I don't want to depend on you for everything, Derek."

"Maybe I want you to."

"You can't babysit me, Derek. You're recovering from brain surgery," Meredith snapped. She took a deep breath, attempting to calm herself. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry."

"Will you stop being so nice to me?" Meredith yelled. She turned, making his hand fall away from her cheek.

"Meredith..."

"No," she interrupted, her face flushed with anger. "This isn't your fault, Derek. None of what happened is your fault. So if you're just being nice to me because you think that you owe that to me, that you need to make up for it, then just stop - "

Derek took a step forward. "This isn't about guilt."

"Then what is it about?" Meredith asked, ignoring the spinning of her head.

"This is about us."

"I don't understand."

Derek reached out for her once again. His hand slowly moving towards her face, cupping it gently again. "I love you, Meredith." His fingers brushed away the tears that betrayed her by escaping from her eyes. "Do you get that? Do you understand that I love you? That I'd do anything for you?"

Meredith chewed on her lower lip, her eyes averting his. "I'm trying but - "

"No. I know I've hurt you, Meredith. I know I've done things to you that no person should ever be forgiven for. I know that... we have said things to each other, but I need you to know that I'm not staying out of guilt. I need you to remember that I'm staying because I love you. Because I want to be with you. For no other reason."

Meredith reached forward, letting her hand slide into his. She kept her gaze downwards, afraid. "I just may need you to remind me every once in awhile."

Derek stepped forward, wrapping his arms around her shaking frame. "I think I can manage that."

She welcomed his embrace. The cool air of the bathroom danced across her skin, making her painfully aware that she was wet. She shivered in his arms.

"We need to get you back in bed," Derek said, his hands rubbing her back gently to try to warm her.

Goose bumps lined her cool skin. She shivered against him. "I need clothes."

"I'll find some for you," Derek assured her before he took a step backwards, guiding her forwards. He made sure to hang onto her, knowing full well that while he wasn't too strong, she was weaker than he was. She needed someone to hold onto. They emerged from the shower stall. He grabbed a towel and wrapped it around her shoulders. "It's gonna be okay."

Meredith let Derek move the towel over her body. She let him touch her. She let him run the towel through her hair in attempt to dry it. Sometimes his hands pressed to firmly against her bruised skin and she cringed. An apology immediately slipped from his lips, but she merely squeezed his hand, assuring him that it was fine; that she knew he meant no harm. When he finally tossed the towel to the floor, she stepped forward, needing to feel his warmth wrapped around hers once more. He held her securely against him, doing his best to warm her. She stood in his arms, breathing in his scent, loving the feel of how close she was to him. She never wanted a knight in shining armor. She never wanted to be saved. But Derek somehow managed to make it not so bad. He somehow made her want to feel this way. To feel loved and protected. To feel secure. And even though there was a small part of her that still feared how much power he had over her, how he had broken her heart before and ran away with her soul, she still felt safer with him than with any other human being. Somehow he had become the one person who knew exactly what to say to her. He had become the person that she could turn to. The person that had made her believe that love existed again. The person that she could love and know that she was loved in return. And for the first time since she had returned, she smiled. She had him. He was alive. They could do this together.

"Just what the hell do you two think you're doing?" Bailey's voice boomed from behind her.

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**Thanks for reading. Drop me a line!**


	36. Chapter 33: Possibility

_**You Might Die Trying**_

**AN: **I know this took a little bit longer, but I wanted to be completely done with the next chapter before I posted it. With that said, I hope you enjoy this chapter. Slowly but surely we are reaching the end of this fic.

I have to say a big **thank you** to all of you who reviewed this last chapter. Your support has kept this going. It is the only reason why this fic is still going… otherwise, I shamefully admit, I probably would have abandoned it long ago. But all of you, each one of you who review, who encourage me, you are the reason why this fic is still being written and will be finished.

Also, a quick welcome to my new readers. We're almost at the end!

**Disclaimer: **I don't own any part of _Grey's_.

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**Chapter 33: Possibility **

"So tell me when you hear my heart stop,

you're the only one who knows.

Tell me when you hear my silence.

There's a possibility, I wouldn't know."

- Lykke Li

They both froze. Derek's back straightened, but his grip remained firm around her.

"Both of you know damn well that you shouldn't be out of bed." Bailey admonished. "Of all the stupid things you two could do, you both decide to get out of bed. Two brain injured people helping each other. Of all the stupid ass things I've seen." She shook her head. Her eyes caught the wet towel in the floor. She groaned. "Do not tell me that you two got in that shower."

Meredith turned in Derek's arms, facing her boss. "It was me. I got in the shower."

"Grey, of all the stupid - "

"Stop." Derek interrupted, unwilling to listen to Bailey berate Meredith for her need to shower. "We were careful. She was careful. I was in here with her to make sure nothing happened. Everyone is fine. Let's leave it at that."

Bailey glanced at Derek, taking in his defensive pose behind Meredith. She immediately knew that nothing more needed to be said. They were all doctors in this room. Surgeons. They all knew what could happen to either one of them. She also knew that Derek would never let Meredith do anything that would put her at danger. It was clear that the shower Meredith had taken was necessary. Something had required them to get out of bed, and Bailey would leave it at that. She would drop it and move on. They both knew what was on the line. Neither one of them needed to be reminded.

"I'll go get you some scrubs." Bailey said before turning and leaving Meredith and Derek alone in the bathroom again.

Derek turned Meredith in his arms so that she faced him. His gaze met hers. "You okay?"

"Yeah." Meredith swallowed.

Derek rubbed his hands up and down against the skin of her arms, attempting to keep her warm. "Better?"

"A little." She said, her teeth chattering.

Bailey appeared back in the doorway, handing the dry scrubs over to Derek. Meredith stayed tucked in Derek's arms, embarrassed by her weakened state. Derek and Bailey shared a look, each knowing that the days ahead were going to be long and emotional for every one involved. Bailey nodded at Derek, offering her silent approval before she exited their quiet sanctuary.

Derek stepped back, his hands slowing on her shaking arms. "Mer?"

She curled into him, her head landing on his solid chest. Tears that she thought had vanished reappeared, splashing onto her cheeks in silence.

Derek tightened his hold on her. "Let it out."

"I can't." She said, shaking her head. "I don't want to be this way. I don't want to be weak."

"Meredith..."

"No." She interrupted as she pushed herself off of Derek's chest and angrily swiped at her tears. "I can't be this person, Derek. I can't be the victim. Not anymore. I've been this... girl for too long. I need this to stop. It has to."

Derek reached for her again, pulling her back into his arms. He knew that they were on a roller-coaster ride, that the ups and downs were just beginning. And he was damn certain that there were going to be a few abrupt turns along the way, but he felt unprepared. He didn't know what to say to her. He didn't know what would make her feel better. He didn't know how to make all of her demons disappear and leave only the two of them again. He was helpless. And his own fear was growing. His own doubt. Would he fail her again?

He swallowed past the bitter taste that had formed in the back of his throat and continued to hold her against him. He could not fail. He was going to have to find a way to push them both through this. There was no other option. She was his life. And that was the way he wanted it to be. He wanted her. He had since the day he saw her in the black dress at Joe's bar. He could not fail her. Not this time. Not after she had grown accustomed to people failing her. Not after all of this. Not after he was the cause of this. The fear inside of him had no place being there. He needed it to disappear, to vanish without a trace. She was more important... she always will be.

No words passed between them as Derek slowly moved her backwards, guiding her to sit down on the closed toilet. He placed a warm kiss on her forehead as she sat down before he slowly began to dress her. She raised her arms, giving him permission to place the scrub top on her. He watched her intently as he moved, looking for any warning signs or fear, but none arose. Gently, he slipped the top through her arms and over her head before he let it fall over her chilled upper body. He let his hands move down her arms, attempting to warm her as he dressed her.

"Better?" He asked as he grabbed the pants and began to move her feet through the legs. He looked up at her after a few seconds had passed without a response. "Meredith?"

She turned her head towards him. "Yeah?"

"Did you hear what I said?"

"Yeah." She blinked. "I'm good."

Derek quickly slipped the pants the rest of the way up her body, tenderly easing her off of the toilet seat for a second as he pulled the pants up over her butt. His hands reached for the drawstring of the pants, pulling equally on both strings before tying it into a loose knot. When he released the strings, he allowed his hands to move up the sides of her body until they reached her cheeks and cupped them gently in the palms of his hands. He leaned forward and placed a soft kiss on her lips. "You in there?"

"Yeah." She nodded. "Just... cold."

Derek didn't need to be told twice. Without a second thought, he reached forward and lifted Meredith in his arms, carrying her and placing her back in their bed. No protests slipped from her mouth as he had moved her, causing him to stare at her with concern. Something was wrong.

"Meredith?"

She pulled the sheets over her freezing frame. "I'm fine, Derek."

"Every time you say that, it makes me believe you less."

"So, you don't trust me?"

"Mer,.." Derek sighed, sliding into bed next to her. He reached for her, pulling her into his warm embrace. "You know that's not it."

"Then, enlighten me please as to what _it_ is."

"Don't do this, Meredith." Derek said, tightening his hold on her. "Don't push me away. Don't make me the bad guy."

"I'm not doing anything - "

"Bullshit." Derek interrupted. "It's easier for you to push me away, to shut down than it is for you to talk to me about it. I get that. You don't want to deal with it. You don't remember what has happened to you. You don't want to ... think about Taylor anymore," he spat angrily. "But this affects me too, Meredith. What happened to you? It affects me. It kills me. I _want_ to help you. I want to be the person that you allow yourself to cry to about it." He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. His hand moved from her back and gently through her silky strands. "You aren't a victim to me, Meredith. You're the woman I love. You are an amazing, strong, intelligent, woman, and I want to help you - "

"Derek - "

"Let me finish." Derek whispered, placing his index finger over her mouth. "I can't not be there for you, Meredith. I can't pretend like there is nothing wrong, when I know there is. I know it's eating you alive, Mer. I know you. I know what it's doing to you. But this is me, and I know, _ I know_, we have been over this, and I will say it until you start to believe it, but I am not leaving you. I will not abandon you. I will not let you down. I will be there. I will hold you when you need held. I will let you hit me when you need to punch something. I will listen to you. I will let you cry on my shoulder. I will help you forget when you just can't take it anymore. I will be there."

Tears pooled in her eyes once more. She buried her head into his chest again, listening to his heartbeat. It was strong and steady just like him. Her hands tightened their grip on his arms and her legs intertwined with his. Tiny droplets of moisture spilled from her eyes as she allowed her barrier to come down once more. This was Derek, she reminded herself. It was Derek. This wasn't Taylor. It wasn't the Chief. It wasn't Finn. This was Derek. The only person that ever really got her. The only person that she had ever really loved.

"Stay with me." She murmured in this chest.

"I couldn't hear you, Mer," Derek said softly.

She pulled her head away from his chest and looked up at him. "I want you to stay with me."

"Of course I'll stay with - "

"No, Derek." Meredith interrupted. "When we're done at the hospital. When we can leave. I want you to come home with me. I don't... I just don't think that I do this alone and you're the only one," she paused, taking a deep breath. "You're the only one that I want to be there with me. You're the one I want to wake up next to. The one I want to tell my nightmares too. You're the one I want to see me cry. No one else."

Derek placed a warm kiss on top of her head. "Of course I'll stay with you. I'll stay as long as you want me to stay."

Meredith pressed herself back against him, allowing herself to enjoy the feel of him beside her, to enjoy how safe and protected she felt in his arms.

"Thank you." She whispered.

"You don't have to thank me."

"I want to."

"Well, you don't." Derek smiled, placed a warm kiss on her unsuspecting lips. "I just love you."

"I love you too, Derek." Meredith breathed.

"When all of this is over." Derek said, his hands running up and down the length of her back. "When we're out of this hospital and back at your house, I'm going to be there, Meredith, until you don't want me to be there anymore. I will be there." His hands slowed on her back as he gently eased her away from his chest. "I just... there are some things, Mer, that I'm not going to be able to help you with. There are some things that you may need to talk to a - "

"No." Meredith denied, shaking her head forcefully. "I don't want to talk to a shrink."

"Meredith." Derek sighed. "It may help. I can't, I'm not adequately equipped to help you in every way that you're going to need help."

"I just need you, Derek. I don't need big words or psychological babble. I just need you. I need you to listen, to hold me, to kiss me, to touch me, to ... make me laugh... to let me cry. I just need you. I don't want a shrink. I won't see a shrink."

Derek closed his eyes. He knew that this was not a battle he was going to win right now. He knew that seeing a shrink for Meredith would be to admit defeat, and she was not going to do that, just like she refused to be a victim. The roller coaster they were on was going to have a low, and that low would come when the nightmares were too strong and he could do nothing to help. That low would be when he would bring this up again, but for now, he had put it out there and that was all he could do. She was going to have to be the one that ultimately decided that she needed to talk to someone, to a professional. He only could hope that she would before the roller coaster got too low, or else it was going to be a long way back up to the top.

"Okay." Derek said, quieting her gently. "We don't have to talk about this anymore."

Meredith nodded. "Thank you."

Derek leaned backwards, pulling Meredith down with him. "Sleep, I'll be right here."

"I don't know if I can."

"He's dead, Mer." Derek said, letting her have a quiet reminder of their reality. "He can't hurt you anymore."

"It's not what he can do." Meredith admitted softly. "It's what he did."

Derek took a deep breath. "I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere."

Meredith instinctively curled closer into Derek's warm body. "Don't leave me, Derek."

"Never." Derek promised, his arms tightening around her trembling frame. "I will never leave you." He placed a kiss atop of her head before settling himself onto his pillow. "Sleep."

Images. Words. Sounds. Voices. They flooded Meredith's brain as she closed her eyes. She moved even closer to Derek, pressing her ear onto Derek's chest, listening to the thump, thump of Derek's heart. She focused on that. She allowed that noise to carry her. To be the wave that brought her down from the cliff that she was nearing as she closed her eyes, until it carried her to sleep and the images, the words, the sounds and the voices, all fell away.

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**Hope you enjoyed! Drop me a line! **


	37. Chapter 34: Wide River to Cross

_**You Might Die Trying**_

**AN: **I know it's been longer than it has been over the past few updates. Sorry for that. Sometimes things happen in our personal lives that slow the movement of this world. A quick **thank you** to all of you who reviewed the last chapter. I am trying to finish this. We've only got a few left… and your words of support for this story help me get through these final chapters. So thank you.

With that said, enjoy this update…I should have the next one up soon.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own _Grey's._

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**Chapter 34: Wide River to Cross**

_"I'm only halfway home, I gotta journey on._

_To where I'll find the things that I have lost._

_I've come a long, long road, still I've got miles to go._

_I've got a wide, wide river to cross."_

- Buddy Miller

Derek awoke with a start. Meredith was still sleeping peacefully beside him, seemingly unfazed by his movement. His head fell back against the pillow, his eyes closed in relief. It was just a dream... a nightmare. Meredith was alive. She was breathing beside him. She wasn't dead at the hands of Dr. Taylor. She wasn't screaming for him to save her. She was alive. His arms tightened around her sleeping form, reassuring himself that Meredith was in fact there; that she was the woman he was currently holding in his arms. He tried to slow his breathing, to have some control over his body, but his body rebelled, choosing instead to breathe heavily and sweat. The warmth of Meredith's body was warming him even more, but he would not allow himself to move. Not when she was beside him. Not when she was alive. Not when she was so afraid of him leaving her. He would not give truth to her fears. He would not give her one more reason to doubt him.

His eyes opened slowly, taking in their surroundings. Outside, nurses, doctors, and patients, moved through the hallway. Some slow, some fast. It didn't really matter. All that mattered was that they were moving. As he watched the ebb and flow of the hallway, he noted the stops and stares that they received from numerous staff members of the hospitals. It wasn't just the nurses. Doctors passed freely, staring intently inside of the room, looking for any hint as to what had happened. Derek ignored them, not wanting to give them any encouragement. It wasn't until a familiar woman stood in the doorway that his gaze pulled from the hallway.

"I didn't see you walk up," Derek said quietly.

"I was hoping to talk to you today." Detective Cameron said, ignoring his comment.

Derek looked down at the sleeping woman in his arms. "Can't it wait?"

"I'm sorry." Detective Cameron frowned. "It needs to happen now."

"He's dead." Derek argued. "It's not like charges need to be filed."

Meredith stirred beside him. She turned in his arms, looking up at him with tired eyes. "What's going on?"

"Dr. Grey," Detective Cameron said, "how are you today?"

Meredith's movement stopped. She watched Derek's face as he reacted to Detective Cameron. She saw the anger flash in his usually bright eyes. She saw the lines of a frown beginning to form. She placed her hand on top of his, squeezing gently. She turned towards Detective Cameron and gave her a faint smile. "I'm fine."

"Good." Detective Cameron nodded. "I was just talking to Dr. Shepherd about interviewing him today."

Meredith tightened her hold on Derek's hand. "Oh, well, I suppose that - "

"No." Derek argued. "I'm not doing this today. Not when...." he took a deep breath. "Not when it means leaving you alone."

"Derek, I'm fine. You need to do this. Nothing is going to happen to me in the few minutes that you're talking to Detective Cameron."

"Don't say that."

"Say what?" Meredith said, confused. "Say that nothing is going to happen to me? I'm in the hospital, Derek. Our friends surround us and the man that wanted to hurt you and hurt me is dead." She turned and looked up at him, her hand still clutching his. "You need to do this. This has to be over with. I can't... we have to move on. We can't keep living with this hanging over our heads. It needs to be laid to rest. You need it to be...and I need it to be. I need this to be over."

"Mer..." Derek breathed.

"I'll be right outside," Detective Cameron said as she moved towards the door. "Let me know when you're ready," she added as she exited the room.

Meredith curled into Derek, her head resting on his chest. "This needs to end, Derek," she whispered. "Talk to Detective Cameron."

"I won't leave you in here alone," Derek said, placing a warm kiss on top of her head. "You know that you aren't... what I mean is that I can't leave you in here alone. I could never forgive myself if something happened - "

"Nothing is going to happen, Derek." Meredith repeated, pushing herself off of his chest slightly. "You need to do this." She leaned forward, placing a gentle kiss on his lips. "I'll be here when you're done."

Derek closed his eyes. "I'm not ready." He admitted softly. "I don't want to remember everything... I'm not ready."

"Derek." Meredith swallowed. She shifted closer towards him, placing her forehead onto his chest. "I didn't want to remember it either. I wanted it to be a nightmare and nothing more." She took a deep breath. "But the thing is... it wasn't. It happened. And I don't think... we can't live like it never happened, Derek. You made me confront it yesterday, and now.... now it's your turn. You have to do this. For me and for yourself. We can't... move forward from this until this is over."

"I know, I just..."

"Do this, Derek. For me."

Derek reopened his eyes and found himself looking straight into the beautiful blue depths of Meredith's eyes. She was pleading with him. Begging him to be strong, so that they could move past this. So that they could move forward together. He knew he needed to do this. He knew the minute Detective Cameron had walked into the room. She needed him to do this, and he needed to do it for himself. The darkness that surrounded them would under disappear until this part was over. Until the stories were told, and a man who was already dead, was recognized as the man that did this. It was that simple. Meredith had started the process, now he had to finish it.

"Okay." Derek nodded. His arms tightened around her slender frame. "Okay."

He raised his head and looked towards the door. Detective Cameron stood just outside, her back facing them. He reached his hand over to the nurse's call button, choosing to press the button instead of calling out her name, needing any bit of time he had left before the questioning began. His hands trailed up along Meredith's arms, suddenly needing to feel her. To know that she was alive; that she was safe in his arms, that no one could touch her here. The door to their hospital room swung open, revealing one of their many nurses. On a normal day, Derek would say "hello." He would talk. He would be kind and want to know the nurse that was helping him. But today, he wasn't in the mood. There was too much going on; too many emotions swirling inside of him like a washing machine.

"Are you two okay?" Nurse Debbie asked.

"Yeah." Derek breathed. "Could you get the detective outside?"

Nurse Debbie glanced at him, annoyed. "Is that all?"

"Yes - "

"No." Meredith interrupted. She looked at Derek. "I can't be here when you..." She turned towards Nurse Debbie, giving her a small smile. "Could you page Dr. Yang for me?"

"Fine." Nurse Debbie snapped. "Is that all?"

"Yes, thank you," Meredith said, beating Derek to the punch.

Nurse Debbie rolled her eyes at them before she turned and walked out of the room, letting Detective Cameron know that they were ready for her on her way back to the nurse's station. Detective Cameron glanced into the room, watching them for a moment before she began to walk back inside.

"Are we ready now?" Detective Cameron asked.

"Yes." Meredith nodded.

"I'm sorry, Dr. Grey." Detective Cameron frowned. "You can't be - "

"She knows that." Derek growled. "There is someone coming to take her out of the room while we do this."

"Derek..." Meredith sighed. "There's no need to - "

"It's fine," Detective Cameron said, shaking her head. "I just wanted to make sure that you were both clear on how this was going to work."

"We are," Derek said firmly.

Meredith pinched Derek's arm. "Stop it."

"Ow." Derek cried, pulling his arm away from her fingers. "What was that for?"

"Stop being mean to her."

"I'm not - "

"You are." Meredith smirked. "So, stop it. She is just trying to do her job."

Detective Cameron shifted her feet uncomfortably. "I can wait outside until the person comes to take Dr. Grey out of the room."

Meredith shook her head. "There's no need. She should be here in a few seconds."

"It's not a problem if you two would like a couple more minutes alone."

"We're good." Meredith nodded. "But thanks."

Derek's arms maintained a firm hold on Meredith, unwilling to let her go any sooner than he absolutely had to. His gaze remained trained on Detective Cameron, watching as she breathed and moved around the room uncomfortably. He swallowed past the lump that was forming in his throat. "What kind of questions are you going to be asking me?"

Detective Cameron looked up meeting Derek's gaze. "I just need your side of the story. From beginning to end. I'll only be asking questions if I need more information about a certain part of the story."

"It's not a story." Meredith whispered.

"Mer?"

"This isn't a story." Meredith breathed. "It isn't fiction. This happened. It happened to me and it happened to Dr. Shepherd. Dr. Taylor kidnapped me. He terrorized me. He almost killed Dr. Shepherd and he almost killed me. So... this isn't a story. This isn't something that we're just making up for fun. These things happened. The heart, the notes, and the phone call. It all happened - "

"Dr. Grey." Detective Cameron interrupted. "I didn't mean to - "

"No." Meredith snapped. "You called this, what happened to us, a story and we have the scars to prove it. This is not a story."

"Meredith, I don't think she meant anything by it," Derek said gently.

"I don't care."

"Mer..."

"Derek, what happened to us is not a story."

"I know," Derek said, rubbing her arms gently. "I'm bald, remember?"

Before Meredith could respond the door to their hospital room burst open, revealing a very frazzled Cristina. "You paged?"

"Cristina." Meredith breathed. "I need you to get me out of here."

"Is everything ok?" Cristina asked, looking around the room.

"Everything is fine." Meredith nodded. "Derek needs to talk to this Detective and I can't be here."

"Oh," Cristina said. "Okay. So, you want to - "

"Let's go for a walk." Meredith interrupted. "It would be nice to get out of the room."

"Okay." Cristina agreed. She grabbed the wheelchair in the corner of the room and wheeled it over towards the bed. "Let's go."

Before Meredith moved she glanced at Derek. "Are you going to be okay?"

Derek placed a warm kiss on her lips. "Go.... before I change my mind."

Meredith gave him another kiss before she began to move. Cristina reached forward, helping her into the chair. Once she was settled, Meredith grabbed Derek's hand once more. She waited to speak until he looked down at her. "I love you."

"I love you too," Derek smiled.

"Okay." Meredith smiled. "I'm ready."

"You two make me want to vomit." Cristina said, rolling her eyes as she lead Meredith out of the room.

Meredith laughed slightly as they made their way towards the door. She turned her head slightly, giving Derek one last look before Cristina wheeled her out of the room, leaving Derek alone with Detective Cameron.

XXXXXXXXXXX

Cristina pushed Meredith quickly down the hallway. She weaved and zigzagged, dodging people in an effort to shield Meredith, to protect her from the stares and the ever-present gossip at Seattle Grace. And she knew that there was a part of her that still didn't know what to say to Meredith. She didn't know what Meredith needed, what words could offer her the... comfort or reassurance that she needed. It wasn't until they reached the elevators that her feet began to slow. Her heart began to pound. She wasn't good at this. At the mushy, comforting, supportive crap that everyone else seemed to be naturally good at. It wasn't her. She was harsh and abrupt. She was unemotional. She didn't know how to be the person that Meredith needed her to be right now, but she wasn't going to run away. Not this time.

"Cristina." Meredith smirked.

"What?"

"Aren't you going to hit the button?"

"Oh." Cristina swallowed, reaching forward to punch the down button.

"It doesn't have to be different, Cristina," Meredith said softly. "You don't have to...you don't have to change who you are. I know who you are and I still like you."

Cristina released a nervous laugh. "It is different."

"Nothing's changed."

"Everything has changed, Mer," Cristina said, breathing heavily. "You... none of us knew if you were alive. We didn't know if you were okay. You were just... gone. That changes people. It's changed all of us."

Meredith shook her head. "It doesn't have to."

The elevator dinged and the doors open. Cristina pushed Meredith inside before hitting the button for the basement. The doors closed as Cristina leaned against the back wall. "Izzie came home. She came home and found Derek on the floor in your bedroom in a pool of blood. You were gone. We didn't... none of us knew where to look. We didn't know what to do. Derek was in surgery and you were gone." She took a deep breath. "Everything has changed, Mer. This is our reality now. You almost died, and not because you grabbed onto a bomb trapped inside of a patient. This was calculated. This was one of our own trying to hurt you. It changes things."

"Cristina..."

"There was a moment when you first came back. Burke had taken Derek to see Taylor and I was sitting with you. You were fine until you started dreaming." Cristina's voice trailed of, unsure of herself. Unsure of this was the right thing to be telling Meredith, especially now, when she was in such a fragile state. But somewhere inside of her, she needed to tell her, to confess to running before they moved forward. "I tried to wake you up, but you wouldn't stop screaming. You wouldn't... all you wanted was Derek and I couldn't help you. So I ran. I left you alone in that room."

Meredith closed her eyes. "I was dreaming that I was back in the car with Taylor. That he was..." She took a deep breath. "He was trying to kill me, but I couldn't... he was choking me."

"Mer..."

"I don't blame you for running, Cristina. In my dream I was trying to get out." Meredith whispered. "I was trying to run. If I were you I would have ran too."

"You needed me, and I - "

"There was nothing you could have done." Meredith interrupted. "It was a dream... a nightmare. It wasn't your fault."

Cristina glanced at Meredith. She saw the defeated posture of her shoulders. She saw the tears that were pooled her in her eyes that she refused to let fall. She saw the way her hands her grasping at the armrests of the wheelchair, as if she were holding on for dear life. Slowly, she reached forward and placed her hand on Meredith's hand. "It wasn't your fault either."

As a lone tear drifted down Meredith's cheek, the elevator doors opened, startling both of them. Cristina moved, grasping the handles of the wheelchair, before she began to push Meredith out of the elevator.

"What are we doing down here?" Meredith asked as they moved through the hall.

Cristina remained silent. Her hands gripped at the handles of Meredith's wheelchair.

Meredith's brow furrowed. "Cristina?"

Cristina continued to walk Meredith down the hallway until they reached the door that would seemingly lead them to their past, to a time that seemed simpler because all they had was each other. They were fresh interns, learning how to live in Seattle Grace. There weren't any complications yet. There wasn't any judgment. They were all there together. They were just five interns trying to stay afloat.

Cristina pushed at the door, wheeling Meredith through as she held the door open with her right leg. She heard their voices before she saw them.

"Meredith!" Izzie said, her loud voice echoing in the quiet hallway.

Izzie's feet began moving, until she was standing beside Cristina, looking down at Meredith. "How are you, Mer?"

"I'm fine." Meredith said softly.

George and Alex made their way towards them slowly, both offering Meredith small smiles of encouragement.

"Grey." Alex smiled.

"Mer." George breathed. In air of relief filled the hallway.

Meredith dropped her chin to her chest, embarrassment folding her body.

"You don't have to say anything," Izzie said. Her hand reached for Meredith's shoulder, squeezing it gently. "We just…" She looked at her friends. "We all just needed to see you."

Alex sighed. "Give her some space, Iz."

"Alex." Izzie frowned. "I'm just trying to – "

"Guys," Meredith interrupted. A hint of anger laced her tired voice. "I'm not made of glass. You don't…what I mean is…just let's try to act like nothing – "

"That's not going to happen." George said, shaking his head.

"George…" Cristina warned.

"I appreciate what you're all trying to do," Meredith said. "But I need this…I need time where it seems like nothing has changed. Time where we're just five interns again. I need you guys to do something for me that I know Derek can't. He can't forget. But you guys… I need you guys to forget right now so I can have normal conversations. So, I'm not the victim anymore."

"We can do that." Cristina nodded. She turned towards her three friends with a hard glare on her face. "Right?"

"Whatever you want, Mer." Izzie added. "George? Alex?"

They both gave Izzie a slight nod of their heads.

"Okay." Meredith said, giving them a small smile. "So, fill me in."

As Izzie began to fill Meredith in on the latest of the hospital gossip, unease settled into the pit of Cristina's stomach. She knew what Meredith was trying to do. She knew the game Meredith was playing. She knew it well. But distractions would only get you so far. Reality would find its way of creeping in. In dreams. In conversations. In relationships. Reality would find Meredith, just like it had found Cristina when she was nine years old.

XXXXXXXXX

It was an hour later before Cristina brought Meredith back up to her room. Meredith's body sagged in the wheelchair, her exhaustion beginning to settle in. As they rounded the corner Cristina's footsteps slowed causing Meredith to look up. Outside of the hospital room she shared with Derek, she saw the Chief talking to a young woman.

"Do you know her?" Cristina asked.

Meredith shook her head. "I don't know."

As they approached the room, Cristina called to the Chief. "Chief?"

The Chief turned, giving Cristina a quick glance before his eyes fell upon Meredith. "Meredith…"

Meredith stared at the woman in front of her. Blood was caked to her clothing and her hair was in a messy ponytail. Meredith allowed her stare to drift upwards until she reached the woman's face. Images of Dr. Taylor and the car wreckage flashed in her tired mind, but it wasn't until their eyes met that she knew.

Meredith gasped. "You were there."

The Chief reached out to Meredith, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder. "Meredith, she tried to see you the day you came in but we wouldn't let her. She came in this morning to try again. She wanted to make sure that – "

"You saved me." Meredith interrupted. Tears fell from her eyes, but she didn't care. She didn't care if she was making a scene or if it caused people to whisper about her more. "You saved me." Meredith repeated as a sob left her mouth.

"Samantha." The woman said, reaching forward to touch Meredith's hand. "My name is Samantha."

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**So, Samantha is back. Next time we'll catch up with that... and slowly but surely, this story is coming to an end. We've got about 2-3 chapters left. Thanks for reading... and I hope you enjoyed! Drop me a line! **


	38. Chapter 35: Down the Line

_**You Might Die Trying**_

**AN: **I have to thank all of you for the reviews. I am horrible about responding to them, but trust me each one of them means a lot. Basically, your reviews have kept this story alive. So if you're a lurker… don't be shy! I don't bite! And your review will help me keep going.

This is the second to last chapter. There will be an epilogue. But we're nearing the end, folks. Hard to believe, I know.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own _Greys._

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**Chapter 35: Down the Line**

_"I see problems down the line._

_I know that I'm right._

_Don't let the darkness eat you up."_

- Jose Gonzalez

Meredith's hands clutched at the armrests of her wheelchair. Images of the car and Dr. Taylor lying unconscious beside her swarmed inside of her shattered mind. But she waded through the wreckage of the events of that night; she fought against the constant flashes of Dr. Taylor, of the car lurching, of the blood on her clothes and hands. She battled against the horror to find the good. To see the face that had helped her out of the car; that had unknowingly rescued her from death.

She raised her head, urging herself to meet Samantha's concerned gaze. A hesitant smile appeared on Meredith's pale face. "Thank you." She whispered. "Thank you for saving me."

Samantha took a step closer to Meredith. "You don't have to thank me."

"I do. I – " Meredith's voice fell away, her emotions trapped inside. She attempted to swallow them down, but failed. A solitary tear dripped from her broken stare. She raised her hand, wiping it away. Embarrassment flooded her. She was crying in the hallway of this hospital, the place where she worked. She couldn't do this. Not here.

Cristina moved out from behind her, rounding the wheelchair to face Meredith. "Mer," Cristina said. She lightly reached forward and placed her hands on top of Meredith's. "Do you want – "

"Derek." Meredith breathed. "I need…"

Her voice trailed off, but Cristina knew. Cristina stood instantly, moving to push Meredith forward; to allow her to see the person that she desperately needed right now. Cristina guided her forward, the Chief and Samantha trialing behind them. Inside of Meredith and Derek's hospital room, Derek slept in the bed that they had been sharing ever since they had been reunited. Cristina slowed the wheelchair as they neared the side of the bed, allowing Meredith to move instantly out of the chair and into the bed. Derek stirred as she crawled beneath the covers, his eyes instantly searching hers.

"Meredith?" Derek asked. His arms wrapped around her body, pulling her closer towards him. "You ok?" He whispered into her hair.

Meredith's grip on Derek's body tightened. She pressed her face into his chest, wanting to disappear inside of him.

When she didn't respond, Derek looked up for the first time at the crowd in the room. His eyes landed on the only person that he did not know in the room. He stared at her intently, challenging her to look away, but she didn't. She stared back with a look of concern and empathy. He turned away, his gaze dropping down to the woman in his arms once more.

"Meredith?" Derek repeated.

Meredith's tiny fists squeezed at his upper arms. "I'm just-"

"What?" Derek interrupted. "What is it? What happened?"

"I can't stop seeing it." Meredith cried. "I can't stop…" Her voice faltered, a tiny sob falling from her lips. "I can feel him… on me. I can feel him touching me…"

Derek's arms tightened around her. He closed his eyes, trying to block the images that were floating around in his mind. He didn't want to see Meredith being touched by that man. He didn't want to even think about it.

"Meredith," he said gently. "Meredith, look at me."

Meredith's lips trembled as she pulled away from Derek's chest and looked up at the man that was holding her so firmly in his arms.

Derek stared at her. His heart breaking as he saw the tears pooling in her blue eyes. He leaned forward, placing a tender kiss on her lips before he let his forehead rest against hers. "See me. Don't see him. That part is over." He reminded her gently. "It's over, baby."

"Derek..." Meredith swallowed. A tear tracked down her cheek. She pressed her forehead harder against his, loving the feel of his skin against her own.

"It's over." Derek repeated. He raised a hand from her back and touched her cheek, gently caressing her skin. "Look at me." He waited until her eyes met his again. "I'm here. It's over."

Meredith nodded against him. The pools of water in her eyes drained, causing tears to splash onto her already damp cheeks. She breathed in, focusing on Derek's soft, gentle touch instead of the rapid-fire of images that were exploding in her head. After several minutes she finally moved, pushing herself off of Derek. She swiped at her cheeks with the back of her hands, brushing away the signs of her weakness before she turned to face the three people that stood awkwardly in the room, waiting for either one of them to say something.

Derek continued to watch her as she slowly began to pull herself back together. He knew that this wasn't over. He knew that this was just the first one of many breakdowns that she was going to have over the course of her recovery. But as he watched her fall apart, as he watched the tears form and the fear settle in, he couldn't help but feel grateful; grateful that he wasn't falling apart; that he could be there for her fully and wholly. He was able to be the rock that she needed him to be, and for that he was grateful.

Meredith squeezed Derek's hands. "You need to meet someone."

Derek frowned. "Who?"

"Samantha," Meredith said. She glanced at the beautiful woman that stood beside the Chief before she motioned for Samantha to come closer. As Samantha approached the bed, Meredith looked up at Derek. "She saved me, Derek. This is the woman that saved me."

"You saved yourself," Samantha said nervously. "I just… I helped you. I provided a helping hand when you needed one. That's all."

"It was more than that," Meredith said firmly. "You pulled me from that car. You got me away from him." She watched Samantha. She watched as Samantha registered what she was saying and what she wasn't saying. "You saved me."

Silence fell over the room. Meredith and Samantha watched each other as Derek registered everything that was being said by Meredith and by Samantha. Samantha had saved Meredith. Meredith was alive because of Samantha, otherwise… he stopped himself there, not wanting to think of the alternative. His gaze moved from Meredith to Samantha. This woman had given him his life back. She had saved two lives the day she pulled Meredith out of the car.

Meredith cleared her throat, glancing quickly at the Chief and Cristina. "I don't want to…" She stopped swallowing back the lump that had formed in her throat. "I mean, is there any way that you two could…"

"Of course," the Chief said. "Yang and I will leave you three alone."

The Chief moved towards the door with Cristina trailing behind him. They exited the room together, neither looking back at the trio that was left behind.

Derek withdrew one of his arms from Meredith's body, extending it forward towards Samantha. "Derek."

Samantha extended her own hand, grasping Derek's in her own. "Samantha."

"I don't know if there is any adequate way to thank you," Derek said as he released her hand. "I don't… I just, thank you."

Samantha's face reddened instantly. "I didn't... this isn't… I mean…" She closed her mouth and took a deep breath before starting again. "This wasn't why I decided to come here. I just, I needed to make sure that Meredith was alright. I needed to follow through."

"I am." Meredith chewed on her lower lip. "I don't remember much from when you pulled me from the car. I just… I remember you being there – "

"You were calling for him," Samantha admitted softly. "You were calling for Derek."

Derek's hands tightened on Meredith's body. "Was he dead?"

"Who?" Samantha asked, confused.

"The driver," Meredith explained. "He kidnapped me. I had been… I had gotten control of the car but then… he… he slowly picked at me and I couldn't… he surprised me. He slammed on the breaks and… that's when you found us."

"I knew you had been kidnapped." Samantha breathed. "The cops… they told me once they figured out who you were. I didn't…I didn't check on the driver, I stayed with you. I tried to help you. You wanted out of the car… away from him."

"Yeah." Meredith laughed bitterly. "I can only imagine why."

Derek weaved his hand through Meredith's hair. "So stubborn."

"I couldn't be in that car anymore with him." Meredith frowned. "I couldn't stand to be in his presence. He had tried to… "

"Meredith…" Derek interrupted. "Don't. Don't go back there."

Meredith closed her eyes. She took a deep breath. "I know. I just…" She looked at Samantha. "I cannot thank you enough for helping me."

"Don't thank me," Samantha said, shaking her head. "Just help yourself. Get better. Live your life and move on from this. That's the best that we can all hope for."

Meredith nodded. A fresh batch of tears forming in her puffy eyes. "You're right. I don't want this to be it. I'd like to keep in touch with you… if that's possible. If you're okay with that."

"Of course," Samantha said. "Just let me write it down." She reached towards the nightstand, grabbing the pen and paper that sat on top of it. Her right hand trembled as she wrote her name and number on the paper. It wasn't until she wrote the final number that her hand stopped shaking. She dropped the pen onto the pad of paper and took a step back, staring at the couple that rested in the bed in front of her. She smiled. "I'm glad that I could give you this. I'm glad that you two have each other. Just do me one favor."

"Anything," Meredith agreed.

"Don't lose sight of that," Samantha explained. "Don't forget about that moment where all you wanted was him. I've seen what things like what you went through do to people, to couples. Just promise me that you'll make it. Promise me that you'll rely on each other through this."

Meredith glanced at Derek. "I don't think you have to worry about that."

She leaned forward, offering her lips to Derek, who accepted them gladly. They shared a tender kiss for a moment before parting.

Derek cupped Meredith's cheek, caressing the soft skin softly with the pad of his thumb. "I'm not letting her go again."

"Okay," Samantha nodded. "Then, we're good. We'll call it even." She took a step backwards, moving closer to the door. "I need to go. I just, I needed to make sure that you were okay."

"Thank you," Meredith said. "Thank you for coming here… for everything."

"Yes, thank you." Derek added. "I cannot thank you enough."

"Just remember your promise," Samantha said. "And… call me sometime. I'd love to hear how you're doing."

Meredith smiled. "We will."

Samantha took one last look at the couple in bed before turning and walking out the door. She didn't know if Meredith or Derek would ever call her. She didn't know if she'd ever see them again. But she was grateful. She was grateful that Meredith was still alive. She was grateful that she had played a part in bringing them back together. She had helped two people survive by saving one of them, and that was all that mattered.

**XXXXXXXXXXX**

**The Next Day**

Derek had been awake for over an hour. Meredith was still curled around him, sleeping soundly for the first time since she had arrived at the hospital. He didn't know what was causing it to happen, but he didn't care. She was sleeping. There were no whimpers, no cries. No thrashing and no screams. She was peacefully asleep in his arms. Her head was resting firmly on his chest, so his movement was limited, but he didn't care because there were other things that he could be doing while she was sleeping like thinking about how he was going to take care of her when they got out of here. Or, thinking about how he was going to spend the rest of his life making sure that he was helping her, loving her, supporting her. He wanted to be everything to her for the rest of their lives, and it started now. So, while she slept, he was going to hold her, protect her, and allow her that time to recover from everything that had happened to her.

After Samantha had left yesterday, they had talked about the future. They had talked about what would happen when they were discharged, and they had decided that Derek would come live with Meredith. Derek had been willing to do whatever Meredith wanted. He just wanted to be there for her. But as they talked… as Meredith struggled with her turbulent emotions, Derek realized that she needed him to be the one to suggest it. She needed him to step up to the plate, to put his heart on the line. So, he had. He told her that he wanted to be with her; that he wanted to go home, with her. And she smiled. It wasn't a forced smile, or a sad smile. It was the first real smile he had seen on her face since all of this had started. It made his heart melt. It made the hope that he had carefully kept in the corner of his heart spread. They were going to be okay.

They were going to make it.

The door to their hospital room opened, revealing the Chief with two charts in his hands. Derek motioned for the Chief to be quiet, but the Chief shot him down immediately.

"I've got good news," the Chief said as he approached the bed.

Meredith stirred awake beside him. Derek looked down, making sure that as she awakened she recognized where she was. He tightened his arms around her as she twisted around in the covers to face the Chief.

Meredith yawned. "How can it be good news if you're waking me up?"

"Because," the Chief said as he thumbed through one of the charts in his hands. "You're being discharged today."

Meredith blinked. "Me?"

"Yes." The Chief nodded. "I'm sending you home."

"But…" Meredith swallowed. Panic settled into the pits of her stomach. "What about Derek? Can he – "

" – As you know, Derek's surgery was much more involved." The Chief interrupted. "I'm not sure it would be in his best interest – "

"I'm right here." Derek snapped. "Don't talk about me like I'm not in the room."

Meredith squeezed Derek's hand. "Derek…"

"No," Derek said, shaking his head. "I know I had surgery. I know that it takes time to recover. It's not like having surgery suddenly took away my knowledge and expertise as a neurosurgeon."

The Chief closed the chart in his hands. "I never said it did."

"I don't think I can do this." Meredith frowned. "I don't want to go home without Derek. I'm not sure… I just don't think it will be a good thing… for either of us."

Derek placed a soft kiss on Meredith's head. "We're going home together."

"Derek…" The Chief warned.

"Don't," Derek barked. "I know the risks. I know what to look for. Meredith knows what to look for. For God's sake, Richard, I'll be in a house with four other doctors, not including myself."

"Derek, you just had brain surgery," the Chief said impatiently. "Do you get that?"

Meredith pushed herself up in bed, straightening her back and pushing out her chin. "Of course he gets it. But we've been fine. Both of us have been fine. And I think what he's trying to say is that there will always be a doctor with him. I will be there and there are two other doctors that live in my mother's house with me. Don't treat us like regular patients. We're not."

"Meredith, with all due respect." The Chief sighed. "I just doing think you're in any position to be making sure that someone else is okay."

"What?" Meredith blinked.

"You've just been through a very traumatic event. I can't clear you to come back to work until a psychologist clears you. I don't think that sending Derek home under the pretense that you will always be with him is something that – "

"Richard, stop." Derek snapped again. "We're not having this discussion. Meredith knows that she will have to be cleared by a psychologist. We know what is in store for both of us before we can come back to work. But, this isn't your call. If you want me to sign the AMA paper before I leave I will. But I am leaving with Meredith."

Meredith curled further into Derek. "Or, I could just… I could stay here, Derek. I could just stay."

"No." Derek shook his head. "You need to go home. We both do." He moved his hands up and down her arms, needing to feel her skin against his own. "We need to move on from this point. We need to… get out of here and start to heal. I feel fine. I have since I woke up. Nothing has happened to indicate that I will have a problem." He leaned forward, kissing her gently. "We're going home together."

"Fine," the Chief said angrily. "You don't need to sign the AMA, but neither of you is coming back to work until a psychologist clears you. You got that?"

"Whatever," Derek said.

The Chief rolled his eyes. "Who do you want me to page?"

Meredith moved her hand up Derek's chest as her gaze met his. "Cristina. Could you page Cristina?"

"I'm sure Burke would take us if – "

"No," Meredith said. "It's… it's not that I don't want Burke, it's just… Cristina is trying. She's really trying to be there and I think this is a good way for her to help."

"Okay." Derek nodded. "That's okay."

"You sure?" Meredith asked.

Derek smiled down at her. "Of course. If you want it to be Cristina, it can be Cristina."

"But, what about what you want?"

"Mer." Derek sighed. "I want what you want. I want us to go home and however we get there doesn't matter to me."

"Okay."

"Okay?"

"Yes." Meredith confirmed. "Okay."

"I'll go ahead and page Yang then," the Chief said. He turned and glanced back at them as he neared the door. "Just take care of yourselves."

Derek nodded at the Chief, silently urging him to leave the room. Once he had walked through the doors, Derek pulled Meredith more firmly against him and pressed his lips firmly against hers. "We're going home."

"Yes." Meredith smiled. She pulled away from Derek's mouth smiling. "I'm glad we're going home… together."

"Me too." Derek agreed.

"Derek…"

"Yeah?"

"Is it going to be okay?" Meredith asked, the fear that had settled into her stomach getting the best of her. "Can we do this?"

Derek tightened his hold on her. "We can. We can do this together."

She smiled once more into his chest. That was all that she needed to hear. They could do this. They were going to do this. Together.

* * *

**One more chapter and then the epilogue! Exciting! Thank you for reading... and help me keep my momentum going by leaving a review!**


	39. Chapter 36: Breathe In Breathe Out

_**You Might Die Trying**_

**AN: **_THIS ONE IS IMPORTANT. Please read._

I watched the Grey's finale last night, as I'm sure many of you did, and what you must know about this right now is that I haven't been really watching Grey's this year. Yes, people told me what was going on, so I had the general gist, but the show lost its "umph" for me. In any course, I watched the finale… and in the course of post-finale emotions, I realized that in order to _deal_ with what happened in that episode for myself, I needed to change the end of this story. I don't know what your thoughts are on the finale. I do know that it was emotionally hard for me to see Meredith have a baby and then not. It seemed wrong. Sadistic even. So now, I don't know if the post-traumatic stress that many of the characters are likely to have, will be dealt with. So, I've decided that this story isn't ending yet. Originally, it was supposed to be this chapter and then an epilogue looking back at how they dealt with it… how they got through the trauma that they had suffered together. Now, it'll be more. It won't be too much longer. Maybe an additional chapter or two before the epilogue… but I wanted to let you know… that the ending of this story has changed because of the impact of that episode on me… and just in my general disturbance of what happened. Things need to be dealt with.

With that said, hold on because we're going for a few more chapters before the epilogue now.

And really, thank you all for reading. I hope you enjoy the extra chapters and find some of your own "therapy" in them.

**Disclaimer: **I most certainly do not own _Grey's_.

* * *

**Chapter 36: Breathe In Breathe Out**

_"We push and pull and I fall down sometimes._

_I'm not letting go, you hold the other line."_

- Mat Kearney

Meredith and Derek stood outside of her mother's house. Cristina had dropped them off minutes ago, asking them if they needed anything before she headed back to Seattle Grace, but they both had shook their heads and urged her to return to work. And now, here they were, standing on the steps of her house, attempting to gain the courage to walk inside. Derek tried to picture the happier moments he had known from this house like his first night with Meredith and all the nights that came after. The tiny moments that happened during the in betweens like him sneaking out of the house or even after Meredith had held that bomb in her tiny hands. Derek tried to see Meredith in those moments instead of the ones that were most recent, the ones that scared him. The ones that made him fear stepping inside. He turned slightly and looked down at Meredith. She stood frozen beside him. Her body trembled inside of his arm that was tightly wrapped around her shoulders. Fear radiated out of every pour of her body. It was when he looked at her that he knew. He knew he had to be the one to get over it first, to muscle down the painful memories and the fear. He had to be the one to take the first steps, so that she could follow and know that he would protect her. He had to do this. For her.

Derek took a step forward, placing his right foot on the stairs that led directly to the front door. Just as he was going to take his next step, Meredith's hand on his arm, pulling him backwards, stopped him.

"What is it?" Derek asked, concerned.

Meredith shook her head. "I don't think I can do this."

"Do what?" Derek said, playing dumb.

"We should go." Meredith breathed. "I think we should just go stay at your trailer."

"Meredith…"

"I can't do this, Derek." Meredith cried. Tears fell freely from her eyes, hitting her cheeks and running down them instantly. "I can't go back in there."

Derek wrapped his arms around Meredith's trembling frame. "You can do this." He rubbed his hands up and down the length of her back. "We're going to walk inside together, and then we'll walk around the house together. Okay?"

Meredith's body tensed. "Derek… I don't think I can – "

"You can, Mer." Derek interrupted. "You can do this. We can do this. We're just going to take it one step at a time, okay?"

Meredith nodded. "Okay."

"Okay." Derek smiled.

He pulled away from her; releasing her from the tight hold he had her in. His hand reached out, grasping her hand in his own. He held on tightly as he took a step forward. Meredith hesitatingly followed him forward.

"One step, Mer." Derek reminded her as he took another step.

She followed him again.

Derek squeezed her hand tightly. "That's good. Just focus on me, okay? Think about… think about our better memories in this house."

Meredith closed her eyes and thought of their better times together. She thought of Doc. Of Izzie and George. This house had a lot more good memories than bad. Her friends and Derek had made that possible.

Derek took another step forward, leading Meredith forward as well.

"Think about the memories that could happen in the future." Derek suggested. He took another step forward.

"Like?" Meredith asked as she stepped forward as well.

"I don't know," Derek said. "It's your future." Derek took the final step forward. "It can be anything you want it to be."

Meredith followed him forward again. "I just want you."

Derek smiled. "You've got me." He reached forward, pressing her keys into the lock and opening the front door to the house. "Open your eyes, Mer."

Meredith opened her eyes, taking in where she was instantly. Fear rapidly spread across her body causing her to tremble. Derek instantly wrapped a comforting arm around her shoulders, pulling her towards him.

"I'm here, Meredith." He comforted her. "I'm right here."

Her fingers curled around the fabric of his clothing. "Don't make me do this."

"You can do this." Derek encouraged. "I'm right here with you. We'll take this step together, okay?"

"Okay." Meredith swallowed.

"Whenever you're ready."

Meredith stood still in front of the front door. Her mind wandered and once more images over-flooded her. She closed her eyes, willing them away. But when they wouldn't vanish, when any good memory she could think of wouldn't make them disappear, she reopened her eyes and looked at Derek. And it was enough. The chaos inside of her mind eased and she no longer felt like she was drowning in an over-flowing river. She could breathe. He did that for her.

"Okay." Meredith nodded. "Okay, I'm ready."

Derek didn't hesitate. He didn't give her the opportunity to change her mind. With his arm still wrapped around her shoulder he took a step forward, pulling her with him. They were inside of the house, standing in the foyer. Derek kept his arm wrapped around Meredith, unwilling to let her go until she pushed him away. With his foot he closed the door, leaving them alone inside of the house.

"You okay?" Derek asked. His arm tightened around her.

"He's dead, right?" Meredith breathed. "He's not going to come back, right?"

Derek placed a kiss on her forehead. "He's dead. He can't hurt you anymore."

"Or you." Meredith added softly.

Derek nodded. "Or me."

"Okay."

"Okay?"

Meredith withdrew slowly from his embrace, needing to see her surroundings finally. "Yeah," she said after taking in her immediate surroundings. "Okay, I'm ready."

"Ready?" Derek said, confused.

"I just… we need to go upstairs."

"Oh."

"Derek…" Meredith said. "Is that okay?"

"It's okay." Derek grabbed her hand and started walking forward. "Let's go upstairs."

Meredith followed him slowly, her body dreading each step forward that she took. Derek propelled them forward, but Meredith's feet dragged until they stopped and Derek stood on the first step without Meredith. She looked up at him. Tears had pooled in her blue eyes and began to trickle out of them slowly. One by one they fell down and splashed on her cheeks. Her hand began to shake in his causing him to turn.

"Mer?" Derek whispered. In two steps he was back at her side. "Are you okay?"

Meredith nodded. "Yes."

"Meredith…"

"No." She shook her head defiantly. "We have to do this. We have to go upstairs."

Derek took her arms, squeezing them gentle in his hands. "We don't. We don't have to go upstairs."

"Yes." Meredith breathed. She tried to shake Derek's grasp, but he held her tightly, unwilling to let her turn away from him. "Derek, we have to do this. We have to move on, if we don't we're going to get – "

"What?" Derek interrupted. "What's going to happen if we don't go up there today?"

She closed her eyes. More tears fell onto her red cheeks. "Derek…"

"Tell me why. Tell me why we need to go up there when we both aren't ready to go up there."

Meredith's chest heaved. Her eyes snapped open and searched his. "You aren't ready?"

"Meredith…"

"Tell me."

Derek released Meredith's arms. His chin fell to his chest as he took a step away from her, embarrassed by this admission. Meredith reached forward, placing her hand on his chest, right above his heart.

"Tell me, Derek. I need to know."

Derek took a deep breath, sucking in the emotions, fighting back the tears, and then placed his hand over hers. "This isn't about me."

Meredith took a step towards Derek, eliminating the space that he had created between them. "It isn't just about me, Derek. This…it happened to you too."

"It happened because of me."

Meredith pulled her hand from his and moved both of her hands to his cheeks. She cupped them urgently in his hands. "I don't blame you. Do you get that? This isn't your fault. This was… this was some guy that thought that this was the answer to his problems. You didn't do this, Derek. I don't blame you."

"You should. I blame myself."

"You didn't do this." Meredith pressed her lips against his roughly before continuing. "You…you want me to talk to you about this stuff. You want me to seek comfort from you. But what about you? What about what's going on with you? I can't… this can't be just about me Derek. This has to be about us because this happened to us." She leaned forward, letting her head fall on his solid chest. "I thought you were dead. Do you get that? I didn't care if I lived or died because I thought that you were dead and if I died… then I'd get to see you again and it wouldn't matter." Her hands fell from his cheeks and grasped his hands. "I can't do this without you. Without all of you. You… you have to be honest with me. You have to tell me what's happening with you or else he's going to win – "

" – Meredith."

"No, Derek. He'll win. He will win if we don't get through this together." Her voice quivered and her body began to shake. Another batch of silent tears began to trail down her cheeks. She breathed, her voice soft against his chest, "He'll win, Derek."

Derek wrapped his arms around her, holding her tightly against him. Her body was like a security blanket to him. Warm and reassuring. Safe and comforting. She was alive. A tiny sob escaped from her as he held her against him. He knew she was right. He knew that he needed to be there. To share. To play an equal part in their recovery. Together.

He pulled away from her slowly. His hands moved up her arms and then down again. "I don't know what you want me to say."

Meredith looked up at him with swollen eyes. The latest batch of tears still sliding down her face. "It doesn't have to be everything. I just…I need something. You need to say something. Anything."

Derek watched as the emotions clouded her eyes and her face. She was trying to be strong. She was trying to hold herself together while also holding him together. It wasn't going to work. He knew it, and he was sure she knew it. This was about them. He couldn't give and give without taking something back, and she couldn't take and take without giving something back. They needed to be each other's balance. They needed to help each other, to recognize that when one person had a bad day, the other needed to pick up the pieces. They needed to be the perfect scale.

"Please, Derek," she pleaded.

Derek ran a hand back up her arm until it reached the space between her collarbone and jaw. His hand gently rubbed the skin there, attempting to soothe her as he prepared himself for his own admission. She reached her own hand forward, trailing her own fingers down his cheekbone.

Derek looked up at Meredith. The emotions from earlier were gone. The tears had stopped. She was balancing him. She was being the strong one now, so that he had the chance to be the weak one. To admit that this incident had impacted him too.

"I have nightmares." Derek admitted quietly.

Meredith released a long, slow breath. "So do I." She stared up at him, her heart pounding erratically in her chest. "What… what happens in yours?"

She didn't know if she wanted to know, but she knew she didn't have a choice. He needed to talk about them. They wouldn't leave if he didn't talk about them.

"It's not always the same," Derek said. His hand fell from the space above her collarbone, but his gaze remained trained on hers. "Sometimes…sometimes he shoots you instead and I can't… I can't help you. Sometimes, I find you dead in various places. In my trailer. In your bedroom. In the hospital. And sometimes… sometimes it's just me not being able to save you. To protect you."

"Derek…"

Derek shook his head. "No. I am your… guy. And I let this happen to you because – "

"Derek." Meredith snapped. "Stop. You have to stop this. This isn't your fault. I don't blame you."

"It doesn't matter."

"Derek, it does matter."

"It doesn't." Derek snapped. "I blame myself. I failed you. I let him get you. I let him take you." He took a deep breath. "I failed you."

Meredith watched Derek. She watched as the anger swept across his face. She watched as the disappointment, the sadness, the embarrassment, the fear, she watched as it all swept across his handsome face. It wasn't until his gaze met hers again that she understood that she couldn't convince him of that with words. It was going to have to be actions. It was going to have to be commitment. It was going to have to be them. Together. Doing this. Surviving.

"Derek," she said gently. "I love you."

A bitter laugh fell from his lips. "You shouldn't."

"I know you don't believe that you're worth loving right now. I… I get that. But, I just want you to know, I want you to hear it from me." She stepped forward, pressing her body close to his. "I love you."

A solitary tear drifted down Derek's cheek. Meredith looked up, swiping it away silently, not making it anything more than it was. She pressed her lips against his tenderly. "I love you."

It was when Derek finally started kissing her back that she knew she was right. He needed her actions. Not her words. Words would do nothing now. This was about reassurance, and for him that reassurance came in her not leaving, in her not running, in her not hiding. It came in her honesty. In her touch. In her acts of love. That was what Derek needed.

She pulled away slowly, letting her lips suck on his lower lip for just a few seconds before she ended their kiss. She gave him a warm smile. "We'll sleep downstairs."

"What?" Derek asked, confused.

Meredith grabbed his hand and moved them towards the couch. "We aren't ready."

"Mer…"

"No, Derek, not this time. You aren't ready and I…I couldn't even make it to the first stair. So, we'll stay down here for a while. Until we're ready."

They fell onto the couch together. Derek's arms wrapped around her slender frame. "We?"

"Together, Derek. We do this together." Meredith whispered as she let her body lean against his. "We'll know when we're ready."

"How can you be so sure?"

"Because I trust you." She curled further into him, letting his body completely envelope her own. "Just promise me that you'll do the same."

"I trust you, Mer."

Meredith yawned. "Then we'll know because…you'll help me and I'll help you." Her eyes drifted shut. Two final words slipped from her mouth before sleep overcame her. "We'll know."

* * *

**This chapter was completely rewritten because of it no longer being the last chapter. I just hope that this part of this story will provide you the same "therapy" that it will provide me.**

**I hope you enjoyed. One or two more chapters to go after this and then the epilogue.**


	40. Chapter 37: The Other Side

_**You Might Die Trying**_

**AN: **It's been over a year. I know... and I have no idea if any of you are still with me, but I did have a goal to get this thing done.. and I'm trying. Thankfully, I caught an itch and was able to get this done. I'm not going to say it was easy. It took months of me just writing at it randomly, and finally I got it done.

If any of you are still with me, thank you for sticking around and for the continued support. You all are the reason why this chapter exists. With that said... I think a year has been long enough, so enjoy...

* * *

**Chapter 37: The Other Side**

_"I know it would be outrageous  
To come on all courageous  
And offer you my hand  
To pull you up on to dry land  
When all I got is sinking sand  
That trick ain't worth the time it buys  
I'm sick of hearing my own lies  
And love's a raven when it flies."_

- David Gray

* * *

For the fifth night in a row she awakened screaming his name. Her chest heaved and her fingers clawed at her neck. Tears instantly poured from her eyes like a dark sky opening up violently on the land below. Derek's arms were always around her before she even realized that she was awake; that the nightmare was over.

Now, she panted in his arms, trying to catch her breath and to calm her hammering heart. With her body shaking she turned towards him, pushing herself against him. His hands drew slow circles on her naked back as he pressed his lips against the top of her head. Her shaking body finally began to quiet.

She titled her head upwards, placing a soft kiss on his lips. "Thank you."

Derek swiped one of his hands across her forehead, brushing her bangs away before placing another kiss against her head. "You don't have to thank me."

Over a month had passed and they still had not made it upstairs. Meredith knew that with each day that passed it would only become harder, but she did not care. The stairwell haunted her. Some nights her nightmares were consumed with images of the stairs and the pathway that they led to. Some nights the stairs were nothing more than a darkened hallway with his face at the end, with his voice taunting her, baiting her, encouraging her to move forward so that she could save Derek. But she could never move. Instead, she stood frozen on the stairs, allowing him to torture Derek. Allowing Derek's screams of agony to fill her ears. It was on those nights that she needed Derek the most; that she clung to him until morning.

And tonight was one of those nights.

She burrowed herself even further into Derek.

"Mer…" Derek sighed.

"I don't want to talk about it," she mumbled against his chest.

It was what she said every night after she had this nightmare because she didn't want to think about it. The stairwell was right around the corner. If she moved slightly away from Derek, she could see it, and she hated it. She wished it didn't exist. It was the pathway to her hell right now.

Derek gently eased her body away from him, looking down at her with a solemn gaze. "Mer, I think you need to – "

"I don't need to do anything, Derek," Meredith snapped. She didn't want to talk about this. Not now. Not in the middle of the night after she had just awakened from the nightmare that she had come to fear the most. She just was not ready.

Derek sighed heavily. Over the last few days, his nightmares had finally begun to fade. There was no one nightmare for him that haunted him, mainly because they were all the same. Every last one of them had to deal with Meredith dying, with Meredith calling for him and him being unable to rescue her. They were always the same. But with Meredith he knew that was not true. He knew that there was one that plagued her more than others. He knew that there was one that rattled her to her core. And it was always on the nights that she had that nightmare that she refused to talk to him. It was on those nights that he struggled with how he could help her, and that more than anything saddened him. Because all he wanted was to help her. All he wanted was for them to move on, to move off of the couch and go back to work. All he wanted was for them to put the shattered pieces of who they once were back together.

Derek inched himself further away from Meredith, his gaze never leaving hers. "You need to talk about it, Mer."

"I don't."

"If you don't talk about it with me, then maybe you need to think about talking to someone else about it."

Meredith's stare hardened. "What is that supposed to mean?"

Derek shut his eyes; trying to ignore the angry stare that Meredith was currently shooting his way. He reminded himself that she needed to hear this; that she wouldn't be able to heal without talking about this. He reminded himself that this was for the best. For both of them. They both needed to recover, to move on, and to be able to live their lives again.

He placed a hand on Meredith's cheek, cupping it gently in his palm. "I know when you have certain nightmares, Mer. I know that the one you had tonight affects you more than others, but you won't talk about it with me." He paused for a second, letting the pad of his thumb run across her upper cheekbone. "You need to talk about this, Mer. It's eating you alive."

Fresh tears pooled in her now softened stare. "I can't talk about it, Derek. I just can't."

"It's been over a month, Mer…"

"I know how long it's been, Derek."

"You need to get help," Derek said softly. "If you can't talk about it to me, then you need to get help. I can't continue to watch this destroy you."

"Derek…"

Meredith turned her head slightly, shielding her face and her free falling tears from Derek's concerned gaze.

"There is no shame in admitting – "

"Stop," Meredith said through clenched teeth.

"Meredith..."

"I mean it, Derek. Just stop."

Derek moved suddenly, pushing himself up and out of Meredith's reach. His frustrations were bubbling on his skin. He didn't want to yell. He didn't want to push. But he also didn't want to lose her. And with each night that passed he felt as though she were slipping further and further inside herself, and instead of healing, she was simmering. She was festering in the past, holding it all in instead of talking to him, or to Cristina, or to anyone else. And so their plan of healing together, of moving on together, was failing, because Meredith was lagging. She was lost in her dreams, trapped in the past.

"Derek…" Meredith said quietly.

Derek put up his hand. "Stop," he interrupted. "I need you to just listen to me. Can you do that, please?"

Meredith crossed her arms across her chest. "Fine."

Derek sat back down beside her, taking her hand in his. "This isn't working, Mer. You are struggling. I can tell. You barely eat. You barely sleep. I catch you staring at the stairs sometimes at night when you think I'm not looking, but I am. You aren't talking to me. You aren't talking to Cristina or any of your other friends." He squeezed her hand in his, hoping that she was listening. "I can't watch you continue to be in so much pain. I can't keep standing by and doing nothing – "

"You aren't doing nothing, Derek," Meredith said simply.

"Mer…"

"Fine. Go ahead."

"We aren't healing together anymore, Meredith," Derek sighed. "I talked to you about my fears. I told you about my nightmares, about how they terrified me. But you… you won't. I need you to stop thinking that you're protecting me by not telling me about your nightmares or about all that happened with Taylor. You're not. I need to know. I need you to talk to me." He exhaled slowly before continuing. "You just cry and pretend like they don't happen. I can't keep watching you squirm in your sleep without helping you more. I can't continue to know that every night we go to bed, you'll wake up from a nightmare, but you won't want to talk about it. You need to talk about it, Meredith. You have to or else it's never going to go away. You'll be trapped with him… in the past, and I'll be somewhere else, and I don't want to be in another place without you. I don't want to be all whole and healed while you're still broken." Derek released her hand and reached forward, cupping her cheek softly. "I love you too much to have that happen."

"Are you done?" Meredith whispered.

Derek leaned forward and kissed her gently on the lips. "I'm finished."

"I never meant to hurt you." Meredith started and then stopped. She didn't know what to say. She knew that she was hiding everything away, much like she had with everything else in her life. She knew that it wasn't healthy; that it wasn't going to help her move on, but it was all she knew. She placed her hand over Derek's heart and then started again. "It's what I know, Derek. This is how I cope. It always has been, and I… I don't know how to change any of that. I don't know how to become this person that talks about these things. I don't know how to deal with these things like a normal person."

"But I can help you with that," Derek said. He slid his hand over top of hers. "I can help you learn how to deal with these things, Mer. I can help you move past this if you'll let me."

Another fresh set of tears pooled in Meredith's reddened eyes. "I don't know how, Derek. I don't know how to do this. I don't know how to talk about these things. Ellis didn't – "

"I can help you, Mer. I will help you. All you have to do is start talking," Derek breathed. "You just have to trust me…with everything, and let down your guard."

With her free hand, Meredith wiped away a stray tear. "I do trust you."

"You have to trust me with your heart."

Meredith stared at their intertwined hands that rested on his chest, above his heart. The last few months hadn't been easy. Derek had lied to her. He had abandoned her. He had hurt her in a way that she never felt possible. But when Taylor had her, none of that mattered. She still loved him. She had never stopped loving him. Yes, he had hurt her, but she had forgiven him. Somewhere along the way, she had forgiven him; she just hadn't realized it until it was almost too late.

Meredith pressed her hand harder against Derek's chest, loving the feel of his heart beating beneath her hand. "You have my heart."

Derek released a slow, uneasy breath. "And you have mine."

"I don't know where to start," Meredith said nervously. "I don't know what to say… or how to… do this."

"Just tell me anything," Derek said. "Tell me why the stairs terrify you. Tell me what you dream about. Tell me what you thought about when Taylor had you. Anything, Mer. Just pick someplace and start."

Meredith closed her eyes. There were too many places where she could start. Too many moments of anguish and fear. Too many dreams that haunted her. Too many images of Taylor that lived in her brain. She took a deep breath and picked one, because she knew that it didn't matter which one it was, the point was that she was starting.

The point was that Meredith Grey was talking about her emotions. She was talking about her fears, about her dreams, about the images that terrified her now on a daily basis.

The point was that Meredith Grey had now fully given Derek Shepherd her heart, and that was the only point that mattered because now they were really doing this together.

* * *

**I know this would've been so much better if it hadn't been a year later... but at least I got it up. ****This was the last actual chapter of this story. The epilogue is the only thing left... and then this story will be complete.**

**I hope you all enjoyed this last actual chapter of this story. And if you'd like to offer encouragement for me to get the epilogue done faster than the last chapter, please do (haha). Seriously, I'm hoping the epilogue won't take another year... hopefully, just a week... or two.**


	41. Epilogue

_**You Might Die Trying**_

**AN: **This is it. It's so hard to believe. I know this took me so much longer to finish than any of us wanted, but here it is. For those of you who are still with me... thank you... and thank you for the support and the reviews and messages that kept me going. This story started out as me wondering what would happen if Taylor came back and then... it became so much more.

**Thank you** to all of you who have read the story and who recommended it to anyone... Honestly... I can't tell you how much the support means. I hope this epilogue is worth it. It was for me. It gave me the closure I wanted, so I hope it does for you too.

**Enjoy.**

* * *

**Epilogue**

"_I dare you to move,_

_I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor._

_I dare you to move, I dare you to move._

_Like today never happened, _

_Today never happened before."_

- Switchfoot

Sixty-four days had passed since the nightmare with Taylor had begun. Sixty-four days. Meredith stood outside her bedroom door, listening to Derek's voice fill the upstairs of her mother's house. He was talking to the Chief about their impending return to work. Today was their last full day at home. Tomorrow they were finally returning to Seattle Grace. She had mixed emotions about their impending return. She hadn't been back to the hospital since she had been discharged, and she wasn't ready to be on display again. She wasn't ready to hear the whispers as she and Derek walked the halls. She wasn't ready to be the one that everyone was talking about again. But then there was the part of her that couldn't wait to step back inside those doors because all she wanted to do was to put the past sixty-four days behind her. She wanted to start her life again. To cut. To be a surgeon. To move forward.

"Mer?" Derek called from inside her bedroom.

Meredith pushed open her bedroom door and walked inside, noting that Derek was now off the phone.

Derek moved towards her. "You okay?"

Meredith nodded, her teeth chewing on her lower lip. "I think so."

"Mer…"

"What were you talking to the Chief about?" Meredith asked, ignoring Derek's concerned gaze.

"Our mandatory psych evals."

Meredith sighed. When they had first approached the Chief about coming back two weeks ago, he had immediately refused to let them return until they had undergone mandatory psych evaluations. They had both protested, claiming that they were fine, but the Chief did not waiver. He did, however, agree to let them come back to work while undergoing the evaluations.

"And?"

Derek reached forward, placing his hand gently on her cheek. "We both have to go to one in the morning before rounds."

Meredith's chin fell as she exhaled loudly. "I don't want to talk to psych about this."

"I know," Derek said, pulling her into his arms, "I don't want to either."

"We're fine. We've dealt with this. Why is the Chief mandating this?"

Derek's arms tightened around her. "He has to, Mer. It's his job to make sure we're stable enough to be doing our jobs."

Meredith closed her eyes and listened to the beat of Derek's heart. She was fine. Derek was fine. They had both proven that to each other three weeks ago.

**XXXXX**

_**3 weeks earlier**_

_Meredith stood beside Derek at the foot of the stairs. Her entire body was rigid. They hadn't tried to go upstairs since their first night home in her mother's house. But today was the day. They had both been working all week to move past it, to let go of the demons of the past and allow the future to be bright once more. _

_Meredith had sensed that Derek had been ready long before her. He had confessed his fears and allowed for his emotions to breathe freely into their relationship. He held nothing back. And as they talked and as they confessed their fears and scars from their painful past, he had been able to put it all to rest. To lay down his secrets and let them go. But she had held on. Torturing herself for her faults and not allowing herself to move on. And now, as she stood in front of these stairs, she remained frozen. The issues that she had been pigeonholing away bubbled to the surface._

"_Ready?" Derek asked, his hand squeezing hers tightly._

_Meredith's throat closed. She tried to breathe, but couldn't. Up those stairs was everything that she hadn't let go of. It was Derek married. It was Derek not wanting her back. And it was all embedded in Taylor. Her eyes pooled with tears._

"_Meredith?" _

"_I don't think I can do this."_

_Derek turned towards Meredith, his eyes searching hers. "I don't understand. You were ready yesterday. What's happened? Where has that head of yours gone?"_

"_I just can't do it, Derek. I just can't."_

"_Yes you can."_

"_No, I can't."_

"_What are you scared of?"_

_The tears that had pooled in her eyes dripped onto her cheeks, wetting her porcelain skin in streams. "There's too much, Derek. This is too much. I don't think I can do it."_

"_You can, Meredith. I don't know what's holding you back anymore. We've talked through this. Your nightmares are gone, and I think we're stronger than we've ever been. We're talking. We're dealing with our issues. You are ready for this. You just have to trust yourself."_

"_I've never trusted myself, Derek," Meredith said sadly. "Not with things that matter. Surgery is one thing. I'm good at that. I can do it. But, life? Relationships? I always mess it up. I always fail."_

"_You're not failing this time."_

"_I almost did."_

"_Almost," Derek emphasized. "Almost. And it wasn't just you. It was me too. I was the one that ruined us from the start. I was the one that wasn't honest." He reached for her hand, holding it tightly in his own. "I'm past that, Mer. I'm ready to move on. To start fresh. You just have to be willing to let it go. To be willing to let it be and to let Taylor be with it."_

_Meredith closed her eyes. Taylor hadn't haunted her mind in days. He had vanished beneath the surface of her wounds. She was grateful for his disappearance, grateful for a full night's rest. But there was a part of her that still feared the darkened corners of a room. There was a part of her that still looked back as she walked. There was a part of her that was still terrified of sitting in the backseat of a car. He had scarred her. Broken her. And she wasn't sure if she would ever truly be rid of him._

_Derek squeezed her hand again. "What do you need from me? What can I do to help you through this?"_

"_I do trust you, Derek. I do."_

"_Then, let me help you. Let me show you that we can do this." Derek urged. "And we can start with this. We can let our first step be walking up these stairs together."_

_Meredith turned her head and stared up the staircase. No mirage of images pelted her brain. No sudden fears jolted her body. It was just the insecurity. It was the knowledge that Taylor had almost taken everything from her. It was the idea that there could always be another Taylor out there; that there could be someone out there that would hurt them or tear them apart._

_Meredith exhaled. Her eyes closing. "I don't see his face anymore when I close my eyes."_

"_Mer…"_

"_I don't see him when I sleep."  
_

"_Meredith…"_

"_It's the shadows in the dark and the times when I'm walking alone. It's being in the backseat of the car." She paused for a moment, giving herself time before she turned her gaze back towards Derek. "I know I should have told you that I'm still afraid of those things. It's just what kind of person can live their life like that? How am I supposed to be what you need when I can't even be myself?"_

_Derek tugged on her hand, pulling her into him. "I never thought those things would magically disappear, Mer. You don't think I still see him, sometimes? You don't think when I'm out without you that I don't have this fear that something will happen?" His arms tightened around her. "I do. Look, this isn't about one of us being stronger than the other. It's about both of us being willing to help the other out. It's about being the rock when someone needs you to be a rock and allowing yourself to fall apart when you need to fall apart. It's give and take, Mer, and I think we've gotten through the worst of it. We just have to willing and open to lean on the other when we need help."_

_Meredith's hands pressed into his back, feeling his muscle. She didn't know what to say. She knew he was right. The worst part of the aftermath of Taylor was over. It was the little things now. Like the stairs and the tiny insecurities that lingered from Taylor violating their sense of security._

_She pushed back from Derek, but held onto one of his hands, and allowed herself to take the first step up the stairs. Derek followed her quietly, each letting their own actions; their own footsteps speak louder than their words._

**XXXXX**

"Meredith." Derek spoke her name softly, awakening her from her daydream.

"Yeah?" Meredith breathed, her cheek still pressed firmly against his chest.

"Are you ready?"

"Ready for what?" Meredith asked, confused.

Derek leaned back, looking down at her, concerned. "For work Meredith. Are you ready to go back to work? Are you sure you're okay?"

Meredith pushed herself upwards, placing a gentle kiss on Derek's mouth. "I'm fine, Derek. Just…thinking about that day a few weeks ago when we first got up those stairs."

"Why?"

"It was three weeks ago," Meredith explained. "And I feel better than I did three weeks ago. So I'm not really worried about this psych eval. Because even though I still have some bad days, I still feel better most days."

Derek pulled her back against his body, placing a tender kiss on top of her head. "I still feel better most days too."

"Are you ready to go back?" Meredith asked as her arms looped around his waist.

"Mostly."

"What does that mean?"

"There are things that I don't miss about the hospital and then there are things that I do. But I'm ready. I'm ready to get back to cutting. I'm ready to do my job. With you. I'm ready for us to be a team again. I'm ready to be in that OR and just… save lives." Derek tightened his hold on her. "You never answered me. Are you ready?"

"Mostly." Meredith smiled.

Derek laughed, and Meredith couldn't stop the bubble of laughter that erupted from her own mouth. They looked at each other and smiled. Derek leaned forward and kissed her firmly, enjoying the feel of their bodies pressed against each other and his mouth on hers.

"How would you like to spend your last day before going back to the hospital?" Derek mumbled against Meredith's lips.

"With you."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," Meredith said, placing another kiss on his lips.

"What do you want to do?"

Meredith pushed her body up against his. "Crawl into bed and stay there."

"I like the way you think." Derek smiled.

Their laughter filled the room once more as they fell into bed. The bed that they had been sleeping in, together, ever since they had made it up those stairs three weeks ago.

The darkness that had existed in Meredith's life sixty-four days ago was gone. Derek was here beside her. Holding her. Kissing her. Loving her. And Taylor, well Taylor was just a scar now. A scar that still hurt sometimes, but for the most part was all healed. And she knew now that as long as she had Derek, she'd be okay. They both would be.

Because he had her heart and she had his.

And that was all that mattered.

* * *

**End.**


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